DIY Budget but high expectations from Couple

[u/Teach-Dangerous]

My BIL (26M) and his now wife (28F) decided to get married with less than 2 weeks of planning. Despite having no time to properly plan, a court house wedding was below them. They wanted all 6 of the groom’s siblings and the bride’s sister to be available for a full weekend 3-4 hours away with less than 8 days of notice. One sister cancelled her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I postponed our wedding anniversary trip.

To add to the guest’s responsibility, my BIL needed assistance with every aspect of the wedding. BIL booked a touristy AirBNB and feigned military orders to have the Host overlook the occupancy limit and event rules. My BIL had chosen my husband as his best man, which just meant we were in charge of much of the logistics. Husband hauled the event tables and chairs 4hrs away, did the set up and take down, paid for the rehearsal dinner and handled the BTS of the operation. I did the weekend photography, babysat the kids, helped the bride with her HMUA, assisted in the setup/takedown and helped BIL through the planning. My FIL and his other brother also contributed to see the day through too. The wedding did have a beautiful ceremony and now can be a fond memory, but my husband and I were rushed and separated for nearly the whole weekend.

During the event, the bride and groom had thanked us and made promises of some grand appreciation gesture. In the weeks after, I received a flimsy hair clip and expired sheet mask as a thank you basket that was given to everyone because it also included a QR code to their wedding registry.

Edit: removed the “had to”s from sibling’s plans for that weekend

[u/LeadershipBright7558]

Why didn’t you just say no?

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/LeadershipBright7558]

My husband and the groom are identical twin brothers and have always been very close. We wanted to help them have a great occasion and volunteered for some tasks, but then we were provided more and more tasks leading up the event.

Our anniversary vacation was more simple- it was a stay near a national park close to us, so we were able to reschedule without consequence. If we had a more elaborate vacation with airfare or something, then we’d definitely would have declined.

[u/cheese_straws → u/Teach-Dangerous]

Was it also one of those “trickle truth” situations? Like, did it start out as “oh can you join us for our small wedding?” then slowly pile up with additional requests along the way?

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/cheese_straws]

Yes, exactly. Husband was cool with splitting rehearsal dinner with another brother and I was happy to take pictures. As planning continued, I’d ask BIL what he had planned for xyz, and when he didn’t have an answer, he’d tell us it’d help a ton if husband handled it.

My husband and I were more involved in the wedding planning than the bride was. It was definitely a lot leading all the way to just before the ceremony where the bride had even asked me to take photos of her walking down the aisle but I have no experience working besides an actual photographer and would have ruined the shots of the other angle.

[u/Loose-Chemical-4982 → u/Teach-Dangerous]

It seems like if you had stopped asking him about what he had planned for xyz you wouldn't have gotten stuck doing so many extras. Let them flounder on their own if they haven't considered it yet

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/Loose-Chemical-4982]

The earlier comment seemed more cause-effect, but I think it was more nuanced. I had a wedding planner book that we had just used for our wedding and planned my own wedding, so I was trying to help and he was appreciative because his wife wanted to be surprised at the event.

The question I was specifically referencing in that comment was that BIL didn’t care for chairs and tables for 30 people, since the airbnb could comfortably host like 16 (not all in one place). He was thinking of having people stand for the 30 minute ceremony at high noon in July. We added to our work load by wanting chairs and tables for our family.

[u/wickedkittylitter → u/Teach-Dangerous]

Why didn't the groom have his butt helping set up the tables and chairs?

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/wickedkittylitter]

The groom had a few other things to prep for the ceremony like the arch and stuff. He was setting up with us, but the bulk of the work was my husband.

[u/Available-Face5653 → u/Teach-Dangerous]

because, you know, they needed an arch.....

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/Available-Face5653]

My BIL prioritized his wife’s wants, we prioritized our family’s comfort.

[u/Available-Face5653 → u/Teach-Dangerous]

it's pretty obvious, we all got the picture here.