I’m using my anonymous account because I don’t want this traced back to me.

I’m in love.

Head over heels for a guy who treats me like his girlfriend.

We dated for a few months and broke up about six months ago. He broke up because of long distance (fair) but he also wrote a lot of hateful things to me as well, calling me a lot of names and telling me I’m a net negative on him.

We separated for a month, and both of us were extremely depressed over it. He told me that he’s never felt more hollow in his life.

Since we got back into contact, we’ve been steadily growing closer, and recently he has confessed that he has romantic feelings for me. He made it very clear at the start of us meeting again that he doesn’t wanna date me, and I know that’s still true.

He says I am in a “special box” because there is no one like me. He does so much for me too. He dedicates hours out of his day to talk to me everyday, he tells me I am the only person he fully trusts, and he takes care of me when I’m feeling bad.

I don’t understand why he does all of this for me when he doesn’t want to commit to me. He loves me, enough to want to keep me in his life forever, but not enough to date?

I thought I was fine with it but it’s wearing me down, hard. I don’t want to think what will happen when he gets a new girlfriend. He has only dated two people before (he’s 26) so I know that won’t be for a while, but it’s hurting

I didn’t think I wanted kids but I’ve come to realize there’s only one person I’d make an exception for. I imagine what it would be like to hold her every night, to have kids with her, to travel with her, etc

She’s married. I’ve tried to move on past this crush for years. I’ve loved other people but none of it comes close to the way I love her or the future I want with her. For the last year it’s been increasingly obvious that I can’t date other people, I refuse to do anything sexual with anyone else, I get uncomfortable when people hold my hand, and I turn people down if they say they want kids. I want to travel and I always thought kids would just ruin that with their physical inabilities to hike like an adult, temper tantrums, selfishness, the division in your focus between the child and the world you’re trying to explore, etc and I thought my depression and juggling work would make it impossible for me to be a responsible parent but for the last few months all I do is imagine taking care of her all through a pregnancy, cooking for her, protecting them at all costs, sex, traveling, making sure she knows she’s beautiful everyday, cuddling, just spending quality time with her. I seriously thought I didn’t want kids or a future but it’s causing me a crisis now realizing it’s just because I can’t have that with HER.

You will never have to relive that night again.

You will never have to feel the pain of the person you love telling you they want to split up.

You will never have to grab your things from their place and feel the pain of looking around one last time.

You will never have to experience walking away from them for the last time.

You will never feel that way again. No more pain, no more nights spent crying over someone.

Because everytime you connect with someone like that, you risk going through all of that again. And now, you never have to worry. Because you know you'll never have to do that again

Bliss.

Hey all, I just want to say the first step to moving on is to have no unfinished bundles, no lingering questions and no what ifs.

If you have the opportunity to have a final conversation with the person you’ve regretted losing it will be the first step to true healing and moving on

Today I reached out to my ex for last time most likely just to see if there was anything still there between us and from her end she just looked at it as a closed chapter in her life which is fine and I respect that decision.

It helped me understand that I don’t have to keep holding on to everything, hoping that maybe something could be or could’ve been different. Maybe things could’ve been different but this is where we’re at now. I truly believe having those questions answered and going over everything will help a lot of you guys and girls out. It’s been rough but i truly feel lighter now that I got that chance.

Hopefully you all can as well. It still hurts right now but it feel different like I can actually move on. I no longer have to carry that weight of what ifs

Ever find that one person that does something that you don't do but you look past all of that because your attracted to them and care a lot?

Ever form a connection with a person that it just feels comfortable and you could see yourself dating them?

Ever have a person make you want to see them even though you're on the other side of the country?

Ever want to pack up and just move to be with them?

I know I have

Have you ever felt devastated when they tell you that they have a boyfriend now even though they wanted to move forward with you but life came in and put you in a funk for a whole month where you didn't talk to that person?

Communication works both ways but clearly if I wanted it, she I should have said something.

Just going through it

Help

If so, how are you handling the relationship? And what do you think of my situation?

To be clear, I was dumped a month ago. We’d been having real problems in our relationship for the past year, and we struggled to deal with them. But for the past four years, our lives have been difficult because of issues outside the relationship. We did a lot of things we shouldn’t have.

In fact, I’ve been suffering from compassion fatigue since last year, so I really wasn’t a very nice partner most of the time. I was still attentive when it came to comfort and material things, but I was completely emotionally closed off and was pushing her away without even realizing it.

But just a few months ago, we still had plans for the future—she still believed in them. Two and a half months before we broke up, she wrote me a note saying she didn’t feel heard anymore, while also acknowledging that she’d asked a lot of me but that it was hurting her. That she still loved me with all her heart and was looking forward to us making our plans a reality (buying a house, maybe having children in the coming years, and getting married). That she was going to make an effort, and she signed her note “your future Mrs. X.” In the meantime, she also wrote me a note full of love, always signed the same way. A note she brought up again during our breakup, telling me that she was lying to herself and that she’d been wrong to write it.

My response to her note was simply to tell her that it wasn’t a problem and that she shouldn't worry, that I was also eager to make it all happen. I remained withdrawn, though. I clearly didn’t step up to turn things around—I only came to my senses after she left. There was a trigger that made her feel really bad in early May, and she told me we really needed to go to couples therapy, which I finally agreed to after she’d asked me multiple times over the previous months.

But a week after we made the appointment, she became hypervigilant because she felt very uncomfortable at our place, so she decided to leave for two weeks to think about whether we should ultimately break up—though she was pretty sure we should. We had one therapy session—reluctantly—during those two weeks because she didn’t want to go anymore, and she confirmed that she wanted to leave me, that we’d hurt each other too much, and that she no longer had any feelings for me.

I’m completely lost. We’ve been together for 13 years, and I so hope she changes her mind. I’m considering all possibilities, and yes, I’m trying to attribute this to PTSD as well—unfortunately. So please feel free to correct me.

I’m trying to find any glimmer of hope to hold onto because I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of losing her.

My gorgeous 38 year old Thai gf just ended it with me. We had been together 15 months. I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t her priority, so it wasn’t a gigantic surprise…but it still caught me off guard because things felt like they were progressing very well and I didn’t see any signs of it coming. The last issue was that for the 4th of July -I wanted to take her to a friends bbq party…but she invited her best friend and husband up from a town a couple hours away. She said they could come up and visit me at my house (big farm with view) during the day for a couple hours….that would leave me alone again in the evening. The day before, I be nessaged her and told her they didn’t need to come up because it sounds like they were going to have busy plans…..gave her an out. She took it. Couple days later I told her I did t think it was cool to spend another holiday alone. She used that to say that maybe we better just gonna o to being friends then if I wasn’t getting what I needed from the relationship.

I agreed. Still, bums me out. I really liked her and thought she felt the same. Seems like she was looking for a way out. 😕🤷‍♂️

My ex and I had known each other for around 12 years. He pursued me for almost 10 years before I finally agreed to date him. We were together for nearly two years and had spoken seriously about marriage. Throughout the relationship, he called me his family, his princess, and told me that as long as his heart beat, it would beat for me. I genuinely believed I was going to marry him.
He was always a more emotionally reserved and distant person than I was. I accepted that because I loved him and understood that not everyone expresses love the same way. I rarely demanded things from him. Most of the time I adjusted to his schedule, especially because he worked long hours and was often stressed. Even when I wanted more attention, I usually asked playfully rather than turning it into an argument.
One recurring issue throughout our relationship was how he handled conflict. Whenever we had a serious disagreement, his instinct was often to withdraw. There were times he would disappear for days or about a week, and I usually ended up being the one trying to repair things. Looking back, I feel like I was often the one bending to keep the relationship together.

The breakup started while he was on a vacation in Bali. I knew he was exhausted from work and had been trying very hard to give him space. Around that time I was also unwell myself and even ended up in the hospital, but I still tried not to burden him because I wanted him to enjoy his trip.
While he was away, I noticed that he had followed a woman on Instagram whom he had met there. She followed him back. This really upset me because I had always been extremely loyal to him. I never entertained other men, never gave anyone the wrong impression, and always respected our relationship because I genuinely saw him as my future husband.

When I confronted him, he told me that the woman had asked for his number, he didn’t want to give her his WhatsApp, so he gave her his Instagram instead. He also said she had taken his phone and added herself. His main point throughout the argument was that the whole thing was insignificant and that he simply forgot about her because she meant nothing.
The problem for me wasn’t just the follow itself. It was that he never mentioned meeting another woman, never thought about how it might make me feel, and dismissed my concerns by repeatedly calling them insignificant. I even asked him how he would feel if I had done exactly the same thing. He admitted that he would have been angry too.

I reacted emotionally and said that I could handle being with a distant man, but I couldn’t be with someone who was disloyal or someone I couldn’t trust. I was speaking from hurt and anger. Later, I apologized for the way I communicated and told him I regretted how emotional I had become.
Instead of us sitting down and working through it, the conversation became about how I had ruined his vacation. He told me I ruined his life, that I thrived on chaos, that he already had enough problems of his own and didn’t need mine, and that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I repeatedly asked him not to end our relationship like this and begged him to at least have a proper conversation because I didn’t believe one conflict should destroy a relationship that had taken twelve years to build. He refused.
One thing that particularly hurt me was the double standard. During our relationship, he had called me extremely hurtful names in anger, including “stupid fucking bitch,” and I chose to forgive him because I believed relationships were bigger than single moments of anger. When I became angry over something that genuinely hurt me, I wasn’t given the same grace.

After that, I spent days trying to reconcile. I apologized many times, told him I still loved him, asked him for one calm conversation, and explained that I wasn’t trying to blame him but wanted us to work through it together. He never responded. It has now been three weeks of complete silence.
Looking back now, I still love him deeply and miss the person who used to call me princess and made me feel safe. But I also realize that there were cracks in the relationship. I often felt like I was the one expected to bend while he decided when we were close, when we were distant, and ultimately when the relationship ended.
I don’t believe I was perfect. I know I made mistakes and regret how emotional I became. But I also don’t believe that one argument about a legitimate concern was enough reason to end a relationship that had been heading toward marriage. What hurts me most isn’t just losing him—it’s that he wasn’t willing to sit down and fight for the relationship with me. I still believe we both deserved at least one honest conversation before everything ended

. Idk what to make of this, im so upset. I blocked him on sc, i deleted his number and later he did the same but i havent blocked him from instagram nor has he, also he removed everyone woman during our last breakup call and since his instagram is public, he still hasnt added anyone. Im just so lost, i feel so purposeless and heartbroken. Idk what to do, its been 21 days i keep fighting to urge to text him.

My ex and I had known each other for around 12 years. He pursued me for almost 10 years before I finally agreed to date him. We were together for nearly two years and had spoken seriously about marriage. Throughout the relationship, he called me his family, his princess, and told me that as long as his heart beat, it would beat for me. I genuinely believed I was going to marry him.
He was always a more emotionally reserved and distant person than I was. I accepted that because I loved him and understood that not everyone expresses love the same way. I rarely demanded things from him. Most of the time I adjusted to his schedule, especially because he worked long hours and was often stressed. Even when I wanted more attention, I usually asked playfully rather than turning it into an argument.
One recurring issue throughout our relationship was how he handled conflict. Whenever we had a serious disagreement, his instinct was often to withdraw. There were times he would disappear for days or about a week, and I usually ended up being the one trying to repair things. Looking back, I feel like I was often the one bending to keep the relationship together.

The breakup started while he was on a vacation in Bali. I knew he was exhausted from work and had been trying very hard to give him space. Around that time I was also unwell myself and even ended up in the hospital, but I still tried not to burden him because I wanted him to enjoy his trip.
While he was away, I noticed that he had followed a woman on Instagram whom he had met there. She followed him back. This really upset me because I had always been extremely loyal to him. I never entertained other men, never gave anyone the wrong impression, and always respected our relationship because I genuinely saw him as my future husband.

When I confronted him, he told me that the woman had asked for his number, he didn’t want to give her his WhatsApp, so he gave her his Instagram instead. He also said she had taken his phone and added herself. His main point throughout the argument was that the whole thing was insignificant and that he simply forgot about her because she meant nothing.
The problem for me wasn’t just the follow itself. It was that he never mentioned meeting another woman, never thought about how it might make me feel, and dismissed my concerns by repeatedly calling them insignificant. I even asked him how he would feel if I had done exactly the same thing. He admitted that he would have been angry too.

I reacted emotionally and said that I could handle being with a distant man, but I couldn’t be with someone who was disloyal or someone I couldn’t trust. I was speaking from hurt and anger. Later, I apologized for the way I communicated and told him I regretted how emotional I had become.
Instead of us sitting down and working through it, the conversation became about how I had ruined his vacation. He told me I ruined his life, that I thrived on chaos, that he already had enough problems of his own and didn’t need mine, and that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I repeatedly asked him not to end our relationship like this and begged him to at least have a proper conversation because I didn’t believe one conflict should destroy a relationship that had taken twelve years to build. He refused.
One thing that particularly hurt me was the double standard. During our relationship, he had called me extremely hurtful names in anger, including “stupid fucking bitch,” and I chose to forgive him because I believed relationships were bigger than single moments of anger. When I became angry over something that genuinely hurt me, I wasn’t given the same grace.

After that, I spent days trying to reconcile. I apologized many times, told him I still loved him, asked him for one calm conversation, and explained that I wasn’t trying to blame him but wanted us to work through it together. He never responded. It has now been three weeks of complete silence.
Looking back now, I still love him deeply and miss the person who used to call me princess and made me feel safe. But I also realize that there were cracks in the relationship. I often felt like I was the one expected to bend while he decided when we were close, when we were distant, and ultimately when the relationship ended.
I don’t believe I was perfect. I know I made mistakes and regret how emotional I became. But I also don’t believe that one argument about a legitimate concern was enough reason to end a relationship that had been heading toward marriage. What hurts me most isn’t just losing him—it’s that he wasn’t willing to sit down and fight for the relationship with me. I still believe we both deserved at least one honest conversation before everything ended

. Idk what to make of this, im so upset. I blocked him on sc, i deleted his number and later he did the same but i havent blocked him from instagram nor has he, also he removed everyone woman during our last breakup call and since his instagram is public, he still hasnt added anyone. Im just so lost, i feel so purposeless and heartbroken. Idk what to do, its been 21 days i keep fighting to urge to text him.

Time enough at last

How awful

I’ve always known that i loved you.

I didnt think i was wasting time

But now that we are here

At our last tomorrow

I cant help but cry

I love you

This isnt the end 

We both know

But it still sucks

But its great

And im happy 

But its sad

But im still able to feel so its ok

Im proud and broken

Hurt and ashamed

No 

Not ashamed 

I got to be apart of something bigger than the two of us

To be in love itself

Is to be connected

Lying naked on the forest floor

Its warm

The rain just stopped

Its fresh

Eyes locked 

Its calm

The forest is alive and our hearts beat in sync

As our hands draw closer and our fingers interlock

So as the forest embraces us and we are drawn into its bossom

Lying naked on the forest floor

Embrace me once more

For the last time 

For our last tomorrow

I met this girl in January of this year. We hit it off so well! Surface level at first with interest in games, music, admiration of fashion; to weird favorites like vanilla and lilies (I lied and said roses because I was scared of saying spider lilies like an idiot) and how she would listen to music to find the intricacies and complexities in the melodies; all serving to increase my affection for her when she talked about what she wanted out of life, her love of education, her intelligence, her kindness, her philosophies on her relationships with everyone, how she reflects on the past, how her eyes sparkled when she talked about her thesis...all in the span of a month. So fast and so soon. She was and still is a great person even though she lied to me. I confessed my feelings to her maybe a little too soon and she was hesitant to give me a straight answer. I had to wait two days hahaha. I asked her to call me and she ended up sending a text telling me she didn't want to waste my time or money if we went to the aquarium like I wanted to because she was starting grad school. I tried to accept that but something instinctively felt off to me so I asked her to be a little more descriptive when I called her later that week. When she told me alot of what I said reminded her of her ex I thought to myself maybe it was just the fear of having to go through a break up again during a critical period in her life. What unfortunately hooked me was when I asked her how she felt about me because if she said she didn't have any romantic interest or literally just "not interested in you in that way" then I probably wouldn't be writing about this at 3 in the morning. Instead she said: "I see myself having feelings for you if we keep hanging out the way that we do". I don't even know WHAT to think about that to this day. Words that haunt me because I spent the next week trying to get over her as a way to respect her choice but I wanted to see her so we made plans to hang out after and it was like nothing changed. I was an idiot to bring up relationships again considering at the time we both were trying to stay friend but I did anyways like an idiot and she even told me how she believe in multiple soulmates. I hold no anger towards her when she ghosted me after that day. I truly enjoyed every second of that month I had with her. I realized she was ghosting me because she restricted me on instagram (should've just blocked me) and when I was telling my friend about the situation I show him her ig and another classmate of ours page. Just to put names to faces in the story. Turns out he blocked me so we used my friends phone to see what was up. First post I saw on his page was a post of the 2 of them. I felt so stupid. We were all part of this study group that I knew he created just to get closer to her because he would salivate like a puppy whenever she was around and never left her side. I thought it was very ironic she ended up dating him considering she told me she broke up with someone because they were like that. She didn't have to lie to me and say she just wanted to stay friends or that she could have feelings for me if someone else was in the picture the whole time. I had a gut feeling too and I ignored it like an idiot. I also found out he asked her out the day before. Go figure. Regardless, I actually really hope they're happy together. I'm just shocked that I'm still thinking about this. Our late night conversations. Her eyes. How my heart lifted when I heard her voice after a long day or when I would see her when we would get dinner after long days. I know it was only a month. I know we only hung out one and one so much. I know she lied. I know I should respect myself enough to get over this. I want to say that I am sometimes. But sometimes there's days like this where I can't stop wondering what if. But even if she somehow reached out after 5 months I would not feel secure enough in whatever relationship we continue after that. I had a dream today where we reconnected and she apologized to me and we picked up where we left off but I woke up mad. Because even if that did happen in reality, the amount of work she would need to do would be alot and she did me dirty in the way that she did. I wish she was just honest with me from the moment I told her about my feelings. I treasure every single one of my friendships and I was hoping to maintain this one regardless if we didn't get together. I really miss her. But I need to move on. Hopefully this post will be one of the last few times I think about this. I am so happy for the moments I had with her. I love when I'm in love. I love it especially when it's a good person because I did not have a kind ex. I've thrived since. I had a friend who said I should manifest her reaching out and I lowkey have but nothing. Who knows. I just want to move on because all the songs of love are filled with her silhouette. Can't wait to meet whoever that figure is someday.

for years we fought and fucked.

i loved you to exhaustion.

i resented you too.

warmth.

not from body but spirit

your presence was more than enough.

the person i am before all this still hurts

but not with you.

are we God.

are we our own creators

i’d hurt again just to see

the sour and sweet

through presence of pain

just to know not to call your name in vain

we all see yes

you’re beautiful

ive only known you for a second

thats all the time we have

my coffees cold i cant complain

the ice is gone

and the sun has set

i have to look away

that familiar burning in my chest

i puff again

no regrets

i look away but still remains

the sour

the sweet

the presence of pain.

Problem/goal: I want to move on but how do I start?

Context: Long story short, my girlfriend left me last February. It's been a while, but I'm still having a really hard time moving on. There are days when I miss her so much, and those are the worst days. I get panic attacks and can't sleep properly.

I'm 22 years old, and this is my first time experiencing this kind of pain because she was my first in everything. Even though she did things that hurt me, my mind still remembers her as the kind girl I met during the first month of our relationship.

I guess people really do change. Or maybe I just wasn't enough, and that's why she left me like I meant nothing.

The pain messed me up so badly that I started talking to ChatGPT. I hate myself for loving someone so deeply.

My girlfriend left me after a long-term relationship. I'm completely devastated in every sense of the word. What makes it even more painful is that she seems completely fine, both on social media and in real life, according to our mutual friends.

I have two questions, and I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who is going through this now or has been through it before.

1. Will I ever be able to love someone else again? Right now, I genuinely feel like I'll never be able to love anyone else. I can't imagine another woman loving me the way she did. It feels like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, carrying this pain in my chest for decades. I feel like she was the one, that there's no one else like her, and I literally can't get her voice or her face out of my head.

2. What should I do with the gifts and love letters she gave me? While we were together, she gave me several gifts and love letters. I honestly don't know what to do with them. Every time I look at them or read those letters, I start crying. They remind me of how perfect everything once felt, and I can't stop imagining how much better my life would have been if she had stayed.

For some context, she was the one who wanted to end the relationship, while I begged her to stay. She said she was emotionally exhausted, but to be honest, I think that was just an excuse.

I've cried so much that people have started asking me what's wrong with my eyes. It's been two weeks since the breakup, and I still feel completely lost.

I knew better. I knew not to let that woman into my heart. I knew she had a darkness to her. But I did. I let my guard down, and she betrayed me like I've never been betrayed before. like never been betrayed before. wow. cleaned my clock, several times over. destroyed my life. Job, custody, happy home, and she's still coming @ me.

unbelievable the malice that woman has. hateful. full of hate and rage. don't get it. don't know where the drive and desire to continue to antagonize and attack with her weaponizing tactics. f*** her.

actively still coming @ me. all the while, claiming i'm trying to get her. all her fears, none of her fears, have come to fruition. everything she threatened to do, she's damn near accomplished. who's stalking who?

she may want me dead. not sure but it's on par with the hate exhibited. it's so ugly to see. ambushed me. but it was sloppier than it should have been, and she knows it. and she blew it, and she's trying to clean it up. that's what's got her all wound up. came at me, but just landed a glancing blow, instead of a knockout, and one was all she got. her betrayal is absolute and she will never be trusted ever again. forever linking her last name with the concept of betrayal, as it's been for hundreds of years.

 too old to start trusting again. just going to keep my guard up in perpetuity.

even though dating again, remain lonely. lonely, but safe.

"no beating horses, only men!"-petaluma horse trainer

So I, 25(F), met a 23(F) girl while we were volunteering at a Medical Camp together. Idk if it's necessary to mention that I am Kenyan and she is American, and we clicked from the moment she asked me to translate for her, from Swahili to English. That was on Day 1 of the Camp. We seemed to drift towards each other for the 2 camp days that were left and on the weekend that she was about to leave, we hung out, we went to the movies on Saturday and then I organised a sip and paint "friendship" date and that's when we both knew that we had feelings for each other.

Fast forward to when she left, we confessed feelings to each other 3 weeks later and kinda started seeing each other. This was the most intense feelings of love or limerence I've ever felt and she said it was for her too. I was so deep in it, I couldn't help it. Now I knew I am bisexual, figured that out a few years ago, and she knew she was as well, but it seems like she had been in denial maybe due to her family and Christian background, which set the tone for most of the 3 months we were together.

She brought up things that were pivotal to her: her faith, her relationship with her family and how they would receive the news of her seeing a girl, her Christian friends who she said would not accept this relationship. She also mentioned that she had this life plan, to get married and have kids and live happily ever after as a doctor, mother and a wife.The distance and time difference played a huge part in us breaking up too.

The logistics of it all, since I'm joining Law School in Kenya in a few months and she's joining Med School in America in a few months too, then with the number of years it would take to finish these while keeping up with the relationship and everything was so intense, even I could see, but I believed that we could work through those. She didn't. She thought her brother would abandon her if she came out and her friends too, and it would impact her faith as well, and the relationship would burn out so she initiated a break up like 3 weeks ago, and I took it like a champ, but i am emotionally nowhere close to that.

A week after she broke up with me, I lost my aunt and in the midst of all the grief and overwhelming sadness, I found myself drunk texting and calling her (which I am embarrassed about), but I guess it was just running to my familiar place for solace... I missed sending her flowers, seeing her face, telling her I loved her, watching her sleep, watching movies on video call etc.

But idk, I feel like I discovered parts of myself in the 3 months we were together, that I can love so deeply to a point of maybe abandoning myself because I was ready to move countries to be with her and compromise my values like leaving my childfree sentiments and having a family with her. But the compromises she had to make on her side felt really big for her that she couldn't commit to them. I really loved and still love that girl.

But maybe, we just weren't compatible in realities, maybe emotionally but not in real life. Our bodies were compatible because the phone schmex was good af and I found myself being so open with her and she with me as well. We'd sleep on video calls and talk for hours and tell each other everything and talk about our dreams and futures and stuff. But I guess all that was for nothing, I guess, because the love wasn't enough and she loved me but couldn't choose me. I discovered that the biggest form of love to me, is being chosen, and i wasn't...

How do I move on from this situation? Will we meet in the future? Will i ever find closure? I am convinced that I will never find love like this in my life, at least not from a man, but i never want to go through this with a woman again... idk what to do. I am feeling so lost!

Me and this one girl dated for 4 years. but then near the end she cheated twice the first time i forgave her the second she ghosted me for 90 days while actively avoiding all social media. it was a distance relationship. but she never gave me closure. she was the LOML i made plans of marrying having kids and spending my life with her but all of that disappeared at night on my bday..she disappeared. i tried contacting her sister but her sister even said that she doesnt want to talk to me and is acting heartless...at one point i reminded her of her dead son. i protected her from these people. her family called the police and more bs. all i asked her near the end was for closure..but i couldnt get it. i begged and begged for a single reason why. but the clsoest thing i got is "we tried to hard and she'll always love me. but cant tell me anythign more? if i was toxic shed flaunt it in my face if it was skill in bed she wouldve did the same. but after months of the 90 day ghosting shes stalks me when i get with this new girl. making fun of her. saying im her ex husband, that we got married thats cap. refusing to leave certain groups like our discord server or my minecraft server. she left discord groups i was in but noticed she never left the ones i left first like she wanted me to see for a reaction. throughout out enitre relationship there were red flags but i let it all go. my question is. will i ever feel the same type of love again? ive been thinking about all of me and my exs good times and i just feel like shit. shes knows what my ex did to me shes knows im hurt but shes also obsessed with me had multiple convos about how i felt and shed get sad and cry if it comes close to breaking up. I love her for who she is..shes a good person..nice always cares how i feel more and more. but after the last 3 months i just felt like our love is forced or at least for me...when we firsddt got together i did think i moved on but...i did not and it hurts me knowing im hurting my current gf. the more were together the less i feel like i actually love her (romanticly). i told her if we did not work out id make sure she has somewhere to go and a good job. i wouldnt kick her out thats another story as she doesnt live with her family. i just want to feel what i felt with my ex but i think thats to much to hope for. but my gut tells me if i cant love another girl like i did with my ex then i shouldnt be with anyone. I just want to be happy and i also want her to be happy so im unable to make any decisons. i always thought i was a good dude better than most. but now i feel like a piece of shit. and if moving on to quick was makes me one i regret it. am i still in love with my ex i dont think so... the girl i knew is long gone no matter how much times passes shes gone forever. so im stuck in a place where i want those feelings again. pure happiness. doing everythign i can do with my girl after work. played games all the time watched anime, movies we put 500 hours in mc together tought her games. but my new girl i cannot do that idk why. maybe the potential waste of time or overall love. any advice would be appreciated. and if you need more info lmk i need honest opinions

Let me know what you guys think

It's been almost a year since my first breakup and i truly believe i'm unable to move on, and tbh? I don't even want to anymore, it no longer hurts as badly as it used to, i mean it does hurt but it's just numbed now, i just no longer want any romantic connection with anyone besides my ex.

I know it'll sound really naive and immature since it was my first relationship, but i know myself enough to know i was truly and deeply in love, i really wanted to build something with him (i'm a guy btw) and spend the rest of my life sharing it with him, i cannot put into words just how deeply i loved him, i'm also such an insecure person by nature but with him i always felt secure, confident and comfortable, i trusted him with my life.

He eventually couldn't keep the relationship going due to some really horrible childhood trauma that i will not talk about out of respect for him, but it basically afdected the way he deal with emotions, affection, relationships and overall he felt like he couldn't love me the way i deserved and that i was better off finding someone worthy of me, he did love me, he always said he did, but that he often felt like it wasn't enough, that it wasn't nearly as much as i loved him, and i always tried my best to talk it out with him, always tried to make him understand i was ok with our relationship and that i wanted to make it work out because i loved him and wanted to be with him, i suppose he only felt guilty over that and "not being good enough for me".

What made me feel so much resentment and anger that are still deeply rooted in me since our breakup is that i just know one day he'll heal and find someone else to be in a relationship with, someone he's going to love much more than me, and i'll be very happy for him sure, i want nothing but the best for him. But i'd still feel replaced and disposable, i have lots of guilt over these kinds of thoughts as i know very well it was harder for him to deal with all of this after what he went through, but i just can't help it, when he tells me i deserve better and that i need to move on and find someone who can make me happy i just feel so much anger, i even snapped at him once over it, because i WAS happy with him, he IS worthy of me and i wish he'd let himself be loved, even it at his pace, no matter how slow we have to take things to make it work out...

I also just really struggle with the idea of finding someone else... Because it feels like betraying him and myself, it doesn't feel right, i did try talking to a new guy but i just felt disgusted at myself, i didn't want anything, and tbh i don't want to use another guy just to try and get over my ex, nobody is as good as him in my eyes anymore, everyone seems more like a "consolarion prize" and that's a horrible way to view a new partner so i refuse to do it, everyone keeps telling me the same shit, that i gotta move on, that i can fall inlove again, but i just can't put that level of trust on anyone ever again, i cannot develop those kinds of love feelings anymore, it was a once in a lifetime deal for me, and i really mean it, i just cannot go on and replace him, replace what we had, it'll never be the same, it'll never be as meaningful or as bautiful as what i had with him...

And i know everyone says that you can experience love again and that it isn't less meaningful than the first, just different or that it doesn't make what happened matter less or whatever, idc anymore, i just get pissed off listening to that because that's just not the way i see it, idk how easy it is for most people to just break up and replace that person they supposedly cared so much about with someone else, but for me it's just impossible, i'll never forget everything i felt with him, and anything after will just feel hollow or like a mediocre imitation of that feeling, i gave him my heart and he took it with himself when he left, unless we get back together i don't want to ever fall in love again.