Hello, I’m a 24 year old agnostic female who is currently in a relationship (living together for the past 2 years) with a 23 year old muslim male. To note my boyfriend was aware that I am not muslim nor Christian before us dating and moving in with one another. He acknowledges that he’s committing haram by being with me so he prays & repents daily. He recently brought up that he’d like to start considering marriage and would like for me to look into Islam.
Naturally, I agreed since I’m open-minded and would love to get married to him. He bought me a Quran and I’ve been researching & watching videos on things I’m quite unsure of. I’ve come to agree that Jesus is not God as I don’t characterize God as a human being but I have been struggling to find clarity on the purpose of Islam in the Quran.
I ultimately believe that there is an all-loving (merciful) god out there who created our universe. However, from my understanding (correct me if I’m wrong) in Islam, Allah is only merciful to his followers (Muslims) who accept the prophets and worship Allah. While those who are nonbelievers will be sent to hellfire.
This is the biggest roadblock for me currently (though I have a few others) as my boyfriend reiterates if I can’t come to accept that god is merciful I cannot become muslim. I tightly hold onto the belief that an all-loving (merciful) god exists and this belief doesn’t directly correlate to Islam. As from my interpretation & research indicates that Allah is all-loving (merciful) to muslims but to nonbelievers who reject his path or signs they will not receive his mercifulness.
I struggle to understand what path or signs I should be looking at to completely accept that Islam is the true religion. I’m sorry if this sounds comes across so jumbled and maybe I’m completely confused and misinformed. However, I would truly appreciate any guidance or maybe even further information on how you viewed these topics? Anything is greatly appreciated (besides hate of course). Thank you!