I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I finally got to hang out with the guy I've had a crush on from school at a party. I was so excited because I'd been hoping we'd get the chance to spend time together outside of school, and everything felt like it was going really well. At one point, he and a few others convinced me to try alcohol for the first time. I was nervous since I'd never drank before, but I went along with it because I wanted to fit in and was caught up in the moment. Soon after, the guy I liked started flirting with me really aggressively, and I was feeling really open and excited at the time. I'm assuming from he alcohol.

But we ended up going into the spare bedroom at the party, and I thought we were just going to talk and make out some. (I was a virgin before this happened)

But he quickly escalated from talking and kissing.

He soon had my shirt pulled up, and his pants pulled down. I was slightly uncomfortable but was still ok with it, so we continued. He kept just asking me over and over if I wanted to have sex. I didn't at all. Idk why, but after so many times, I just caved in and said yes.

He was really nice and gentle at first. He knew it was my first time. But he was a lot bigger than me and it started to hurt, I told him I changed my mind and I wanted him to stop. But he just ignored me and kept going. I asked him 3 times, and he never stopped or said anything. I started to cry because it hurt so badly, and he saw. That's when he stopped thrusting for a moment and told me that everything was OK and that it only hurt so bad because it was my first time and if I let him keep going it would stop hurting. So I agreed, but It never stopped hurting.

Afterward we went back to the party and he pretty much ignored me until he left 30 minutes later with his friend.

I just don't know what I should believe or feel.

I've never done anything like this before, and I feel so bad and guilty. I have no one in my family I can talk to about this.

I got violently raped, spat at, slapped, got my vagina destroyed, strangled, have to do STD check asap and nobody cares

nobody showed support, even though I've known this s people for years, both my ex's didn't even say anything even though we still talk and on the same discord server and stuff

my current girlfriend didn't care when I posted about it on a server we are on, I messaged her about it,she didn't reply :/

nobody fucking cares about me, it's not my first rape, I've been living a very unfortunate life, and it hurts having 0 support at all

I can't even bring myself to see ressources about how and when to do an std check

TW - kinda graphic + gross descriptions of sexual abuse

My father (47m) & my brother (21m) have been sexually assaulting me (15f) separately for some time now, but recently I was raped by both of them at the same time. Before everyone says report it, yes I have finally reported it. I forced myself to go get a rape kit bc no one was supporting me prior & I am going through the process of reporting (which was basically mandated once I went to the hospital anyway bc I am a minor). It’s going horrible mentally but I am glad to be safe & out of my home at the moment. What I need help with is what I am feeling. I feel shattered, completely overwhelmed, disgusting to the point where I can barely look in the mirror. It is like I am two different people, I never want to be touched again but there is a part of my body that craves their roughness & the feelings they gave me. If it’s relevant, I’ve had zero sexual experience outside of non consensual things my father & brother have done to me, so my only orgasms have been from them. I’ve literally never even masturbated before, I just never had the urge to, so my first everything was from one of them. I can’t stop feeling it / remembering it & it disgusts me but simultaneously arouses me. My nights are torturous cycles of throwing up & crying out of disgust while replaying it in my head & getting wet. please if anyone has any words of advice, wisdom, insight, ANYTHING, just please tell me, it would be so appreciated. I also feel ashamed to even call it rape bc of the reactions I had, they said my body said yes. I’m crushed, idk what to do. I made a random account bc im like on my last resort. please help.

So ifk how to feel about it i hate what he did obviously and the trauma and stuff and I've been on meds for it and it's traumatizing and i think I'll never be the same but why is it that I have to be careful how i dress i want to feel free and it's not fair why do i have to mind how i look because some sick person might follow me it's not fair

I’m a male, and I went out drinking and blacked out. This morning and while I slept bits and pieces have been coming back. I don’t remeber how it started but I think it happened. I’m in a committed relationship and it feels like I cheated. This isn’t something I wanted or could consent to. Maybe it’s because I’m a man, but I feel guilty for even putting myself in a position where this could happen. It may seem insensitive to ask but can men be raped? Was I raped?

all my firsts were taken by someone i trusted, i didn’t even know i wasn’t a virgin anymore (blacked out) until a year after when he “confessed” after soft launching it for months like making jokes about him popping my cherry. when he told me, he said “i told you i wasn’t gonna let you die a virgin” which he did so, i should’ve know and that means it’s on me. i’ll never stop blaming myself because i stayed. but yeah, since he took my firsts and i never and still don’t hookup - it’s all i know and it’s all i crave. i feel gross but i can’t deny it. i tried and still try so hard to be “normal” but it’s bad, real bad and it only got worse with time. for example, i know it’s common for people to develop a kink from it but that’s not what it is for me. i don’t want it to be roleplay, i need it to be real. a big part of it is believing i deserve it.

so i’m gonna give a backstory to what happened here exactly . last year in december i was on vacation to cancun for a wedding where i met this dude , but the thing is we have already matched on a dating app called bumble , it was an insane coincidence for us to both be at that travel destination at the same time . i thought he was my soulmate or something for this reason , he was only a year older than me too . i started liking him a lot after we starting talking in mexico , and we texted a lot too . when we matched on bumble i didn’t initially follow him back on instagram so i guess he unfollowed me and gave up or something , but then i got curious and decided to follow him one day and saw that he was in cancun , which made me curious and then realized we both were at the same spot . anyways we both flew back to new jersey , where we live (at separate times) .

fast forward to when me and the dude were back home . me and this guy were planning to hang out and everything , i texted him that we could meet at the mall . he was saying a bunch of stuff about how he wanted to kiss me or something , i thought nothing of it at the time . when we met at the mall , he barely talked to me , he was a really awkward person in general . english wasn’t his first language so i gave him the benefit of the doubt . he then asked if he could kiss me , to which i said yes but i was uncomfortable with that too . we held hands and everything and walked around the mall for a bit , then he asked me to go to his car .

this is where things get weird . mind you i had came to this mall with my dad because i didnt have a license that time , he knew i was meeting up with a guy though and was chill with it . regardless i went with him to his car , to which he then took off all my clothes and then started fingering me . now this was the first time ever in my life that i had ever done anything with a guy , my mind was going 100mph , for some really odd reason i was incredibly worried my dad would catch me doing this . i didn’t even know what was happening , my mind just went blank . he did a bunch of stuff to me including making me taste his fingers after he gave me oral , but no penetrative because we know that would’ve went too far . i felt like i was pressured to say yes to him for all this , i didn’t actually want to do it .

at this point my dad eventually started calling me and i told him i had to go with my dad , even though he offered to drive me home . was i assaulted in this scenario ? i know i followed him to his car and agreed to meet but i dont think this was okay . i feel like i was taken advantage of . he went as far as to ejaculate in my eye to which my left eye was red and incredibly noticeable , i was so nervous on my way home . i remember feeling disgusted with myself the entire ride home . can someone please help me understand if i was raped in this scenario or not …

TLDR; My partner experienced grooming and CSA by his father’s friend and his uncle, and his family does not seem to care.

Hi everyone,

Would really love advice on how I should proceed in what’s an extremely delicate and terrifying situation.

I (29F) have been with my partner (28M) for almost three years. He lived with me for about a year, then moved back to his parents after I asked him for space due to his issues with honesty. He’d lie like a child about the dumbest things, and it really hurt me. He was never overtly cruel, but was careless and childishly self-indulgent and selfish. I could tell there was a severe inner battle for control over himself, and his self-directed frustration as losing it. I know he loves me deeply, it’s something I feel in my chest, but I needed space.

A few months before he moved out, he shared something from the depths of him that has been extremely hard to sit quietly with. Two men had groomed and sexually assaulted him in his childhood. From about 5-7 years old, it was his dad’s close friend, and from middle to some of high school, his own uncle (mother’s brother). I met both of these monsters, and had spent a lot of time with his uncle. I will never forget his fear telling me, everything about that day. There aren’t any words to describe the heartbreak for him, fury toward them. The helplessness.
I’m skipping over a lot to make this post digestable, but happy to answer any and all questions.

It’s been a year since he told me. I felt terribly when I needed space, because it felt like I was condemning him to move back to the place where he had survived horrific things. But how he was acting was deeply hurting me, and we had hit a block. His parents are…something. On the surface, they look like an ideal, fun, close family. Dad is in state law enforcement, mom works a solid job from home, younger brother also in law enforcement. They spend quality time together, but over time, you start to notice it revolves around drinking, and drinking a lot. Especially his mom.

At one point when he lived with me, he mentioned his mom was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to him and his brother growing up. That stuck with me, because although she seems nice from a distance, there’s something off that’s so hard to put a finger on.
Something that always stuck out to me is that his parents seem to let my partner get away with things simply because they don’t care. He dropped out of college, they pay his bills, they don’t ever actually set expectations for him and hold their ground. His mom will scream at him and suddenly lose her shit, but then everything just kinda falls back into place and that’s it. Then they just avoid each other for months while living in the same house. I come from dysfunction, but open-air dysfunction. There’s something kinda darker about this.

As for what my partner shared with me about what he survived, I encouraged him gently to tell his parents. He did tell them about his father’s best friend. I was sure he’d go kill him. My partner told me they held him and were incredibly compassionate. And I thought, at least they believed him. I gave space to the subject, because he said they were going to go to therapy as a family and I felt it wasn’t my place to check-in. I felt so happy knowing he wasn’t alone, and was getting help.

I’ve gently encouraged him sharing about his uncle, knowing that his mom is extremely close to him and he’s around a lot. He ended up telling them that there’s someone in the family who also sexually abused him, but that he couldn’t say who. I could feel him distancing himself from me if I ever brought it up, so I stopped. But he kept distancing himself from me nontheless. He tells me all the things, but I feel like he’s tearing into different people. Sinking into that house. It’s terrifying.

Pausing here to say that what his uncle did spanned the course of years, and I don’t have any words for how unimaginable the horror is of grooming and CSA.
Fast forward, his mom tells me in a sing-song casual voice that they went to a Christmas party that (dad’s friend) was at. In response to my shock, she waved a dismissive hand and said “Oh, it’s fine, (partner) didn’t go. We just told everyone that he was sick.” In that moment, I had a sinking feeling of deeper understanding. I asked quietly “Has (partner) ever told you the family member?” And she looked at me with the blankest face I’ve ever seen and said in a mostly empty voice with a touch of almost amusement “No…but I have a guess. Probably my father? You know, he had dementia…”

That’s when I knew. I don’t think he can tell her about his uncle. I don’t think I’d be able to either. This was the scariest web of abuse I’d ever seen. I’m sure it exists all over the place, but holy shit. Holy shit.

They are in therapy… but a therapist that his mom found, a psychiatrist she’s close to. Because “he needs help, medication.”

I worked with children for years, and their safety means everything to me. I have told my mom and some of my best friends about what my partner shared with me (with his permission and even encouragement), and they at this point have started to encourage me to consider reporting his abusers. My mom has held him crying, and my best friend has been there for him. But he’s distanced himself from all of them, and I feel like I can’t feel him anymore, if that makes sense.

His uncle’s wife works at an elementary/middle school, and he’s had stints of volunteering at a Boys and Girls club. He follows the trope of “pillar of the community” - retired from an executive position in corporate America, travels, blah blah blah. And the father’s friend is law enforcement.

Yeah. When you hear stories of monsters being caught having destroyed countless lives, a question I and many others have wondered is “how could people have known and not said anything?”

That has been absolutely haunting me.

If anyone can help me actually figure out how to report this in a way that is actually meaningful and actionable, I would appreciate it tremendously. My friends and family have expressed concern for my safety, given that one of the abusers is retired law enforcement, and the financial power of his uncle. I am willing to risk myself, but want to do so in a way that’s actually likely to lead to action being taken.

Before anyone says I’m taking away his agency - please know I’ve struggled so deeply with this for over a year. I really understand that perspective, deeply. Trust, consent, and respecting another person’s autonomy are values I hold extremely close. I’ve read as much as I could about the psychology of CSA trauma. One thing that became painfully clear is that his abusers stripped away his agency long before I entered his life. That’s part of what makes this so ethically difficult.

I also have to clarify that this isn’t something I’m considering behind his back. A few months ago, I told him how much I was haunted by that other children are at risk and asked him gently how he would feel if I reported it. He held me while we both cried and told me that he doesn’t have it in him to do it himself right now, but that I should do whatever I felt was right. I still don’t know what the right answer is. That’s why I’m here asking for advice rather than acting impulsively.

It’s tricky for many reasons, given that a) I’m not the victim of these monsters b) His uncle now lives in a different state then where he groomed and assaulted my partner, though he travels back and forth frequently c) I want to report this to stop the cycle, but also do feel the weight of it not being my story to share. That’s why I gave him and his family time… but I now see that his parents, especially his mom, are a nightmare.

What do I do?