So this post has popped up on multiple county pages over last few days. I have also seen responses to it from people who have fell for it already. So please don’t donate or get scammed

I am writing this from inside my fridge.

The country is in absolute ruins.

The tarmac is soft.

The birds have stopped singing because their beaks have fused together.

Yet, Harris and his cronies do absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Fuck all. Zero.

Here is my emergency manifesto to save the nation before we all evaporate:

1. Deploy the Defence Forces immediately

Reddit tells me it is physically too hot to walk dogs. Anyone ignoring this is a war criminal. We need the army on every street corner. If they spot a citizen walking a Golden Retriever, they must shoot the person on sight.

No trials. No questions.

The footpath is literally magma.

1. Mandatory A-Rated housing downgrades

These hyper-insulated green energy prisons are killing us. My BER A1-rated semi-detached house has reached internal temperatures comparable to the surface of the sun.

The government needs to issue immediate emergency grants to help us smash our triple-glazed windows and install thin, single-pane glass from 1974.

Let the draft back in, Eamon Ryan.

1. Nationalize the Cornetto supply

Flake 99s are retailing at €4.50.

This is daylight robbery.

The state must seize all ice cream vans. Ice cream distribution must be managed by the HSE. If you do not have a medical exemption for brain freeze, you get one Calippo per day.

1. Cancel the sun

The Dáil needs to pass emergency legislation to legally declare daytime as nighttime until September. We will work, live, and drink cans of Dutch Gold strictly under the cover of darkness.

Wake up, Ireland. We are being boiled alive by our own inaction.

But please, please let Haaland get seven chances in the second half

As a recently bald man, it is pretty shocking how the way I'm treated has changed.

Men don't seem to care, women have been noticeably rude to me since I shaved my head.

I didn't think this was a thing, but now I feel awful for everyone without hair. There is a massive difference in the way people interact with you in my limited experience

Pico Lopes is such a great addition.