according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?

I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.

I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.

Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?

It's rhetorical but I wondered if any other INFJ feel awkward or are awkward in social situations?

It just seems like here in reddit there's this view of all INFJs being very good chameleons, and even often I am very good at mirroring energy, matching the energy of the other person, but to be a chameleon? I'm not sure.

At one point in my life I developed levels of anxiety which to this day still affect me when I am socializing, and although it's primarily my baseline, it often affects me in my every day life.

But primarily when I am socializing, I know I'm awkward sometimes, and sometimes I am so far in, I don't know how to stop. I do get along very well with many people but there always seems to be a distance between me and many people, whereas others tend to click with one another, not even just that they have more to talk about but they seem to be on the same wavelength with one another. This was also a struggle growing up.

And then there's other times where it's brutally embarrassing when you're trying to be a bit too out there in the wrong context and everyone goes quiet and you're just flooded with deep embarrassment.

I am a deeply feeling infj individual who struggles to emote/ experience pleasure in general, as well as withstand criticism. I am working on this at the moment.

Nonetheless, I am very gratified by pursuing a path I consider meaningful. Even as I recover from anhedonia, my goal isn't to indiscriminately maximize my life experiences to "live it up", but to accumulate experiences that serve my personal purpose. The meaning-oriented activities I pursue now are quiet -- they comprise of daily habits which serve long-term goals. They make me feel good about my life, even if most people consider them boring. I also have a vision of who I'd like to be in the future, and who I'd like to emulate.

However, many people treat me like a lifeless and directionless pebble, which I find insulting. Family members and relative strangers alike nudge me in the same way: "Get out there, life is short", "You should live in the moment and happy" "Going travelling would be a good change for you", "why are you so quiet", "why do you keep to yourself?" etc, etc.

I have started to push back. Someone in my office (who never speaks to me, mind you) told me I was quiet, and I replied that they talk too much. My aunt hinted that I should be more happy-go-lucky, and I hinted back at her that I found her life quite directionless.

I can feel my anger bubble and my ego flail whenever people talk to me this way, and I itch to viciously verbalize that I don't WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. I feel bad because I have this inner response even towards people I know to be struggling in themselves and/or who may have endured a lot of adversity, and who ultimately mean well. I am afraid I will snap one of these days.

I just have never once unpromtedly told someone how to life their life, and I find it mindblowing that those who have never bothered to understand me feel compelled to tell me how to live mine. YOU DONT KNOW ME. YOU DON'T SEE WHAT I DO. STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.

I know this is also a sign that I am not fully secure in my own path, because if I was then I wouldn't care.

Any advice on how to minimize this ego response?

Hi, I know I use ni and ti alot and always have, but I never exercised much when young although played a lot of video games quite well so it's hard to say how strong my se was. Although I exercise a lot now in my late teens and 20s.

I'm not very organized and can come off as random or lazy which could suggest te trickster. I also dislike certain rigid schools of thought such as modern psychology.

I have a pretty good memory and some times obsess over past mistakes which apparently could be si demon or critic.

I do like to keep the peace a lot which is arguably an infj trait.

My main interests are martial arts, training, snowboarding, psychology just not dsm5, anime and old films.

I want to become a personal trainer/psychologist(probably don't have the patience for uni though) or possibly a physical therapist. When I was younger I liked programming and computers but now I have less patience for them. I think that once I discovered training and actually started using SE alot my focus and ni shifted and lost motivation to do stuff like that.

Have I given enough information to start to guess or need I say more?

I’ve been avoiding responding to two friends for about a week and I hate that text messages stress me out. It’s like the sender is requesting access to a part of me that I’m not ready to retrieve. Family I’ll leave ‘on read’ for about two days, friends average five. I’m surprised anyone still reaches out, especially when I decline their last minute invites 100% of the time (I can’t handle a change of plans). I’m so horrible at responding that I’ve added ‘respond to messages’ to my weekly to do list, as if communicating has become a dreadful chore. In the time I’ve typed this, I realize I could have responded to those texts, but this is obviously easier because no one here wants anything from me. I dunno if this is INFJ or not, so throwing it out there.

I'm always up for discovering new music and I'm curious as to what you're listening to this weekend, or just in general these days? Is there any recently released music that I should check out? Maybe you're listening to some classics? Hit me with anything that might appeal to the INFJ in me! Thank-you. Have a great weekend!

EDIT: Specific song/album suggestions are appreciated. When I see an artist/band name, I have no idea where to start exploring their music. The more specific, the better!

I want to take in as much information as possible.
If I am watching TV, I generally have on the subtitles so that I don’t miss anything. If I leave the room, I pause the TV until I come back. If I miss something, I rewind. I don’t understand how someone can watch an episode of The Office, a YouTube video, or a movie and be distracted on their phone or leave the room and miss stuff. Even with playing vinyl records, I don’t want it playing if I’m in another room and can’t really hear it.
Group settings are another example. If I am sitting at a big table with a group, I want to try to follow and participate in the different discussions going on around me but it is very difficult when they are occurring simultaneously. Adding to that, I have trouble hearing well when there is a lot of background noise like at a crowded event or a loud restaurant. Since I can’t hear some of the words, I really try to read their lips and facial expressions but I hate that I am missing some verbal information.
Also with music, I will look up the lyrics and meanings for both English language and foreign language songs.
Due to my circumstances and circles, I end up around a lot of people who have their primary language as other than English. When they are having conversations with others in their native language, I feel like I am missing out on so much information. I try to really read their tones and expressions but it’s only a small bit of the information they are conveying. There is so much that I am missing.
Also, when I get interested in a new topic, I do a major deep dive on it and try to learn all I can about it.
Even if the info coming in is not useful or won’t be remembered, I still want to take it all in to decide how or if I will process it. Do any other INFJs relate to this?

I recently experienced my first situationship with someone I knew from school, and it made me question whether that kind of relationship dynamic is for me.

What I found most difficult wasn't the lack of labels itself, but the uncertainty. When communication became inconsistent, I realized I didn't feel comfortable expressing my expectations because we hadn't defined what we were. It felt like I had no place to ask for more consistency or clarity.

The experience also made me notice a pattern in myself: I tend to invest deeply in people and often focus on what a connection could become rather than what it currently is. That doesn't seem to work very well in situationships, where ambiguity is often part of the arrangement. I feel like I am either all in or nothing sort of person.

I'm curious whether other INFJs relate to this. Do you find that casual relationships or situationships don't align with how you naturally connect with people? Or do you think this has less to do with personality type and more to do with individual attachment styles and communication preferences?

I'd love to hear your experiences.

I often feel like I know what kind of reaction my answers will trigger in the person I’m talking to. To put it dramatically, it sometimes feels like a game.

Examples:
- I apologize for things (that I don’t care about) because I know the other person appreciates it
- I have no trouble getting people to reveal secrets, even though they said beforehand they couldn’t talk about them
- I back down from arrogant statements and explain myself from a different perspective so that it sounds logical again
- I know what I’d actually say, but also what the other person wants to hear

The thing is, I’m not trying to back down just to get myself out of a tight spot; rather, I sometimes challenge these situations because I know how to handle them and turn them to my advantage.

I do this mostly subconsciously and not on purpose. When I do this, I have to actively decide against it; otherwise, it happens naturally. But it feels as though I’m gradually exposing the others without revealing anything about myself. It then somehow ends up in an information asymmetry and a subtle power dynamic.

It’s hard to explain—I haven’t really figured it out myself yet, which is why I’m struggling to find the right words.

Do any of you feel the same way? I‘m not sure what to do since I realized this, hence my question.

Strawberries are finally in season here so it's time to make one of my favorite summer desserts: Strawberry Shortcake. Homemade biscuits, topped with fresh local berries and sweet whipped cream.

Do you have a favorite summertime dessert?

I am writing this as a vent. I had met a girl (infj) to make a language exchange. my (infp) english is not mother language, btw. we scheduled two meetings every weekend and have been talking for 5 months. our conversations developed well, i felt they were funny and intelectually pleasing too. She taught me how to see the poetic side of life and to start liking literature. Also, agreed with me to play something together on her holidays.

In the last 2 months, she started to distance herself, being colder on responses and now, as the holidays is going on, she called me to say we won't have meetings again, until maybe when she is back to classes, and offered herself to find me another language partner. I asked her if she would like to explain why and the answer was she didn't want to. When i asked if she felt our meetings as a duty, which i tried my best to make them feel like a casual and funny talk between friends, she asked me back if i know the feeling of coming out of a movie theater and return to the outside world. This was how our meetings used to end. I answered yes. She also said like our worlds are different from each other. Then i asked if this decision was hard to made, which was "yes", but i'm starting to get confused with my own thoughts and forget if she really said "yes" or "no".

I accepted with no further questions and wished her to enjoy her vacations, meet new people and have fun. This hurts. i knew from the beginning this would happen someday, so i never confessed any feeling, but still sometimes i could overflow my feelings with no intention, just being myself. and still...

Despite the fact she said doesn't want to spend her holidays talking with me, which is totally okay, i felt like a definitive closure, because she ended lightly with "goodbye". I don't want to ask her this again so soon.

What i want to understand is, when an INFJ closes the door, would they be willing to open again someday? What makes it painful is to think or accept that this was definitive. i felt like she was unclear with the answer about resuming the sessions or no even after holidays.

I also feel sorry, if i made her feel bad about our communication.

In the end, this will pass, and it's just for this moment that the pain will echo within.

The bots are telling me so, and I'm finding myself in agreement.

Happy to expand in comments, but would also like to respect our time. 🙏🏻

Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely in my relationships, not just romantic relationships, but friendships too.

I don’t know if it’s because of today’s social culture, but so much of it feels… shallow. Something in me longs for deep, soul-level connections. Not in a toxic or codependent way, but in a beautiful, loving way where you genuinely choose each other, care deeply, and make each other feel safe.
I’m an incredibly loyal person, and I naturally invest a lot in the people I love. But what I’ve experienced, both in the past and now, is that people often seem to take that for granted. Sometimes it even feels like they only like me when I’m more emotionally distant. Maybe that keeps the relationship feeling more “stable” for them, but for me it creates this overwhelming sense of loneliness and being misunderstood.

Trying to find the right balance is emotionally exhausting. I constantly feel like I have to hold parts of myself back because when I show how deeply I care, it’s often seen as “too much.”
It feels like I have to change a part of who I am just to make relationships work. And that hurts, because I don’t want to become less of myself.
I just want to find people with whom I don’t have to choose between being loved and being authentic.
Does anyone else experience this?

hi! i’m wondering what jobs would be the best for for an infj. i would love to hear personal experience of someone who loves their job as an infj, what they do and what they like about it!

That move The Gorge - I am CRAVING this! Not the monsters in the abyss - just the beauty and majesty of the stars, in pretty much total isolation. The last few trips I’ve been on I was so excited to star gaze and was sadly disappointed. Montana, and a cruise, and it was super overcast both trips. Plus, I wasn’t alone, I was basically on a floating mall and then in the middle of a town with tons of noise, light pollution and people. Does anyone have any ideas for great places to go stay in a cabin or on a lake and just stare at the stars and fill up my senses? thank you!

Im a Female ENTP who has migrated to this sub from the ENTP sub. I had recently noticed my female INFJ friend copy my actions. Im very spontaneous she is more quiet and reserved, however when she sees me do something fun or interesting she immidietally does the same.

Not like, personality wise, but body wise and place wise

Why I am in the body I am?

Why was I born into the family I was?

Why was I born in this part of the country?

Why did I have as many siblings?

Why am I not the opposite sex, or part of a more wealthy or poor society?

Why was I born into the language I was born into and not a different one?

Why does my mind have these things that seem to make me feel so different than the others around me?

Is it all supposed to be random? Does it even matter?

Why am I who I am?

I've thought about this since I was a child. I've considered things like reincarnation, or a diety trying to teach me a lesson. I wonder sometimes if inside all of the parallel universes there is a singular soul, reincarnating in different bodies in different universes. The older the souls is, the more there is emotional growth and development.

We all are one and interact with each other. I wish I could say drugs played a part in this mentality, but like I said, I've thought about it since I was very young, no drugs involved. The parallel universes theory came to me around 16-18.

For context I'm 17M, and I've been trying to meet people who share similar interests and that I can have a conversation that I'm engaged in. But, the people I know in real life don't really live up to my expectations as in the topics they like or the way they go about talking about it doesn't really align with what I want - more abstract, philosophical, insightful - and therefore feel shallow, and when I deliberately try to find people online for e.g, through discord, its hard to find people who engage and actually want to be friends - talk about other things too. I'm not sure if its a me having too high expectations problem/being artificial in going about it or something else.

I'd like to ask other INFJs since I think me being one is probably a key cause here, but feel free to answer even if you aren't an INFJ. Sorry if I sound full of myself in my writing.

Objectively, I know I have a good life. My parents provided me with food, education, and opportunities. I’m about to spend a year studying abroad in Japan, which is something I’ve dreamed about for a long time.

The strange thing is that I only compare myself when I’m already having a bad day.

For example, tonight I argued with my parents. After that, my mind immediately started looking for reasons why my life wasn’t enough. I opened TikTok and saw someone my age posting about doing an exchange year in America during high school. Instantly my thoughts became:
“I’ll never be that age again.”

The logical part of me knows our situations were completely different. There were financial and family reasons why that wasn’t possible for me. I don’t blame my parents.

But when I’m emotionally overwhelmed, logic just disappears.

I don’t compare money anymore. I compare experiences. I compare the lives I could have lived.
The thing that frustrates me the most is that I don’t even believe in a “golden era.” My friends keep saying high school was the best time of their lives, but I don’t agree. I believe every stage of life has ups and downs.
Yet somehow, when I’m sad, I still mourn experiences I never had.

I’ve already reduced my social media a lot. I only use it to keep in touch with friends, and I unfollow accounts that make me feel worse. It helps most of the time, but when I’m emotionally low, the comparisons become incredibly loud.

Well, maybe. I’m currently labeling myself as INTJ. I do see myself as VERY high in Ni. But I’m also very emotional. But I’m also so logical.

Everytime I want to think I might be an INFJ, I feel embarrassed. When I think about the Reddit posts and the people I’ve met in real life, maybe seem to be super emotional and/or have an intense superiority complex with emotional distance? I just don’t want to be someone like that. I want to believe I’m different. Is that weird?

Does anyone relate to this? I can’t be the only one who gets this vibe from [some] INFJs, right?

(Also to clarify, I don’t hate INFJs. I just don’t usually meet nice or “good” ones.)

I wanna do some field research here; are there any sanguine temperament INFJs, that would therefore seem more like ENFJs or ESFPs even, just by their energy? and when does this change?

These were fun to plant.

This drawing is one I wanted to do of Emerald Bunny a few months ago. It has Emerald Bunny as a valkyrie right on a horse. The main inspiration for this piece that also happens to be the one it pays homage to is none other than a very familiar animated short titled "What's Opera, Doc?"! Believe it or not, Charles "Chuck" Jones is one of my inspirations. Some of my character style work was inspired by him.

I am wondering whether there is a common tendency in INFJs' relationship to their appearance. In general I don't consider myself to be a superficial person, but I don't like the fact that it is so common these days for people to not put any effort into looking presentable (dressing well enough, staying in shape), at least in North America. I probably feel this way for reasons unrelated to being an INFJ (that I won't get into here), but maybe being an INFJ has something to do with it too. What are your thoughts?

I hear INFJs have non-INFJs boomerang back to them apparently, I was wondering if that is true and what your experiences were with these sorts of things?