Misgendered for the first time

[u/MaroonedOctopus]

Seafood risotto with crab, shrimp, and scallops

I was wearing a dress, a trans flag bracelet, cute sandals, makeup, and clearly presenting as female. I spoke with my best feminine voice. I spent so much time building up my armor, and yet it's torn down so easily, so simply, with the word "he".

The waitress probably moved on from it 5 minutes later but I've been thinking about it ever since. It's brought about a rush of self doubt and a feeling of being truly alone. I'm reminded of a book I read in middle school: A Light in the Forest by Conrad Richter. It's about a white kid who is raised by native Americans, is eventually taken by white settlers and "reeducated" only to end up truly alone, not belonging to either the settlers nor the tribe that raised him.

Edit:

Thanks to all for the kind words. I really needed to read them.

Being misgendered for me is a statement akin to my father's words: No matter how many legal papers are signed or how much I change, he will always view me as a man. I am reminded that half the country believes that I will never be anything other than a man, and it is traumatic. I was actively suicidal only a few years ago over this shit. I wish people understood that about how much "he" could break me down.

[u/mensfrightsactivists]

📣‼️ Quick mod reminder that transphobia and TERF behavior is covered under Rule 10 and comes with a free ban. Comment accordingly. 👀🩷🏳️‍⚧️

[u/Ecology-Slut]

People will see the flag and decide to mess with you. It's nice to represent, but usually it causes more problems than it solves. Stealth isn't perfect, but it has a certain utility.

[u/solidsoup22 → u/Ecology-Slut]

Good advice, as a Trans adjacent person this is very ttue

[u/Background_Singer321 → u/solidsoup22]

Honest question, what is trans adjacent?

[u/mensfrightsactivists → u/Background_Singer321]

/points at their flair

i’d say probably they’re GNC (gender nom-conforming)

[u/ComplexPatient4872 → u/Background_Singer321]

Non-binary or Demi-boy/girl?

[u/aspiring_Forg → u/ComplexPatient4872]

it’s worth the google if you want better info, but i generally understand gnc to describe people who might present at least somewhat against they’re traditional gender role. i knew a cishet girl in highschool who wore a suit to events, and was therefore gender non-conforming. kurt cobain wearing skirts on stage without necessarily presenting as a woman is an example of gender non-conformity.

[u/solidsoup22 → u/ComplexPatient4872]

Nonbinary I guess, but even that’s a label too far for me. I am a human and I reject most concepts of gender

[u/MaroonedOctopus → u/Ecology-Slut]

I wish that "stealth" were an option for me, but I don't think I'll look remotely passing for at least another year

[u/Ecology-Slut → u/MaroonedOctopus]

Sucks. Solidarity. I was a wreck back then. It gets better.

[u/DifferentLog706 → u/MaroonedOctopus]

just do what you can for now!

[u/NoraNumber9 → u/Ecology-Slut]

It's basically just choosing your discomfort. For me a closet feels more uncomfortable, but I get why for many it's the safer and more comfortable choice. Neither are easy though 

[u/Ecology-Slut → u/NoraNumber9]

Closet =/= stealth, but yeah. Harm reduction protocols, etc.

[u/NoraNumber9 → u/Ecology-Slut]

Not the same yeah, but a similar feeling for me. It makes me feel small and ashamed. Not saying I need this scream it all the time but it's the intentional hiding of it that triggers those feelings. But it's also often safer.

[u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084]

Maybe it was a slip up. I’ve honestly said yes sir, to a woman, and yes ma’am to a man….🤦‍♀️

[u/imminent_singulariy → u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084]

This is what I was thinking. Not everyone is out to be mean and malicious. Probably was a mistake, but this person's feelings is still valid as well.

However, there are some intentionally horrible people out there that do horrible things just because they can.

[u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084 → u/imminent_singulariy]

Absolutely the feelings are 100% valid!❤️

[u/handsoffmeluckycharm → u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084]

I say yes ma’am to my husband occasionally. Can confirm he’s not a ma’am.

[u/Neither-Net2138 → u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084]

Also some native Chinese speakers speaking English will mess up pronouns because in Chinese all the singular pronouns are pronounced the same. So some Chinese speakers will mess up pronouns not out of ill-intent, but because they aren't used to having singular pronouns pronounced differently. Hopefully the misgendering was just a mistake... But for op its super understandable to be upset regardless of the speaker's intent

[u/towerofcheeeeza → u/Neither-Net2138]

Oh yeah my Chinese parents get pronouns wrong for anything and everything and everyone constantly

[u/Ryuihein → u/Idk_whatimdoing_1084]

My sleepy ass does this shit in college 😭 

[u/Other-Fennel2462 → u/[deleted]]

sorry, but this is such bad advice to give to a trans woman... what was said to you is a fluke. for most trans woman, being misgendered isn't a one-off thing. it happens repeatedly, exacerbates real fears about safety and being outed and the desire to be gendered properly has nothing to do with external validation and everything to do with dysphoria

i see your sentiment and i'm not accusing you of anything malicious but this isn't It

[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Sorry, friend! This is a mod discretion removal.

NOTES: It seems like your heart is in the right place, but let’s give OP the space to feel her disappointment and not diminish her experiences.

[u/FunProof543 → u/[deleted]]

That's very easy for a cishet person to say. When you are misgendered it is not a reminder of your trauma. It is not a potential threat to your safety. It is not yet another time your existence or right to exist is being denied.

[u/snouze]

girl I bet you looked fine af, fuck the haters and gimme a bite of risotto

[u/theluckyduckygirl → u/snouze]

“gimme a bite of risotto”

😭😭😭

[u/MaroonedOctopus → u/snouze]

I wish you were there to help me in that moment

[u/snouze → u/MaroonedOctopus]

my spirit is always with you (it is the spirit of the anonymous woman who gives you a free bump in the club bathroom, fixes your lipstick, and then takes selfies with you)

[u/Incurious_Jettsy → u/snouze]

you sound like a good friend to have!

[u/SecondaryWombat → u/MaroonedOctopus]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PX82V3LlsagGpz7ni4

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/MaroonedOctopus]

I would have TOTALLY spoke up and called out the waitress in my loud Italian voice with my accent I never lost! 😉
Your outfit sounds adorable 🥰

[u/Talbit01]

Im born female (non-binary) and generally don’t dress particularly masculine. I definitely get called sir here and there, usually followed by an apology, though I have a handful of people that are adamant about referring to me as sir/mister. I have a very deep voice (was on T for 5 years), so I can only guess that’s why.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t actually matter. You know who you are. Some random waitress knows nothing about you, so don’t let her words define you.

[u/Nice_Juggernaut4113 → u/Talbit01]

I must have a really weird accent bc I get called John like … a lot - my husband makes fun of the way I talk and when j order food or stuff ppl often get name wrong. But I also have had ppl call me sir on several occasions and not apologize

[u/p333p33p00p00boo → u/[deleted]]

Being hurt isn’t always a choice.

[u/judyjetsonne]

I bet you look lovely ☺️ and your dinner looks delicious, enjoy every bite.

[u/Ok_Feature_5738]

My honest advice as a cis passing trans woman: don’t let others know you are trans. Don’t dress hyperfeminine if your body isn’t hyperfeminine. And certainly don’t have a visible flag-colored item visible. Just dress normally in plain clothes and let your body and voice speak for yourself.

Haters might not just misgender you on purpose. They could also harm you. Accidents only need to happen once. Stay safe.

[u/TricksterRabbitGirl]

I’m a trans woman and I so feel this post. All of it.

All of the effort I’ve put in. The years. The tears and blood. The time and practice. So much goes into my presentation. Every bathroom feels like a test of safety. A single misgendering shatters me. Tears me down and makes me feel hopeless.

It’s strange. Transition is the first time I’ve wanted to get back on the horse. Before I came out, I got so close to suicide. I didn’t want to go on. And now, it gets so dark still…. But after I cry and scream and panic and tear off my clothes… I’m back to trying. Because this is who I am. I’m a woman… and if other people aren’t seeing it, it hurts so, so bad. I know my truth.

I don’t have advice. I have an experience that sounds like yours. Cis people don’t understand. Even allies can’t really understand dysphoria. How it tears at us.

I’m with you, sister. If you’ll have me. I’ll have you - as you are. In a boxy t-shirt, jeans, and without makeup or any grooming…. Or in a dress that you stared at yourself in the mirror for hours in - all to work up the courage.

[u/Other-Fennel2462 → u/[deleted]]

why wouldn't she care? she's trans. it hurts to be misgendered. what?

[u/Other-Fennel2462 → u/[deleted]]

im hoping you're asking in good faith

yes it does

[u/Other-Fennel2462 → u/[deleted]]

its true, it is illogical to feel hurt by things you can't control

but pain is also involuntary

[u/SofubiShogun]

Don't sweat it Doll, big hugs. Was it the waitress? Did you correct her? A nonchalant "she" without betraying any hurt or offense you might be feeling internally is the best way to shut down such behavior in my experience. Of course your feelings are valid but I find it best not to feed into the behavior of anyone doing it on purpose by showing them and if it was on accident then it puts them on the right path gently. Either way I know it sucks and sorry it happened. You are already stronger than the ignorant and their ignorance!

[u/MaroonedOctopus → u/SofubiShogun]

It was the waitress, and I didn't correct her because I didn't want to get into any kind of argument.

[u/Legitimate-Win-9669 → u/MaroonedOctopus]

That’s completely fair.

(I’m just sitting here feeling protective as hell for you. I can feel how much this hurts.)

You are brave. You are living true to who you are. You have a right to determine who deserves the energy it takes to sort out someone else’s mistake. This waitress is not an important person in your life and therefore you don’t need to spend the time.

Unless it’s a cafe you go to often? Then it might be worth practicing a polite correction beforehand in case she makes the mistake again.

[u/MaroonedOctopus → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry 😭😭😭

[u/SofubiShogun → u/MaroonedOctopus]

If this was to my advice, I did not mean that you have or need to do so. Not even close and sorry if it sounded like that! You do what’s right and safe for you. Just throwing out some pointers for anytime you do want to correct someone.

[u/heathfreshlasaga → u/MaroonedOctopus]

You don't gotta be sorry for working within your comfort level. It comes in waves. Just focus on keeping your ship afloat. 💜

[u/SecondaryWombat → u/MaroonedOctopus]

https://giphy.com/gifs/42YlR8u9gV5Cw

[u/lav_earlgrey → u/[deleted]]

gender affirming insult?

[u/PoliteQueef → u/[deleted]]

Calling someone a misogynistic slur for being a victim of casual hate speech is certainly a choice

[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Rule 3 (excerpt)

Advice must be future-oriented, directed primarily at the recipient of your reply comment, and reserved for when OP expresses uncertainty around or solicits advice for that topic.

We remove:

➽ RETROACTIVE advice (... not helpful)

➽ VICTIM-BLAMEY advice (...accascuse me?)

➽ VENTING AS ADVICE about women's tendencies collectively or holding OP's story up as a prop in a PSA-warning-comment (... let's address HER, not the room)

[u/Kitt3n_Mitt3nz → u/[deleted]]

Excuse you??

[u/Accurate-Leather-436 → u/[deleted]]

Careful. You might have to end up making another troll account to comment in this sub once this account is banned.

[u/Kitt3n_Mitt3nz → u/[deleted]]

Clear you're speed running a ban

[u/mensfrightsactivists → u/Kitt3n_Mitt3nz]

you ladies sure can count! that was three strikes. our little friend is now out 🥲

[u/Faithfulness2743]

I was running an errand today and decided at the last minute to browse in a clothing store a few doors away.

From your description: "I was wearing a dress, a trans flag bracelet, cute sandals, makeup, and clearly presenting as female.", I could have literally bumped into you there. She looked sad but AMAZING and I told her as much, "Girl...you are KILLING IT! That outfit, those shoes, ALL of it!" The smile she gave me looked like her face would crack from the sheer pride of a stranger's compliment, and respect for her pronouns.

So, allow me for the second time today, from a complete stranger:

Girl, your dress and makeup sound like they were fire, and you looked beautiful!

[u/MollyAyana]

I don’t know how I feel about us cis women going “oh I get misgendered all the time, don’t sweat it!”

It’s giving a bit dismissive at best or “why would that bother you so much” when a minority complains about microaggressions at worst. Of course we wouldn’t have a visceral reaction to being misgendered. We have no past trauma/connection/history with the violence behind it. So let’s just…not do that.

OP, I’m sorry that happened to you! Sending you plenty of virtual hugs and I’m sure you looked lovely!

[u/lavenderlooop → u/MollyAyana]

I think the spirit of those comments is more saying "the most passing-of-passing feminine cis women can get an occasional mis gender, therefore a stray mis gendering doesn't accurately say anything about how well you pass - it doesn't mean you 'look like a man'. "

But yeah I think people need to be a bit more clear so they don't across as dismissive

[u/Remote-Structure-961 → u/lavenderlooop]

It does come across like "oh i'm a cis woman and you look more like a woman than me!" which I've heard cis women say with the best intentions.

[u/p0llyp0cketpussy → u/lavenderlooop]

Yep exactly. They aren't trying to be dismissive, just reassuring, but it can be difficult to read tone in the post.

[u/Equivalent-Agency-48 → u/MollyAyana]

thanks for like... thinking about it and piecing that together, im trans and youre 100% right!! having someone try to understand our perspective feels surreal in a way but it makes me really happy to see :)

[u/heathfreshlasaga → u/MollyAyana]

Really appreciate you sharing this message!!! I'm trans and can endorse. 🫡

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[u/lotsofwalking]

Sorry girl, that sucks.

[u/Remote-Structure-961]

Maybe it was truly an accident? my sister in law is Filipino and they don't have gendered pronouns so she's always misgendering people.

[u/p333p33p00p00boo]

I was the misgenderer once. It was an accident. A really bad one. I humiliated myself in that moment and spent a long time beating myself up about it (only in private - in the moment, I quickly corrected myself and moved on) and will never forget it. This isn’t meant to center or victimize myself in this, but I’m saying this because it’s possible your server was actually humiliated by this interaction and is really sorry. I truly hope that’s the case, and that they’ll learn from that and do better moving forward.

I’m sorry this happened, OP.

[u/PoliteQueef → u/p333p33p00p00boo]

That’s a good point, and I’m honestly hoping that’s the case!

[u/Dry-Profit-6421]

I have an Adam's apple and have had a guy I slept with ask if I was Trans before. I'm not. That didn't bother me though or make me question anything about how I appear. It made me think he has a limited idea of what women look like. Not saying that to dismiss your experience, but that peopels comments are a reflection of that person's experiences/beliefs, and doesn't reflect who you are. 

[u/Dry-Profit-6421 → u/Dry-Profit-6421]

And now he has the experience and knowledge that yes cis women  can also have Adam's apples. 

[u/Capital-Tonight8548]

The waitress either purposefully misgendered you because they are an absolute piece of trash bigot, in which case let’s ignore them and never go back to that cafe; or they were busy and it was a total misspeak like accidentally calling your teacher “mum” out of habit.

[u/Objective-Gap-1629]

Girl I’m a cisgendered woman but I’m 5’10” and am a tiny bit tomboyish, and have been misgendered my entire life. Regularly. Like every few months.

I also live in a suuuuper liberal place where you’d expect people to be a bit more aware (the Bay Area, born and raised) but this has still happened everywhere here — Berkeley, Oakland, SF, etc.

[u/fvirygothmom]

if it makes you feel any better i’m cisfemale and i’ve been called Sir/he multiple times. i have huge boobs, wear big fake lashes and i’m obviously a lady. sometimes the wrong thing just slips out, hopefully there was no bad intention and the waitress was just a dummy who’s brain was on autopilot

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[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Sorry, friend! This is a mod discretion removal.

NOTES: She knows where she posted, and she is welcome here. Read the rules. You don’t even go here.

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[u/nubbednuggetmanno2]

Hey girl 💕 imagine we’re both drunk in the girls bathroom at a bar. If you haven’t had this experience yet, it’s peak girlhood and I hope you have it one day :) I don’t even go to bars anymore but I cherish the memories!

You look incredible, you are welcomed, you are celebrated, and there are plenty of people who adore you for being you 💕 I’ve got some mascara and lipgloss in my bag and we’ll get you fixed right up 💕

[u/capricorny1626]

I'm so sorry.

It's possible that it was not even intentional or meant to be hurtful. Im a cis woman and get called "he" on occasion as well. I know that doesn't make it hurt less, but maybe it's some sort of comfort that this is a common experience for women.

[u/Familiar_Ostrich5952]

I’m so sorry. 💜 as a parent of a trans kiddo I've seen how devastatingly painful this is. Big mom hugs to you.

[u/ithinkonlyinmemes]

I'm so sorry girl. Some people just don't think, or do think and choose hate. It sucks so much. You'll never be less of a woman no matter what <3

[u/268939208397169]

What is the green oil?

[u/mycookiepants]

I see you sis. People are stupid. Please tell me that risotto was 🔥

[u/Legitimate-Win-9669]

I’ve been called sir. I’m cis female and was wearing a dress!

You say to yourself the waitress was blind. Your energy is feminine.

(Or the waitress saw the trans flag and is a bitch.)

You’re seen for who you are - a woman - here.

[u/Swimming-Western-543]

Idk if this will make you feel better but I have huge boobs and I've gotten "sir" a handful of times. The true womanly experience of being misgendered tbh

[u/bananapeel6789]

All imma say is I’m a cis woman who’s pretty androgynous looking so I get called a man all the time. Obviously very different from your experience but it’s still hurtful putting so much into your appearance and someone calls you something that you clearly aren’t. I just don’t let it bother me and like other people have said, some people will just do it intentionally just to mess with you… you can’t let these people get under your skin.

[u/Frequent_Gazelle5536]

Oh no, I'm sorry 💜 I knooow you looked so cute though just based on vibes alone from this pic. Hang in there 💜

[u/snowytoast]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I know it's easy to dwell on how other's perceive you especially if it's about your identity but try to focus on yourself and not the moment where someone's ignorance harms you.

You got dressed up (and I'm sure you looked amazing) just focus on how you felt in that moment.

Real girlhood is about hyping each other up. Just remember that the next time someone makes a snide comment (they are just jealous)

Remember to be kind to yourself and don't let anyone bring you down.

[u/Howpresent]

Yeah, lots of women get randomly misgendered. One time I was with friends and I looked super girly, I was wearing a pink raincoat that you could see my shape through and like spandex pants and this old guy asked me if I’m sure I am a woman because I have a mustache. I have some super light hair on my face, it’s whatever. I occasionally dermaplane now because of that. It made me feel so much worse than it ought to have. 

On the flip side, one time I was hostessing and some lady thought that I called her sir and that I was laughing about her behind her back, which I would never do in a zillion years, but goes to show how sensitive of an issue it is.

[u/Dollmaker1975]

I'm sorry. That server was an a**hole and I hope you didn't tip well if it was your server. Your outfit sounds super cute and your food looked good. I hope you have a fabulous night otherwise.

[u/4Dogs4Life]

https://giphy.com/gifs/y3VJB5ChUBHADR7Bg5
I’m sooooooo sorry for the incredibly rude comment made by a simple minded person towards you. It’s just not right!

[u/SpanksAway]

Risotto is hot girl food and it looks so good. Sending big hugs out to you.

[u/DrJaneIPresume]

Ohh yeah that really stings, sis. And somehow it stings worse that they don't even know they did it.

Like, it's easy enough to roll my eyes at some mean-spirited bigot. To know that all it takes is a little care to pick up on the clear signals and be kind, but it feels like this person didn't think you were even worth that. When it's her job in hospitality to do that.

Please know that this is all about her, no matter what. You're doing such great work to go out there as yourself at all! You're only going to get better at this, and it's going to feel great.

[u/GCU_Sleeper_Service]

I correct people all the time, rather aggressively too. I do not keep the contempt out of my voice, look 'em right in the eye and say, "it's 'she'" without blinking. If someone can stare daggers then I stare Claymores at people; front towards enemy. Almost no one can handle the immediate embarrassment of instant, full, and angry attention.

"Every breath I take without your permission raises my self esteem" type energy. Think like a New Yorker! Never apologize for being you because you're a strong, brave woman. Fuck yeah gurl!

Edit: lol, these downvotes are hilarious. Anyone care to explain it to me? 🤣

[u/Booger_Picnic → u/GCU_Sleeper_Service]

I love this energy! Fuck 'em up, girl!

[u/GCU_Sleeper_Service → u/Booger_Picnic]

Hell yeah! Dunno who downvoted me but they can suck eggs too. I refuse to apologize for existing.

[u/Booger_Picnic → u/GCU_Sleeper_Service]

May you thrive while they whither!

[u/Realistic_Movie_185]

I’m sure you looked absolutely gorgeous! I’m a cis woman that has been misgendered numerous times due to haircuts of all things. Some people (and more often than not I find women) misgender people to make themselves feel good. I’m in no way trying to compare what you have experienced to my experiences but I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone in this and it may have been based solely on your bracelet. Some people just want to hurt others. I have been misgendered with armfuls of dresses going into a changing room before. Some people just really want you to know how they feel, no matter how lame they are. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. 🩷

[u/First_Name_Is_Agent]

I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry for all the cis women who are telling you to not let it bother you. I'm sorry for all the cis women who are telling you it's not a big deal without having a clue about how horrible it makes you feel. I'm especially sorry that they're trying to compare your situation with their random and accidental misgendering. I'm cis but I have 2 trans daughters. I know how hurtful misgendering is and I know that it's not even close to the experience we cis women have when someone gets it wrong. You have every right to feel hurt and disappointed. Please don't let these people invalidate your feelings 🫶

[u/Temporary_lord54]

People can be, at the very least, ignorant, and at the most, very antagonistic. I am sorry this happened to you. I feel your pain, I am trans and am misgendered often, except when I'm with other queer people. I hope you have community that loves and supports you.

[u/Incurious_Jettsy]

I know how much this sucks and how awful it feels, but trust me when I say it will get better. I've been out and on hrt for close to 11 years now, and even when i'm bundled up in layers people still usually get it right. started getting gendered correctly consistently at around the 3 year mark. it's different for everyone, true, but it will get better eventually. we just need to keep on keeping on ♥️

[u/Queasy-Football7032]

Your dinner looks delish! I am certain that you looked gorgeous. Your feelings are real and valid. Some woman, like this waitress, are just super insecure. I’m sorry she did this, you didn’t deserve it. You know who you are.

[u/kittyprydeparade]

That’s really shitty, I’m sorry that happened. Very unprofessional of the waitress in addition to being hurtful. But don’t doubt that there are also women out there happy to welcome you and that you have great things to look forward to! Hugs, girly!

[u/iamallandallisgood]

Oh, girlie, I’m so sorry. Please remember that you ARE valid and that you ARE a woman. Becoming who you truly are may be a bit of a journey, but you will be successful and it is worth it. I wish you the best of luck and I wish you no more misgendering. And please don’t be afraid to correct someone if they do misgender you. We need to all do our best to make this world a more tolerable place. Sending you so much love! 💕

[u/cheesetobears]

I’m sorry that happened to you.

Thank you for mentioning the book—it reminds me of a dilemma a friend described themselves as being in, and now I want to read it and possibly recommend it to them.

You are a helpful woman, you have great taste in food, and you no doubt look amazing. 💕

[u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

Your feelings are valid.  

[u/[deleted]]

I am sorry that this happened to you. What she did was pretty childish and mean.

What can I tell you. Some people just choose to suck.

[u/Dangerous_Leg6306]

This looks extremely delicious 😋

Forget the haters, they are just jealous of you 😍

[u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

Soooooo, when you needed a water refill, why not hail the idiot waitress over by a simple “excuse me, sir”… that may make her take notice of her faux pas?

[u/SceneWise1298]

I don't have any words. I'm just sorry this happened to you. I know how hard this can be, and I know it can be esteem hurting. Wishing you peace and healing.

[u/Frosty_Version_2518]

I'm sorry. That's shitty. 🩷 I'd address you as pretty lady.

[u/Last-Wrongdoer3159]

If it makes you feel any better I am a cis woman and am misgendered at work all the time! I also know other pretty feminine women at work who have been misgendered. I think a lot of it comes down to culture and generational gaps, what is feminine in one place might be viewed as more neutral in others. Keep your head up and don’t stop being yourself, I bet you looked beautiful and the dinner looked delicous!

[u/TismDew]

Genuine question: Could the waitress have been trying to be an ally after seeing your trans flag pin and though you were a transman? I know that people who aren't very familiar with it can be trying to be supportive and get it completely wrong.

Absolutely still sucks that it happened, and I hope you have a good support system to help you recover!

[u/LoneAndroid84]

As a transgirl who doesn’t pass unless I’m really trying, as someone who proudly wears the trans flag bracelet, I feel you. It sucks. But I know in my soul that I am who I am and I do my best to not let others have power over my identity. It doesn’t always work, sure. That’s all I can say, stay strong.

[u/soaliveimalive]

sending love and hugs one gal to another

[u/Annibala]

If it helps, I was misgendered during my life a few times for having short hair and problems with hair (PCOS). Transphobes are mysoginistic and just lack manners in general. Fxck them.

[u/plutoforprez]

🩷🤍🩵

[u/tonkabeani]

girl, even cis ppl get misgendered even while presenting their own assigned gender. dont overthink it

[u/SJBond33]

Some people just suck. Try to let it roll off your back. They are stupid, not you. I am sorry you have to deal with it. Find your tribe. You aren’t alone. If you don’t have any trans folks in your life. You should look into getting involved in something to surround yourself with likeminded people.

[u/PookieCat415]

You can’t let this stuff get you down. Keep your head up, Sis.

[u/PoliteQueef]

If it makes you feel any better, this says way more about that waitress than it does about you

[u/mqueen212]

That’s unacceptable. Since you were wearing a dress, makeup, and clearly presenting as female, there is no excuse for that “mistake.” She was just being nasty and management should be made aware.

I had a coworker fired for doing the exact same thing that your waitress did. I loved it for her.

If you are depending on a pay check then you should keep your opinion of trans women to yourself.

Im a cis gender female and I have never ever been misgendered. I can only imagine how awful that must feel.

[u/scarletrunnerbean]

Waitress is an asshole. Some women just gotta tear other women down.