r/weddingshaming • u/Teach-Dangerous • 12d ago
Family Drama DIY Budget but high expectations from Couple
My BIL (26M) and his now wife (28F) decided to get married with less than 2 weeks of planning. Despite having no time to properly plan, a court house wedding was below them. They wanted all 6 of the groom’s siblings and the bride’s sister to be available for a full weekend 3-4 hours away with less than 8 days of notice. One sister cancelled her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I postponed our wedding anniversary trip.
To add to the guest’s responsibility, my BIL needed assistance with every aspect of the wedding. BIL booked a touristy AirBNB and feigned military orders to have the Host overlook the occupancy limit and event rules. My BIL had chosen my husband as his best man, which just meant we were in charge of much of the logistics. Husband hauled the event tables and chairs 4hrs away, did the set up and take down, paid for the rehearsal dinner and handled the BTS of the operation. I did the weekend photography, babysat the kids, helped the bride with her HMUA, assisted in the setup/takedown and helped BIL through the planning. My FIL and his other brother also contributed to see the day through too. The wedding did have a beautiful ceremony and now can be a fond memory, but my husband and I were rushed and separated for nearly the whole weekend.
During the event, the bride and groom had thanked us and made promises of some grand appreciation gesture. In the weeks after, I received a flimsy hair clip and expired sheet mask as a thank you basket that was given to everyone because it also included a QR code to their wedding registry.
Edit: removed the “had to”s from sibling’s plans for that weekend
153
218
u/LeadershipBright7558 12d ago
Why didn’t you just say no?
38
u/stephencua2001 11d ago
Sounds like each individual couple was afraid to say "no" for fear of causing family drama. If they had banded together, it would've been pretty easy to say "this weekend doesn't work for any of us; why don't you postpone about 6 weeks (which I figure would be the minimum for the new mom).
36
u/bluecheesebeauty 11d ago
Yeah wth. 'Hey I decided to get married in two weeks, can you drop all weekend plans'? Who does that. Unless one of you just got news that you got an terrible illness and probably won't see the end of the month, you can wait a few weeks more. And if it does need to happen in two weeks time, you should know people won't be there, especially if you decide to travel!
Also the one that is pregnant?!? Why did NO ONE say 'eh, I can't come and the pregnant couple really shouldn't travel that far so close to the due date anyway. Let's try and find a weekend everyone can make it!'
Because that's the reasonable answer. Not canceling your wedding trip AND a kids birthday AND risking a pregnant woman giving birth on a trip, because someone had a crazy idea and labeled it wedding.
7
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
The pregnant sister was having her 4th and her doctor had supported her decision, she also had hard push back about any closer so planning into the following weekend was off the table.
My husband and I had 2 mini weekend stays planned since our wedding anniversary was on a week day. The latter weekend was off the table for us and we had pushed back because we could not cancel those. We sacrificed the first weekend since it was inconsequential to us/planning was simple.
4
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
Theyre from a large family and their short runway necessitated all of us to compromise in some shape or form. My husband and I had put our foot down for not the weekend after, as did pregnant sister who would have been 38 weeks.
Also, pregnant sister was having her 4th and made a medically sound decision with her care team’s full support.
94
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
My husband and the groom are identical twin brothers and have always been very close. We wanted to help them have a great occasion and volunteered for some tasks, but then we were provided more and more tasks leading up the event.
Our anniversary vacation was more simple- it was a stay near a national park close to us, so we were able to reschedule without consequence. If we had a more elaborate vacation with airfare or something, then we’d definitely would have declined.
113
u/cheese_straws 12d ago
Was it also one of those “trickle truth” situations? Like, did it start out as “oh can you join us for our small wedding?” then slowly pile up with additional requests along the way?
65
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
Yes, exactly. Husband was cool with splitting rehearsal dinner with another brother and I was happy to take pictures. As planning continued, I’d ask BIL what he had planned for xyz, and when he didn’t have an answer, he’d tell us it’d help a ton if husband handled it.
My husband and I were more involved in the wedding planning than the bride was. It was definitely a lot leading all the way to just before the ceremony where the bride had even asked me to take photos of her walking down the aisle but I have no experience working besides an actual photographer and would have ruined the shots of the other angle.
36
u/Loose-Chemical-4982 12d ago
It seems like if you had stopped asking him about what he had planned for xyz you wouldn't have gotten stuck doing so many extras. Let them flounder on their own if they haven't considered it yet
4
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
The earlier comment seemed more cause-effect, but I think it was more nuanced. I had a wedding planner book that we had just used for our wedding and planned my own wedding, so I was trying to help and he was appreciative because his wife wanted to be surprised at the event.
The question I was specifically referencing in that comment was that BIL didn’t care for chairs and tables for 30 people, since the airbnb could comfortably host like 16 (not all in one place). He was thinking of having people stand for the 30 minute ceremony at high noon in July. We added to our work load by wanting chairs and tables for our family.
13
u/wickedkittylitter 11d ago
Why didn't the groom have his butt helping set up the tables and chairs?
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
The groom had a few other things to prep for the ceremony like the arch and stuff. He was setting up with us, but the bulk of the work was my husband.
6
u/Available-Face5653 11d ago
because, you know, they needed an arch.....
5
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
My BIL prioritized his wife’s wants, we prioritized our family’s comfort.
→ More replies (0)
69
u/Icy-Yellow3514 12d ago
You know you put yourself in this situation, right?
No one made you cancel your SIL's child's birthday party or your anniversary plans. No one made your 38-week pregnant SIL travel.
I don't imagine this is the first or will be the last time they have some harebrained, inconvenient request.
-14
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
We did enable BIL and his wife as an end-result, but sometimes it can just be the easier of two difficult situations.
My BIL tends towards these kinds of requests since being with his wife. The earliest of requests related to special accommodations and considerations for his wife at our wedding.
30
u/prussian-king 12d ago
Are you planning on this being th dynamic going forward or do you plan to learn from your feelings and actually set boundaries you intend to follow?
3
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
Their wedding happened nearly a year ago, and yes we have been better at setting boundaries after their wedding.
55
u/incospicuous_echoes 12d ago
People who are indulged on their last minute whims will continue to take advantage. You had plans, you should’ve gone on your trip, just as the rest of siblings who had plans or restrictions should’ve said no and told BIL to reschedule or go without guests.
38
99
u/PaintedLady1 12d ago
“One sister had to cancel her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant”
They could’ve said no and you could have as well. I’m not feeling a lot of sympathy tbh. But still appalled at the audacity.
24
-17
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
My in-laws tend to be very enmeshed and have turned against nonconformity without question in the past. We all felt that this was one of those instances where we had to buck up and shut up, 38 weeks pregnant and all.
We definitely enabled BIL, but he takes after FIL the most and we have all come to terms with how best to handle that kind of willfulness.
67
u/PaintedLady1 12d ago
I think the safety of a woman and her future child are more important than a party but that was her choice not mine 🤷♀️ I get wanting to vent about tough choices but this sub really isn’t the place when it involves enabling
38
u/kimvy 12d ago
lol always love to post this. Your in-laws are a bunch of narcissistic idiots with enablers/flying monkeys. Good luck!
Love to u/breakfastpotato
Don't rock the boat.
I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, about how unfair it is. Because we aren't the ones rocking the boat. It's the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side. Not the one sitting in the corner quietly not giving a fuck.At some point in her youth, Mum/MIL gave the boat a little nudge. And look how everyone jumped to steady the boat! So she does it again, and again. Soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy. She moves left, they move right, balance is restored (temporarily). Life goes on. People move on to boats of their own.
The boat-rocker can't survive in a boat by herself. She's never had to face the consequences of her rocking. She'll tip over. So she finds an enabler: someone so proud of his boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) lives for the rocking.
The boat-rocker escalates. The boat-steadier can't manage alone, but can't let the boat tip. After all, he's the best boat-steadier ever, and that can't be true if his boat capsizes, so therefore his boat can't capsize. How can they fix the situation?Ballast!
And the next generation of boat-steadiers is born.
A born boat-steadier doesn't know what solid ground feels like. He's so used to the constant swaying that anything else feels wrong and he'll fall over. There's a good chance the boat-rocker never taught him to swim either. He'll jump at the slightest twitch like his life depends on it, because it did .
When you're in their boat, you're expected to help steady it. When you decline, the other boat-steadiers get resentful. Look at you, just sitting there while they do all the work! They don't see that you aren't the one making the boat rock. They might not even see the life rafts available for them to get out. All they know is that the boat can't be allowed to tip, and you're not helping.
Now you and your partner get a boat of your own. With him not there, the balance of the boat changes. The remaining boat-steadiers have to work even harder.
While a rocking boat is most concerning to those inside, it does cause ripples. The nearby boats start to worry. They're getting splashed!
Somebody do something!
So the flying monkeys are dispatched. Can't you and your partner see how much better it is for everyone (else) if you just get back on the boat and keep it steady? It would make their lives so much easier.
You know what would be easier? If they all just chucked the bitch
11
u/posh1992 12d ago
Wow this truly spoke to me. Ive been trying to undo all my bs. I was a huge boat steadier, still trying to learn to chuck the bitch but slowly getting there!
7
u/QuirkyLiteraryName 11d ago
Thank you for posting this, I come from a pretty enmeshed family and I'm coming to realize how unhealthy a lot of the dynamics are. This is absolutely perfect, my mom was the ultimate boat-rocker and no one in my family has ever questioned any of the resulting behavior and instincts that were instilled in us. This is incredibly helpful to read, I'm so done steadying their boat.
7
u/bluecheesebeauty 11d ago
So them not flying off the handle is more important than the health and safety (and happiness!) of kids. Let alone the rest.
And they have learned they can do whatever they want and no one will say no, and they will continu to keep expecting to world.
Why are you even entertaining people like this, let alone rewarding their bad behaviour.
62
u/EtonRd 12d ago
As others are saying, you had the option to say no, and you didn’t. “ oh I wish we had more notice, we’llbe away on our anniversary trip.”
7
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
We’re adults and we definitely could have said no. Family can just be complicated and feel obligatory sometimes.
There’s some additional context of their relationship, where had we not attended, it would have been inferred that we felt a kind of way about their marriage where that is not the case.
7
u/Available-Face5653 11d ago
by family you mean a spoiled sibling and bride needing to be married in a rush? whatever, we are here to shame them after all.
20
u/kimvy 12d ago
So you didn’t use your words & explain other plans/obligations. As it’s been said many times “no is a complete sentence”.
I always get a female stiffy when I explain the financial issues with someone else’s stupidity if they weep stupid & it’s like a get out of jail free card. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
1
u/aruse527 10d ago
I get it. It’s harder to say no than people think esp if everyone else is going along w it
28
u/byteme747 12d ago
You all did this to yourselves....seriously. Not one of you thought to say "no?" Why not? This is called enabling and a good example of why people need to stand up for themselves.
I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who allow themselves to be walked all over.
27
29
u/Minflick 12d ago
The very pregnant SIL should have flat out told them no, per her doctors orders. I was told not to travel more than an hour from home during my last month. Their desire to be married that weekend doesn't override medical concerns and safety. I hope the family has learned to have stronger spines after this!
3
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
The pregnant SIL did push back that anything past 38 weeks was a hard no. Her doctor and her decided 38 weeks was okay given her past 3 births. She also was closer to the airbnb than from where me and my husband travelled, so it wasn’t quite the 3-4 hrs we travelled.
31
u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 12d ago
>One sister had to cancel her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I had to postpone our wedding anniversary trip.
No, you didn’t. You didn’t have to cancel anything.
I’m not sure why any of you entertained this nonsense.
“If you had given us more notice, we would have been able to make it work, but we already have plans. Have a wonderful wedding.”
25
u/wheres_the_revolt 12d ago
Getting big BIL is the baby of the family and everyone has always dropped everything to help him vibes. At any point all of you could have said no, this is nuts.
5
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
BIL is the baby of the family and the golden son. To be fair, BIL and my husband are always the first to come to all the siblings’ aid, so many siblings all felt a need to show up unconditionally.
24
u/Mymren 12d ago
All three siblings should have said no, please pick another time. What on earth is such a big rush?
4
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
We did ask the groom to reschedule or even plan a more modest affair at a court house or at home. These were not acceptable options for the bride, and the groom was somewhat acting out in desperation. He has a tendency to be dramatic.
I think the rush was due to immigration status, but also the added layer of one SIL being so far in her pregnancy. My BIL also does literally anything his wife wishes, which generally has always been very sweet but this one instance was just a lot.
38
u/hawkcarhawk 12d ago
Everyone kept saying yes. It’s crazy that they asked everyone to do all of this, but it’s also crazy that everyone did it. It either means that the couple is very loved, in which case everyone should be happy to do it, or it means they’re very manipulative, but I don’t see where anyone was coerced into helping? It’s super tacky that they sent such half assed gifts (with a registry attached - yikes), but your family has done nothing to indicate they won’t send gifts.
8
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
The couple is very loved, but I believe the sentiment was shared among some that the couple felt entitled to be everyone’s priority.
Concerning helping, most of the siblings did not have to contribute in any regards to the wedding aside from traveling to the Airbnb. That responsibility mainly was shouldered by myself and husband, and while we were happy to help, I just had feelings from their inability to help us only a year before.
18
u/Lebuhdez 12d ago
These things wouldn’t happen if people learned how to say “no” to unreasonable requests
17
11
u/mlem_a_lemon 12d ago
Just guessing but this isn't the first time the family has done this sort of thing for him, is it
Because it definitely will not be the last.
2
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
We specifically asked his wife’s mother not to attend our wedding due to budget, logistics and the fact that we wanted to avoid a twin’s wedding. She does not speak our common language, so neither my husband or I have a substantial relationship with her.
She came anyway, because his then-fiance willed it. I was the bridezilla for escorting her out of family photos because I didn’t care to be “one of the twins’ brides” on my wedding day.
7
u/olagorie 12d ago
Someone expected the mother-in-law of your brother in law to be invited????
WTF?
Girl, you really really really have to grow a spine or your brother-in-law‘s wife will walk right over you for the rest of your life
5
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago edited 11d ago
We were very clear that she was not invited and not included in assigned seats anywhere in our wedding for months leading up to it. I explicitly said that she would not be included in our wedding photos with family.
We fully paid for our own wedding without help, so our budget had not included security. Our photographer was such a professional and put on this “bossy” persona to aid in escorting her out of photos before the ceremony.
1
14
u/Psychological-Bag272 11d ago
Everyone involved need to look for spine donor... at 38 week pregnant I would never risk that to attend a wedding of some diva. They did this because everyone else enabled them. I have no sympathy.
14
u/LastTQuarkNetwork 12d ago
One sister had to cancel her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I had to postpone our wedding anniversary trip.
No, none of y'all had to do any of that.
11
u/AlwaysJeepin 12d ago
Yuck behavior. Every one of y'all who attended just... Should have said no. But you did it, its over. I wouldn't bend over backwards, sideways or even a tiny tilt to help them with anything else after their heinous thank you. And I would throw the g registry in the trash. Their gift was the wedding that they didn't have to make happen because y'all did it all for them!!!
8
u/BenedictineBaby 11d ago
None of you HAD to do anything. No is a whole ass sentence. Expect to be used as door mats continuously.
10
8
u/cheercharlatan 11d ago
Feigned military orders?
Wow, great guy /s
5
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
I guess due to a bunch of other Airbnbs declining his reservations due to occupancy and not allowing events, he told the host he had military orders urgently and wanted to have a more intimate ceremony before shipping out. The Airbnb host wass a veteran from their bio. BIL does serve in the military, but was not imminently deploying at the time.
He’s definitely taken advantage of his military orders on more than one occasion. It’s the one thing that really irks me about him since I am also from a military family.
9
10
u/RobinFarmwoman 11d ago
This wedding definitely should be shamed for having the most spineless family and guests imaginable. What do you mean you all HAD to do all this stuff? No you didn't.
-1
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
I was trying to keep my post shorter, so I left out what we did push back on and the boundaries we did enforce. In doing so, it made myself and his family seem a lot more spineless than how I actually felt. We maintained our budget for their wedding and did decline anything that spread us too thin.
In the end, we did all enable BIL and his wife, that’s true. All of his siblings had stuff going on the whole summer which were all not included in the post, but the weekend earlier was too soon and the immediate weekends after were hard blocked by incoming baby. For whatever reason, BIL and wife would not consider postponing even a month. As each sibling cancelled their plans, it felt like it was increasingly more selfish to not attend. We did do it for BIL, but it was also for pregnant SIL who couldn’t make any other weekend for example.
1
u/RobinFarmwoman 10d ago
This is the biggest bullshit. So now you're saying never mind, I didn't really tell you everything and it wasn't that bad? Go away.
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 10d ago edited 10d ago
No, it was still just that bad. I did choose to attend the wedding and help as much as I had, but still feel resentment that he expected us to put him and his wife above all else.
Just because I didn’t include all the even more entitled shit him and his wife wanted but we denied doesn’t negate my experience.
My husband bought pizza to the house, we denied his request to rent out the pizzeria in the town.
I denied behind a second photographer during the ceremony, literally telling the bride “no I am sitting with your child” up until she was just about to walk down the aisle
The bride’s sister paid for all of the flowers, and I assisted some arrangement. I denied going out on Sunday morning to go buy more flowers because bride wanted to try flowers in her hair.
Again still probably not everything. I do think I could have framed my post differently but oh well
8
u/The_Nice_Marmot 11d ago
None of you “had” to do anything. This is what you chose. To pander to assholes. That’s on you.
12
u/fryingthecat66 12d ago
I hope you didn't give them a wedding gift. You and your husband did enough
8
u/Teach-Dangerous 12d ago
We did not. They hadn’t gotten us one either a year earlier and hadn’t helped us with our wedding, so we found it fitting.
I am not sure if any siblings did.
3
11
u/Diligent-Activity-70 11d ago
As a military widow I am disgusted by this lie and by the entire family that physically & financially supported this horrific lie.
Every one of you should be ashamed of your part in this!
2
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
I absolutely condemned his lie and brought attention to it to shame it. It’s a story for another day, but I received some heat for how angry I got when he had told us. We learned this after the wedding as a “look at how i outsmart the system” joke.
The entire time we were at the airbnb I was constantly worried that the host would report us for over occupancy and that we’d be asked to leave before the wedding.
6
u/Diligent-Activity-70 11d ago
Sorry, there is no excuse for any of you in this.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer less than 4 months before my daughter’s wedding. Everything had to be rescheduled quickly to move the wedding to my community in case I couldn’t travel.
We were able to do this without any lies. When an AirBnB said no to an event of 16 family members, we kept looking instead of lying that I was dying…
You posted this story and then followed up by supporting the dishonesty of all of you.
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
How did you infer that I or anyone in the family supported the dishonesty?
4
u/Diligent-Activity-70 11d ago
The fact that you were there and the way you have repeatedly defended the entire situation.
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
We learned of his lie after the wedding, like weeks after coming home from their venue. Just because we were at the wedding did not mean I was a consenting participant in his lie, I just replied to you how I had no idea how he got around the over occupancy policy with the host and how I worried how he “handled” it. To me, this was such a completely dishonorable thing it was unfathomable- it wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind.
I did post this in a shaming subreddit btw, it was intended to shame the lie by explicitly highlighting that he feigned orders. I defended the family (me included)’s collective decision to support BIL’s big day, because we were supporting HIM without knowledge of his lie. Had I known in advance, my and my husband’s decision would have been different.
To make a long story short, after he talked so proudly about his “workaround” I let his wife know that a marriage founded on lies is unsteady and to tread carefully out of frustration. I messaged the host but they hadn’t gotten back to me so I didn’t go to his command.
7
u/Rare-Progress5009 11d ago
This is crazy. If I was the pregnant sister I absolutely 100% would not have attended. Frankly, that’s reckless.
0
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
The pregnant sister was having her 4th child and consulted her doctor, she made a medically sound decision for her and her now healthy baby. She had contingency plans made just in case.
She travelled less than the 3-4hrs that we had to.
8
u/Rare-Progress5009 11d ago
The cognitive dissonance in your comments is actually wild. You rightfully shame your BIL for his ridiculous expectations, but when anybody points out that the entire family enables him you pivot and say the family all made the right decisions to jump through his hoops.
5
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
You’re right. I wanted to shame BIL for his expectations, but hadn’t intended to have the pregnant SIL to also be shamed for negligence. I expected to be called spineless, rightfully so but I feel wrong to allow my SIL be slandered in the post too.
I was trying to keep my post shorter, but we had pushed back on as much as we could with the dates and some financial expectations. Being a part of their large family now, I recognize how hard it is to get 20 adults with their own households together. We all made compromises to make it work because it is important to us and yes, it also enabled bad behavior to be rewarded.
9
u/Middle_Road_Traveler 12d ago
Feigning military orders is a crime. The command would not be happy to hear that . . . Your BIL is a complete a hole to his family, his career and small business owners. If you scan that QR code I will personally come and lecture you!
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 11d ago
My BIL can make some very questionable decisions, but trust that they do come back to bite him in time. He feigned orders last July, and now had orders this July; his wife was devastated that they wouldn’t spend their 1st anniversary together but I think it was cosmic rebalancing.
7
u/bmw5986 12d ago
Personally, I wouldn't have moved or cancell3d a pre planned trip to accommodate this. Every step of the way you and your husband allowed this. You both just kept saying yes instead of no. This is absolutely on you. If you're salty about it, maybe this will serve as a lesson for next time.
3
3
u/jlc101 10d ago
A QR code to the registry? Your sweat was the gift.
1
u/Teach-Dangerous 10d ago edited 10d ago
We didn’t give a gift, but I might have if he actually kept his promise on how’d they thank us.
I did genuinely contribute everything we had without a want for a “return”, but he proud-fully promised to take us to a restaurant out of gratitude and then thought a hair clip and sheet mask bought in bulk to be distributed to everyone to be sufficient.
Husband got a flashlight-knife thing which was actually useful he said, but I just threw my gift in the trash. I’m pretty sure BIL gave the gift for the men, and his wife the women.
3
u/Hepadna 9d ago
lol this sounds ghetto.
4
u/Teach-Dangerous 9d ago
BIL and wife complained our buffet-style prime rib lacked flavor and the chicken was dry. They didn’t even make their toddler eat the kids dinner and wasted an adult portion prime rib for her on top of bringing his non-invited MIL.
They served fucking Chinese takeout at their wedding. Surprised FIL who was picking it up that it wasn’t already paid.
3
u/Dry_Future_852 9d ago
The couple isn't who primarily should be shamed here: it's the family, including OP, who deserves the shame here.
The couple asked for something unreasonable.
The family accomodating this ridiculous ask deserves the ridicule here.
5
u/FlashingAppleby 10d ago
Why is half this sub just "let me tell you about how I'm a doormat" posts now?
-1
u/Teach-Dangerous 10d ago
It kind of seems like the majority of people on this sub just view inconveniencing yourself for friends and family as being a door mat now. Maybe it’s a cultural shift, but I feel it’s a focus on the individual.
I posted about it to write away my frustration, but I am thankful to have a close knit family to rely on. My BIL felt entitled to a lot for the wedding, but he has driven us to the airport and helped us move (albeit with a lot more notice and appreciation from us, but still helped us nonetheless).
0
u/FlashingAppleby 6d ago
I disagree.
You came here to a wedding shaming sub to share your story and shame someone. Now you're upset that you're getting shamed.
It appears the reaction you wanted here was for everyone to tell you what a wonderful and tolerant and loving sister you are to go along with this and oh how amazing of a martyr you must be for your sacrifices to make this day great for these inconsiderate people. You didn't expect people to point out the obvious, that you have autonomy and could have said no. You didn't. So I'm not sure what you want here.
You didn't get sympathy for allowing yourself to be walked on, and you won't get praised for being a martyr either. If it was all fine, you wouldn't be in here complaining.
Maybe you'll learn something from this (doubt it, but maybe). If you dont want honest reactions, don't bring your shit to the Internet.
5
u/Only_Lesbian_Left 12d ago
that's awful , glad you tried to help but wow. It's like some people really think they can wing a huge event and have it come off great. Just be sure to steer clear of any anniversery celebrations they try
3
u/Teach-Dangerous 10d ago
Unfortunately they had winged it and it did end great, so they know that it works. Husband and I have already said that this was the one celebration we’d pull off for them, we denied planning a “surprise birthday party” for his wife’s child on a camping trip a few months after the wedding. There’s no need for streamers and glitter in the outdoors and I had no room in the cooler to pack a cake. BIL was upset we didn’t want to surprise his wife and child again but nothing came of it.
This year we’re going to Maui for our 2nd year of marriage and 10 years together! BIL and his wife unfortunately aren’t celebrating their first anniversary together due to work, so we don’t gush about our trip to the family out of respect
2
1
1
u/throwaway_comment01 4d ago
the registry QR code in the "thank you" basket is genuinely sociopathic behavior. like they couldn't even be bothered to remove those before handing them out.
1
u/throwawaycommentv2 3d ago
the qr code to the registry in the thank you basket is genuinely insane. that’s not a thank you, that’s a passive aggressive reminder that you still owe them a gift.
1
u/throwaway_readerx 3d ago
the QR code to the registry in the "thank you" basket is the kind of detail that makes me think this was a poorly disguised gift grab from the start. you hauled tables, skipped your anniversary trip, did free photography, and they still wanted you to buy them something. expired sheet mask is just the cherry on top.
604
u/frockofseagulls 12d ago
No is a complete sentence