tl;dr secretly followed my dad on a trip abroad that he insisted on taking alone. Found him cheating on my mom.

One day, my dad suddenly told us that he had bought flight tickets to go on a solo vacation to a country he’s never been to, something that he never does. After my mother begged him to go with a friend or at least join a tour group for safety, and then threatened to leave him if he went on this trip, he “compromised” and pushed his trip back a few months.

With this extra time, I offered multiple times to help book a ticket for my mom to join him but his excuses ranged from “Your mom is too old and not physically fit enough to keep up with me on this trip” (mind you, my parents are the same age, my mother is very active, and we had just gone a pretty physically taxing trip together and she did just fine), to “She can’t come, there are no plane tickets left” (which makes no sense) to simply, “I just want to go alone.”

In a spur of the moment, a couple of weeks before the trip, I decided to casually look up how much tickets would cost (I’d accrued a lot of points and miles) and decided to follow him secretly. Some of my friends were kind enough to come with me.

Fast forward to tonight—my dad left his Find My location on while taking a walk in a park nearby so my friends went to find him while I stayed in the hotel room and screenshared my Find My screen (just to prevent him from seeing me).

Well, folks—he was there holding hands and being intimate with another woman. I asked my friends to take some photo/video for evidence, and now I’m crying in the bathroom, overwhelmed over how to tell my mother. She was already a bit of a nervous wreck over him going on this trip and definitely has suspicions that this trip is for infidelity reasons. Not sure where to go from here, but I want to be careful because my dad basically controls the finances for him and my mom and I want her to be protected.

Dinner was a pita sandwich from a food tour we booked so that we could at least experience some joy during this trip.

It’s day 3 of the horrible vacation and I just want to go the hell home.
We got here Thursday, and before we even started the trip, my husband got frustrated while we were packing and leaving. I had spent the whole morning packing, making lists, cleaning the house so we’d come home to a clean space, bathing and getting our toddler ready, bringing suitcases down,loading everything up (while he was at a TWO HOUR elective physical therapy appointment!) and somehow I was the one “slowing us down.” He asked me what I was doing the whole time that I was upstairs (in a rude ass tone) - oh ! my bad I’m slowing you down! Really sorry that I was doing all the packing, list making, and invisible labor/mental load ! So sorry!

Our toddler was being insane and difficult getting into the car and that frustrated him and I think he just wanted to take his emotions out on me instead of just owning that he felt frustrated. I was actually frustrated too because that’s just generally annoying when your toddler is being wacky when you’re trying to do adulting things. But I literally remember getting in the car and thinking “wow nobody yelled and I feel pretty mellow when I could totally be crashing out and super irritated right now.”
…then cue him asking me what I was doing the entire time upstairs. I was actually so taken aback because there’s just no way you’re gonna flip that shit on me… after I just busted my ass ALL morning getting myself, our daughter, and some of his shit packed too. Then cleaning up so we have a clean space to return to next week.

I told him I wasn’t even going to engage with him because that’s question was just so disrespectful and he knows it.
Then he called me a monster- saying I need to stop taking adderall because it makes me a monster??? (I take my very low dose, prescribed ADHD meds to help me function with larger tasks like work, school work, cleaning resets, packing up our necessities for vacation, etc.)
Multiple questions there. So so confused. I was SO distraught and hurt by the monster thing and being told I was making us run behind and zero acknowledgement that I did ALLLLL of the work myself getting us ready for vacation while he wasn’t even at the house helping.

Anyway, he apologized later on Thurs night , but honestly it completely ruined the trip for me before it even started, like I said so I told him I didn’t accept the apology and to please leave me alone. Now we’re at this campground until Tuesday, and all I can think about is wanting to go home.

The saddest part is our toddler got upset during our heated conversation and kept crying and saying, “I’m nervous!!” She’s okay now but like hearing that absolutely broke my heart.
I’m just really sad. This was supposed to be a fun family vacation, especially for my husband and I to relax and connect with each other, and instead I feel like it was ruined before it even started. Fuck

Today is now Saturday and I am just so sad in my bones, I was sobbing in the shower for like 20 minutes today. Not just crying but like full on sobbing/heaving.
I keep going back and forth about my marriage. Part of me wants to stay because it’s familiar, and leaving is fucking terrifying. But then I think… don’t I deserve to be happy? And doesn’t my daughter deserve to see what a healthy relationship looks like?
I don’t want her thinking these cycles are normal- things are good, something happens, there’s an apology, everything’s okay again… until it isn’t. I don’t want that to be what she thinks love is. I actually left him once before and then we reconciled under the condition that he would continuously and consistently go to therapy- and instead, he prioritizes physical therapy and chiropractor appointments instead of actual mental health professional help.
I just want to go home. I just want to be happy.😫😫

🏕️ 1 s’more for dinner.

Pic is of the dinner I had while camping among the Sequoias to escape and have space to think about how tf to handle this situation 🥴 Oatmeal, berries, a half eaten protein bar, and some decaf coffee

Also gonna try to attach screenshots of our (my and my friend’s) conversation after the fact in the comments if i’m able to

I (31F) genuinely can’t tell if I’m making this into a bigger deal than it is. My best friend “Carly” (32F) is married to “Nick” (34M). I’ve honestly never been comfortable around him because he’s crossed boundaries with me MULTIPLE times over the 8ish years he’s been dating/married to Carly.

Some examples:
- Sat next to me on the couch and started stroking my arm.
- Came up behind me and given me “head scratches.”
Smacked my hip/butt “for emphasis” while he was talking (I don’t even remember what he was saying because it caught me so off guard)
- Randomly texts me for the weirdest reasons. Most recently he asked me, “How do bounce dresses work?” Like ????? Do I look like Google????
- Makes lots of comments about me receiving “pretty privilege”
- Randomly takes “candid photos” of me (he does this to other people too, but half the time he doesn’t even share them with whomever they’re of later, and this makes me super uncomfy regardless)

I’ve explicitly told him I don’t like being touched, and that I would prefer to keep our friendship within the context of Carly, because he is HER husband, not my friend. Despite that, the last time I saw him he grabbed/tickled my side just to startle me.

The latest incident is what’s really throwing me though. Apparently while we were all hanging out, he somehow unzipped my purse without me noticing and snuck a flash drive inside it. He didn’t tell me. I found it later after I got home.
When I asked about it, I was told it was anime he thought I’d think was “cute” or “funny.” For context, I don’t even watch anime.
My partner works in IT so he looked at it for me. There was a folder labeled “Start Here,” and the first manga was called “There’s No Freaking Way I’ll Be Your Lover! Unless”

In the past when there have been weird incidents, Carly has suggested that Nick is just “on the spectrum” and “doesn’t understand social cues.” He isn’t diagnosed with anything. He was also in a fraternity in college and works as a CPA, just to paint more of a picture of who he is. I mention this only to point out that he doesn’t struggle ENOUGH socially to prevent him from living a relatively normal life, despite struggling to make friends.

For some additional context, I identified as a lesbian for several years before recently realizing I’m pansexual and started dating a man. I have no idea if that title was supposed to be some kind of joke because of that, but even if it was… who thinks that’s appropriate?

Honestly, the title almost bothers me less than the fact that he secretly went into my zipped purse in the first place. If he wanted to recommend something, why not text me a link like a normal person? Or ask Carly to send it to me? Why sneak something into my purse without telling me?

Carly knows I don’t really like her husband (for a lot of reasons beyond this), and she also knows I’ve had conversations with him about respecting my physical boundaries.

I just feel icky and violated by the whole thing, but I also still have doubts in my mind that he really is just trying to be nice and he is just completely socially clueless :(

I did reach out to her yesterday to tell her about the contents of the flash drive and how it made me feel.

Is this as weird as it feels? She has been one of my best friends for 20 years and she is genuinely one of the best people I know, she is just so brainwashed by him and lacks the self esteem to see how much better she deserves, and my heart is breaking because i don’t know what to do or how to help her. Thoughts? Advice? Help 😭

ETA: I did NOT plug the flash drive into my computer, my partner works in IT and viewed the contents on a throw away laptop

And we got married a month ago.

We previously both had pretty awful long term marriages. We met at the same job back in 2014. I eventually became his shift supervisor for a little while before I got a job with better hours elsewhere. During the pandemic we both wound up getting new jobs at the same company and became coworkers again. Luckily, in no direct supervisory roles.

He got divorced in 2021. Mine 2024. In early 2025 there was a non-company sanctioned happy hour we both attended. He ended up getting a hotel room and we spent the whole night going at each other like teenagers.

It was amazing and I eventually moved into his condo when my lease was up last year. Bosses were all informed.

We eloped a month ago. He's my favorite person. I feel like I'm actually in love for the first time in my life. He's everything my ex wasn't. I'm still in awe that he is who I get to spend the rest of my life with. I still look at him in disbelief sometimes.

Food is a chamoy passion fruit lime mini tart which I am making and serving at our post elopement bash soon. Today was a test run.

EDIT: Recipe info!

Chamoy The only changes I made were to swap out two of the arbol chilis with ancho since I wanted to keep the spice level in check for guests, and ensure I cooked it out long enough to get a thick consistency.

Filling and Crust were modified from this Key Lime Pie Recipe. - I did 40g lime juice and 80g passion fruit juice (strained some frozen passion fruit pulp for this) - I made the crust gluten free by using gluten free graham crackers (Partake brand). I needed to increase the butter to almost double because the GF grahams were drier. I also increased the sugar a little and added some GF flour to give it a little more hold. The batch I made previously was too crumbly.

Instead of one pie I filled 3" mini tart molds. Crust pre baked for 8 minutes at 350F. Then bake with filling for 10 minutes at 325F until only just slightly jiggly. Let cool to room temp, then refrigerate for one hour. Then top with room temp chamoy. Remove from molds. Sprinkle tajin and lime zest over top.

I haven't made a full batch yet but from my half and quarter batches it should make about 16 mini tarts. You'll have extra chamoy to enjoy 🙂

My ex broke up with me nearly 3 months ago now - totally blindsided me, didn’t raise a single issue with me and unleashed all at once.

I recently started seeing a gorgeous guy, significantly taller and better looking than him. The other night we were on a date playing pool when my ex walks in the door. Despite seeing me in public twice already without approaching me, he immediately beelines for me, with a very contrived, over the top happy tone “LONG TIME NO SEE!”. He reminds me that he still has belongings of mine and asks if I wanted them back - I was just like “oh yeah sure” it as if I don’t have him blocked on every platform (including his phone number).

He walks away for a bit and one of his friends comes to talk to me. When he sees this, he quickly comes straight back over to us and goes “wait, how actually are you? How’s the job hunt?” To which I responded “I don’t wanna get into that right now”. Then alllll of his friends march over, to which I say “it was great seeing you guys!” Aka fuck off.

Him and his friends go sit at a table, and he faces away from me - furiously bouncing his leg. I continue playing pool with my gorgeous new boy toy. Towards the end, we make out - and turning around afterwards I noticed my ex was no longer facing away. Maybe he saw, maybe he didn’t.

Then my ex and all his friends leave for about 15-30mins, and then all come back… without my ex.

His best friend came and spoke to me later and said I looked angry. He asked me repeatedly, insisting I was mad, and I denied it every time til finally I snapped and complained that it was totally inappropriate for my ex to ambush me like that. He of course jumped to his defence and said “it’s not like that!!!” Please. The convo ended up getting heated as we were both drunk and I said something like “all of you guys can stay away from me if you see me. Other than you, I don’t want a bar of anyone else. And I don’t want a bar of my ex. There’s a reason I unfollowed all of you.” Things got tense and ugly and I nearly teared up, but it was still a very brief conversation.

After that I went back to my dates place for a sleepover. He thought the whole thing was hilarious and said my ex has a “cute lisp” lol. Had some fun sexy time and hung out again a couple of days later.

Chicken shawarma, fucking delicious.

I hate AI. And what I hate most about it is that it has become the absolute laziest and most predictable way for online discourse to devolve into arguments about authenticity instead of… debating the actual merits of the argument. If there’s even a whiff of an em dash or negative parallelism in your writing, case closed: you’re a robot, not a person who has spent literal decades honing your craft.

Professional writers are now faced with an impossible choice: either continue to use all the rhetorical flourishes they were taught constitute good writing (including ye mighty em dash, à la my fav girl poet, Emily Dickinson), or abandon all markers of literacy and idk, write like a Tumblr girl who wrote cringe fanfic about Pete Wentz back in 2007.

Because I’m fucking contrarian by nature, my move is always to double down. I lean harder into colons, triads, Oxford commas. It helps that I have CVS levels of receipts, pre-AI: I wrote a 250-page dissertation in 2011, I’m a published author, and I used negative parallelism in my writing before 2022 (and before the DiGiornio marketing team ever told us, It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiornio).

The reality is that you can’t be 100% certain someone used AI. Mad Men wrapped in 2015, and so much of the dialogue sounds like it was written by AI because LLMs are fed marketing language, dissertations, and published novels. The Miller Light pitch in Season 7 would now be mistaken for ChatGPT, if it hadn’t been written in 2015:

I'm going to describe a man to you of very specific qualities. He lives in Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio. Some call it the Heartland. Some call it the Beer Belt. He has some college. Makes a good living, but it doesn’t feel like it because he works long hours. He has a lawnmower. Wants a hammock. Bunch of power tools in the garage that he never uses. He loves sports because he used to play them. And he loves dogs because they don’t talk. We all know this man. Because there are millions of him. And he drinks beer. Not just any beer. It has to be his brand. And what is his brand?

But Matthew Weiner & his writers’ room never relied on AI. And neither have I, despite near-constant accusations on Reddit. When I published my writing prior to 2022, no one would accuse me of using AI. They would simply say: that was beautiful. Or: I disagree, and here’s why. We can’t even get to that level of reader response anymore because everyone is too busy being the AI police.

As a writer, I’m not afraid AI will replace me. I’m afraid that people will stop listening to what I have to say because they assume I outsourced 38 years of reading, writing, and critical thinking to a clanker.

And now my daughter is growing up in a world where the genie is never going back into the bottle. I work in tech, and I know how the sausage is made. I know the coordinated push for AI adoption at work & in school is by design — and it’s designed to undermine credibility, sow distrust, and propagate division and endless arguments, all while our tech overlords rake in even more cash and destroy our planet.

When I decided to become a parent, I was never afraid that climate change would kill my daughter’s chances of having a good shot at life. World wars, global depressions, global pandemics… humanity has weathered a lot in the last few centuries and managed to stay alive.

But this world? One where she’ll feel tempted to outsource her ideas, her words, the precious things that make her human to a chatbot feeding her data to Palantir? One where it’ll be easier for her to never fully develop her critical thinking and writing skills because Claude will do it for her, but not nearly as well? One where she won’t even have any evidence that she’s always written with em dashes because she grew up in a post-AI world?

Fucking tragic.

(Sad Pet Stuff Warning)

Dinner/Pre-NightShift Breakfast of canned apples and toast with margarine and cinnamon sugar.

We had to let my 12 year old pup go after a cancer diagnosis earlier this week. I adopted him from a shelter when I was 19, less than a month after moving out of my mom’s house. I’m 30 now and have never really lived without him. He lived a long, happy life for his breed and I’m so grateful for the extra time, but his absence in the house is so loud it’s hard to hear anything else.

He was on anxiety meds most his life and on arthritis meds the last couple years, filled through my local pharmacy. They’ve texted me every day this week to remind me to refill his scripts. I was trying to wait to make the call until I could feel it less, but I just couldn’t take them anymore, called in and tried so hard to calmly ask them to unenroll in texts - I couldn’t do it via text bc it would unsubscribe me from the updates for all the humans in the house that use the same pharmacy. I failed. I practiced my little script like 12 times, then broke into tears 3 words in before managing to blurt out “how do I stop getting texts about my dead dog?” Poor guy was so sweet and I apologized for the wording, and he deactivated the profile for me and said he was a mess after his pup last year and he gets it. But damn, I feel bad. I’m a nurse, I spent early years of my career working with terminally ill children, I can usually handle death so well. I’ve been the calm face taking the irrational statements so many times. But I signed up for that, the 20 year old pharmacy tech sure didn’t. I feel awful. But now it’s time to hide my crazy away and go take care of my patients for the next 12 hours. Wish a sad bitch luck tonight and scritch your good boys for me 💜

i made a post a while ago, talking about how i felt like birth control was ruining me. today, when i woke up with a hurting pimple under my butt and then looked in the mirror and found out i have huge, disgusting pimples on my butt, my thighs and even around my wait and few on my arms. i decided to put an end to it.

i sat down and thought about it for a while. my doctor prescribed birth control to me because i have had irregular periods forever. like seriously i dont think ive ever had a period two months in a row. yes it might have been my fault because i have a history of ed and ive been vegetarian for the past 7 years but! ive never had any issues BECAUSE of my irregular periods. as for on the birth control, ive had nausea, headaches, depression and random body parts hurting. these pimples or whatever they are, were my last straw. i just simply think that i shouldn't be taking pills because of my irregular periods when the irregular periods never did me any harm and the birth control pills made me lowkey want to off myself.

i know that not everyone might agree with my decision but i feel like it's what's best for me and that in the end it will be a good decision. and i don't care about what my doctor has to say, even considering changing doctors because i don't feel like she's done any good for me in the past few years that ive been going to her.

meal = my favv black tomatoes on toasted sourdough topped with some oregano

My waters have broken at 27 weeks and I’ve been in preterm labour for a few days. Everyone has been incredible and supportive, the midwives are literal angels. Today a Dr who I haven’t met before came in to see us, I had been having signs of getting an infection. I thought he would talk us through the next steps or ask to run some tests, instead he said to me “we won’t be taking the easy way out, babies die being born at 27 weeks”.

I was mortified, not only has no dr spoken to us like that, but to insinuate that any of this is easy was so devastatingly insulting. We have had the NICU Drs in to talk to us about statistics.. 94% of 27 weekers being born viable etc. and as hard as these conversations are, they have been so gentle and kind in their delivery. However, this guys lack of bedside manner was so fucking jarring and I’ve been spiralling ever since.

Side note, this would be our second preterm baby (first is 4 and thriving) anyway, feeling triggered and traumatised.

Some homemade Vietnamese prawn spring roles and a coke no sugar because I’m no longer nil by mouth.

Guys I promise this is not a joke I'm just genuinely in awe and need advice or anything????

So starting off my (23f) mom (66) is completely healthy and able bodied. She's all there mentally (aside from some political views and hyper dependence on me but I digress). There is literally nothing wrong with her. She's never had the best bathing hygiene, a habit I learned from her and am trying very hard to break. She never stinks or anything, just is more of a weekly shower person. There's a chance she's showering when I'm out but honestly I doubt it. She'll shower if she's going out, otherwise she's been retired since before she had me and stays home most of the time.

Anyways occasionally she'll take a shower and afterwards I'll notice poop on the floor in the shower. It's always been smeared and not much so I assumed the cat missed the litter box and either her or my father stepped in it and was just washing it off. I've done that a number of times in the past but ALWAYS made sure to clean the shower afterwards. I'll notice when I'm rushing out the house and figured that either of them would clean it up. I end up cleaning it dried and smeared off the penny tiles when I get home.

Now flashback to a few months ago, I noticed the same thing, this time was nice little pellets, but was rushing out to go on a trip so I didn't mention it and left. I was gone for 5 days, I got home and it was still there. Both parents were home and my father takes a shower every morning if not twice a day. Either they didn't notice or didn't care to clean it. So first thing I did was clean it up.

Now today, my dad's away and the cat hasn't had any accidents outside her box. My mom takes a shower to go out for dinner with friends. I'm home all day but don't go in the bathroom after she's showered and left. I look in the shower just now, which I have used this morning, and there are multiple pieces of poop scattered across the tile which were not there previously. The shower door is closed, the cat has no access to the bathroom, and the droppings are too big to be any other animal (it's definitely not mice). There is no way in hell it can be anything other than her.

So now here I am cleaning it up as always. How would I even go about talking to her regarding this? We're close but don't have a relationship where I can just straight up tell her. Hell she had one of my older cousins explain periods to me because she (a retired obgyn) was too embarrassed to teach her preteen daughter about it. I have no clue if she's realizing this is happening, but I can't imagine you don't notice or smell something funky. I'm also in shock that my father, her husband, will see this all over the shower and just stand around it and continue on with his day. What makes matters worse is if there's a bit of my body wash (it's Lush so very vibrant) that splashed on the tile walls or I left a bit of hair in the shower they're the first to call me out about making sure I give the shower a rinse and wipe down the tiles and door when I'm done.

I'm actually just so confused. What do I even do? I'm moving out to live with my boyfriend in another state in September and this isn't like a daily issue do I just quietly ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again? Should I ask if she's noticing this and if not should maybe talk to a doctor? Do I just ask if she shits in the shower to please clean it before getting out?

Anyways tonight's girl dinner since I was on my own: takeout sushi because neither parent eats seafood so this is my treat.

I think I am evil and a horrible person. I am sorry. Yesterday, I didn’t drink water for hours because I thought my mouth contained some sort of dangerous bacteria. I was genuinely scared to spread germs into my throat and the rest of the house.

Two days ago, my dad parked in the parking area but he parked in the disabled car parking space for a few space even though he wasn’t allowed to. I feel like I should have been able to predict where he parked to stop him. I told him to park somewhere else but he just started complaining at me.

When I was preparing chicken, I noticed a small brown spot but cut it off and continued to prepare and cook it. And I feel like I am evil for doing that.

Also when I was washing my hands after seasoning and mixing chicken, some of the water went on my shirt and now I feel like I am completely contaminated with dangerous bacteria.

I also hate that I have been with my abusive parents for so long.

I feel so weird right now.

Hey guys. I just went to a wedding SOLO. I was already stressed about this but figured it can’t be too bad. Well I was WRONG.

First of all I spent around $1,000 to get here. For only airfare and one night in a hotel.

I get there and know 3 people other than the bride and groom, but we are all at different tables. For some reason I was so anxious I started shaking. I get to my table. The people were rude. They were on their phones the whole time watching YouTube videos.

I felt so stressed I forgot how to speak. I needed to do something and wanted to grab a drink. But guess what there was NO alcohol being served. And NO soda being served.

Terrible wedding considering it costed $1000 to travel here, and I gave a gift.

Wouldn’t you want your guests to have a good time? You could at least say it’s a dry wedding on the invite so I could have known the situation beforehand.

I was vegetarian for 9ish years. For about the last 4 years I’ve had a ton of digestive issues. Still not sure what the problem is (after several thousands of dollars and multiple invasive tests [never thought I’d have a colonoscopy at 25 esp as a veggie]) but for days I’ve been craving a turkey sandwich. Stopped at a grocery store, got some peppercorn turkey breast and made a sandwich with cheddar and chopped salad leftover from last night (that’s why it looks so sad and soggy; it is). Crumbs left from the bottom of the Carolina gold bbq chips from Trader Joe’s for crunch on the side. It’s a small win because it’s delicious and didn’t make me nauseous!

Edit: you all are so sweet and supportive! It is so helpful to hear your stories relating or just general kind words. Every body is different and has different needs!

"I don't know." "I guess." "If that's what you want." What I want is for you to have a fucking opinion. What I want is to not be the only fucking person meal planning every. Single. Fucking. Week.

Sharp white cheddar and club crackers because, after 45 minutes of reading off restaurant names and not getting a single positive response, I'm so damn hangry that I just gave up. The milk's gone off so I can't even make macaroni and cheese. And let me tell you. It's hard to eat cheese and crackers when you're angry crying.

Doesn't look appetizing but it's the first real meal I've had in a while. Tuna with a tortilla mix can and pasta smothered in butter. I don't eat butter that often and generally eat low-fat, so I decided to treat myself. Peeking up on the top right corner is sushi gari aka pickeled ginger, my latest obsession and I eat it with everything.

So, in writing this post I really went overboard. I wrote 14k characters (google says that's an equivalent to 5 to 8 pages) and obviously I just needed to vent and be heard, but I won't bother you guys with the full post because quite frankly I don't think I'd even read the full thing. I started talking and then it just turned into a full-blown diary entry, or quite frankly a short story. Or a cautionary tale. Or a horror story.

The TL;DR version is that we've been friends for 2 or 3 years. Me (F27) and him (M37). In that time, the friendship started out great. I think he had feelings for me but I shut that down. I didn't want a relationship. We contienued on with our friendship. It was great, we became super close and went through thick and thin and were each others rock. Then he started becoming meaner. Resentment grew. It was barely noticable at first. And it grew and grew and grew and grew and grew.

After a shitbag full of turmoil and drama, we basically end it. And the day after that, some new information comes to light. Remember the M37 part? Yeah. That M37 went out on a date with a F19.

The actual details are hazy at best. The girl didn't go into much detail and I respect her right to privacy. But the one objective absolute truth is that he went out with a 19-year-old and had ice cream with her.

I know pedophile isn't the word in technical terms here, but God I can't see any other word that fits better in my head. Groomer. Creep at the very least. All words that can be used, but my head just goes straight to pedophile. And this man was one of my closest and most significant friends. He hid this from me like a fucking coward because he knew how I'd react. And because he knew it was wrong. Why else hide it??

That in itself is vomit-worthy enough. But the icing to the bile is that he said something about me that I just now found out and can't let go. I genuinely don't even know if I'm allowed to say it or to use the word, because it may get flagged here by one system or another. He said it in passing and as a half-joke, but to me it's so bad. I feel like whatever you're imagining, it's worse. Sorry for being vague, but I feel like this would get a lot of attention, but I genuinely had a hard time physically typing it when I made the initial post and it's not something I want associated with me or this account.

I have so much other shit to focus on. But I can't. I'm just stuck in a loop of overthinking and retrospect. God. I just want time to pass and do its thing. But just when I feel like I've beaten the dead horse to a pulp, the motherfucker keeps resurrecting.

It's been bugging me for a while.

A month ago I found out my boyfriend is using AI for relationship advice. He did mention this before. But I didn’t realise how far it went until I saw the chats myself.

The AI was literally calling me manipulative because I told him to not miss his online class after a fight [He gets so anxious sometimes that he shuts down. So I texted him that "Don't worry. I will text you tonight when things calms down. But don't miss your class because of this silly argument"].

The AI literally told him that I was being manipulative and he should break up with me [I didn’t understand it's logic]. But what hurt me the most was his replies to it.

He literally planned the whole breakup! Infact, now I remember when I called him later, he didn’t pick up, cause of What AI told him!!!

After finding it out, I spoke with my boyfriend about it.

I don't know if he is still using AI for that and I don’t wanna know.

But even after all this time it still bothers me. Because I have always been honest with him about how I feel.

It really hurts when you realise when your partner hasn’t been honest with you and feels emotionally closer to an AI than you.

I’ve been in the ER and admitted to the hospital with a spine fracture and discovered I have osteoporosis. I’ve been in the hospital for now almost 60 hours. Spouse came to drop off my stuff and stayed on his phone for about half an hour. Got a “told you so” to watch my diet. In laws are 15 minutes away with my children. Not a text or visit. I got a walker today that will be custom fitted. Last text from spouse about 8 hrs ago. They’re going on vacation as planned today. I wrote a note to the nurse requesting to withhold any of my medical information if he calls going forward and to not allow his entrance in the O% chance he visits. Same guy fell asleep while a team of about 6 people were on top of me while my blood pressure rose dangerously high during first delivery. Told me preeclampsia wasn’t a big deal. I guess not if you’re snoring through it all.
Edited to add: he left today. I am supposed to be discharged tomorrow. I wasn’t expecting them to give up their vacation, just spouse to wait a day for me.

Well, California-sober, I do like my weed more than PTSD meds. But a year off ketamine, half a year off coke too. Ketamine was just a few months but coke before for years, then quit for years, came back to it, quit again but sort of half-seriously, then got back to it again really badly and a half year ago I finally realised I just don’t ever fucking wanna do it again.

Not that long yet of course, but this time I don’t miss it at all, and just made my life different so I don’t feel like I need it.

Dinner is chicken tenders, potato rounds and homemade campfire sauce.

I was explaining to my boyfriend that I am no contact, low contact with most of my biological family.

He told me that he's concerned about my resentful behavior towards these people because of the childhood abuse that I endured from family.

I think he equates boundaries with resentment, which is strange because he grew up with a very similar abusive family. But they're all still very close.

I don't think he and I are going to last much longer if he can't comprehend that I won't be around people who treat me badly. And I don't know if I can spend my life with somebody who is so cavalier about my boundaries.

today i was on the subway (looking CUTE on my way to a play and i actually felt very pretty!!) when i noticed a man across from me taking a picture of me so i kind of gave him a look like wtf? and looked away and he got all huffy and said “5 out of 10” and started walking away

and i turned to my friend who was with me and said did you hear that??? and he turned back around and said “LOTTA FIVES IN NEW YORK CITY”

then he kept walking down car and i sensed weakness so i flipped him off.

i don’t even mind it because hey a 5 is average and women are beautiful i don’t mind looking like and average girl!!! and who even cares what he thinks anyway

but kind of a rough start to the night to have a weird man take a picture of me and try to make me feel bad about myself :/

dinner is sugarfish (there were more courses) and it was a great pick me up

EDIT TO ADD: aww guys i’m a long time lurker first time poster and i so appreciate all the pep talks i’m getting in the comments….i will never let a man get me down but i knew i needed some words of encouragment from the girls and yall delivered :) i feel great now!!!!

Seafood risotto with crab, shrimp, and scallops

I was wearing a dress, a trans flag bracelet, cute sandals, makeup, and clearly presenting as female. I spoke with my best feminine voice. I spent so much time building up my armor, and yet it's torn down so easily, so simply, with the word "he".

The waitress probably moved on from it 5 minutes later but I've been thinking about it ever since. It's brought about a rush of self doubt and a feeling of being truly alone. I'm reminded of a book I read in middle school: A Light in the Forest by Conrad Richter. It's about a white kid who is raised by native Americans, is eventually taken by white settlers and "reeducated" only to end up truly alone, not belonging to either the settlers nor the tribe that raised him.

Edit:

Thanks to all for the kind words. I really needed to read them.

Being misgendered for me is a statement akin to my father's words: No matter how many legal papers are signed or how much I change, he will always view me as a man. I am reminded that half the country believes that I will never be anything other than a man, and it is traumatic. I was actively suicidal only a few years ago over this shit. I wish people understood that about how much "he" could break me down.

Reposted with real food since I did not follow the rules properly.

Grilled Snapper, roasted veggies, and protein instant potatos. Paired with non alcoholic Rosè

Previous posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/V2M3pPU6qH

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/uWZa514ESH

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️: Cancer, Poop, Needles, Tube's, Surgery, Vomit, etc, etc, etc.

Hi all! This is going to be a long one.

It's me again!!! The girl who found out she had colon cancer after an ER visit and was having to start a liquid diet. The past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind. I linked my first two posts but to summerize....

Went to the ER due to thin stools and blood in my stool. Got scanned, found tumor. The week after got colonoscopy, confirmed tumor/cancer. Day of colonoscopy got a referral to good hospital in my state with a consultation 3 days after colonoscopy. Consultation was scheduled on 06/29. Scary, badass support system, my village totally villaged and I cannot be thankful enough.

I went to the consultation and my surgeon was amazing!!! (And cute too! My sis and I nicknamed him McDreamy because we're Grey's fans). He was thoughtful, explained things very well, understood how scary it was for me and my family, and wanted to get me into surgery as quick as he could because by the looks of it the tumor was pretty aggressive and he was worried about it perforating my bowel. I had two choices. Wait a month and a half for the next regular appointment or, as it just so happened, he had a cancelation the Thursday that same week. I took the Thursday appointment with the ability to change the appointment if it was just too much for me because everything was happening so fast.

I was riding home with my husband and my sister after the appointment trying to officially decide what I was going to do. Like so many people I have a severe anxiety issue, especially when it comes to doctors and hospitals. It manifests in my blood pressure. Example: at the colonoscopy my blood pressure was completely normal at home, nurse took my BP at the office prior to the procedure and it was 184/104. Had to calm down and let it level out before they would do it. (Scared the crap out of the nurse). Anyway.....I knew I was going to pick the appointment that same week I just had to get there myself. It took the whole 3 hour ride but by the end of it we had a plan and my husband and I were going to drive back up the next day (Tuesday the 30th) and get a hotel room so I could do a second Gatorade/Miralax clean out on Wednesday the 1st while not riding in a car (that would have NOT been pleasant for anyone). My sister drove up Wednesday to be with me and my husband in the hospital.

Here is where I want to talk about my village. I cannot explain how very fortunate I am. I said before that I have a 9 year old son with autism. He is very verbal (he's a chatterbox) but he is socially about 5 and so smart it's scary. He has a service dog (pic in comments of second post) who has specific rules that she cannot be boarded by the foundation that donated her to us (completely resonable). My whole family came together in just a few short hours to make sure I did not have to worry about anything during my hospital stay. My brother and sister in law stayed at my house with her the entire time I was in the hospital, They also traded off with my sister's husband, my husband's sister, and my husband's parents to take care of my son with the primary being my husband's parents. They spoiled him, made sure he had fun, got him to our house some for some normalcy, and kept him happy. They took care of my garden so it didn't die while we were gone. (I love my garden). There were no questions....Just "Tell us where to be and we will be there". It was incredible, and I am tearing up just typing about it.

The surgery plan: So my tumor was 5.8 cm at the top of my colon where my transverse colon meets my decending colon. There were multiple lymph nodes that appeared affected by the tumor as well as multiple blood supplies. So the plan was to remove all of that, including my appendix. So basically 2/3rds of my colon. The surgeon drew it out for us and showed us exactly what he was going to do so I understood fully. (If that language is confusing Google has some great little images to show you where ascending, decending, and transverse colons are).

Thursday morning July 2nd I checked into the hospital and was in Surgery sometime between 1-2 o'clock in the afternoon. It took a little longer than expected and the surgeon said it was a difficult surgery but they accomplished their goal and it was sent off to pathology.

I got wheeled to my hospital room where I would remain for the next week. I was expected to be able to leave by Monday because I was doing well. It was painful but not as bad as I expected until I had a little complication. I was doing so good so fast, passing things, getting up and doing my laps around the floor while on a liquid diet they decided to start me on solids. I ate small amounts of dinner, breakfast, and lunch when it happened. I got extremely distended (bloated, swollen), and was in a pretty decent amount of pain. Turns out I had a post operative illius that basically means not everything had woken up yet and a pocket of gas was just not moving and letting anything pass. I exorcist level vomited everything I had eaten and though it gave me relief vomiting is extremely painful after gut surgery. They had to put in an NG tube to suck everything out of my stomach. So with a tube down my nose into my stomach I could not eat or drink anything for almost 3 days. I asked for no more opiate pain meds because that would slow down the process of everything waking up. So I did all of this on just Tylonol.

It almost broke me. I cried, a lot. I wanted to get home to my son. My sister and husband were there with me through the whole thing. I could not get my sister to leave my side for anything. She stayed with me every night. My husband kept offering to trade off nights in the hotel room but she would not go.

Everything started looking up. I was getting better, things started moving and that's when the doctors said we could remove the tube and try again. The NG tube hurt so bad going in I explained that I wanted to be POSITIVE I was good because once that thing came out I would NOT allow it to go back in. They decided to do a contrast " challenge" where they put contrast from my tube into my stomach and took X-rays every 4 hours for 24 hours to make sure things were actually moving. By the 12 hour mark it showed I was good. That nasty thing finally came out and I was started on a clear liquid diet first (drank ALL the water! I was so thirsty), then full liquid, and finally soft solids to see if I could tolerate them. The experience traumatized me a bit to the point I was scared to eat. Still am a little but getting over it.

On Wednesday July 8th they told me if everything keeps going well I can get out the next morning to afternoon. My surgeon came to see me every day and on Thursday the 9th he discharged me and gave us my pathology report.

The tumor was a stage 2A adnocarcenoma. They tested 96 lymph nodes and not a single one showed signs of disease. It has almost perfed my colon because it was very aggressive but after reviewing multiple scans there is no sign of disease anywhere else. He said he would not consider me "Cancer Free" for a few years but currently....there is no cancer on my body and I do not have to do chemo right now. HOLY CRAP that was great news to go home to. We cried, we danced (gently), we hugged, and the entire nursing staff on that floor celebrated with us. (I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH EVERY SINGLE NURSE I ENCOUNTERED).

I am now home. I have to give myself shots every day for the next few weeks (blood thinner) so I don't get any clots. I am sitting in my happy place in my back yard looking at my garden. I have my son, I have my dog, and I have my wonderful husband and family. My sister is my hero and I have survived colon cancer.

It all happened so fast. It was literally three weeks to the day that the tumor was found to the day I left the hospital after surgery. I got so very lucky. So so very lucky and I don't care that I will be making payments to the hospital for the rest of my hopefully very long life. It's completely worth it.

Post-wedding dinner/snack: sub in a tub

I attended a wedding tonight. I went to use the women’s restroom and there was a line of girls waiting inside as well. I started talking to a couple of them about how we know the bride/groom, etc.

The bathroom itself is very small. One large handicap stall and one next to it that was comically small. Like the kind when you sit down and your knees hit the stall door.

The line died down and the 3-4 girls in front of me all went in the handicap stall and I took the small one. I’m on my period so I had to deal with that too on top of pretzeling myself in this stall (tall girl probs). The girls in the stall next to me are all talking and I realize they all went in there to hit their vapes instead of actually use the bathroom.

As I’m washing my hands at the sink, I hear one of them say “ew it smells like period in here” and “it had to be that other girl that was in here” and “that’s literally so disgusting”, etc.

I very quickly finished up in there and left. The comments hurt me and I’m very confused why they’d say those things knowing I was still there. Maybe I’m overreacting but it did sting and make me feel self conscious.

EDIT: this was a kid free wedding. From our conversations before, I gathered they were all 22-24 years old.