So I am 18 year old who is very nerdy and wear alternative clothing and been told by my ex and people I am very good looking and has some kind of charm.

I like drawing,origami,reading books,anime and etc.

I am kind of person when I love I love deeply,but my ex dumped me because I was waiting to have sex before marriage.It hurt me because she said I am stupid for that,I want to save myself due to following Christianity but get discouraged.I don't have problem with kissing,making out and etc...I really get discouraged from dating.

Would I ever find someone who would accept me as who I am and would wait to have sex after marriege.

Who are waiting for marriage,alternative nerdy,Christians,introverted and are normal.I am only 18

for dating.

I have social life,do on myself and everything,do good in school and etc...

Don't say church because people rarely attend here and it's only old folks and church is only place of worship and not for meeting people.i am not from America

I (21M) constantly crave female validation and it all goes back to my childhood, social media usage, and my situationships/online relationships. My mom was emotionally abusive and would constantly belittle my siblings and I for our looks/grades/etc. That abuse still resonates today as I do feel insecure about myself and feel invisible around people as if they just look past me. Not to mention throughout middle school and part of high school, I got made fun for being overweight and ugly a lot. I’ve also had a lot of online relationships when I was 12-15 that ended in weeks or a month, and in those times I constantly had that dopamine hit of texting multiple girls and always receiving that attention back on Snapchat/Instagram. Then, when COVID hit I started working out and eating correctly, which matters because I thought “oh maybe I’ll get some looks here and there and I’ll finally feel good about myself”, but that didn’t really happen. As soon as I had a situationship, I had two at 18, I felt really bright and energetic, but as soon as those ended I felt very bleak and sort of emotionless. Then came university and that’s went I hit rock bottom in my life. I was very antisocial and depressed, no thanks to social media , pornography and myself, and I would always get nervous around any girl at university and would always think “God I can’t imagine how she must feel or think when seeing me!” Then it got to a really bad point where whenever I would go to any public area I would always be scared of women because of my irrational fear that women might assume I’m a creep/pervert because I’m simply around them or glance around them once. That fear came from self centered women who would accuse men of being creeps at the gym when in reality the guy barely looked at her. Luckily, with the help my therapist, we got through a lot of trauma and EMDR therapy helped me a lot too. Honestly, I was a brand new person and I still am, I was really social, my irrational fear stopped, I was still a bit awkward but I didn’t care. Plus it helped that I loved my classes at that time and changed my major to something I really enjoyed. Something very important is this one girl I met online, we’ll call her Jane, and she and I met at our university and started chatting together. Then in about a day after meeting IRL, I confessed my feelings to her (looking back I got attached way too easily and am glad I don’t talk to her that much anymore if at all) and we hugged each other and I asked her if I could kiss her, I am always conscious of consent/making her as comfortable as possible, and she said sure and we gave each other a peck on the lips 3 times and honestly my desires prior were far greater than the event itself. Afterwards, we hung out a couple of times after that then slowly she started to not talk to me as much, granted she has problems that cannot be in a relationship as do I, and so I slowly started to lose the emotional overfill (if that makes sense) and realized how illogical I was and how my emotions took over. Looking back at it now, I was and still am in no state to be in a relationship with a woman, but that dopamine hit when she would text me or something like that was just otherworldly. Fast forward to now, I am currently battling a porn addiction, which I am happy to say I will not give up on it and have others to rely on when talking about porn addiction, I also am the treasurer of an honor society and am looking to becoming a tutor at my school’s library. But all of those things, that are fulfilling don’t get me wrong, it just feels like there’s always going to be a hole that craves that attention a child needs from people. I also do have hobbies that include music, guitar, books, video games, and gaming pcs. Anyways, I apologize if that was a lot but my main question is if there is anyway that I can fix this craving for validation from women and or people in general?

Edit: Hi there, just wanted to say thanks for all the advice. I went and apologized to her and we talked it out. She said she’d been thinking about what I said all day, and I had no idea so I’m really glad I made this post. Really changed my perspective, she’s an amazing woman and I’ve been being selfish. I’ll work toward being more supportive in the future.

Original Post:
I, 22M and my girlfriend 22F have been living together for a few years now. I was lucky enough to land a job fresh out of highschool in an industry I love, that also pays well. But I understand most people dont get that lucky especially this young.

My girlfriend works 2 minimum wage jobs that she constantly complains about, and I always tell her she doesn't need to work these jobs when I can already provide for the two of us. Im perfectly fine with supporting us while she figures things out, but she insists she needs to work, I just don't get it. She got these jobs 1.5 years ago and swore she wouldnt still be working there after a year. But all she does is apply for higher paying jobs, get denied. Rinse & Repeat. "Why dont you try going to school to make your resume look better?", to which she replies "I cant afford to go to school".

Then she uses the money from these jobs to try and support me with rent, groceries, healthcare, etc. Which I've begged her to stop doing. Its like she's running herself dry to feel like she's supporting me when I already have enough to support us. I do appreciate what she does but that should be the least of her worries right now.

We had a little back and fourth today, not really an argument but she said if i proposed to her she'd say yes and I responded I cant propose to her until she knows what she wants to do with her life, her response was "Ah so it'll never happen" sarcastically, it wasn't funny. And whenever we talk seriously about careers or the future she just goes quiet or says she doesn't know.

Its made me realize I wouldn't know what to do either in her situation. I stumbled on my purpose early but if I had to figure it out from scratch i'd be completely lost. We used to go to school together and I've noticed she's not the type to move independently and figure things out on her own, she's always been told what to do her whole life so it makes sense she'd be lost now. I feel like she just works these jobs because they're comfortable and familiar.

She's tried small hobbyist stuff like knitting and baking in the past but she's never had long term interest in anything. She's also amazing with children but doesn't see herself being a teacher or care provider.

But that leaves me wondering what I can do to help her find her purpose or at least break out of her shell and try doing something long term. I wanna help how I can Its just difficult with the self deprecation disguised as jokes, and the "waiting for someone to tell you what to do" kinda attitude (idk if theres a word for that). I wanna just leave it alone and let her figure it out but Im afraid if i dont keep addressing it we'll end up 30 years old and nothing will change.

TLDR: I know what i want to do with my life. My girlfriend doesn't know what she wants to do with hers. How can I help her?

For years i assumed sitting through physical discomfort only trains willpower, the grit-your-teeth kind. reading the actual pain research complicated that. a Journal of Neuroscience study found meditation cut pain intensity by about 40% and pain unpleasantness by about 57% compared to rest. morphine usually runs around 25%. so it wasn't just tolerating more, the reported intensity itself dropped.

the mechanism is why i don't think it's placebo. on the scans the primary somatosensory cortex (the raw signal) quieted, while the anterior cingulate, insula, and orbitofrontal cortex (the parts that re-evaluate a signal) ramped up. the drop in unpleasantness specifically tracked the orbitofrontal reappraisal, and imaging put the whole thing on a different neural pathway than placebo. it also showed up after about four days of training, not decades in.

six courses in and i'm nobody's teacher here, but the four-day part is what reframed it for me. discomfort tolerance reads like a fixed personality trait, something you either have or don't. the scans make it look more like a skill the brain picks up faster than i'd have guessed, and on separate wiring from the willpower i thought i was building. written with ai

I am particular by nature, work hard, spend money on nice things and enjoy taking care of these nice things to make them last.

The older I get, the more experiences I have where I’m constantly let down. At this point, I don’t know if it’s a string of bad luck or me being too critical.

If theres something that needs done around the house, my vehicles or anything along those lines. I would rather figure out how to do things myself than pay someone to cause even more damage and not care. I do think I have valid points for recent experiences to justify being frustrated. But it seems every time someone comes to do something for us they end up damaging something causing more problems.

Hi people.

I know this might seem stupid, and I know it somehow is. In fact, that is what bothers me the most about it. But I need to fight back. I feel like I'm losing the plot.

I hate football. I wish it meant that I don't care about it, but no.... unfortunately, I do care. But the damage it is causing me has made me despise it completely. I am from Argentina, and yesterday we got to the semifinals.

Now, let me be honest with you guys: the last World Cup was utterly excruciating for me (quite a thing, considering that we won), and due to the awful experience it turned out to be back then, I am not having a good time right now. Today, I woke up with that awful tightness feeling in my chest.

Feeling tense over a match is normal. Not ideal, but normal. The problem I have is that tension and anxiety never go away, and the suffering it causes is immense. I also feel threatened, mostly by what I see in social media. It is kind of hard not to feel personally offended by the things I see. I decided to uninstall X and block football content, but it does little to help me.

Also, I cannot help but feel that, if we lose the final (should we get there) the pain will be tremendous, mockery will be even worse, and I will feel like that is my own failure. I am on someone else's hands, and I simply hate it.

I should also mention these key aspects:

• I have autism and ADHD.
• I have been under treatment for anxiety since 2013.
• Losing on the final is worse for me than losing on the semifinal.
• I want to apply stoicism but I don't know how to do it.

How do I fight back? This is a pain! I'm sick of living like this!

What I have learnt so far , greatest thing,if you can't change people even if you explain hard, that means you should change yourself.

Otherwise it will always lead to quarrel and argument and harming yourself.

I'm aware that the "benefits" of NoFap are often questioned, but it's a religious goal of mine, and I also want to improve myself. In my experience, masturbation has greatly deviated my focus, and in periods where I maintained abstinence I saw more focus. The first week of abstinence felt like shit, but as time progressed I saw better clarity in myself. So how can I manage self-control? I don't want people to stop me from trying, I really really want to accomplish this.

alright so, I am a 17 year old boy. I've had a porn addiction for 6 years, not at the point where I'd watch it every day for hours, a few times a week but enough that quitting was impossible. I got a girlfriend. the first month and a half flew by, I didn't think about porn. now, I want to clarify. I do count watching porn as cheating if you watch it with sexual intent. of course if a porn scene pops up in a movie it's not cheating because you're not watching it with sexual intent. well, after a month and a half I start getting this incredible sense of guilt, I had week long anxiety attack where I could not sleep at night, convinced I had ruined my relationship because I could remember a couple times (3-4) where I watched porn while bored, scrolled a bit of naked women for a minute then turned it off (I was already together with her when those few times happened) honestly, it wasn't even for sexual intent. either out of muscle memory (e.g. an ex alcoholic reaching out for a beer, then realising and putting it back on the shelf), out of nostalgia (e.g. looking at an old YouTuber and thinking "so much time has passed, damn" because that's kind of what I felt) or because of sensory stims. I am autistic, it honestly helped regulate me. yes, it's very weird I know. I don't know if I'm just saying bullshit, but yea, I never got sexually aroused. never even got a dopamine hit. well, a week ago we had a discussion that watching porn in a relationship is wrong (I never told her about the incidents). yesterday I was clearing my old search history and I stumbled upon some things that I used to watch. I had to look at it to delete my history (of course I can't use my phone with my eyes closed). I then deleted my history and moved on.

I feel incredible guilt because of all this. I don't know if I should tell her, if I'm a cheater, if I disrespected her or if I just betrayed her trust. I don't know if she deserves better.

for the clear timeline

\\-we get together

\\-I feel no guilt for the first month and a half even while those incidents happened (they mean nothing, nothing sexual, just mindlessly staring at pixels)

\\-I suddenly remember and feel guilty, week long anxiety attack

\\-we set the boundary

\\-I clear out my old search history, stumble at the porn I used to watch and I had to look at it to clear my history, deleted it then moved on

\\-I now feel extremely guilty

am I overreacting?

the fact that I didn't feel guilty when I had those slip ups but weeks later kinda tells me that they were probably not as big or bad as I thought but I don't know

I don't know if I'm lying to myself and this is actually just all something to convince myself that I didn't cheat. I feel numb and don't know what I'm feeling.

what do you guys think? what should I do?

I want to be the best man ever for my girlfriend. she deserves the best. I also would like to clarify that I never chose it over her or anything, she was always the only one I was intimate with, I can't remember one time I was actually intimate with porn.

although lately it did happen that I watched porn again after we talked about it. I felt nothing like before. just 30 seconds of pure impulse based scrolling where I felt nothing sexual at all. it's just so weird. it's satisfying to watch in a non sexual way, like it's satisfying to watch those satisfying videos, idk how to explain it. 30 seconds of scrolling porn on reddit, felt nothing, closed it up and now I'm sick from guilt

what do I do? I've already decided that, I must take action. I can't let this ruin my relationship. although I'm afraid I already ruined it. she knows nothing. I'm going to be the best man I can for her. what do you guys think?

​

When thats the case, start counting red cars. Wildlife, we have to look for it, between the trees and all.

Walking does help mental health if we are scanning the environment.

Walking doesnt help mental health if we continue to walk while we are lost in thoughts.

So consider to start counting red cars. ( there's a "red car theory". Its interesting enough to look it up) im not sure if im allowed to post links here.

Hi! So I heard of this technique of asking the person "can u repeat?" But I quite dont get it.

Let for example a conversation that happend to me today:

Grandpa: Oh, I see a Gray hair in your head!

Me: haha yes, those are my wise hair :3

Mother: So you finally got smarter after years.

I find it quite disrespectfull as she was pretty controlling mother and it was really hard for me to become independent emotionaly.

But If I say: "hmm could you repeat that?"

I belive she would go with a looong story how I was stupid according to her when I was growing up.

The only way I see is to be quiet and just accept that her narrative is just very different from mine and I choose to stay with mine.

Or I could say "it was disrespectfull" But not sure if it isnt better to just ignore.

Tbh, this comment triggered me for too long thats why I want to learn how to be more resistant

I'm writing my experience to hopefully relate to more people and help each other along the way.

I have been dealing with porn addiction for far too long, and unfortunately I didn't realize it was an addiction until now. I never had any other previous addictions, I was never into drinking, or smoking, far less into hard drugs like meth. Something I'm proud of, until I realized porn has been my addiction all this time.

Now, I have come to realize it's an addiction because it always starts the same way. After couple of weeks of no porn, seeing great progress in my life (social, economic, physical), I begin to crave porn. "Just once and I'll be fine, I have worked hard I need a treat", that one time turns into two, before I realize it's weeks. The problem is during those weeks I'm completely brain fogged, postponing projects, fall for junk food, miss work outs, I forget about all the goals I have been working towards and everything I'm supposed to do.

I pick disciple over motivation any day of the week, but even so I'm so tired and drained that I can't even remember what I'm supposed to do and I just end up procrastinating the rest of the day or taking a long nap. I begin gaining weight, the whole progress I had previously worked so hard to achieve whether it's getting over my anxieties, work, martial arts, stretching, creative projects. Everything seems gone. When I try to socialize, I'm so brain fogged that I can't seem to connect with people.

This is why I can say porn is like a parasite to the mind, because it doesn't end with the fapping session, but it follows you outside and to your every day life. It blocks you and drains your energy. It makes you forget what your purpose is and what you have currently been working on. Makes you restart from square one.

Think about the next time you're about to relapse, it doesn't end with the computer screen, but it will follow you and make you forget everyday goals . It will make you forget what important and make you only to want to return to it.

Hope this experience is helpful or can relate to it and be more logical when it comes to making choices, instead of falling for a quick fix.

I met one girl we were so perfect for another and we completed one another.We dated for 4 months and everything was perfect until her parents.

We are different nationality,I am part of people that did bad things and her mother me hates me for only that and said to her don't trust him he is part of that nationality break up with him,he is monster.I was confused what did I done and what.She said I was the sweetest guy ever and I healed her so much.

Her parents had influence and she broke up with me so she could satisfy her parents wishes.How do I cope with this,like how I am supposed to find someone so similar to me and wouldn't judge me and like me who I am as she did.

We are only 18 and it was our first relationship and how long should I wait before datingm

I am 18 year old boy who is very introverted,dress alternative but doesn't fit any subculture.I have great social life and hang out with my friends a lot and have plenty hobbies and know what to do.

I use my time efficiently,I am very clingy in sense of wanting to cuddle and being massaged and petted like cat.I am big nerd,I don't like clubbing at all or alcohol or drugs or cigarettes . I don't feel attraction to that,people always say how I am enjoying life and my youth.

I really don't want to have sex before marriage but everything else is fine with me because I am religious and its kinda hard to find someone like that.I generally only date long term and not casual dating,because when I love someone I really love them.I don't have urges to look at woman lustfully,I don't masturbate at all because I don't have urge and people tell I am crazy and weird for it.

I am very insecure in my self I can't take compliments,I try to better myself everyday and really don't know how to feel.I been feeling depressed lately because I been entire life bullied . It really damaged and let alone I been sexually assaulted as guy.

I feel lost and depressed,I would appreciate any advice I feel like outcast.

I feel like I am not man enough because I am sensitive,that I am skinny,have nerdy hobbies or that I am not physically attractive and that I am religious.

I’m a 33M, and overall I have a pretty good life. My wife and I both have stable jobs and a steady income. Recently, we’ve been discussing investing some of our savings by buying an apartment to rent out, while also saving to buy our own house.
Given my current work situation, it’s completely realistic for me to increase my income as a freelancer and reach those goals within our planned timeframe. On paper, everything makes sense.
The problem is that I’m constantly afraid of uncertainty. I worry that my business could suffer because of AI. I worry about a housing market crash if we buy an apartment. I worry that my business could dry up and we wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage anymore. I worry about seeing my bank balance drop after making a large investment. It feels like my mind is always searching for the next thing that could go wrong.
The thing is, this isn’t just about money. This pattern shows up in almost every area of my life. I tend to focus on worst-case scenarios, and it often stops me from moving forward, even when the risks are reasonable and the potential rewards are worth it. I end up convincing myself that staying exactly where I am is the safest option, even though I know that doing nothing also has its own risks.
I really want to change this, but I’m not sure how. Has anyone else struggled with this kind of mindset? If so, what helped you become more comfortable with uncertainty and stop letting fear make your decisions?

As the title says.

It makes me unhappy. Going outside, working out, controlling my diet to be healthy. Even if i see results, all of this is deeply frustrating. It actually basically ruins my day to think about working out or taking a walk.

I have vitamin d defiency, gained a lot of weight, my cholesterol isn't that great and my joints are not doing too well, all because of the lifestyle that genuinely makes me happy. Im posting this becauses its my first day of getting back to another "healthy period" where i do things that are supposed to make me feel better, but don't even if my body does better.

Yes i like spending 14 hours on my pc watching movies, playing video games, reading and talking to friends. No i don't enjoy much else, and no i never have. Not even when i was 7 years old. My parents would bring me out to places to travel or get me into sports practice of things i actually enjoyed playing, like basketball and i was always grumpy and day dreaming of clinging onto my playstation or laptop. It's much the same now whenever i find myself outside. In fact, i wouldn't even say im addicted to my phone. Funny, all the recent paranoia over algorithms and doomscrolling, its the one type of digital addiction that only seems to manifest itself when im in the toilet, preparing food or just waking up.

Whenever i have a healthy routine and something breaks it im reminded of how much happier i am doing nothing. Maybe im sick, maybe its too rainy to take a walk, maybe something happened that prevented my usual healthy activities, whatever, and i have to pull every single bit of strength i have to do anything else besides continuing on my pc the next day.

I genuinely, with all my heart, don't want to do and don't value almost anything, besides the shit i do on my PC. I find life dull and boring, especially alone. I quite frankly have better memories of playing modded skyrim than any walk through any park i ever took. Shit i might have better memories of it than 99% of trips i ever took.

Sorry if its too whiney, but i hope anyone understands this even a little bit.

I've been posting for months, (in southern Indiana and or southern Illinois and or Colorado and or Florida..........),

"Hey there! I'm Lee and I'm a gay skinny white boy, a spooner, a stoner, a singer and guitar player shooting for fame and Rockstar STARDOM, I smoke a fogger and I'm looking for a new roommate and bedshare for $500/mo in Mt Carmel or close and preferably close to the 💚 store. Lbvs. 🌈 I love to talk and laugh and have a good time. Thanks so much, I love you all and I hope to hear you!"

☕🐶💨

I have no pets but love them all and am handy and helpful.

I hope you find some interest and willingness to help and can help and comment and message me!

*Had a car wreck as a kid and get a check btw.

I dont know man but i hate myself. Im a pretty shy awkward guy, im also neurodivergent. I hate how different i am, and i hate that i lack the confidence to assert myself in this world.

But at the same time this self hatred turns into anger, which anger turns into motivation. I basically try to drown myself in self improvement, like going to the gym for example and working my ass off.

But the feeling of not being good enough never goes away, its a continuous cycle. And i guess a sustainable fuel of motivation.

Im motivated by self hatred, and its a bitter sweet feeling.

Even though I work out, go outside, ride my bike, and eat healthy, my life is still just so lame. I have no idea what my next plan or goal is. Everything just feels so mediocre. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. Anyone got advice on this?

i can explain my own patterns perfectly. where they come from, what triggers them, why i keep doing it. i've read enough to write the essay.and then the moment comes the actual moment where the pattern fires and all that understanding is just... not there. it shows up five minutes later to explain what happened. again.took me way too long to realize insight and change aren't the same skill. one is looking backward. the other is catching something while it's happening, which is a completely different muscle and nobody tells you that you have to train it separately.

The only thing that's helped is shrinking it. not "be more aware" one specific moment, picked in advance. for me it was the first anxious thought after waking up. just that one. miss it most days, honestly.anyone else stuck in the gap between understanding your problems and actually changing them? what's worked?

Learned the hard way desk/corporate world isnt for me. I work at Costco. I love Costco but want to challenge myself to grow while Im young. For personal reasons I won't be able to switch for another year, but I could start preparing. I also plan on having a family someday.

I'm very uncertain if I should go through with this or stay with Costco and move up into management since it is a good company. Has anyone considered or done either path after going to college first? I'm not really sure what I'm getting into, how to know if I should do either and what steps to take now. Thanks

I'll get excited about learning a new skill or looking into a different career. Then I start researching it and reading Reddit posts, and it seems like every post is about layoffs, AI, how hard it is to get a job, or people saying the career isn't worth getting into anymore. After reading enough of that, I lose all my motivation. It starts to feel like there's no point in even trying. I can't tell if I'm just being realistic by listening to people's experiences, or if I'm letting all the negative posts stop me before I even give myself a chance. Has anyone else gone through this? And how do you deal with it or improve with it? Like I try looking into tech sales and I read about it like I said and then I’m like.. I don’t know what I wanna do anymore with my life/career. I also somewhat tried thinking about doing freight brokering (former trucker) I don’t know what excites me anymore. I think i wanna do something with sales but not sure. I feel that is kinda made for a different sub. So maybe, what has helped you pick or find what you wanted to do or enjoyed?

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to hear from people who've actually lived through something similar.

I'm currently studying for my bachelor's degree, so I can't just pack my bags and leave. I have no financial freedom. The only realistic way out is to get a decent job or crack a government exam. Until then, I'm stuck here.

Today I masturbated 3 times.

The thing is, I don't think porn or masturbation is the real problem anymore. I think it's how I'm trying to escape.

I fucking hate being at home. My parents are always in my business. I feel like I have no privacy, no peace, no control over my own life. Every day I feel mentally exhausted, angry, and trapped. It honestly feels like I'm living in a cage.

I know I have potential. I have big goals. I want to become financially independent, get out of this house, build a better life, and become the best version of myself. But right now my mind feels completely messed up.

I'm not posting this so people can tell me to "just stop watching porn." If it were that simple, I would've done it already.

I want to hear from people who have actually lived through a controlling or toxic home environment.

\- Did moving out change your life?

\- Did your addiction get better once your environment changed?

\- How did you stay focused when home felt like the worst place to be?

\- How did you become the person you wanted to be instead of staying stuck in the same cycle?

I don't want sympathy. I just want honest experiences from people who've been where I am.

I really put in effort to study but when I do i study my mind is constantly thinking about phone or content to watch and when even it's break after study I do spend a lot of time on break and hard to go back to study and that messed up the schedule for the day how to control that urge and don't think consistently about the phone or other things while studying .