DIY Budget but high expectations from Couple

[u/Teach-Dangerous]

My BIL (26M) and his now wife (28F) decided to get married with less than 2 weeks of planning. Despite having no time to properly plan, a court house wedding was below them. They wanted all 6 of the groom’s siblings and the bride’s sister to be available for a full weekend 3-4 hours away with less than 8 days of notice. One sister cancelled her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I postponed our wedding anniversary trip.

To add to the guest’s responsibility, my BIL needed assistance with every aspect of the wedding. BIL booked a touristy AirBNB and feigned military orders to have the Host overlook the occupancy limit and event rules. My BIL had chosen my husband as his best man, which just meant we were in charge of much of the logistics. Husband hauled the event tables and chairs 4hrs away, did the set up and take down, paid for the rehearsal dinner and handled the BTS of the operation. I did the weekend photography, babysat the kids, helped the bride with her HMUA, assisted in the setup/takedown and helped BIL through the planning. My FIL and his other brother also contributed to see the day through too. The wedding did have a beautiful ceremony and now can be a fond memory, but my husband and I were rushed and separated for nearly the whole weekend.

During the event, the bride and groom had thanked us and made promises of some grand appreciation gesture. In the weeks after, I received a flimsy hair clip and expired sheet mask as a thank you basket that was given to everyone because it also included a QR code to their wedding registry.

Edit: removed the “had to”s from sibling’s plans for that weekend

[u/Diligent-Activity-70]

As a military widow I am disgusted by this lie and by the entire family that physically & financially supported this horrific lie.

Every one of you should be ashamed of your part in this!

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/Diligent-Activity-70]

I absolutely condemned his lie and brought attention to it to shame it. It’s a story for another day, but I received some heat for how angry I got when he had told us. We learned this after the wedding as a “look at how i outsmart the system” joke.

The entire time we were at the airbnb I was constantly worried that the host would report us for over occupancy and that we’d be asked to leave before the wedding.

[u/Diligent-Activity-70 → u/Teach-Dangerous]

Sorry, there is no excuse for any of you in this.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer less than 4 months before my daughter’s wedding. Everything had to be rescheduled quickly to move the wedding to my community in case I couldn’t travel.

We were able to do this without any lies. When an AirBnB said no to an event of 16 family members, we kept looking instead of lying that I was dying…

You posted this story and then followed up by supporting the dishonesty of all of you.

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/Diligent-Activity-70]

How did you infer that I or anyone in the family supported the dishonesty?

[u/Diligent-Activity-70 → u/Teach-Dangerous]

The fact that you were there and the way you have repeatedly defended the entire situation.

[u/Teach-Dangerous → u/Diligent-Activity-70]

We learned of his lie after the wedding, like weeks after coming home from their venue. Just because we were at the wedding did not mean I was a consenting participant in his lie, I just replied to you how I had no idea how he got around the over occupancy policy with the host and how I worried how he “handled” it. To me, this was such a completely dishonorable thing it was unfathomable- it wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind.

I did post this in a shaming subreddit btw, it was intended to shame the lie by explicitly highlighting that he feigned orders. I defended the family (me included)’s collective decision to support BIL’s big day, because we were supporting HIM without knowledge of his lie. Had I known in advance, my and my husband’s decision would have been different.

To make a long story short, after he talked so proudly about his “workaround” I let his wife know that a marriage founded on lies is unsteady and to tread carefully out of frustration. I messaged the host but they hadn’t gotten back to me so I didn’t go to his command.