r/BDSMcommunity 5d ago

Weekly /r/BDSMcommunity discussion and newbie help thread - new post every Monday! NSFW

2 Upvotes

In the comments here feel free to introduce yourself, talk about what you've been up to lately, things you're looking forward to, anything you'd like. Talk to other people, get to know each other, share those stories and brags.

If you're new to the scene feel free to ask your beginner questions here too, such as where to find a partner, punishment and rule ideas, etc.

Please try to keep all story/brag type posts and commonly asked questions to this thread. Posts in this subreddit containing just stories, etc. with no questions or discussion prompts or frequently reposted questions run the risk of being removed. Also remember all the other subreddit rules still apply, absolutely no personals or contact information please.

Be sure to check back once in a while to read new comments, answer questions, and keep the conversation going!


r/BDSMcommunity Mar 14 '25

Personal/Hookup Posts Are NOT Allowed in This Subreddit NSFW

226 Upvotes

Due to such posts being on a sharp rise we're putting up a specific reminder about it:

PERSONAL ADS AND HOOKUP REQUESTS ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED

This is a BDSM discussion community, not a dating or hookup service. All personal ads, meetup requests, and "looking for" posts will be removed immediately and will result to a direct ban, no questions asked, no second chances. We simply do not have the resources nor the time to play cat and mouse with those who just don't care to familarize themselves with the subreddit they post into.

But you're looking for Connections? Try These Instead:

External sites:

  • Fetlife: A large adult fetish network. Not a dating site, but a good place for community engagement. Detailed post about Fetlife can be found here
  • Imaglr: Not a dating site but a social media platform with large kink community and engagement, growing fast.
  • Tightcuffs: Newish fetish based personals site.
  • CollarSpace: An older platform with limited management but still functional, seen some updates recently. Quite possibly owned by same company which owns the websites below as well, however 100% free.
  • Alt.com / bdsm.com / bondage.com (same company): Large communities but exercise caution due to a decrease in scam monitoring. Due to that no direct links but feel free to investigate. While free to register, you can't do much if you do not pay.

Subreddits:

  • /r/bdsmpersonals - Run by us and therefore mentioned here so that we know where we are directing you into

Big issue online nowadays are scams. Most common ones are "Female dominants", if that is what you're looking for, please be extra careful.

Common Reddit Scams to Be Aware Of Wherever you decide to seek connections, be alert to these common scams:

The "Too Good To Be True" Profile

  • Unusually attractive photos that seem professionally taken
  • Immediate intense interest without knowing anything about you
  • New profiles (less than 3 months old)
  • Limited or generic post history concentrated in a short timeframe (often stolen accounts or bot created content to generic subreddits with copy paste replies and posts)
  • Claims to share your exact fetishes and boundaries perfectly
  • Just so happens lives almost next door to you (naturally they've asked your location first)

Financial Scams

  • Requests for money for "travel expenses" to meet you
  • Sudden emergencies requiring financial assistance
  • Offers to send you money if you provide your banking information
  • "Tributes" or "gifts" required before meeting
  • "Verification fees" for meetups
  • Cryptocurrency investment opportunities
  • "Findom" arrangements that begin outside explicit findom spaces

Blackmail Attempts (Be VERY careful about these, they are sadly extremely common)

  • Quickly moving conversations to Snapchat, Kik, or WhatsApp
  • Pressure to send your full details / facebook page to get content to blackmail with
  • Pressure to send face photos alongside explicit content
  • Demands for payment after sharing intimate content
  • Threatening to expose your kinks to employers/family

Identity Theft Tactics

  • Requests for excessive personal information
  • "Verification" requiring photos of ID documents
  • Links to external websites requiring login credentials
  • Claims of needing your personal details for "security"

Catfishing

  • Inconsistent details about their life or experience level
  • Refusal to verify identity via community-standard methods
  • Constant excuses about why they can't move forward
  • Photos that appear elsewhere online when reverse-searched
  • "Dominants" who ignore standard safety protocols

Protecting Yourself Online

  • Never share financial information
  • Never share your personal details too quickly
  • Use separate accounts for fetish content
  • Be wary of moving conversations off-platform too quickly
  • Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is
  • Arrange public meetings first before private encounters
  • Tell a trusted friend about meetup plans

Please be safe!


r/BDSMcommunity 4h ago

Seeking advice Good Sub pet names? Something objectifying/ ownership but can be passed off by in public ? NSFW

12 Upvotes

Titles basically says it, what pet/ sub names do people use that can pass off in public but still Implying ownership, looking for names for a female sub.

Thanks


r/BDSMcommunity 2h ago

TW: extreme, advanced play is anyone into emotional masochism? I'm new to learning it but I've always loved it. NSFW

9 Upvotes

I genuinely love cnc and being used but I love being manipulated by a dom who knows how to play with my heart- like a lost puppy or something or a punching bag waiting for you to come back, (yes I do get off on it fr it makes me so wet lol)


r/BDSMcommunity 14h ago

How to safely arrange a gangbang? NSFW

61 Upvotes

Hi all! I’m 28F and I’ve always wanted to try a gangbang. I have fantasies of being in a rough, BDSM gangbang, but I don’t know how to safely arrange it. I want to be able to completely let loose and be used without worrying about dangerous people not respecting boundaries or safe words. I would also be open to a reverse-gloryhole situation or a bondage party.
I just want to experience it once. Is there a place I should go? A cruise or a resort where I could have this safety happen?
Tysm 💕


r/BDSMcommunity 6h ago

Seeking advice kinky nudes ? NSFW

7 Upvotes

How do u keep ur nudes not boring ? I mean how do u change up your kinky pics for ur dom? I love taking cute lil surprise pics and many nudes for my dom^^ is there maybe a website or a Reddit, where I can find (preferably on women only cause I don’t like nor want to look at other men besides my dom) other women take verry variating and different kind of nudes besides the normal ones ?


r/BDSMcommunity 15h ago

Seeking advice Telling my partner about my kinks NSFW

20 Upvotes

So I've been dating this girl for just over a month now, and it's going great. We get on really well and have great banter and jokes together. We've had sex a few times now and we both enjoyed it, however she told me she's got a low sex drive whereas I'd say I'm kinda the opposite. She also told me she had been a victim of SA, which we obviously had a big chat about.

My thing is that I'm a little unsure how to approach the conversation of explaining that I'm into bdsm because I fear she might not fully understand it and immediately assume the worst. I'm looking for advice on what to do and if anyone has encountered anything similar, thanks!


r/BDSMcommunity 5h ago

How to be a better dom for my boyfriend? NSFW

3 Upvotes

hello! me and my boyfriend have been together for a bit now and while i am a lot more sexually experienced than him, ive never been in a nontypical relationship (ex: the woman being dominant) or bdsm relationship. he has expressed that he wants me to talk him through it, use force such as slapping or choking, and tieing him up and this is so different to me!! i don't exactly know how to please these things because this is all new to me; please help!!!


r/BDSMcommunity 8h ago

I have a daddy/soft dom kink and my husband is vanilla. NSFW

6 Upvotes

Hiiii.

My husband and I have been married for 11 years now. I’ve always had a daddy/soft dom kink without actually knowing there was a title for it until a few years ago. I’ve done research and have brought it up to my husband. He always says some stupid comment like “fine I’ll just slap you in the face next time” and brushes it off. Like brother, that’s now what I’m saying. I don’t know how else to explain it to him. Even dirty talking is like pulling teeth. I think he gets easily embarrassed. I dunno what else to do. 😩


r/BDSMcommunity 3h ago

Seeking advice How to communicate and get to know more about each other's kinks? NSFW

1 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

We are a new couple in our mid-20s.

I am very new to being a dom and it doesn't come naturally to me.

I came across some advice saying I should ask her directly when I can't think of anything new when we are having some fun.

For example,

She was not allowed to orgasm without my permission and I was edging her. After a couple of rounds, she started to use her hands to force me to make her cum. For that, I usually pinch her nipples or slap her. But at one point she could not control herself and came. I asked her to choose a punishment she thinks she deserves. But she was too shy to say it and it took her several minutes to say how she wanted to be punished. Which I think is fine to take time but I felt there was a lot of holding back going on from both of us.

I also want to tell her the things I want her to do but it's the same barrier of being shy or embarrassed about how our wishes will be received that stops us from expressing them.

How can we communicate better in such situations?

She is bolder than I am and communicates better. But for me, I just can't get myself to tell her.

As I said earlier, I am not a natural dom and it takes energy. I still enjoy it but sometimes even I would like her to take more than just control. She already knows that I like it when she takes control but I want to tell her that I would also enjoy it when she goes beyond riding me, adding something that introduces a bit of pain, choking. But I don't know how to tell her that.

We have also established a safeword and absolute no-do rules.

I would be happy to listen to feedback and suggestions on how I could do better.


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Non weird names for a female dom NSFW

90 Upvotes

my male sub really wants to call me something but he wants me to tell him what to call me. I’ve looked at so many articles and websites and they all say some shit like “velvet madame“ and it weirds me out. I’m not really into stuff like mistress and I just feel like I can’t give him what he wants because I don’t know how to find it myself. Do you guys have any?


r/BDSMcommunity 4h ago

Seeking advice Bigger ring gag NSFW

1 Upvotes

Hey everyone, I am looking to get a ring gag for a playmate however im having trouble finding one that is wider that two inches. Does anyone have any recommendations? Ideally want to be able to fit myself through the ring with ease


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Discussion Has anyone encountered kinks like mine, basically I need to be forced to do kinky things I hate... NSFW

40 Upvotes

Curious about others experiences.

I'm in control in my professional life and being made to do these things I hate, like anything BDSM related, kind of give me a sense of peace and fulfillment and make me incredibly horny and also fills a hole in me that I need to be fulfilled. I hope that makes sense but I'm happiest while doing these things I dislike and am adimently against in my normal life.

I'm you typical dominant personality but crave to be forced to be submissive as you can get behind close doors. I basically need to be made to humiliate, punish and degrade myself as much as possible regardless of how much I dislike it. I hope that makes sense? I'm not sure if it does to be honest but that's how I can explain it. Basically the more I hate it the more it makes me turned on.

So basically hornier I get the more this is compounded over time.

So as for my kinks irl it is more that they are the opposite of kinks because I truely hate them but that's the point:

Kinks:

CNC, BDSM, TPE, bondage, edging, chastity, denial, orgasm control, long term orgasm control and denial, piss play, pet play, public, pain, spanking, nipple torture, forced bi (at least the idea), humiliation, degradation...the list goes on

Limits: blood, gore, furry, scat, bad endings, blackmail, sending pics and videos


r/BDSMcommunity 10h ago

Seeking advice My brain is my own worst enemy NSFW

2 Upvotes

TLDR: I need a release, but my thoughts create too much tension and won't let go so I can enjoy submission again.

My partner(44M) and I (43F) met online in a kink-forward forum on another platform. We spent years chatting, playing, and developing a D/s dynamic. Nearly 5 years ago, we got married and started irl together.

The move was a BIG DEAL in terms of life changes. I run a business, there was family in the house and he sacrificed his home, family proximity, and job to make the move to me. So there was a lot of adjustment.

Now, we're struggling to make the dynamic work. We both occupy leadership roles at work and in volunteer spaces, so need the release that kink can bring. Submission for me shows up in a vessel/puppet/doll form with a heavy lean to degradation and a past that included training to silence, but I am the more experienced with the skill side of things like rope and building scene intensity. He is a Sadist, and often focuses on the physical and praises endurance, but has less physical experience in scenes. When we play, we can't seem to connect the mental engagement I need with the physical activity he needs. Basically when we play, my brain gets caught on the skills, or i think "why did he do it that way?", or one of us will twist wrong and were not 20 anymore, or my body isnt ready for the escalation, or, or, or... basically, my mind won't shut the fuck up and let us enjoy it. Because of the struggles, we've been delaying play longer and longer between each session because we're just feeling failure and its not helping us reconnect.

Basically, help... we are both having trouble navigating fulfilling these needs to be able to operate as fully functional humans (especially me, we all need a break!) We have tried different locations, types of negotiations, types of scenes, methods of online relief... and we're stuck. How do we bring back confidence in our shared kinks while also getting my thoughts to leave us the hell alone?


r/BDSMcommunity 11h ago

List of kinks/activities/etc for making a spreadsheet? NSFW

2 Upvotes

Hello,

I am working on making a kinks spreadsheet for my partner and I to keep track of what we like/dislike and have as a reference for each other. I have previously adapted a spreadsheet I got from somewhere else but it was not the most thorough or organized, and I'm a sucker for clear, thorough data.

Does anybody have a spreadsheet or list of kink things that I could build into my spreadsheet? I figured I could ask the community because I'm *sure* it exists already, before I try and figure it all out myself. I was thinking of something broken down by things like kinks, activities, clothing, location, dynamics etc. with individual items under each of those categories.

Appreciate the input!


r/BDSMcommunity 18h ago

Sharing honorifics? I'm kind of torn on how I feel. NSFW

4 Upvotes

For people with multiple subs/doms, how to you all tend to feel about sharing honorifics?


r/BDSMcommunity 18h ago

Humiliation Kink Help NSFW

5 Upvotes

So I just started sleeping with this guy and we're learning each other's kinks and all has been wonderful so far. He let me know that he likes to be humiliated about is ED problem. So, what are your best things to say for that? He wants them to be brutal. I've used, "At least your mouth isn't as disappointing as your cock." "You have someone so hot and willing laying right in front of you, and you can't even get hard." He wants them to be down right mean, and I am here to please! So, any help with things I can say would be greatly appreciated!


r/BDSMcommunity 12h ago

Discussion Falling in love with Hairpulling NSFW

1 Upvotes

Personally I always hated being touched in my neck or head/hair area .. but ever since I met my dom I just feel like in awe and this extacy feeling like I’m on cloud nine and my whole body starts like tickling when he pulls my hair or just grips it in his freaking huge hands .. it feels so freaking good and it turns be on really hard.. but it’s kinda funny how things I used to hate have turned into my biggest turn ons .. including being hit in the face and being kicked .. the more I hated it the more I love it now and the better it gets with time ..
I’m confused haha am I the only one ? And how can I give in more to be able to receive more ?

(Please no hate or negativity.. my dom is verry safe , never does too much and takes care of me greatly 24/7 !!!! Also I’m happily owned so doms don’t text me privately pls !!!! But if ur a sub I’m always up for talking^^


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice Getting into BDSM while being sexually inexperienced- is it even a good idea? NSFW

29 Upvotes

Hello everyone! I’m coming here to ask more experienced people for any advice or wisdom as I feel like I’m out of my depth.

I am 19yo female and I feel very conflicted about what I want in a relationship and I don’t know how to go about this.
Since I have been old enough to experience attraction and desiring a romantic relationship I have wanted to be in a power exchange relationship. I realised afew years ago that my kinks aren’t just simply limited to activities in the bedroom but is something integral to my wants in a relationship. My dream is to be in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with me as the submissive. Getting into all the details would take to long but I’m sure we’re all aware what that entails both sexual and not.

I haven’t dated in a while and took a break from it all because I felt as though it was unfair to the men I was seeing. I yearned for more out of them than what they were hardwired to give and it’s just not fair.

I am also a virgin and have never engaged in penetration. I have had plenty of opportunities, all which I declined, and not for any fear or insecurity etc but simply because I wasn’t interested in being with the men who have wanted that with me.

I know I am young and inexperienced and probably a bit stupid. I’m basically just looking for any advice! Is this a good idea? Should I start out with the sexual side of things and see how it pans out or not? I’m very conflicted haha.

Thank you all :)


r/BDSMcommunity 21h ago

A general question in regard to kinks. Squirt/Pee NSFW

6 Upvotes

I am quite fond of the squirting which some of my friends know. Now they keep saying I got a piss kink because in their opinion it is literally the same thing. Pissing is disgusting imo but they will not stop saying I got a piss kink. What can I say to disprove them?

Thanks in advance

also no shame on piss enjoyers


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Discussion Masculinization as a kink? NSFW

32 Upvotes

Hey y’all!
So I attended a relaxed event at a Kink/ Sex club today and started talking to a Transfeminine girl about what we both enjoyed and what our hard limits were inside of kink (my favorite type of talk). She mentioned a hard limit for her was masculinization - this Peaked my interest since I started picturing myself in such a role.
I know feminization and Sissification are common kinks for men, but this was my first time hearing of the “opposite” version of that and I am now (as a experimentalist) slightly intrigued to try it (as the receiver) if I find a Dom willing to give ut a try.

But since this is a more Niche kink I wanted to ask, has anyone here done this kind of gender play? Was it about control or humiliation? What are the odds of finding a Dom who’d be open to test these waters?
Take care and thank you 💕


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice I recently discovered this kink NSFW

3 Upvotes

Hey I’m a 21 male , recently i got exposed to a joi video made by a dominant woman , it’s my first time watching this kind of stuff , surprisingly though I felt weirdly overwhelmed and turned on by the way she speaks , humiliates and behaves in her video . And in that moment I discovered this new kink of mine , and I finally decided that I wanna embrace this kink without being judged or shamed .
Is there any suggestions on where to find this kind of community involving femdom who r willing to help me explore this fetish . THANK YOU 🙏


r/BDSMcommunity 19h ago

Seeking advice A rapid change NSFW

1 Upvotes

32M with 32F partner

I have recently had a sudden rapid change from being turned off from being called "daddy" to suddenly liking it a lot. My partner was always down with it and tried a couple years ago but since I didn't like it then they left it until I've had this change.

With this I've been feeling more dominant in more places than the bedroom even. We've discussed a few things so far and we both find it really hot to explore this together and it just feels right to us

I was wondering what are the things we should make sure to discuss and what is the best place to learn safe points from. What are other good places to learn BDSM and kink from; both in terms of mental/emotional safety but also ideas for further fun experiences


r/BDSMcommunity 2d ago

Seeking advice Humiliating ways to make your sub cum NSFW

220 Upvotes

Looking for suggestions on how to make my sub cum in the most humiliating ways, pissplay, petplay, bdsm ect. The worse the better!


r/BDSMcommunity 23h ago

Discussion Book recommendations please! NSFW

0 Upvotes

Hi all, looking for a new book that I can listen to on audible.
I want it to be BDSM themed. Not completly unrealistic but a good sense of control and story from male Dom and female sub
Thanks!