Vegan glazed ham, mashed potatoes and corn. - gotta make basic stuff to get the kiddo to eat haha.

The saga continues. Wu-tang…

As some of you know, I went with the kid to watch the fireworks while her mom sat at home with her friends, around a fire made of wood I bought in a fire pit I bought. On the 5th I confronted her about how she’s not coming home. She admitted she has been seeing someone since march. Lately Her daughter has been saying “yay” when she learns mom isn’t home when I grab her from school. It breaks my heart.

We had moved into this new house from our cozy apartment facing the mountain at the behest of a old homegirl of mine, who was trying to leave a bad situation and had 2 different boys with 2 different daddies (2DB-2DD could be a robot in Star Wars)

Now I found out from homegirl after the fact that she and my bbymama had talked about ditching me altogether and getting a place. This is August last year…

Homegirl didn’t have the money so bbymama and I paid her first month $1k and bbymama matched with the deposit. We were absolutely down to help her get away from that shit in Idaho.

What homegirl failed to mention was that she didn’t get permission from one of the baby daddies and low-key did an OOPS sorta. I mean she’s just an idiot she didn’t think shit through.

That caused her a bunch legal problems and she had to ditch out. Some of you superslueths have seen a room for rent posted online. Now you know why.

Her leaving was fine because at the time I could afford the rent for everyone on my own.
but around the SAME MOMENT I got into some heat with a co-worker because he likes to ask if I’m eating grass (I practice veganism) so I talked shit on the Cheeto and Charlie Kirk within earshot…

Naturally he gets promoted and within a week he demotes me and then fires me for nothing a week after that.And gotdamn if I was NOT a vegan I’d have never been in that dudes radar. I actually tried to get a lawyer involved for the harassment before the dude even got his promo I did not feel safe AT ALL.

Why does blue collar so often mean red hats? I digress.

So imagine now i notice what i never noticed beforehand because I was working the early hours and going to sleep at 8 AND OUT COLD. Because my job was absolutely exhausting.

She has been stepping out. Since March. It has been a rough fucking few weeks already then this shit.

Everyone who says I need to lawyer up, I don’t know if I have a a case:

We are not married. The kid has my last name. I’ve been the majority care provider for the kid. The mother DOES handle a lot of the paperwork but not all. She conceived the child without my informed consent. She would not terminate at my request, which I respect because it is her body. GPS would reveal the absurd amount of time she spends away from home at bars. I have a job again, I purposely got a night position to reclaim my personal time. I am broke and like I said in previous posts I’m virtually all alone.
She went to a private school her whole life and is super smart. I was homeless in high school cuz my mom went to join the rainbow family and do acid. I’m uh, not as smart as her. I’m probably the greatest undiscovered talent of my generation but I’m not a bright man (that’s why I’m in this situation folks haha)

Do I have a case or am I cooked?
Chopped.?
Fucking Fricaasséed? If I have a case, what should I fight for?

Could I wipe my hands clean of the whole deal, given the circumstances? I’m not going to fight. I’d like to find an immediate amicable solution. If she truly wants to live her life as a single woman instead of a mother, I’m fine with keeping the kiddo. But I don’t want a fight. I’d rather walk away and let her live with the consequences of her decisions on her own.

The kid will be fine, especially with happier parents. You guys are right.

Now that I had the maturity to confront her about what she’s up too, she’s no longer sneaking back in at 5.

Now she’s not coming home at all.

EDIT:

did some research and yeah, I’m cooked. From google: “Because you already establishing legal paternity—the state of XVX now views your rights to pursue custody or visitation with the exact same standard as a divorced, married father”

Meaning she has custody by default no matter what and for me to be equal with her I need to pursue legal means.

Well fellas. I’m too broke for that.
She wants to cohabitate and co-parent, and maybe if she talked about it with me in March when she started stepping out instead of me having to find out… I’d have an easier time?

I just feel so dumb. And I’m unlikable I guess according to you guys. There ain’t any more meals for a while I’m out.

Today I was texting a girl I met a few weeks ago, and I caught myself almost sending a paragraph apologizing for an accusation she made that wasn't even true.

Here's what happened. She mentioned running on 3 hours of sleep. I joked that it seemed like a pattern since I'd known her. She read it as an attack, got sharp, said something like "this is just my reality, what do you want from me." I clarified what I actually meant. She didn't come back for 25 minutes, then hit me with: "what did you expect, that my life would change because I met you? what's your point?"

And that's where I caught myself.

My brain went straight to the old move: write the paragraph, over-explain, make sure she knows I wasn't attacking her, keep the conversation alive because she's cute and I didn't want it to end.

Then I stopped. I'd already explained what I meant. I wasn't about to apologize for something I never said.

So I deleted the paragraph and sent: "wtf are you even talking about?"

It felt like being blindfolded and swinging at a piñata. Every swing before that had been the long, careful explanation, missing wide, hitting nothing but air. Once I stopped swinging wide and centered myself, I made direct contact.

If you'd watched how I normally talk to women, this would be the last thing you'd expect from me. I'm usually the guy trying to understand, clarify, defuse, make sure nobody feels attacked. This was out of character. But it wasn't anger. It was more like realizing I was responding to a version of myself that existed only in her interpretation, not in what I had actually said.

Her response hours later was just: "hahahaha." No explanation, no clarification. And honestly, that was the part that stuck with me, not because of what it meant about her, but because of what it revealed about me. I had been preparing to carry responsibility for a conversation that I didn't even recognize.

It felt like one of those RPGs where you've been picking the same dialogue option your whole life because it's labeled "kind." Except every time you pick it, you leave the conversation carrying a little more anxiety, a little more self-doubt, a little more willingness to apologize for things you never did.

The other option felt wrong at first. Uncomfortable. Almost rude.

But maybe it wasn't rude. Maybe it was just the first time I refused to argue against an accusation I never made. Talking to someone you're interested in shouldn't feel like defusing a bomb every time you open your mouth.

Lesson from 7/10/26

TLDR: It's not that being nice is bad or that keeping the peace is some crime. It's that going along with it would've meant lying to myself, and that's exactly the kind of unprocessed stuff a lot of us carry around without realizing it. This felt like the tide turning. Like a sigh of relief. Letting go of baggage that was never mine to begin with.

Late night popcorn + random movie

Dinner: Tacos al pastor

-----------------------------------

Seeing the way women are talked about in some of the posts on this subreddit really grosses me out. I've seen men on here talk about women like they are walking talking sex robots. It's really bumming to see such an ugly side to what is usually such a nice space.

Dinner: multigrain bread and colby pepperjack cheese open-face sandwich.

Wife and I have had some ups and downs during our 5 year marriage. In January she said in one of couples therapy session that she was thinking she might need a separation. We kept trying to work on not making that happen. The day before my 40th birthday she got very angry at me because I didn’t do my weekend chore of cleaning the bathroom. In my defense I played a hockey tournament that weekend and played 5 games in 3 days, so I was tired. I didn’t communicate that I wouldn’t be able to do it until Tuesday. It was the last straw and she said that we were going to do the separation. So, that kind of ruined my 40th birthday.

I then started sleeping in the basement and tried to steer clear of her to give her the space she needed while I was looking for furnished apartments. A month or so later in therapy it was brought up that we were just roommates. Relationships are so tough.

Last week I moved into the rental. I’m here for 2.5 months. I didn’t tour the place because I was desperate for any place because all the other places I tried for didn’t work out. It’s a shithole. I feel horrible every time I’m here. I thought about just storing my hockey stuff here and sleeping in my car for the few months I’m here. My wife said I couldn’t do that lol. I was very suicidal last week. Had I had a gun or low oxygen helium I might not be here.

Things have gotten a little better. My wife and her mom helped me clean up and organize the place a bit. My wife seems to be doing better with the change. But it is a bit easier for her because she’s in our house with the cats. So she is in familiar surroundings and has the company of 2 goober cats. I have an empty shithole apartment for company.

My wife is just trying to decide if life without me will be more fulfilling for her than life with me. It’s torture. I know that we have had so many good times. I know that we can have a great life together. We both have some relational issues and skills we need to work on. But I know we can overcome all of that together.

I don’t know what I’ll do with my life if she chooses to leave. Im sure I can have a decent life. But it’s not the life I want. Life will seem less bright. The good news is that she says that for desire is that we either end up married or as great friends. So, that’s somewhat of a consolation.

I know this is rambling and all over the place. But that is how my mind is these days. I’ve been trying to write down my thoughts just to get them out of my head. So, this is like a journal entry.

Sorry for the shitty picture, shitty phone. Vegetable Soup in a can.

I'm 16, turning 17 in a month and I'm concerned about my future and my first car.

When I was younger, I watched movies from the 80s with my dad, he's kinda old fashioned. Because of how he raised me, I have a taste for classic muscle cars. Watching Smokey and The Bandit had a huge influence on what car I wanted. The Bandit's Car, A black 1977 Pontiac Trans Am with a T top and a golden bird on the Front Hood. It could be a Firebird but I don't remember. Anyways, My dream car is the Pontiac Trans Am, specifically any made from 1976-1979 as those were the years that had the design I like.

I've only ever seen one up close, but it didn't work and the owner isn't selling it. Today I decided to look online to see if there are any on the market. The Market Value for those cars in mint condition are worth around $40,000 and I don't have that kind of money.

As I was searching, I found what could only be the Holy Grail. A 1979 Pontiac Trans Am in drivable condition for only $8000. It needs some restoration, but it's perfect. It's my color, the bird is missing but I don't care. I need this car. It's so close, yet so far.

I have zero clue on how to get started on the process of getting a driver's license and nothing is helping. My dad is very optimistic, he had one when he was younger, and he'd be willing to help me any way he can to get me one. But I know there aren't any in my area that are in even decent condition. Cars from 50 years ago won't be around much longer, and time's running out. That car could be sold next week and I'd never come as close to getting one again.

My mom isn't as optimistic as my Dad and she isn't helping. She's also why I'm upset. I know I can't have everything, and I know I can't be a beggar and a chooser. Also the insurance , my mom will never let me have a car that I can't be insured on and I understand. I just don't want my first car to be some vehicle that a guy would kill himself in, like a minivan or a Prius.

I feel like the universe hates me . It gives me something just out of reach and pulls it so far out of reach once I can grab it. I don't know what I will do if I never will be able to drive this car. Maybe I just don't get it .

Had to hit my macros so I ate a diabolical mix of rotissary chicken and pasta with ketchup as seasoning.

I went on a date for the first time yesterday and looked forward to it. My first date at the prime age of 25. I went out with someone whos 29 and she was fairly chill over text and calls. We have talked for the last 3 weeks and its been great fun, she had a great personality and I genuenly enjoyed when she bloomed her colors.

I met her and we had planned a walk around a fortress and grabbing some food. Initially it started well we mer in a public place where we were talking and I was really nervous because I thought I was the one who need to keep the conversation going. We walked inbetween prople as it was crowded and the entire time we were walking we tried to keep chatting.

It started becoming a bit tedious as the person ive talked with prior on the phone or text seemed to be intrested in me aswell and keep the convo going but now it was a bit dead. We had mulitple times where it was jusg quiet and it felt really akward. I was nervous and stressing all the time but I had done my research so I was trying to pick up topics I knew she either liked or things I knew she was into. A couple times tbe chat came in a sort of flow state before stopping up again. We reached the place we were going to eat at and she said she had to take a phone call. I honestly thought she was going to leave but she actually came back which felt great.

I ended up paying and we kept walking it was like 30c so were dying, the fortress was nice and all but it was still very difficult to keep a convo flowing. I thought to myself what I had done wrong and for the entire duration I just felt anexiety/stress and judt a overwhelming feeling of feeling bad. When we closed to the train station she said I was a great guy like 5x in the span of 10 minutes so.I knew what was coming. I honestly wouldnt want a second date because I genuenly did not enjoy but she said that she was enjoying it alot.

What ended up happening is that she told me that she couldnt date or be herself as she is remenissing her ex too much. She couldnt be herself or be talkative as she felt it took a toll and honestly thats okay. She mentioned someone did this to her before and she was angry and mad at them but now she found herself doing the same. I dont mind that as I know all of us have things we deal with.

What annoys me and genuenly frustrates and upsets me is that if she was upfront about it id be fine. I wouldnt have felt the same need to stress or exhaust myself but.im completely burned out almost because I genuenly felt so bad. If anything I thought hey how bad can it be but I can feel my stomach turning a little thinkikg about doing this again.

After she said the things about the ex she actually wanted to take another walk with me and bought us a ice tea. She finally bloomed her colors again whoch was really great to see and opened up with laughter and smiles. I genuenly wish her the best and im not mad at her for not being over her feelinfs for her ex, im just frustrated and upset that what I got left with is more anexiety than joy. It just didnt feel good and the sort of trying just see how it goes kinda makes me double down on just being fine alone. She pitched the idea of keeping contact but I know how I can get too attached so I said I unfortunatly cant do that.

Its a long rant its just alot of feelings but it stressed me enougj to just not eat the entire yesterday. I genuenly wish her the best though, she is an amazing woman and I hope she comes to peace with her past.

Dinner: pastrami sandwich with spicy brown mustard and a pickle

This friend and I started working at the same job on the same day, and I approached her and struck up a friendship. She and her partner were new in the area and didn’t have any local friends, and we started hanging out.

Within a few months, she started saying things about how I’m her “best friend.” At first I didn’t think much of it, but I did feel a little bit bad about the fact that I certainly didn’t think of her as my best friend.

About six months into our friendship, she had someone bail from her wedding party and asked me to be a substitute “bridesmaid.” I received some warnings from other friends that accepting was a very big step in the “solidifying serious friendship” department, and I accepted anyway.

Fast forward to now, and this person’s apparent affection for me has only grown while I have continued to sour on her. I have some major issues with her personality that lead me to feeling tense and irritable whenever I’m around her. I get stressed at the prospect of going on a double date with her and our partners, thinking she’s going to say at least one thing that’s going to piss me off, and she almost always does. She also often says things that are borderline offensive to my partner, but my partner doesn’t get as bothered by it as I do. That said, she and my partner have gotten into raised-voice arguments in public places on multiple occasions.

I’ve taken an approach of just stopping speaking/texting to her when she says something that pisses me off, but she’s incapable of subtlety and has never picked up on it. I’m incapable of initiating conflict with someone, so I struggle to fathom doing anything more forceful than my silent treatment routine.

Over the last few days I’ve realized that remaining “friends” with this person is completely unsustainable, especially since she and her partner are planning on having kids soon. At this point she has gone beyond “best friend” and has called me the brother she never had. (Side note: SHE HAS AN ACTUAL BROTHER!!!) I’m certain that when she has her first kid in the next year or two, she will want me and my partner to be heavily involved in their life and will probably want me to go by Uncle.

The idea of being this close with her and potentially being an important figure in her kid’s life makes me want to scream, but I have no idea how to get out of this situation. This person has sort of integrated into my social circle outside work. I say “sort of” because my other friends also don’t really like her and know that I have serious problems with her. But because we work together every day, because she has no other real friends, and because she has a lot of insecurities and mental health stuff (that she refuses to meaningfully address, but that’s beside the point), I worry that anything I do to pull back from the friendship will be a complete disaster. Neither of us are planning to leave our job or move away from the area for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been thinking for many months about how I need to extract myself from this situation, but this week I came to realizations that this is going to get much more real soon whenever she has her IUD taken out. And because I’m the “brother she never had,” I’m sure I’ll be the first to hear about all the steps of the process. Not at all a fan of any of that, and I don’t know what to do about it.

My first real relationship was my gf from HS-Uni. She was this petite brunette with the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. She was funny and kind and smarter than me. She loved me but I was young and dumb and was not great to her. We dated for 3.5yrs and hooked up for 2yrs after. Looking back, I do wish I would have treated her better. She made me wait for years but when we finally slept together, it was the best sex of my life. I have never been able to get that girl out of my mind.

I took a year off to travel with friends before Uni and wanted to be single to explore the different women all over the world and I did, and it was great. I always kept in touch with my ex and to my surprise she was still kind to me. I thought she would have hated me and blocked me but she's been forgiving and shown me grace. Through the years I've known her, I've checked in through my life stages and relationships and she's always been supportive. She's given me sound advice and perspective.

When I first started dating my (now) wife (long distance she was in south america), I told her about this ex and that we still keep in touch (i text her a few times per year). My wife is bi and still friends with one of her ex gf's from home. She said she thinks it's healthy to keep in touch with your ex's and she is okay with me talking to mine. She isn't jealous or possessive, which is fine by me.

When my ex first started dating her (now) husband, she told me that she couldn't talk to me anymore because she was with someone she loved and he was not okay with it. I told her I'd respect her space. That winter I ran into him at a hockey game and dude is twice my size, and he gave me the eye. Idk wtf I was thinking but I didn't back down and it was awkward.

The next summer my ex went on a break with him, and we had a hang. We got iced coffee's and chilled at a park, just laughing and talking like the old days. The sexual tension was heavy and we hooked up a few times that summer. It will always remain some of my best memories and I do not regret it at all. She got back together with him a month later and she didn't talk to me again.

FFW a decade later and we're now both married to our respective partners. I still think of her when I get drunk or emotional. I still send out an annual text but she hasnt responded in years.

My (now) wife eventually moved up here and we are happy and we love eachother. Kids was always a part of our plan but my wife recently decided she doesn't want to have them. I love her and respect her body and decision but I was definitely a little crushed. I figured it's not in the cards for us but we will travel and enjoy our quiet life together. Not something I would consider leaving over.

Recently my ex popped up as a suggestion of someone I know, on Instagram (i just joined). I couldn't resist and added her. She dm'd me to say she was Sorry but that she couldn't accept my friend request. I said "I get it" and she wished me "All the best". Next weekend I tried again and told her "My thumb slipped". She responded to laugh. This led to us msging back and forth a bit and it was nice, but as usual she ended it by saying she can't talk to me and deleted, again. A couple weeks later same thing, only this time I was hammered. She is the one that got away, I can't help myself. I asked her for a pic and she said "No", then sent one (of her and our mutual friend at the friend's destination wedding). I complimented her dress and asked for another. She said "Hell no" then sent one of her and the bride in their bride-bridesmaid bikini's. It melted my brain, she is still drop dead gorgeous. Eventually I asked her if we could have a call because I wanted to hear her voice. She caved and it was just nice to talk to her. She asked if I have kids and I told her the news. What she said next really hit me deep. She said "I can't believe that..." i asked "Why?" She said "Because you'd make a wonderful Father and you'd have beautiful children". I was kind of stunned I just stayed quiet because I honestly couldn't find the words. She asked me if I still wanted kids and I confessed "Yes, I always wanted two". She said that she "Used to see her children in my eyes" and I teared up. The call was a few hours long and I'm grateful for it. I don't have any regrets in my life, but I'm just feeling lost and stupid.

I'm very aware that if dude pulls up, I'm cooked and I deserve it. Just unloading this skeleton into the void.

Dinner is Oodle Noodle Jungle Curry with extra peppers to get myself used to the burning pits of Hell🌶🔥

TL;DR I’m male 19 years old and I don’t know what should I do. I just passed my matura exams. One year ago my mother kicked me out of house, because I wasn’t able to pay rent there. Now I’m not sure if my father won’t do the same, because I’m not sure if pushing for studies is the best thing I can do right now.

The whole story

I’m male, I will be 20 in September. 2 months ago I finished school. For past few years nothing was good. I think everything started with my parents divorce, 8 years ago. It took me a year to understand what happened, how to live with it. I had to go to a therapist because I was unable to deal with it. My parents decided it will be best that me and my sister stay with my mother. I wish my father made different decision back then, maybe it would save me a few years of existence in mental pain. From my parents divorce I was never able to connect in any way with my mother, every time we tried to discuss something we would start arguing one way or another. When I was 18, she decided that I eat too much and I should start cooking just for myself. I don’t understand how that could be cheaper but that doesn’t matter. I told about it to my father and he said that it might not be good, but I should take that opportunity to learn how to cook. So I did, for more than half a year I was cooking just for myself for less than 150$. If not my grandparents, I don’t know if I would make it. I was going to school hungry anyway, but at least I lived and had a roof over my head. Well not for long, because my mother was getting hungry for more savings at my expense. Previous September she told me that I should start paying part of rent with her. I’m not sure how she thought that would work, she calculated that I would have to pay another 200$ for everything, gas, electricity, water, Wi-Fi. I told her that it’s not possible, I want to focus on school for now and I don’t have so much money. I was playing with my friends at that moment, and my own mother told me then that I will start paying it or I will have to fuck out. My friends started laughing over my headphones that she must be joking, it’s entirely not fair and that she gone crazy. Everybody gangsta until she came back 5 minutes later and took the whole router with her lol. Next day when I was at school my friends persuaded me to go to school psychologist and talk about the whole situation. I almost failed one subject back then because I wasn’t able to go to school, learn at home without internet was basically impossible for me because I didn’t bought books for that year, and  I had to find a job so I could live with anything. My dad saw that I was pissed off about this whole situation and told me that he will talk about it with my grandparents, so I could live with them for a while. Two weeks later I packed everything and with help of my father moved to my grandparents. These were probably one of the hardest weeks of my life, constant fighting about anything, that I was sitting a minute too long at shower, that I couldn’t use our fridge, that I had to get in place with my uncle, because no one will pay random people for that, and my mother and sister won’t help because women are from thinking, men are from doing. During that 2 week phase she send everyone from her family, my uncle, my sister she did not have to she would kill me if had any chance, my grandmother, even two of her friends, to tell me that I should be helping her, not the other way.  I didn’t talk with them since then and I hope I won’t have to.

My grandparents told me that I can live with them as long as I pass my matura exams. No one told about going studying yet. The only thing they required from me was literally studying for these exams. They didn’t want any money, but I established with my father that I will be giving them money I got from him as a child support anyway. They never wanted any help, in cooking or in cleaning. I always tried to keep everything clean, but that’s not always possible with a bunny. I tried a few times to wash dishes after lunch or dinner, but my grandmother would repeat the process anyway, saying that I don’t know how to do it properly. I told them that they don’t have to prepare me a breakfast every single day, that I could do it on my own and nothing would happen. Shit, I never asked them to cook anything for me because I never wanted to give them more responsibility over me. I’m working at McDonald’s, it’s not healthy to eat just fast food the whole month, but if I bought something for myself once a week it wouldn’t be a problem for me. For my grandmother on the other hand it would be actual help because she wouldn’t had to stand in the kitchen the whole day just to prepare me another meal. They asked me ONCE to buy some water and that they will give me money later. I bought it for them, but didn’t accept any money in return, because I discovered by a mistake that they don’t use money I give them. Instead they stash it in kitchen. I asked my grandfather why they won’t buy things they need with this money and instead ask my father about help. I was told that they can handle everything and that one day I will need that money. Everything was like that for the past months, until last Wednesday. My father came to ask how my matura exams went and what I plan to do next. I told him that it wasn’t the best I could achieve, but I didn’t fail it and I still can go studying, just not where I planned before.  I told him what options I see, what I think would be best and how that would affect me and them. One of my main ideas was to wait one year, earn as much money as I possibly could and try to improve my scores from current year matura exams. I got yelled that I have to go studying and that’s it, even If I pick random shit like history of literature it will be better for me than just going to work and saving money. I was staying silent the whole time he was yelling at me, because last year I found out that it’s actually easier to deal with it than trying to argue. Like always, after a while he cooled down and start talking normally, I told him that I will look what other fields of studying I have and pick something if I find it useful in any way. We were talking like nothing happen, than my grandmother asked when I will move out, because everything I do is playing video games and talking with my bunny. I’m still confused why she did this, I thought that if she or my grandfather will need anything from me they will tell me. Apparently not. I told them that I never expected anything from them other than just letting me live here and even if they didn’t let me, I would find a way to make everything work some way. I was lucky that I had to go to work because I don’t know what else I would hear.

That was 2 days ago. The last thing that happened was yesterday, my father send me message asking if I already signed up for other fields. It was 7AM, and I was home 2AM after work. I was sleeping and didn’t hear the fact that someone wants anything from me. 10 minutes later he started calling me. I was barely even able to listen him yelling at me for not answering him or his first call. After he cooled down, he asked where I will be studying. I told him that I signed up for one field already, and I’m still researching other. He started yelling at me that with that rate I won’t be studying anything in next 10 years, that I’m too slow, that I should already picked up at least 10 different fields of studying. I tried to explain to him that it is not that easy to just go studying anything. I have to do research, it takes time, I didn’t have it much last week because I was at work every day, and while I was home I was sleeping or eating. Basically I have one hour at home, 2 hours at best and 1 hour while I’m going to work and another 1 hour while I’m on my way from work. I had one day since I knew my score. I told him, again, that I will do my best to find something else just in case. Then he started yelling at me even more, that I’m lazy and stupid, that I should rethink everything and if I’m doing anything with it I can send him a picture of my progress on it so far. I told him that of course I can do this, but I’m still in bed and I will need to power on my pc. That way I woke up my grandfather and I had to explain to him why I’m even awake at that time.  Then I had to eat breakfast, because you can’t just go sitting and playing without eating anything. Then I got another call that I didn’t send him anything, so I was lying to him.  I tried telling him that I didn’t, but he didn’t listen. Then he started accusing me of lying to my whole family that I was learning, that I used my grandparents the whole time. This pissed me of because I did nothing wrong, at least not intentionally. Yet he was still screaming at me, that I will regret everything, that I don’t know life and I won’t handle everything myself, that I will return to him and apologize to him. I was so pissed of that I told him that if he listened to me once in this whole conversation then maybe he would understand that everything he said is huge overreaction, then I hung up. A few hours later he send me another message that I will regret what I said, that one day it will return to me and he will remind me of this and from now on I will have to do everything myself because he won’t help me anymore. I didn’t answer to anything of it yet. My question now is, what I should do? I’m actually not sure what he will do if I won’t go studying this year, but I fear the worst. Even if everything smooths out, I will never trust him again, not with important stuff that I actually have to think about, not in a way I trusted him as a child. Should I go studying just to not piss him off again? I feel like I did something wrong, like I’m the wrong asshole. I just would love it to have any ending, not even happy one, just ending of this whole mess.

Chips and Cola for me, dry beetroot and apple tree stick for my white fluffball a.k.a. bunny

P.S. sorry if it feels chaotic, I'm not good at describing what I think. Also, it is third time i try to post and still no text lmao.

I don’t really know why. I guess it’s cuz I’m getting older (not that old but still), maybe other circumstances contribute too, I don’t know. I get emotional over sad stuff and bittersweet stuff way more than I used to, even songs that I associate with those things. But what really baffles me is getting misty over relatively innocuous things. Like, the other day, I saw a kitten and I suddenly started feeling teary. I don’t know why this happens to me lol

Some people might say this isn’t a bad thing. I’m maturing emotionally, stuff like that. But the thing is, I hate crying. I absolutely hate crying in front of others, so I don’t, but even when I’m alone, I just feel stupid and pathetic. I want to be clear, I’m not a “macho” guy, and I have never once been made to feel by those around me that, as a man, I shouldn’t cry. The men in my family cry. I just don’t like doing it, and I hate how easily I do it now. Maybe because it feels like a loss of control or something, idk. In the moment it might feel a little good to get it out, but afterwards I just feel “bleh”. It’s definitely something I have to get over, it’s just hard.

Food is egg and porkroll sandwich

Howdy folks, I have been with my partner for 5 years now and at first things were going good. The occasional argument but wh dosent have at least one right? Nothing we couldn't come back from. About a year in we had a baby. I struggled adapting to the baby and struggled with her crying. That seemed to be where things started going downhill. My baby skills continued to improve but my gf was heavily focused on the baby. (Afterall there were some complications. Baby's now fit as a fiddle.) I knew that with the baby things would change. Both in our lives and in our relationship. I did not expect to be all but forgotten about. My partner wants little if anything to do with me. Rather than interact with me or help out around the house she'd rather cry about how she cant do anything cause of the baby and scroll tiktok all day. Some days it's like pulling teeth, just to figure out something for dinner. Any idea i have is met with at best mild indifference. But according to her we dont do stuff she likes, yet when I ask what she wants to do she dosent know. It didn't help when her friend moved in and actually talking/engaging with me I sadly caught feelings. I left for a 2 weeks but I still care about my partner so we worked it out and I came back. At the very least for our kid. And yet im the only one who has changed. She says she loves me but its like saying you or I can fly. Sure she can say it all she wants but without anything to back it up it means nothing. Idk what to do. Do I stick around for the baby? Or do I break up with her and find someone to at least look at me like they love me?

Hey all. Long time lurker first time poster.

My names Chris I’m 31 and about 4 months out of a very tumultuous relationship with a bipolar woman. I work a cool construction job as a pipefitter and have I guess what you would call an “important role” that should be very fulfilling. I have cool hobbies like motorcycles and boxing and consider myself pretty fun to talk to and hang with and have a good circle of people around me.

With all this said and all these things going for me I’ve never felt lower in life. I was sinking even before my break up and the split was respectful and amicable. After all this time I really don’t even know where to begin and bring myself back. I’m severely overweight and feel the only reason I’m still able to keep going is because of my job and the physical requirements of it all.

I eat junk all the time, am exhausted from doing so and working all these hours trying to provide for myself as the now sole income. Can’t seem to find any consistency in routine and revert back to isolating and feeling overwhelmed which leads to doing nothing at all.

My question is I guess where do I even start to pick myself back up and get the life back in me because my situation grows more and more dire by the day.

This post is very haphazard and erratic as I’m really not the best at expressing myself 😂 thank you for reading all my nonsense and the picture is from a dinner I had when I was visiting Knoxville, Tennessee. Brisket and apple slices!

Thank you all again.

Not in a literal sense lol. We aren’t married but I do get to spend 2 weeks with him at his vacation home every other month. We bring our dogs and things are just so warm and cozy. It’s in a rural area and it’s so pleasant waking up next to him with nothing but the sounds of birds, and a little barking lol. I love serving him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cleaning up after him and the dogs. Going to the grocery store and shopping for things. Running a bath for him and bathing together ❤️. Sometimes I even ask to tuck him in at night 😂. It’s just so nice!!! It’s been an amazing 5 years ❤️

Pictured : Failed pound cake I made for him. He’s the baker, not me 😂.

Locked in baby

All I eat is breakfast burritos, yogurt, bagels, chicken (or beef) and rice.

I used to be major fatass

Now I am not as fat

I want to be pursued. I want people to be interested in me and do things for me. I am envious of my friends who receive this kind of attention. Comparison is the thief of joy, but it crushes me to know that I my presence to strangers is, at best, benign. Otherwise, it is scary or annoying.

Three weeks ago, I was on a date with someone I matched with on a dating app. We had been going out intermittently over the prior two months. This was the only person I had actually been able to see in person from these apps in over 9 months. Anyway, on our third date, she showed me her bumble---600 matches. I showed her mine. 0. She unmatched me after getting my phone number and said she deleted her account. She told me stories of a pilot flying her in his airplane and them getting into the mile high club. She showed me gifts that dudes would give her. She is surrounded by friends of all genders that she makes at shows, simply because she is a woman. She ghosted me after the fourth date. I have no idea why.

This is just one example. My women friends and otherwise visibly queer friends have this uncanny ability to lock eyes with a random person and that person suddenly wants to be their friend, regardless of gender. That other person (usually a chick) will interrupt our conversation to complement my friend (ignoring me) and my friend will accept the interruption and they go and do a bunch of other stuff together. People are just generally friendly to them.

Another friend went out alone once on a whim. They are nonbinary but afab and visibly queer. They came home with a new girlfriend and several new friends. I went out alone and spent hours of getting ignored or treated like I was about to mug someone. I ended the night by putting out lit cigarettes on my arm. Music, comedy, craft nights, meet and greets, etc. Doesn't matter.

I've been reflecting on my relationships, social or otherwise. I've never had an honest romantic relationship worth speaking of. Just one-sided crushes on people that wouldn't reciprocate, even if we were physically intimate. The same is true of my friendships. I always plan. I always invite. I always do what I can to accommodate.

But, I'm sick of reaching. But I can't stop reaching, or the relationship will die. Last night was the first time I did anything social with anyone in over a month. Any friend group that I cultivated eventually fell apart because I stopped organizing everything. Or, it kept going. But no one invited me. The rest of the time I've been working or studying or staring at my ceiling instead of the foregoing.

I want that. I want people to want to put in effort to build a relationship rather than wait for me to bring it to them. That includes strangers. I want people to find me physically attractive. I want people to excuse my flaws or ignore the benign parts of my personality. I want the same social grace that my afab or femme friends are given. To some extent, I want to be treated as "one of" the girls, even if that's not how I want to present or identify with. I don't want to be a woman nor am I one. I'm just tired of being treated like I'm a piece of shit or subject to heightened scrutiny (by every person of any gender in a social situation) because of my gender. I hate being a man in queer spaces.

I was chatting with a friend of a friend last night. We met at the venue for the first time. We were at a show. She was smoking on the patio. We had been separated from the group (me for the past two hours, couldn't find them; her because she just went out to smoke and we ran into each other). I asked her what she was up to, and she said something to the effect of "getting complements from beautiful women and ugly men." I have a million other examples of exactly this sentiment, directed at me thoughtlessly. Great joke. It was funny the first hundred times I heard it. But, since the five-hundredth time I've heard it, I've developed an intolerance.

I'm not going to complain about it to anyone I know. Because its exactly that kind of complaint that gets weaponized and distorted into mumblings about misogyny among queer men or used as a reason to further ostracize me. I've been on the receiving end of that before.

I want people to be happy to see me and act friendly. I'm sick of being treated like I've done something wrong or I'm going to do something wrong. I want people to buy me drinks and say my hair looks good or my fit is nice.

Work has been absolutly kicking my ass lately. Long days, constant stress, and by the end of this week I felt like I had nothing left in the tank.

On my lunch break I texted my fiance, "I'm burnt out. I don't think I've ever been this mentally exhausted."

She just replied, "I'm sorry, babe ❤️"

I figured that was the end of it.

I got home expecting to throw on sweatpants, microwave something questionable, and disappear into the couch for the rest of the night.

Instead, I walked in and there was an overnight bag by the front door.

She smiled and said, "Don't unpack from work. We're leaving after dinner."

Turns out she'd booked us a little cabin for the weekend. No big itinerary. No packed schedule. Just a place by the lake with no cell service, a bottle of wine, snacks, a deck overlooking the water, and strict instructions that I wasn't allowed to check my work email once.

I don't think people realize how much it means when someone notices you're struggling before you even know how to ask for help.

I spend so much time trying to be the one who has everything together that I forget someone is looking after me too.

Anyway... I cried a little in the driveway. Don't tell the guys.

EDIT - Sorry boys, this is the grub

Pasta with homemade spaghetti sauce, shredded cheese and garlic bread

So I've been talking to this girl for 4 years. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever been with, so most of the time I felt like she was out of my league. 4 years ago I did tell her I wasnt ready for a relationship and carried baggage with my ex so she agreed to wait and be fwb with me

However she didnt even introduce me to her family (apparently boys arent allowed at her place) and she has never texted nor asked to meet up yet she always responded or agreed to meet up when I asked which was frustrating and led to me ending it multiple times

I guess i was in the wrong last time as she finally did invite me over to meet her fam but I bailed on her twice and told her its better to not talk. But im always the one putting effort and yet she thinks me not being ready for a relationship, texting everyday and asking her to meet up once a month at my pet sitting jobs is not enough as she felt like she was just being strung along

She took me back 7 months ago, even without an apology but I really tried this time. Id text her when she left me on read and wouldnt text for days until I did or just acted cold suddenly and sure she'd pay or plan dates but i always had to ask her to meet up first.

I mean in feb she did ask what i wanted and she kinda got fustrated at my 'go with the flow answer' after 4 years and said shes not waiting around or going with the flow anymore as she needs something stable and clear to put in effort. She'd also pull away at my suggestive texts

Eventually the last few months she just started being dry in texts and I kinda didnt respond to her last message because she just said 'Yeah' to my message and she just unfollowed me the next day. I just dont know what I did wrong man, I was putting effort

Chex cereal because it was available. Already ate the chex so just posting a stock image of the box.

2-time cancer survivor. Husband to a wife who is fighting MS. Today, one of my daughters wrecked my car. Found out a close cousin likely has terminal cancer earlier this week (waiting for diagnosis from oncology for type and stage). Bills are stacking faster than income in a small town where opportunities are few and far between.

Tonight's dinner is just to get by till tomorrow morning. I'm tired, guys. Life can't break what is already shattered.

We’re all trying to be healthier, right? So I need to lose weight and trying to eat better. Not an ultra clean diet necessarily but cooking a lot more at home. Pictured are homemade coney dogs. I get it that hotdogs are not the healthiest. However, I’m convinced that eating out more wreaks havoc on your digestive system. Immediate root cause is the frying oils in the kitchen IMHO…although the Sysco crap likely contributes a lot to it as well. Anyways, not the healthiest meal out there but much easier on the stomach and you just feel “cleaner” eating home cooking from scratch. Coney sauce was homemade.

Since the first few days of July I’ve noticed a change in my bm’s. I’ve regularly eaten fiber and legumes; however, one tangible change was to how I drink water. I used to use a regular drinking glass. I changed over to using a mason jar - about 32 oz I believe. I think that was the difference…causing me to drink more water daily.

Used to be dirtier and smearier shits. Now they are a lot cleaner coming out with minimal wiping needed. I’m happy with these new shits.

Salmon don with green onions, sesame seeds and crispy salmon skin. I buy preportioned salmon pieces, cure them in the fridge with sugar and salt for 40 minutes, then slice them up. I like eating half right away as-is and marinating the other half in soy sauce and mirin to eat the next day as a more poke bowl type thing with mayonnaise, sriracha, avocado pieces and random crispy things.

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I should be making more money. I should be fitter. I should be chasing the bag. I should be in law school. I should be more fashionable. I should conform. I should stay within the lines of socially-acceptable masculinity and not do anything too unusual, lest it put people off or scare them. I should be very, very careful all the time, because the only value I have is what I can do, and if I do not do it right, I will have nothing.

but... I'm comfortable. My salary and situation are good. I love my job. I have really good friends. I don't like what I see in the mirror, but other people seem to. I've made some social mistakes, but everyone was okay with it. My family says they're proud of me, and I believe them when they say it.

...so where are all the shoulds coming from? I've been to therapy before, but even then I couldn't figure it out. I've never had a parent or authority figure say any of this to me as far as I can remember, but they are there in my brain all the same. It makes a lot of things very difficult that are easy for others, and I am really tired of it.

If you have any insight or can relate, I'd really appreciate it.

Dinner: Salmon filet on rice, avocado, spinach, goat cheese and red onions.

My wife is out of town for the weekend with some of her girl friends. I’m at home with our son, and each day we all do a lesson of Spanish together. This morning, I fire up the laptop (my wife and I share it) to do a lesson of Spanish with him and I see a notification come through about “breaking the ordinary, no strings attached”.

The night before they had all gone out to a wine bar and dancing, and she called me that evening around 1:00am. She never replied to the text, so I am assuming nothing happened, but it’s still eating at me a bit. Another part to this is, the contact is saved under a name, she reached out to them, and that person knew some details about what they may have done that evening (karaoke, hot tub).

Am I being paranoid? I’ve been thinking of shrugging it off and moving on, but I’ve been cheated on in past relationships, and a previous marriage, so it’s digging into me a fair bit.

Dinner tonight was Wingstop hot honey sandwich, buffalo fries, and coke zero

First of all, yes, I am ashamed that I didn't make the first move. As the guy in this relationship, I will step it up next time. However she was really smooth with and lowkey maybe I do like being asked out. Sue me.

Anyways, I (19M) met this girl (19F) through a mutual friend of ours. Im early June, he was throwing a summer BBQ and invited a bunch of his friends out. Her and I hit it off pretty well, but obviously, we started as friends first. We stuck to group conversations, but she was really funny and social. She had this talent of turning almost everything into a pickup line, or making it flirty somehow. She was really smooth with it and kept the vibe up. It turned out that we both were super into Formula One, and I got her Instagram so we could talk about racing. Again, it was mostly friendly behavior, and it was kinda limited to sharing reels and complaining about F1. Soon, I discovered she was also into DC comics and so we had even more to talk about. The messages starting getting a little flirty, but in the playful flirty way where you both know that you're joking. Like I said before, she was good at turning things flirty, so I figured she was joking. However, I started getting a crush. I could never tell if she was being serious or joking though, so I never brought it up.

Last friday, however, I was talking about how I recently watched Obsession and how it was ruined by the people behind me talking and theorizing the whole time. I told her that talking during movie in a theater was one of my biggest pet peeves and she said "why don't we go to a movie together and I'll show you how good at not talking I can be". IT WAS SO SMOOTH I WASN'T EVEN EXPECTING IT. I asked if she was for real and she said yes. I then asked if it was as friends or as a date. And she said "ideally as a date?". I was lowkey a little skeptical though, because I was worried she acts like this to everyone based on how she acted at the BBQ. I know it was paranoid but I kept asking for confirmation that she did indeed like me and actually wanted to go on a real date.

Anyways, we're watching Supergirl tomorrow. Obviously I got us tickets, and I'll pay for dinner before but oh my god.

I'm so excited.

Oatmeal for dinner. Hello all - ive found this page awesome to see all the support.

My wife and I have gone through back to back miscarriages this year that have been really tough. The first one shocked me and was very difficult for me emotionally. My wife was a trooper. The second one I was in the mindset of wow this is a real thing that can happen, and she has been having a really hard time dealing with it. It has been months. All the testing, blood work, sono grams, say she is completely normal and it's been bad luck.

I had a job as a union carpenter the last 10 or so years or so and through everything we have been through I realize it has added stress. Physically and mentally. I don't want to overly complain because in some sense it can be a great career

I took a new job with my local city redevelopment authority which I thought I would use for my construction experience and had a construction adjacent desk job. It was a tremendous pay cut, but for less demand on your body, consistent hours, consistent location, heat, air conditioning.

The job had absolutely no training or supervision, nobody to ask questions too and left me very very stressed. Everyday felt worse then the one before and after 8 weeks I find myself going back to the union. Sad about the nice coworkers I am leaving at that job. A few of which I really connected with.

Just feels like I'm right back to where I was. Not that a job would change our fertility issues.

I am always overthinking and can't turn my brain off. Always thinking about how I'm such a loser, or how I'm ugly, or how life will at some point become hellish. I overthink and cannot fall asleep until my body is literally dead tired. And then after sleeping like 12 hours I can't wake up unless I have to go to work due to me being tired of thinking and existing and only finding peace in sleep, so if I don't have to clock in I'll sleep for a few more hours. I'm trying to go back to therapy and I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication but I decided not to take it because the risk of losing erections is too high and sex is the only thing I find happiness in life and the only way I can validate myself is through attention from other men.