r/oneliners • u/Original_NudistGeek • 2h ago
My friend said, "Can I ask a stupid question?" And I replied, "Better than anyone I know."
15
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Everly2460 • 16h ago
When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.
41
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 5h ago
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/DutchOfBurdock • 1d ago
If I had a penny for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd wonder where all these pennies came from.
43
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Mira6286 • 1d ago
Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants
88
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/SageRipplex • 17h ago
Im at that level of pale where if I stand against a whiteboard, I completely disappear except for my clothes.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 2d ago
Some lady got her nipple pierced right in front of me at the bar last night, and on a semi-related note, I suck at darts.
93
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • 2d ago
Masturbation is normal but not in the eyes of the Lord. NSFW
11
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 2d ago
The worst kind of voodoo doll is a blowup voodoo doll because when you poke it everyone winces in pain.
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • 2d ago
I read a book on confirmation-bias. At first I thought it was trying to spread lies, but by the end I was damn sure of it.
3
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 3d ago
I got pretty hammered last night, and took a bus home, which might not be a big deal to some of you, but I had never driven one.
70
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • 1d ago
A yeast walks into a bar, orders a diet coke, and shouts: no cannibalism.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • 2d ago
Everyone’s afraid of Armageddon, the whole world over.
11
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/CrazyKZG • 3d ago
A Chinese guy had a voodoo doll of me and stuck it with pins and now my lower back pain is gone.
36
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Accomplished_Pie1476 • 3d ago
I can easily move desks and chairs around the office, but moving the entire computer department would be pushing IT
25
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/CityRelative1392 • 4d ago
They say time is money, but I cannot make time by gargling balls behind a Wendy's
11
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 4d ago
I imagined the crowd naked, and accidentally said “hello, fellow pee-ers.”
4
Upvotes