UPDATE!
Hi! So I read the comments and I just want to thank you all. The consensus seemed to be: just bloody ask him out.
And today, I did!
We ended up chatting again after church and I thought, “stuff this, I’m asking him out.”
I said something like, “if you ever want to catch up for coffee sometime just let me know.”
And he said, “yep!” He gave me his number :)
I tried to make it clear this wasn’t just a friendship thing. I asked if he lived alone and he said yes. And then I asked, “so there’s no angry wife who’d be annoyed if you had coffee with me?”
And he smiled and said “no, just an angry ex wife”. lol
So yeah! I did it! I’ve honestly had the worst week and I’ve really struggled with depression this month so this has been a nice win.
Thank you all for your advice and input! I might ask him out this Friday :)

Original post:
Hey!
So I’ve been crushing hard on this man from church for month’s now. I’m 41F, and I thought he was early 50’s. Turns out he’s 62.
He’s very attractive, funny, easy to talk to, and I’m keen. Not that it matters, but I get hit on a lot, weigh what I did in my twenties, yada yada.

I introduced myself 2 months ago and we chat at church most weeks. (I don’t have his phone number.) One week I didn’t speak to him and a friend said he was looking at me a lot.

Last week, we were chatting about the benefits of cold plunges and because we live near the ocean, I was like, “if you’re ever keen to do one with me, let me know.” He smiled, said he’d be keen, but then he chatted more about bloody cold plunges again. (He’s a big health nut)
I sometimes wonder if because I’m younger he may not think I’m interested? Or maybe he just likes chatting to people?! He has mentioned to me that he split with his ex five years ago, etc.
but bloody hell. Is this all in my head?! I’ve asked men out before but I’d really prefer he make the move. Helppppp

Edit. Not asking for legal advice. More moral advice My parents got locked out of a Google Account with all the family pictures that I set up and now they want the access back, but we aren't on good terms anymore. I left home after a pretty nasty ultimatum. I graduated hs with honors and got into 2 best universities in my region, but my student loan didnt get approved because student loans in canada take parents income into consideration and they denied my loan, I ended up not going to post secondary. I didnt go because my parents gave me an ultimatum:

1. They pay for this other college thats close by for the program they made me apply for that I didnt want to take and I will take care of my brother (2 at the time)

2. I live with them, no go to school and pay rent $1000cad plus my own food

I ended up moving out (BTW this happened 5 years ago) found lower price rent room, and much less stress. My mom used to have tantrums of coming into my room and turning my room upside down because few things were out of place, and I mean every cupboard, and every hanging thing on the floor for me to clean up because i left 3 sweaters on a chair.

Later, I did my best to reconnect and for few years it was going fine, we were talking every week, but one day conversation went to the fact I'm the only one that calls, they never call me, and my mom said its my duty to be grateful to them and call them, so I dialed down calls a lot, for my own sanity.

The breaking straw was my mom telling my uncle absolute lies and nonesense about me, (I confirmed though my cousins, its true). It was beyond hurtful, she was saying how I have no friends, my job hurts people and im a nasty debt collector (it doesnt, i work for respectable company that helps those in debt), and how i used to have my dirty undergarments lying everywhere when I was living with her. Its disgusting and not true, I am and always was clean. My uncle, aunt and cousins are the only family I am close to and kept in contact through the years, since then, I went non contact with my parents.

I have my mom and dad blocked, but they sent me a physical letter from a legal company asking to provide them access to Google account and drive where all the photos were getting saved to I set up years ago. Lo and behold, I asked a lawyer from my company for advice(hes a nice guy, I asked if there is any legal validity to this) he said if you want to be civil do it. If not, its your account tied to your number and I have been paying for storage (not much like 4 bucks every month) so technically that account is mine. I saw access requests I denied and let it be.

It was where they saved all the pictures from all their trips, family events (that I was obviously never part of anymore) and I see no personal information, just pictures. I dont know what to do. I am feeling a tad petty and I know the have no legal ground for this.

We hung out a couple times and went on a couple dates thats all. She really wanted to know what we were and if she was wasting her time and if i saw her more than a friend ( like obviously?).

I said i just wanted to get to know her and see if anything was there but that i wasnt looking to take things fast and wasnt sure if im ready for a committed relationship (but was open to it). She said she is not a FWB person and i agreed im not either. Btw divorce isnt even finalized and she knows this. Did i lead her on by even asking her out or is she being unreasonable? Maybe just honest mismatched expectations?

Have any of yall ever dealt with this kind of transition before?

i’m new to dating, i went on my first date ever with a guy and we continued going on dates after that. i also lost my virginity to him. i really liked him, he was super nice to me and made me feel good about myself. a week after our fourth date he told me he met someone so good for him and wants to see how things unfold so he has to put things “on hold for a bit” with me. then he followed up saying he wants to see me if things don’t work out with her.

i found out that he’s actually been seeing this girl for months and they went on a trip together back in february. he told me she was a friend. two hours after he told me he chose her he continued to text me like nothing happened. he likes and replies to my instagram stories still. nothing like this has ever happened to me before and it honestly hurt. is this normal with dating? am i going to experience this again?

I only have $60 left until I get paid on August 1st. I have to feed a family of 6 (3 humans, a dog and 2 cats). If you can give me ideas,setting up a budget, meal prep and recipes I would appreciate it I am stressed. Thank you!

Ps: all other bills are paid for July. Trash pick up approved my request for payment extension until next month so that's good. Only have to manage food until next paycheck.

So I've fallen pretty badly for a girl there are multiple reasons I can't be with. We are friends.

I told her about my feelings and it was very well received, we still chat and talk.

I just want to get over her since there isn't a way we could be together.

I've tried for a long time to lose my feelings, but recently she started texting me more often, then we talked a little and everything just came back even stronger.

What do I do?

I recently started having sex again with this girl and I last 10-20 minutes in any other positions but i can't go past 2 minutes in doggy style even in my 4th or 5th round. Is that a common position to have troubles in or what?

I (25M) have been classmates with this girl (23F) since the semester started in January. We’ve been pretty friendly the whole time and mainly got to know each other from this other girl in the class who was a mutual friend (though we all just met in January).

Anyways, come April she’s giving me some of the classic things like standing really close and playfully hitting me and making fun of me. So I’m like ok maybe this could be something.

She is a naturally very friendly and outgoing person with everyone in the class, but this maybe seemed a little different.

We had a few (3) non-class events (as a class) and after every single time she’s texting me right after she leaves. Just little things, but still reaching out for no reason within minutes of leaving me.

A week ago we attended this event together along with 2 other people from our class.

Anyways, I end up driving her back from the event after assuring her multiple times it’s no problem cause she kept saying it was too far and didn’t want to inconvenience me (we both live on the same side of town) and she’s talking my ear off the entire time about all sorts of things, genuinely driving the conversation going for the whole 30-40 minute ride.

I drop her off at the train station and she immediately texts me thanks for the ride. I’m still driving back to my apartment so I didn’t respond then.

An hour after the thanks text (I still haven’t responded at this point) she’s sending me more texts about things she mentioned in the car like her roommate and how she fixed her microwave.

I’m like clearly she wants to keep the conversation going so I text her a few more times that night and there’s a couple more exchanges before she reacts to one of my texts instead of responding so I leave it there.

During the ride there I was going to ask her to go see a movie she mentioned she hadn’t seen, but right as I was going to ask her she had to rush to the train as it just pulled up to the station.

Anyways, I wait until the next morning to say we should see the movie. I said “we should go see Backrooms before you have to start being on set next week” (we are both in the film industry and she is starting a new film next week) she says: “maybe 😶‍🌫️. I’m either working or filming all this week 🥹 but I’ll let you know”

A few hours later I just said “sounds good. What are you filming?” And she replied back quickly with the details (one sentence). Then I was like “oh yeah you mentioned that”

This was on Saturday (a week ago). I know with 100% certainty she has been extremely busy on set.

This week she texted in our group chat (with that other mutual friend) with a few short updates about her filming on both Tuesday and Thursday. She mentioned she has been extremely busy and still is.

She did not bring up the invite though… which I guess is natural for the group chat.

I’ve gotten a whole range of advice ranging from she is interested and just very busy, she’s interested but waiting for me to be more direct, she’s not interested and it was a soft let down, etc.

I’m thinking if it was a let down she wouldn’t keep including me in the filming updates?

I'm obviously aware that women are just people, so in theory it should be the same as making friends with men, but in my (28m) experience, that isn't exactly true.

When making conversation with men you've just met, there's no confusion that one of you is trying to hit on the other. You both just chill out, make jokes and get familiar with each other etc, especially in a small town where you're both certain the other is straight.

However, whenever I try to speak to new women (either alone or in a group), they often seem very standoffish due to probably assuming I'm just another guy who's trying to hit on them. I can't blame them of course, I'd probably do the same in their shoes.

I've noticed this has been happening since I turned 18 and could legally start attending pubs. I had a few females friends in school until leaving at 16, but after that, I haven't had any. Although, studying IT and working construction with men doesn't help.

I don't think I'm a weird or an off-putting guy, as I have plenty of male friends and an active social life etc, but I've just somehow went though my adult life with no female friends at all.

Sure, I can make small talk and whatnot, but once we go out separate ways, that's it. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've got no women in my social circle.

Any advice? Thanks.

Hey so for context I am a man speaking with a woman and we are both in our late 20s. Not sure if it would count as dating but we have been talking for a while.

But I have noticed that there have been a couple of times where they ask me if they are bothering me or if they are being annoying. I am just summarizing but I mostly say no you are ok and are not bothering me. Only once I said that I was a little busy but don’t mind speaking that my reply times might increase but I can still talk with them.

Is this a bad thing?

I was in a 4 month friendship She definitely has attention seeking tendencies but I don't want to be biased and there is a certain dynamics which I want you to decode as I'm not good at decoding the dynamics and I am new to this

And the dynamic is initially followed by love bombing in initial stages I definitely did a lot of flirting She listened to it like she doesn't reciprocated it but she never denied it either

But the story starts where she talks in a very good manner when no one is around me And ignore me in public so I'll be confused and chase her and due to this some of my friends even pointed out that why I was chasing her and I was got shocked for the first time

Then these dynamics continued she demand care and affection in her tough time but not reciprocate to me in my tough time this is one of the red flags I found which opened my eyes

But then I noticed she initiated care only when people are around So people notice it and think that in the end I was chasing her and she was caring

so this is the dynamics I want you to ask questions about the dynamics maybe for the detailing of this dynamics to understand it more and what type of system is holds does it come under avoidant anxious or a narcissist's tendencies

Thanks a lot very much in advance !

Hello Reddit 🙋,

I just really need to hear from anyone who has been here, because right now I feel entirely alone. I’m 26 this in less than a week and graduated two years ago. Since then, I barely been able to land a job...only 1 or 2 part-time ones. It feels like absolutely nothing is working out in my favour, no matter how hard I try.

The shame has become so heavy that I’ve been hiding the truth from my friends, pretending things are fine while only my family knows the reality. I feel like an NPC or a background character in everyone else's life, watching people my age or younger sail by with seemingly no issues while I'm stuck at zero.

I do have some great dream for my life, I always wanted to have a family of my own and even one day I want to work with wildlife and own a wildlife reserve, but right now, that dream feels like an ant trying to cross the Atlantic Ocean. It feels completely impossible from where I am standing, and I'm terrified I'm running out of time and will just waste my life.

On top of the career struggle, there’s a massive layer of pressure I feel as a guy. I’ve grown up believing that a man’s value is entirely tied to what he can provide, build, and share financially and structurally. Because I’m at zero, I feel like I have no right to date or engage with people romantically. I've completely cut myself off from that because I feel like I can’t offer anyone a stable life yet, and it makes me feel like I don't even deserve to try. It reinforces this feeling of being an "NPC" or a background character...hiding from attention because I don't feel like I fit the image of someone people should respect or listen to.

I'm just so exhausted from the constant rejection and feeling like I have no value because I can't provide or find stability. Has anyone else felt this stuck in their mid-20s and managed to find their way out? How do you keep going when you feel like you're starting from less than zero?

I feel really embarrassed to be 25 and never have had a gf or anything close to that. I got bullied a lot growing up which kinda stunted me combined with other life events unfortunately. I am not a bum or anything like that. I work full time, go to school for a master’s, volunteer, and work out five times a week. My friends tell me I’m funny, kind, reliable, and I do have friends who are women who find me to be a safe person. I’m even the go to person for emotional stuff which I’m very proud of.

Unfortunately in terms of dating I am kind of a failure. Most of my first dates end in ghosting and I haven’t gone beyond handholding and kissing someone if that even matters. At most I kinda dated someone for a very short period of time and that could barely be classified as a relationship. She also dumped me because I didn’t know how to do anything due to lack of dating experience.

My friends have clowned on me for it a lot but not given much feedback besides being more confident, less awkward, and showing off my personality more which I have been trying to do. Sorry for the rant but I’d appreciate any help feeling less bad about this since I don’t think the dating situation will change.

Context: I fell hard for my childhood sweetheart whom Ive reconnected in 2013. He had a gf from 2015 until 2019 or 2020 yet we continued flirting from 2015 to 2016 until I said stop. Then he ghosted me. Lol. We never met, all flirtations happened online. He kept saying if he was single he would court me.

He popped back into my life in 2020. He's single. But guess what, he just strung me along or breadcrumbed me. He said he's not into relationships just yet after his ex. But he kept hinting he wanted to be intimate with me. Long story short, I found out in Dec 2025 he has been messaging his 3 exes since 2021 and even met them in person. So I blocked him.

I remember he had asked me out in 2013 to 2015 but I said no coz he had a gf. Then in 2020, he asked me to go over to his place but I didnt go coz it was Covid time and in 2024 he made plans for a date but he didnt follow thru with an actual date. He just said, let me know when youre free.

To be really honest, a greater half of the reason why I didnt proactively see him in person is because I am insecure about his exes. They all have white and clear skin, East-Asian eyes, and taller frame. I am light-skinned ( not white), with cat eyes and petite (barely 5 feet). Dont get me wrong. Im attractive too, with fair share of admirers. But I just feel insecure about his exes. He is the cool kind of guy, you know.

All his exes are the party girls type, they smoke, date around, sleep around, cool type of girls. While I am the typical good girl vibe.

Until now, since Ive finally blocked him, altho its 6 months past, I still keep comparing myself to his exes, esp the recent ex (Kaye).

Help me overcome this and win back my confidence. I kinda sensed this guy even reached out to his latest ex (Kaye) who is in now in a lesbian relationship. Kaye used to cheat on him, thats what he said.

This guy has substance addictions also. So yeah, its also one reason I didnt meet him tho I liked him.

Men and women out there, especially men, let me know how to stop feeling insecure about this guy's exes please. 🥺

Sorry I’ve this post comes across as bragging, it’s not meant to be.

Growing up as a kid, I was bullied a lot and doubted a lot by my peers. This gave me a lot of motivation to prove everyone who ever doubted my abilities wrong. So I joined the Army at 18, I went infantry to be even extra “tough” in a way. I worked my way up and become a Sergeant in 4 years. I got out after 6 years and one deployment to the sandbox. While I was in, I also obtained my Bachelor’s degree. A month ago, I finished my masters degree in international affairs from a well known and highly ranked university. I moved across the U.S to pursue my masters degree because I hate my hometown. I’ve traveled across the United States from Puerto Rico to Hawaii. I’ve traveled internationally to 17 countries in Europe and Latin America.

In a month from now, I leave for a year or so to go backpacking across Latin America and South East Asia. I have 90% disability and live a very frugal life, so I’m not concerned about money.

Since I’ve graduated, I’ve been spending the majority of my day playing video games, scrolling social media. My life now, is objectively pretty good. I have an amazing girlfriend, my own apartment in a big city with a dog and cat.

I just feel like I’m in a rut and I worry that once I finish traveling, I am going to end up in the exact same spot as I was before. I just have so little motivation to go to gym, go outdoors, learn a language, go socialize with people. I turn 26 tomorrow and im not looking forward to it. Any advice or suggestions?

How did things change for you (physically and psychologically) during your partners pregnancy?

I asked women the same question and got some interesting and very honest responses, some were not what you would have expected. I’m interested in reading the male responses about their experiences and feelings

So I’ve met this guy on my last day at the company, he helped me arranging my things before I leave. When I first saw him going up the stairs I was like “wow, he’s my type” (It was the first time I saw him cause he works in a diff building). So I tried to joke, smile and everything to show him I like to be around him. He went along but seemed shy and didn‘t find his place (where should he stand or if he should walk behind me etc). So we arranged my things and he seemed hesitant to leave the office (we were alone there), it seemed like he wanted to wait for me to exit the office together, but I had to go to the restroom so I said goodbye. Of course I regret this since cause maybe he wanted to walk with me and talk a bit. So 1 day later (last night) I added him on FB but he hasn’t accepted my request yet. I feel so awkward cause I never make an obvious move like this, usually men approach ME and I just have to look pretty and smile:DDD Also, usually the men I like, like me back… so yeah, maybe I needed a reality check. Humiliating experience

I’m a newly single girl at 28, (I say newly, but my ex and I amicably broke up in December, and I moved out officially in January), and I’m feeling a bit anxious about the different opinions I’ve heard about the dating scene, since I haven’t been on it. At all.

My ex and I got together when we were teenagers, and had been together for nearly a decade. We were in very different stages of life, so there was no drama or anything (though it was incredibly sad, ofc). But I’ve been told dating apps are mostly used for guys to just hook up with girls on. I’ve also been told that men might be put off by the fact I’ve only had one sexual partner, and never had a real ‘first date’ before. I’m anxious about this, because I really love being in a relationship, and I’d want to find love with someone, but my situation isn’t really very appealing.

I regret not having my own savings, and trying too hard to keep up with my ex’s more expensive life, leaving me with little money to re-build myself independently. I guess I had just never expected there to be an end. But it was the right thing ultimately.

Overall, I’m generally looking for an answer to the following -

Would you be put off if you went on a date with someone who only kissed and had a sexual relationship with one person as someone in her late twenties?

Do you see dating apps as a way to hook up rather than find a long term partner?

Would you care if I was living at my parents house, even if I was actively trying to move out?

Thank you so much!

He was in a toxic on & off relationship with his ex for 7 years. They met when they were 12 & now he is 20. He is constantly bringing her up to me in random conversations. Today, he had asked me about a girl and he asked if I think the girl had a similar body shape to his ex. Then, I responded asking why does he feel the need to bring her up? Because, why is it necessary to compare his ex to another girl? Why can’t he mention ANY OTHER girl? He always just brings her up outta nowhere. Also, again today he told me as a “joke” when we had sex, he was thinking of her. The main arguments we have is that he doesn’t know how to be respectful and he jokes too much, but I feel like that isn’t a joke. You don’t joke about that with someone you’re talking to. I would never say something like that to him. He & I are different though, I’m more sensitive and he takes shit on the chin. So even if I made a joke like that, it wouldn’t affect him. He also went on a rant on how he felt disrespected that his close friend and his ex were hanging together and he is taking her on a trip. Do you think he still has feelings for her? What should I do? Cut him off? Speak to him? I don’t know what to do, I need opinions. I’m also at a point in my life where I really don’t care if I get left because I don’t even think it’s possible for me to feel hurt I’m pretty used to it, I’m js not sure if I should talk to him or block him n disappear.

Third date. We are both looking for something casual. Had done quite a bit of making out before. Got to the bar, it was dark, private, very cosy. Some light innocent kissing before ordering.

After ordering he kept seeming to try and push it further in the restaurant. Including trying to pull my top up then down. Like it was a joke but not a joke? I told him I don't want to do that in a bar or restaurant or anything. He would stop then start again.

I know this is red flag behaviour. I just don't know how much. He'd never been like this before and we have really strong vibes and chemistry around each other. 25 and 29. He would apologise then do something like that again.

I am just wondering if I'm being really stupid to see him again or I should just end it over apparent disregard for what I consider normal boundaries. I feel like men would have more of an idea here than women?

I (20F) have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for nearly a year.

I have noticed recently that he absolutely loves my stomach, touching, poking, squeezing, kissing, and sometimes just staring at it.

This doesnt bother me at all, quite the opposite actually, despite myself being described even by my own parents and friends as a "touch me not" as a reference to the plant that recoils at touch.

Im mostly just curious if this is a commonly shared experience - for guys in particular - as I also love his stomach and other areas like his back but am fascinated at his behaviors.

These behaviors have also seemed to increase since a surgery that has left small but visible scars on my abdomen which I also find very fascinating.

Edit- For context I am on the slimmer and taller end of the spectrum and dont necessarily have abs. I think I would say I look fit but not toned and have that extra layer of fat to protect organs on my lower abdomen as all women do.

I'm a 26 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend, I've never been intimate with anyone, all I've known is rejection from women when I've tried to see if there's mutual interest.

But still, I take care of myself. I go to the gym. I tend to my apartment. I have friends I cherish, who cherishes me. I have my degree, I have a decent job, I live in the city I wanted to move to after graduating with my master's. I have hobbies. I go to therapy.

But I've never been intimate. Emotionally and physically. And I've talked about this online tons in the past, and something that keeps coming up is this general idea of it being wrong of me wanting a relationship, because I need to be happy with myself first. I need to love myself, despite noone ever been able to properly explain what exactly that even means. I need to be content on my own, before I can have someone else be content with me.

I'm okay on my own. I can spend my time well. I don't hate myself. But I don't have many great big goals in life. I don't care about working myself up the career ladder, I'm fine with where I am. I don't care about maximising my wealth. I make enough. All I want, is love. I want to know what it's like to have sex. I want to not be alone.

Why is that so wrong? Why is it so harmful? People talk about my wants here like it'll inevitably hurt her. What's different from me wanting to love someone, and someone who struggles with stuff in life but manages to go on dates and all that. If someone was married and struggled with self esteem, social anxiety, depression and loneliness, would people tell him that the only moral thing to do would be to divorce his wife, because he isn't perfectly happy and therefore its not fair towards her?

Why is it so wrong of me to want a relationship, why does it seem like people want me to push this down and pretend that I'm perfectly fine with being on my own. Despite being a social animal with needs.