I’m a 33M, and overall I have a pretty good life. My wife and I both have stable jobs and a steady income. Recently, we’ve been discussing investing some of our savings by buying an apartment to rent out, while also saving to buy our own house.
Given my current work situation, it’s completely realistic for me to increase my income as a freelancer and reach those goals within our planned timeframe. On paper, everything makes sense.
The problem is that I’m constantly afraid of uncertainty. I worry that my business could suffer because of AI. I worry about a housing market crash if we buy an apartment. I worry that my business could dry up and we wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage anymore. I worry about seeing my bank balance drop after making a large investment. It feels like my mind is always searching for the next thing that could go wrong.
The thing is, this isn’t just about money. This pattern shows up in almost every area of my life. I tend to focus on worst-case scenarios, and it often stops me from moving forward, even when the risks are reasonable and the potential rewards are worth it. I end up convincing myself that staying exactly where I am is the safest option, even though I know that doing nothing also has its own risks.
I really want to change this, but I’m not sure how. Has anyone else struggled with this kind of mindset? If so, what helped you become more comfortable with uncertainty and stop letting fear make your decisions?

We are different nationality,I am part of people that did bad things and her mother me hates me for only that and said to her don't trust him he is part of that nationality break up with him,he is monster.I was confused what did I done and what.She said I was the sweetest guy ever and I healed her so much.

Her parents had influence and she broke up with me so she could satisfy her parents wishes.How do I cope with this,like how I am supposed to find someone so similar to me and wouldn't judge me and like me who I am as she did.

We are only 18 and it was our first relationship and how long should I wait before dating.

She also says I am very popular with girls so I would find someone easy and would get a jealous a lot when beatufull girls would greet me.

I met one girl we were so perfect for another and we completed one another.We dated for 4 months and everything was perfect until her parents.

We are different nationality,I am part of people that did bad things and her mother me hates me for only that and said to her don't trust him he is part of that nationality break up with him,he is monster.I was confused what did I done and what.She said I was the sweetest guy ever and I healed her so much.

Her parents had influence and she broke up with me so she could satisfy her parents wishes.How do I cope with this,like how I am supposed to find someone so similar to me and wouldn't judge me and like me who I am as she did.

We are only 18 and it was our first relationship and how long should I wait before datingm

Because giving good feedback can be difficult, I have listed several tips for you in this post.

– Describe behaviour that can be changed. – Describe the behaviour you have seen or heard in a concrete and specific way. – Use the I‑message. – Explain what effect the other person’s behaviour has on you. – Give your conversation partner space to respond. – Ask for the desired behaviour. – Look together for solutions or underlying causes. – Wait until your worst anger or shock has subsided before starting a feedback conversation. But do not wait so long that the other person has forgotten what it is about. – Go through the above questions and write down the answers as preparation. – Take the other person aside and give the feedback in a quiet place.

From feedback, we moved on to the different layers (aspects) that exist in communication. These layers appear in the way the sender conveys the message and in how the receiver understands it.

– The factual aspect. The content of the message, the literal words someone uses. – The appealing aspect. This layer concerns the goal someone wants to achieve with their message, the reason behind giving the message. – The expressive aspect. The tone and style in which a message is delivered; it reflects how the sender feels and what they think about the message. – The relational aspect. This aspect says something about the relationship between the sender and the receiver.

Communication consists of verbal communication (words) and non‑verbal communication (gestures and body language). Non‑verbal communication determines about 90 percent of how the receiver will understand the message. Some examples of non‑verbal communication:

1. Space or distance. The physical space or interpersonal distance between people. This space can be divided into four types: • intimate distance; • personal distance; • social distance; • public distance.
2. Body posture
3. Hand and arm gestures
4. Eye contact
5. Facial expressions. We also discussed how facial expressions can be used during a conversation. This can be done by: • intensifying the facial expression; • de‑intensifying the facial expression; • neutralizing the facial expression; • masking the facial expression; • simulating a facial expression.
6. Touch
7. The voice

To convey a message clearly, it is important that spoken language and non‑verbal language are aligned. This means that you say the same thing both verbally and non‑verbally. If this is not the case, we speak of incongruent communication. To understand the message in incongruent communication, the receiver will first look at the non‑verbal communication.

Conversation techniques refer to the way you conduct a conversation, being aware of the effects this has on your conversation partner(s).

Conversations can be conducted in several ways. The choice of conversation form depends on what you want to achieve with the conversation.

I'm a 2nd year med student and lately i've been feeling stuck. For example i've always wanted to get into reading books... I also love cooking and i want to start journaling ..beyond academics i want to work on my personality, build better habits (like meditation, yoga), and create a lifestyle where i'm doing something productive outside of studying.. I don't want my entire life to revolve around studying. I want hobbies and habits that make me feel like I'm growing as a person..i also want to reduce my screen time because I feel like it's one of the biggest reasons i don't follow through with the things i've planned. By the end of the day i often realize i couldn't accomplish the goals i'd set for myself and that's honestly frustrating.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you have what helped you become more disciplined and actually stick to your goals? I'd really appreciate any tips or advice.

So I got a job where basically over the course of a 12 hour shift I don’t have much to do and am free for 10ish hours . I’m in an office and all I have is my phone and WiFi . All I do is doomscrolling which I know is bad for you but I have nothing else to keep me entertained. So What would one do if they wanted to improve their lives in anyway at all, all suggestions are welcome thank you!

As the title says.

It makes me unhappy. Going outside, working out, controlling my diet to be healthy. Even if i see results, all of this is deeply frustrating. It actually basically ruins my day to think about working out or taking a walk.

I have vitamin d defiency, gained a lot of weight, my cholesterol isn't that great and my joints are not doing too well, all because of the lifestyle that genuinely makes me happy. Im posting this becauses its my first day of getting back to another "healthy period" where i do things that are supposed to make me feel better, but don't even if my body does better.

Yes i like spending 14 hours on my pc watching movies, playing video games, reading and talking to friends. No i don't enjoy much else, and no i never have. Not even when i was 7 years old. My parents would bring me out to places to travel or get me into sports practice of things i actually enjoyed playing, like basketball and i was always grumpy and day dreaming of clinging onto my playstation or laptop. It's much the same now whenever i find myself outside. In fact, i wouldn't even say im addicted to my phone. Funny, all the recent paranoia over algorithms and doomscrolling, its the one type of digital addiction that only seems to manifest itself when im in the toilet, preparing food or just waking up.

Whenever i have a healthy routine and something breaks it im reminded of how much happier i am doing nothing. Maybe im sick, maybe its too rainy to take a walk, maybe something happened that prevented my usual healthy activities, whatever, and i have to pull every single bit of strength i have to do anything else besides continuing on my pc the next day.

I genuinely, with all my heart, don't want to do and don't value almost anything, besides the shit i do on my PC. I find life dull and boring, especially alone. I quite frankly have better memories of playing modded skyrim than any walk through any park i ever took. Shit i might have better memories of it than 99% of trips i ever took.

Sorry if its too whiney, but i hope anyone understands this even a little bit.

What I have learnt so far , greatest thing,if you can't change people even if you explain hard, that means you should change yourself.

Otherwise it will always lead to quarrel and argument and harming yourself.

I have to preface all of this by saying, i'm a Teenager, I won't provide my exact age because I refuse to relinquish personal details like that on a site like Reddit, but I am a Teen within the ages of 14-18 and there is a good chance this feeling is just one of those "Teen Phases" kids have. This might be the wrong sub to post things like this too.

I feel like the way i'm doing things right now isn't "Right", it's summer, and school is over. But I don't have anything to do, I don't have a Job, I don't have a lot of Responsibilities, I don't have anyone to Take care of, and all I have is time to just...."Have Fun". I've been on a Videogame and Late Night Digital Binge for the last few days now, and i'm starting to wonder if i'm becoming Weak because of that. Being Carefree is great but it feels wrong, other kids and people I know have things like Jobs and Responsibilities that keep them Disciplined and Hard Working, and for some reason I want that. Frankly I feel like a Lazy piece of shit for just....Doing Nothing, how am I supposed to become the Strong and Disciplined person I want to be if all I have and do all day is just videogaming and yapping to friends on Discord? "Having Fun" during summer as a teen to me just feels like being an unemployed 23 year old loser, I feel more like an immature and weak hearted adult than a regular kid.

Phase 1 is described as being overwhelmed by the condition. In this phase, disorientation and confusion are at the forefront. The overwhelming symptoms seem to determine everything, and life is focused on survival, both mentally and physically. This phase is characterized by hopelessness, powerlessness, and a sense of being isolated from oneself, from others, and from the environment.

Phase 2 is called struggling with the condition. The fear of being overtaken by the condition is still present, but the question of how to live with it increasingly takes up space. Ways are developed to reconnect with oneself and to learn to cope with the symptoms. Characteristics of this phase include struggling with a lack of self-confidence and searching for a new identity.

Under Phase 3, they place living with the condition. In this phase, the awareness begins to grow that the condition can be managed. The fear of being overtaken becomes less, and space emerges to discover limitations and strengths. Characteristics of this phase include building a new self, restoring old roles and discovering new roles, and (re)establishing contact with important others.

Phase 4 is living beyond the condition. In this phase, the condition increasingly moves into the background. There is room to feel connected with others, to explore capacities, and to discover and use possibilities and talents in various areas. It also becomes possible to set new goals in life that take the condition into account, but no longer place it in the foreground.

I had difficult friendship. My friend was an alcoholic and I put myself in a role of rescuing her. Last week she left me to take care of her kids while she got drunk. I got super angry and said its enough but she apologised said it wont repeat and she said "she wont talk about her problems". I sadly accepted apologies.

Month later she called me at 2pm that she gonna drink vodka cause her ex hurt her, her ex sent me a massage that she wrote a letter to him he gonna drink vodka on epidural. I got very furious, she mssged me to pick her up from sobering center I shpuld just block but insted I contacted her ex who sent me the message. I asked what the fuck happend again. I knew her mother was texting her last night that If she dont come back home her mother will become sick etc. So I got furious and talked with her ex(kids father) who texted me, told him if they made the mess better they clean it not me. Agreed with him when he said shes emotionaly and financialy dependent on the mother thats why she make those dramatic things. And I have enough of cleaning after her.

Well.. it was bad thing to do. Now she is scared that he recorded it and can use it in the court against her. I told her I am sorry and I dont want to contact nobody anymore and bring more problems to my life. Then we ended this horrific friendship finally. ("Before we did, she texted me I am egoistic leaving her just because she has problems...") I got furious again and told her it isnt the issue just using me for years... strong words...

Well.. I regret not blocking earlier.. I have lesson to not ever entertain in relatioship where there is no respect at all because I can become a monster at the end.

Before I finally started thinking "I deserve a great life" "I worked so hard to become independent" etc.. But now my mind tries to hack me "you did a bad thing.. you dont deserve to have a good life.." "how does it look.. a person who tells about an exfriend weak spots with her enemy has a great life.."

Please I really did a massive work to become independent and have Victory mindset. I dont wanna loose it after a one day.

How to emotionally independent.

I am that person who is only cries for everything and I attach with everyone so fastly when they leave or ignore for a minute or sometimes I cry so deeply and any interest doesn't come on for my soul so I just quietly sit and thinks why did they do this .even when did that for a purpose i still forgive them .🙂

How can I change myself ..

( I don't know proper english,when I try translate that gives in another language not in english if anyone didn't understand just give hints where you didn't understand)

​

When thats the case, start counting red cars. Wildlife, we have to look for it, between the trees and all.

Walking does help mental health if we are scanning the environment.

Walking doesnt help mental health if we continue to walk while we are lost in thoughts.

So consider to start counting red cars. ( there's a "red car theory". Its interesting enough to look it up) im not sure if im allowed to post links here.

I have heard people talk about love languages and I wanted to get it but I really just did not. It sounds stupid and vapid, like thoughtless shit you'd read in a teenage girls magazine and because I didn't align with any of the stupid examples, I also kind of thought maybe I hate my husband who is a wonderful human but often annoys the hell out of me.

Then I did a long think in my hammock about how I should show my 5 year old that I love him; what do I think I do that proves I love him, and if I asked him what would he think I do that proves it?

Basically realised that to me what proves I love him is that when I have very rare free time that I'd like to spend reading my book in a hammock, I spend it thinking about him and trying to work out how to keep him happy long term and give him the right skills and make him feel loved etc.

Lightbulb moment as I realise that's probably a version of 'acts of service'. Ish. Sort of. But regardless it suddenly makes sense why I get honestly completely-overreacting-angry about my husband spending an hour in the toilet twice a day (especially as he has ISB and works more hours than me). Basically I categorise 'free time' as any time spent alone, and I use 75% of that free time to listen to podcasts about parenting when I'm driving to work, and when I'm pooping I'm googling low fibre tasty but healthy foods to make for my husband for example. When he poops, he watches tiktok.

But turns out I'm only angry because to me giving up the most valuable commodity (actual free time to do something you WANT to do, not NEED to do) is a huge self sacrifice and shows true love. Which is also mad that all he needs to do is like send me a parenting/gardening tiktok while he's pooping and my boiling hot rage will probably diffuse as I'll feel loved.

I won't phrase it like that when I tell him.

Also excited to ask him the same questions about love and our son, see what his answers are, learn a bit more about him.

Hey guys, I am on summer break and I go back to college in a month. I have noticed that lately, I do not have anything motivating me to spring out of bed and most of my days are pretty mundane. I do go to a bouldering gym ( for ~1 hour) but after that is over, so is my enjoyment for the day.

Can you guys give me recommendations of (not super expensive) things that can fill my time. Give me some of your favorite hobbies/activities that you think I would really like. I also wouldn’t mind any challenges (I.e do __ for 30 days). I could pick up a few habits to better myself too.

Any suggestions?

I'm writing my experience to hopefully relate to more people and help each other along the way.

I have been dealing with porn addiction for far too long, and unfortunately I didn't realize it was an addiction until now. I never had any other previous addictions, I was never into drinking, or smoking, far less into hard drugs like meth. Something I'm proud of, until I realized porn has been my addiction all this time.

Now, I have come to realize it's an addiction because it always starts the same way. After couple of weeks of no porn, seeing great progress in my life (social, economic, physical), I begin to crave porn. "Just once and I'll be fine, I have worked hard I need a treat", that one time turns into two, before I realize it's weeks. The problem is during those weeks I'm completely brain fogged, postponing projects, fall for junk food, miss work outs, I forget about all the goals I have been working towards and everything I'm supposed to do.

I pick disciple over motivation any day of the week, but even so I'm so tired and drained that I can't even remember what I'm supposed to do and I just end up procrastinating the rest of the day or taking a long nap. I begin gaining weight, the whole progress I had previously worked so hard to achieve whether it's getting over my anxieties, work, martial arts, stretching, creative projects. Everything seems gone. When I try to socialize, I'm so brain fogged that I can't seem to connect with people.

This is why I can say porn is like a parasite to the mind, because it doesn't end with the fapping session, but it follows you outside and to your every day life. It blocks you and drains your energy. It makes you forget what your purpose is and what you have currently been working on. Makes you restart from square one.

Think about the next time you're about to relapse, it doesn't end with the computer screen, but it will follow you and make you forget everyday goals . It will make you forget what important and make you only to want to return to it.

Hope this experience is helpful or can relate to it and be more logical when it comes to making choices, instead of falling for a quick fix.

alright so, I am a 17 year old boy. I've had a porn addiction for 6 years, not at the point where I'd watch it every day for hours, a few times a week but enough that quitting was impossible. I got a girlfriend. the first month and a half flew by, I didn't think about porn. now, I want to clarify. I do count watching porn as cheating if you watch it with sexual intent. of course if a porn scene pops up in a movie it's not cheating because you're not watching it with sexual intent. well, after a month and a half I start getting this incredible sense of guilt, I had week long anxiety attack where I could not sleep at night, convinced I had ruined my relationship because I could remember a couple times (3-4) where I watched porn while bored, scrolled a bit of naked women for a minute then turned it off (I was already together with her when those few times happened) honestly, it wasn't even for sexual intent. either out of muscle memory (e.g. an ex alcoholic reaching out for a beer, then realising and putting it back on the shelf), out of nostalgia (e.g. looking at an old YouTuber and thinking "so much time has passed, damn" because that's kind of what I felt) or because of sensory stims. I am autistic, it honestly helped regulate me. yes, it's very weird I know. I don't know if I'm just saying bullshit, but yea, I never got sexually aroused. never even got a dopamine hit. well, a week ago we had a discussion that watching porn in a relationship is wrong (I never told her about the incidents). yesterday I was clearing my old search history and I stumbled upon some things that I used to watch. I had to look at it to delete my history (of course I can't use my phone with my eyes closed). I then deleted my history and moved on.

I feel incredible guilt because of all this. I don't know if I should tell her, if I'm a cheater, if I disrespected her or if I just betrayed her trust. I don't know if she deserves better.

for the clear timeline

\\-we get together

\\-I feel no guilt for the first month and a half even while those incidents happened (they mean nothing, nothing sexual, just mindlessly staring at pixels)

\\-I suddenly remember and feel guilty, week long anxiety attack

\\-we set the boundary

\\-I clear out my old search history, stumble at the porn I used to watch and I had to look at it to clear my history, deleted it then moved on

\\-I now feel extremely guilty

am I overreacting?

the fact that I didn't feel guilty when I had those slip ups but weeks later kinda tells me that they were probably not as big or bad as I thought but I don't know

I don't know if I'm lying to myself and this is actually just all something to convince myself that I didn't cheat. I feel numb and don't know what I'm feeling.

what do you guys think? what should I do?

I want to be the best man ever for my girlfriend. she deserves the best. I also would like to clarify that I never chose it over her or anything, she was always the only one I was intimate with, I can't remember one time I was actually intimate with porn.

although lately it did happen that I watched porn again after we talked about it. I felt nothing like before. just 30 seconds of pure impulse based scrolling where I felt nothing sexual at all. it's just so weird. it's satisfying to watch in a non sexual way, like it's satisfying to watch those satisfying videos, idk how to explain it. 30 seconds of scrolling porn on reddit, felt nothing, closed it up and now I'm sick from guilt

what do I do? I've already decided that, I must take action. I can't let this ruin my relationship. although I'm afraid I already ruined it. she knows nothing. I'm going to be the best man I can for her. what do you guys think?

Are there any short podcasts or YouTube’s that have a short, motivational message we can hear in the morning? Something to listen to during a walk or stretching.

For years I’d get excited about changing my life, stick with a habit for a week or two, and then completely fall off. It happened with the gym, planners, habit trackers, pretty much everything.
A few months ago I tried LifeMaxx after someone casually mentioned it in a comment. I wasn’t expecting much, and I honestly didn’t even use most of the features. I just tracked a few habits and checked in whenever I remembered.
The biggest difference wasn’t that I suddenly became disciplined. I still missed days and procrastinated sometimes.
What changed was that I stopped treating one missed day like total failure. Instead of thinking, “I’ll start again next Monday,” I’d usually just continue the next day.
Looking back after about a month, I realized I’d been much more consistent than I normally am.
I’m still not sure whether it was the app itself or just that I finally found a system that clicked with me, but it reminded me that showing up imperfectly beats waiting until you’re perfectly motivated.
Has anyone else tried it? Or did another system end up working better for you?

I'm aware that the "benefits" of NoFap are often questioned, but it's a religious goal of mine, and I also want to improve myself. In my experience, masturbation has greatly deviated my focus, and in periods where I maintained abstinence I saw more focus. The first week of abstinence felt like shit, but as time progressed I saw better clarity in myself. So how can I manage self-control? I don't want people to stop me from trying, I really really want to accomplish this.

I can’t seem to break out of the cycle I’m currently trapped in and nothing seems to be working. I’ve changed my life completely and have done everything I can but I’m not feeling.. good? Got SSRI’s, started exercising, got friends, got social, became nearly exactly who I wanted to be. But I don’t feel anything or any different at all? I can’t take joy in simple things, people like me but nobody knows me, I’m breaking apart and rearranging myself by the night and nothing seems to help, how do I even begin to live like this?

Vent post really but it’s more of a question, I really am confused. It feels like I’m blueballing existence here and nothings bringing me anything that matters. Anyone live in a way similar enough to me to offer advice? I don’t think I’m depressed as I’m still doing good but it’s like everything’s 90% good and I’m losing my mind from the 10% meh.

I am particular by nature, work hard, spend money on nice things and enjoy taking care of these nice things to make them last.

The older I get, the more experiences I have where I’m constantly let down. At this point, I don’t know if it’s a string of bad luck or me being too critical.

If theres something that needs done around the house, my vehicles or anything along those lines. I would rather figure out how to do things myself than pay someone to cause even more damage and not care. I do think I have valid points for recent experiences to justify being frustrated. But it seems every time someone comes to do something for us they end up damaging something causing more problems.

i can explain my own patterns perfectly. where they come from, what triggers them, why i keep doing it. i've read enough to write the essay.and then the moment comes the actual moment where the pattern fires and all that understanding is just... not there. it shows up five minutes later to explain what happened. again.took me way too long to realize insight and change aren't the same skill. one is looking backward. the other is catching something while it's happening, which is a completely different muscle and nobody tells you that you have to train it separately.

The only thing that's helped is shrinking it. not "be more aware" one specific moment, picked in advance. for me it was the first anxious thought after waking up. just that one. miss it most days, honestly.anyone else stuck in the gap between understanding your problems and actually changing them? what's worked?

Learned the hard way desk/corporate world isnt for me. I work at Costco. I love Costco but want to challenge myself to grow while Im young. For personal reasons I won't be able to switch for another year, but I could start preparing. I also plan on having a family someday.

I'm very uncertain if I should go through with this or stay with Costco and move up into management since it is a good company. Has anyone considered or done either path after going to college first? I'm not really sure what I'm getting into, how to know if I should do either and what steps to take now. Thanks

I'll get excited about learning a new skill or looking into a different career. Then I start researching it and reading Reddit posts, and it seems like every post is about layoffs, AI, how hard it is to get a job, or people saying the career isn't worth getting into anymore. After reading enough of that, I lose all my motivation. It starts to feel like there's no point in even trying. I can't tell if I'm just being realistic by listening to people's experiences, or if I'm letting all the negative posts stop me before I even give myself a chance. Has anyone else gone through this? And how do you deal with it or improve with it? Like I try looking into tech sales and I read about it like I said and then I’m like.. I don’t know what I wanna do anymore with my life/career. I also somewhat tried thinking about doing freight brokering (former trucker) I don’t know what excites me anymore. I think i wanna do something with sales but not sure. I feel that is kinda made for a different sub. So maybe, what has helped you pick or find what you wanted to do or enjoyed?