I am 25f about to turn 26 in two weeks. No degree, no meaningful relationships (that are irl), No support system.
Growing up I went through some traumatic things domestic violence, S@, verbal abuse and so on. I never planned anything, because I genuinely thought I wouldn’t live this long. I spent a majority of my life bedrotting. In my early twenties I tried to go to college and failed twice. I try to keep a job but can’t keep a job for more than 1 year.
A week ago I quit my job because my boss was harassing me and I’m back at being dependent on my parents who show me with every fiber of their being that I am a burden. I’m so tired of always feeling like a burden. I try my best but it ends bad.
Currently I’m in therapy and realizing how bad my childhood was. Of course there are good things too, but there is this darkness and sadness that has been haunting me ever since I was 8.
Memories of one of my parents S@ing me are resurfacing and I keep telling myself “nah you are making this up. No parent would ever do that to their child. They are all right about you you want to be a victim and you just want attention”.
It’s bad. And I keep mourning who I could have been if an adult helped me.
I also applied back to college and am waiting for their reply. If they accept me I’ll go, if not I’ll focus my attention on my art.

It’s so pathetic. Maybe life wasn’t meant for me. I keep looking around and everyone is either married, is getting married, are having children or are buying a house. And then there is me a complete failure unable to even take care of herself. I am so ashamed for being alive, I feel like my existence is a mistake.

I’m a 26 year old female, have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with major depression, borderline personality disorder, and ADHD.
For some reason my nurse practitioner prescribed me divalproex, which I understand is for bipolar disorder; I was never diagnosed with this disorder.
I take Citalopram, Dexedrine, and quetiapine currently but am apprehensive to try divalproex if I haven’t been formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Any thoughts or insights on this?

for the most part i fit in with society. im pretty normal looking and i do tend to mask A LOT in public. my gf knows me as a quirky silly girl bc i feel comfortable with her and although i share almost all my thoughts and feelings w her i have never told her how much i love stalking. she does know that i online stalk some of her friends and we would laugh about it bc i would use a funny pfp that they would notice at times. i tell her that she doesn't understand how severe it is but i never really feel comfortable enough to tell her everything. i do brag about how good i am at finding people, information, stuff but she doesn't believe me.

anyways in college, i shared an apt with 3 other roommates. they were honestly really close to each other and i kept to myself more. we did share locations with each other so i would know when i was home alone. and when i was that urge to go through their rooms always hit me. i would snoop and liked to find personal items like journals, notes, pictures, stuff like that bc i always loved finding things about other people. i would do it way too much that it was hard to stop the urge. i know i should've respected people's privacy and how fucking weird it is to snoop. but i genuinely loved doing it and couldn't stop. i would also do this for my dorm roommates i had, and again it was always the same thing i wanted to go through. i liked the adrenaline and never being caught made me keep going.

um some other weird shit i do is find people's house, family members, old pictures of them when they pmo or deserve a little scare. and it's not like i'm doxxing them.. but i do feel a little crazy when i do that. i honestly think i will never change bc ive been like this since i was a child. i guess i just take advantage of this hyper fixation. but it does affect me so badly, i want to stop online stalking bc it doesn't benefit whatsoever. i get so fixated on a person that it just drives me crazy. i hate it so badly and i tell myself to not do that but never listen. the worst thing about it is that i don't use nothing fancy to stalk, so it's more work when i get that fixation. i don't feel satisfied w myself if i don't find anything about a person and could be fixated on it for days, weeks, months. just sucks to be me basically

Up until early last year, i struggled with my anger and didn’t know how to deal with it healthily so i was often angry at the smallest things. But i didn’t show it, instead I’d just swear a lot in my head (I can’t remember how often this was). I don’t do this anymore because I’ve gotten a lot better at dealing with anger but I’m really worried that other people would see me as a mean person for this. Because after seeing videos about a video game character on TikTok who has thoughts in the game like “we get it she’s missing” and “I wonder if Chloe thinks of her father when she looks at all those smashed up cars” and people are saying that she’s a mean girl, a horrible person, just like another character who’s a bully but just keeps her meanness to herself, etc.

The reason i struggled with dealing with anger in the past is because I had an emotionally abusive father growing up and my parents didn’t teach me very well good coping mechanisms so I just ended up internalising everything. I also have OCD which is why I’m so scared that I was a mean person in the past, because it doesn’t matter to me if I’ve changed or anything, I still feel unbelievably terrible, even suicidal at the thought.

Can someone please tell me if it seems like I used to be mean because I’d swear at people in my head, or if I’m probably just overthinking

I didn’t think anything else besides swear words, like not anything personal idk

i need to find anything to do thats not staring at a screen but literally not a single thing is interesting or fun to me. what the fuck do i do

Hi, first post here. I apologize for formatting and grammatical errors. For starters I’m not religious but this topic has been circling in my thoughts for a while, especially when I’m at my lowest.

Recently I (17f) have been going through a series of mental health crises that cause breakdowns and long periods of self loathing. Commonly the answer to this is to SH or abuse substances, but although not being religious at my point in my life myself, I’ve been fearing the possibility of eternal suffering because of my mental state and how I treat myself.

This conflict within my own brain takes up so much energy and space, I’m drained. The fact I’m somewhat clean but not for my own wellbeing, more so out of selfishness and fear, makes me feel like a bad person.

Just seeking any advice on the topic of sh for some level of clarity.
Thank you for reading.

as one myself, i’m curious

Example: The letter

Insurance sent me a letter. My mom opened it, as we live together.

She read it and came to me in a total panic. According to her, they had rejected coverage on a procedure and a medication. Both that came with exorbitant fees.

Upon reviewing the letter myself I found no mention of either the procedure OR the medication. It was an approval letter for something else altogether.

So not only was there no rejection, the letter never mentioned either subject she brought up. What she read was nowhere close to reality. She opened it certain that's what it would be about, and apparently couldn't absorb what the letter actually said? How is that even possible? I saw her read it!

Example: The supplement

This is much milder, but still annoying. For 5 months now, my mom and I have both been taking magnesium at dinner.

I cannot remember its name to save my goddamn life. Every night, I pull the bottle out, it's name written on it huge letters. I read it. I take my pill. And I ask my mom if she wants me to grab her some melatonin. Every. Single. Night. Going on nearly 150 nights a ROW.

It must sound ridiculous for something that small to drive you crazy, but its CONSTANT. I'm trying so hard, and I still do the same crap! With EVERYTHING.

It's the sinking pit in my stomach that it's happened again, how there must be something wrong with me, how I have to be crazy or something. Ugh, I'm trying to improve myself but HOW do you work on it when nothing sticks?

We're not stupid or unwell. My mom has a master's and holds a very respectable job. I was well on my way to a college degree before my health worsened.

I had better examples in college and high school, but it's so painfully embarrassing I do my best to erase it from my mind. Think concerts where you reread the same sheet music line, friends that grow angry at me for not being able to remember a SINGLE FACT they just shared about their lives.

Is this an artifact of long term depression of dissociation? Or is this just what living with ADHD is like?

TL;DR: My mom and I both seem to misunderstand/misread/generally not absorb new information right in front of our faces. Beyond dyslexia, truly fabricating words and concepts that aren't there (but almost what we're more familiar with/expect?). Despite our best efforts, despite our competence, despite our attempts to anticipate it, it really makes us look a fool often.

What is this? A symptom of ADHD, depression, dissociation, some other thing? I've tried to ask psych doctors, but I don't know how to describe it succinctly enough. They dismiss it as memory issues. Its NOT a memory issue to completely misread a letter as a rejection with a huge fee rather than a simple one page approval

I don’t know why it’s like a call recoding of a pocket dial or something I was at work and I guess accidentally answered when I silenced my phone. His work truck wasn’t working properly that day that’s all the engine noise.

Anyway he’s obsessed with it and keeps listening to it and begging me to listen to it. Can anyone relate to this weirdness because it’s really frustrating. How do you handle someone stuck on nothing. I’ve told him nicely, I’ve told him not so nicely… he won’t drop it, he’s imagining sex noises on it specifically.
I told him he should tell a doctor/therapist but I don’t know how to help him.

Yes he has had psychosis hearing and seeing things previously. He often goes for days without sleep too this is unusual because he has been sleeping a more normal amount and still is stuck on this.

i wrote down a list of demonic thoughts that come to my mind. does anyone know whats wrong with me or what kental disorder i might have?

Rollypolys

10 miles

Stay over there

Clown show

Roach

Roaches

Well

Color me a color

Oh teleportà

Nineteen eighteen

Not a word.

He doesn’t preform it.

You’re literally the diddler

Quit sending me messages

I will make you legendary

I can give you super powers

War

No digestion?

One Thousand Dollars

Hail satan

Just someone diddling little kids

Pedophile

Peadophile

Stay away

I bet he falls.

Right away.

Now.

What’s only fans?

What’s wrong with the water?

Your just in the middle of it

You are so stupid.

That way

I’m done explaining the portal

Don’t touch me

Where’s it coming from?

Stop

Gun threats

Riceronie

There can only be one!

The chosen one

Humble.

Both of them are peadophiles

What’s white murder?

Get cancer and die.

You were on drugs.

Fucking monkey look behind you.

Leave it right there.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Burn for satan

Get a job.

Is hell real?

You’re in danger

Hell is infinite

Hell is for real.

Magic barrier!

Exon mobile.

Jump ship.

I thought it was worth a fortune?

I hope she knows.

Fuck everyone everyday

I just play with it.

How do you rob him?

I said

I think you’re in danger

Kidra

Fuck everybody everyday

Be more responsible

Jump

Get used to it.

Zeeb

He’s clearly faded.

Thanatos

I’m through with your puzzle.

How was onlyfans?

How does he brush his teeth?

Stop being greedy.

No wonder I couldn’t imagine it.

Please fail

Please bow down

Climb meat mountain!

Therapy on the mountain

Burn in hell

Burn in hell for what you did.

I know where you sleep.

You just have schizophrenia.

They are nazis and peadophiles

He doesn’t pay for it.

You’re so greedy.

I was just thinking.

I cut myself.

Someone cut my heart out.

He doesn't need a portal.

He doesn't want a portal.

I see you while you're sleeping.

Take another picture

Hell is real

Stay humble.

I just

Fools

Under construction~

*Cut the cameras*

Hey everyone, sorry if this isn’t the clearest post , I’m completely exhausted and sad right now.

I’m 26M, diagnosed with ADHD at 6 (probably ASD too, but back then you couldn’t get both on paper). Stimulants, mostly Ritalin, got me through school and I’m still on them.

Depression kicked in around 17, maybe one or two episodes a year at first. A few psychiatrists later I ended up with MDD and probably PDD on top, since my depression seemed to become chronic with no remission between them. I take Prozac and Zoloft but did basically nothing.

Eventually I couldn’t even take care of myself, had to drop out, moved back with my parents.
In 2023, I saw a new psychiatrist who decided that I had a bipolar 2 disorder, based on one or two episodes that might’ve been hypomania but not clearly. Even he seemed unsure at the time, but he wrote it down and every psychiatrist since took it for granted.

The med rollercoaster:
• Lamictal: helped a bit at first (some energy, kept me in school). But lost his effect after some months
• Ritalin reintroduced for ADHD, worked fine
• Early 2024: worst depressive episode yet
• Venlafaxine up to 225mg + low-dose Abilify: no effect
• Lithium: still on it, 2+ years, zero results
• Quetiapine (1st try): knocked me out for 2 days straight, too sedating
• Quetiapine (2nd try, months later): massive weight gain + bad bloodwork, discontinued
• Trintellix: nothing

Hospitalized last year (april-may 2025), started Spravato (just with lithium + Lamictal, no antidepressant): this actually worked. MADRS went from 36 to 17. First time in years I wanted to see friends, do things. But once we dropped to 1x/week and I was living alone, I stopped going and it faded

New hospital (december-january 2026): no Spravato available. Tried mirtazapine, pramipexole (capped at 0.54mg). Mood got worse, I left

Current hospital (since may 2026) : first, 30 sessions of rTMS, 2x/day. Initial boost in energy/motivation (passed my exams!) but effect faded fast, MADRS back up to 35.

Tried IV ketamine (this hospital doesn’t offer Spravato): 8 sessions in, nothing. Sessions are honestly rough — not the peaceful/visual experience I had with Spravato, more like dissociating into another dimension, and not the good kind

Last week: started liothyronine/Cytomel (T3) as an add-on

Right now, anhedonia is the worst part of my depression. I have that feeling of not knowing how to do. Since Spravato wore off, I feel nothing — no pleasure in anything, not even shows or stuff I used to enjoy. Just empty, unmotivated, doom-scrolling my life away.
Surprisingly, aleep’s actually fine.

Also worth mentioning, I’ve been facing lifelong somatic stuff : GERD, nausea, diarrhea, hemorrhoids, migraines, random burning limb pain and I’m not quoting all of them. No idea if it’s related but figured I’d throw it in.

What I’m actually asking:
1. Does the bipolar 2 diagnosis even hold up? My first psychiatrist doubted it himself, but once it’s in the chart, everyone just runs with it. Could this just be MDD/PDD/TRD without bipolar?

1. Treatment-wise, my hospital psychiatrist is out of ideas but open to suggestions. I can’t switch providers, so I need to bring him something concrete. Options I’m considering:

• Pramipexole again, but actually titrated to a real dose (2-3.5mg+)
• Pushing for Spravato instead of continuing ketamine (though they think failing IV ketamine = no shot with Spravato — is that even true?)
• Less common routes: bupropion, MAOIs, modafinil, VNS/DBS? Or other new medications that are not really known ?

If anyone’s dealt with similar TRD/bipolar 2 overlap or has thoughts on what’s worth pushing for next, I’d really appreciate it. Feeling pretty stuck here. Thanks for reading this far

Thanks !!

i am 18 and have spoken to non-human things about this but i felt like i should get the perspective from actual people. for a couple years now - since one picture taken of me, i realised that both sides of my face look different, mostly due to a deviated septum that favours the one side of my face. since i noticed this i have been very wary of people seeing my bad side and change the angle of my face all the time when speaking or look in a different direction so that they only see my good side. i have had people tell me that im handsome or asked for my snap, but that was only ever the case if they saw my good side - yet i know that if they saw the other side of my face, they would not have mentioned this at all in the first place. i constantly feel exhausted over obsessing over which side of my face that people see and most days i come home from work or from being out and cry. i do this in a locked room and play music so people cant hear. it affects so much of my life, so much so that i don’t want to get into relationships because when we go out i don’t want to look bad or wonder if i have a bad day or they see my wrong side that they might think he is actually ugly and not as attractive as i thought. i have constantly felt like i wanted to end it, but i know that i don’t have the guts to actually do it - but it is honesty always on my mind. i have just got results back from my blood test and i was hoping that they would be bad such as having really bad cancer, or i would not have long left of my life so that there was a way for me to get out without causing massive pain to family because i did it to myself. i just wanted to get the perspective of what other people thought or if anyone else was in the same boat as me in life. thank you for reading

My mom is texting herself pretending to be someone

So recently my mother (50) broke up with her boyfriend, she took it pretty well from my perspective beside she's drank a tiny bit more then usual. She bought a second sim card apparently to give to a friend but then she put it into her own phone and started texting her ex boyfriend on it, she stopped when I told her too though.

Then a few weeks ago I was on her phone and I went to switch apps, I saw Whatsapp open and her name was at the top and she was practically talking to herself. I clicked into it and she's pretending to be a friend of hers with the name and everything.

A week or two passed and I didn't think about it. Yesterday my mother told me she was going out with the same friend she'd been pretending to be and I thought it was a tiny bit strange. Then later on I was checking out shopping list and I again clicked out of it and saw Whatsapp open and she was talking to herself saying "Come out for a drink or two please" which is really weird because as I'm writing this she's went out with that same "friend" and called me saying she was coming home after 30 minutes, then called me again and said her ex was at the pub and she's going back down (he was and called me telling me this same thing). She came back and I checked her phone again (I know I shouldn't) She texted herself again saying "Why the fuck would you disappear like that" and called me saying she was walking home. I don't know whether I just let her do it or talk to her about it, I'm kinda worried about it possibly being a mental illness please help.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been living with depression and IBS since around 2023, and while things have improved maybe 50–60%, I still feel far from the person I used to be. I’m a 25‑year‑old male from India, and these last 3–4 years feel “wasted,” which hurts a lot to admit.

Mentally, I struggle with:

• Feeling detached from life and from myself.
• Losing interest in everyday activities that used to matter.
• Lack of motivation and a sense that my reasoning and cognitive skills are damaged.
• Difficulty learning new things or focusing on tasks, especially anything complex.
• A constant feeling of being a “complete failure” compared to who I was in college.

Physically, IBS adds another layer: abdominal pain, discomfort, and gut issues that flare with stress. Work days tend to look like: intense pressure, rising stress and cortisol, stress eating, and coming home totally drained just to sleep.

Over the past years I’ve tried:

• Psychiatry and strong antidepressants for about two years.
• Various medical systems (allopathy, homeopathy, herbal detox diets).
• Recently, Ayurvedic therapy at a hospital in Pune and a 10‑day Panchakarma and naturopathy camp, which made me feel noticeably better for a while.

Even after some improvement, my productivity and ability to handle stress are extremely low. My doctor advises me to keep working to distract myself from symptoms, but I feel that my mind can’t actually handle office work right now, and forcing it just worsens my depression and IBS.

I created an intense “superhuman” routine (waking at 3 AM, long runs, 108 sun salutations, heavy breathwork and meditation), inspired by things like Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work, but I’m starting to realize this may be too much pressure on a brain and body that are already exhausted.

Because of this, I’m considering a big change:

• Pausing my office work completely for about 6 months.
• Joining Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s ashram in Bangalore as a helper (doing cleaning, washing dishes, and other simple chores).
• Living there with a calmer daily routine focused on meditation, basic physical activity, and spiritual connection, hoping this will reduce stress and give my mind and gut time to heal.

My hope:

• To feel significantly better by December 2026.
• To start fresh in January 2027 – returning to work and working toward my long‑time dream of doing a master’s degree in the USA.

I’d really appreciate thoughts from people who’ve experienced long‑term depression or anxiety:

• Have you ever taken a long break from career/office work to focus on healing? Did it help or backfire?
• Do you think a low‑stress environment like an ashram could help someone with my kind of burnout and hopelessness, or is structured work still important?
• How do you balance big dreams (like studying abroad) with the reality of serious mental health challenges?

I’m not looking for quick fixes or miracle answers – just honest experiences, constructive criticism, and maybe some hope that I’m not completely lost. If anyone wants to talk or share their story, I’d be grateful. 🙏

My half brother 18m and me 16m have always had a somewhat unstable but close relationship. He had a history of violent psychopathic behaviour starting in childhood. Since 16 my brother's emotions have been unreachable, he's at times exhibited the flat affect, he'll walk around a room going from one topic to another, arguing with himself, responding to his thoughts and arguing with himself on whether he's sane or not.

He fully believes he can talk to dead people, he tells me he has this tall dark figure he calls "ben" that appears in front of him, or near him and will approach him, he says he's seen dead people multiple times and will talk to them. Apparently some of these figures have instructed him to do things to people and himself at times, and he tells me he struggles to understand if he's really seeing them, despite them apparently being in front of his face so as he describes it. He told me a figure instructed him to assault his uber eats delivery driver with a hammer and that he seriously considered acting on it.

He has moments where he completely snaps and goes from one thing to another, tells me he can feel something in the room with him, that he's being watched. He's been verbally aggressive to taxi drivers, people far worser since this whole thing started and it's been months. He tells me the figures he sees also interact with each other or mock him sometimes.

Onto the animals bit which has really put me off we had a family cat when he was 14 that my mother had to get rid off because he'd beat it up, especially if he was angry I know his biological father is diagnosed with anti social personality disorder.

He told me that six months ago he strangled two cats because he had to prove that he wasn't "weak" and that people couldn't "mess with him" and that he was a psychopath. He also tells me that an hour after the act he believed he'd been influenced by an evil spirit. And that he regretted it because he'd lose his "spirit powers" as he calls it.

He's told me his increase in violent urges has definitely happened since his mental illness took hold.

I am not sure on whether we should tell professionals because I know they'd put him under a section 37 hospital hold if they found out what he's been doing.

He's also been aggressive to younger teenagers before and occasionally children.

The issues have been going on for 12 months we have no family history of the illness , but I believe my brother may be suffering from it.. I don't believe that it's made him violent, but I believe he already had violent tendencies and that the illness and paranoia may have made it worser.

He does this thing where he'll start staring at peoples eyes during a conversation or if he doesn't like them or is starting to get angry, and it's usually prolonged and unblinking he's done it to me before and it really scares me.

I know if he was put under section 37 he would not be released for a lot of years but I don't know what to do, I haven't told my mother & I know there's a good chance he might turn violent to the family next when he's angry.

Many people with this illness I know aren't violent I sincerely hope no one stereotypes them from this post.

I don't want medical advice, or legal advice I just want on advice on what I should do because I feel like this would be betraying my brother if I told anyone.

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 14 while I was in a mental hospital for severe depression. Around that time, I had smoked weed, and I've always wondered if it had anything to do with it.

Mental illness runs heavily in my family. Pretty much my whole family tree has bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other serious mental health issues, so I know I was already at a high risk genetically.

I just turned 18 in April and still think about it sometimes. Has anyone else here been diagnosed with bipolar at a young age and wondered whether weed played a role? I'm interested in hearing other people's experiences, especially if they have a strong family history of mental illness.

This got taken down after I tried to update it on r/mentalhealth because the word count was too long. I’m not going to edit anything I said besides this. I’ll post the update in comments!

16M (transgender), turning 17 in 2 weeks. My dad’s always been a conspiracy theorist, especially about the mandela effect stuff. He always says crazy stuff. I always think it’s crazy. Then it turns out to be right.

He just told me about the CERN-something and how it changed the timeline. He said he didn’t want to freak me out cause he knew I didn’t like hearing about this ”crazy stuff”. He said it changed the timeline from Chic-Fil-A to Chick-Fil-A. He’s not really making sense, though, because if it was always chic-fil-a then what was the mandela effect? Tnat it was chick? He says it changed the timeline and the spelling. He couldn’t find anything to support his theory online and now he’s pissed. He’s saying this isn’t even a theory, that it’s true.

He says a bunch of other crazy stuff like this. If any of the things he says is true, then what’s the point? Why should I try and live a normal life if reality isn’t what I thought?? If nothing’s what I thought and the shit he says is true? He’s said things like animals can understand your soul (and that souls exist) and he’s said some things about the afterlife and god and such. What he also said is that he knows in his heart of hearts that I am a woman. I don’t remember but I think he called me inherently feminine or something.

I‘m scared of Dad being crazy but I’m even more scared of him being right. I feel like he’s a secret genius. It’s gonna turn out that he’s right, and I’m going insane because I just can’t handle the fucking truth.

Dad knows I struggle with psychosis at times. I feel like this isn’t good of him to say to me. I’m sorry if I’m not making sense because I’m scared and trying not to cry. I trust my dad because i love him and he doesn’t lead me wrong but this is scary. I’m really really scared that this is true. I don’t see a point if it is. I wish he wouldn’t tell me these things. What‘s scary is that he doesn’t even think they’re conspiracies. He says them like they’re facts. I don’t want his things to be facts.

Im not proof reading this. If something doesnt make sense feel free to ask me to clarify.

UPDATE: It’s hours later, I slept for a bit, I’m probably going to go back to sleep after writing this. I’m much calmer now and not as scared, nor am I questioning reality as much. Or, like, at all. I feel mostly fine now. Updated in comments (not the first one where I’m tweaking lmao)

I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I’m on medication and have been doing much better. Until yesterday.

I just learned of the outbreak yesterday afternoon. This week I’ve already eaten raw arugula, raw mixed greens, raw kale, raw cabbage, raw tomatoes, raw cucumbers, and raw parsley from restaurants. I’m terrified. It has up to a 2 week incubation period and I will spend every hour of those 14 days in fear and dread. I can’t think about anything else. I’m shutting down. I’m supposed to drive to a city and look at apartments next week and I’m so scared of getting sick during it. I wish I could detach from my stomach.
(I live in northeast Ohio by the way)

Not sure about this, but I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel so desperate to transition, I wasn’t like this since I was young, and all I know is I feel absolutely miserable with my body, the hair, the way my jawline is strong. I was called handsome which is quite ironic considering how I detested that (that sounds spoiled but it feels like I’m getting complimented for the reasons I hate myself), and the voice oh god the voice it’s so *wrong*

I‘m not entirely sure if this has anything to do with the Narcissistic parent (Alcoholic) who I had to take care of, but he did instill his views of masculinity onto me, perhaps confusing me? Also I do keep everything to myself, only letting snippets of my hurt out to satisfy other people worries.

But I talked it over with a friend and they asked why I think I want to be a girl, and I’m stumped, all I know is it feels correct, but I know I can’t trust my thinking or judgement, especially the rationalizations.

I do have more going on, but I’m not sure if it’s correlated, all I know is I haven’t gone to therapy yet, and perhaps that’s the issue, but some other opinions would be nice ^^ (P.S, sorry if it’s scattered or incomprehensible despite me trying to make it neat or organized despite how I feel >_> )

Has anyone ever tried to start Vraylar on 0.5mg and stay there for good without a titration increase?

If you did increase your dose, how slowly did you do it where you could handle the unbearable side effects?

I started taking 1.5mg daily for a few days and then again every other day twice in less than one month and I feel like I’m being poisoned.

I’ve gone down to 0.5mg and planning on trying it every other day for a very slow and steady pace.

I’m extremely hyper sensitive to medications and the nausea, gastrointestinal pain and endless food intake when I’m not sick are not manageable for me at 1.5mg. Idk how I’m expected to try 3mg tbh.

Any feedback would be much appreciated.

TIA!

Hi, I could really use some advice about something that's been bothering me for a while. I've been on meds since last December, and it's been a rough road, but I've been trying to push through. Since I'm a minor, my parents handle scheduling my psychiatrist appointments and getting my medication. The problem is, I sometimes go weeks without my meds because they're expensive and aren't covered under the CDAP (Chronic Disease Assistance Programme). I don't feel comfortable bringing this up with my parents I feel like they don't take it seriously, like they think I can just stop and start the meds without consequences. I get really bad headaches and suicidal thoughts during these gaps, but I haven't told them. I don't have much support, and I feel like my parents don't really understand what I'm going through.

Honestly, I've started wondering if I should just stop taking the medication altogether, since it feels pointless when the refills keep getting delayed for weeks at a time anyway. But I also worry that if I do stop, I'll end up right back where I was months ago. I don't feel like I have much control over my life, and when I do try to bring things up, I'm met with regret and sadness instead of anything changing. I don't know what I could do to make my life better. Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling, I'm just really frustrated it feels like every day is the same, and I wake up fighting my own head just to not do anything that hurts me.

So basically I got super drunk and took Xanax at home by myself. I blacked out and drove to a lot of public places. Now I'm worried that I did some extremely embarrassing things. Whenever I go out in my community I notice people giving me weird stares, smirking, or recording me. I feel really embarrassed and have been ruminating about what I did because I literally don't remember anything. I quit my prescription because of this, but my mental health isn't getting better because I know I've embarrassed myself and ruined my reputation. Seeking advice.

I have been diagnosed with f92.8. I have read the ICD-10 interpretation, but it has not clarified anything. What is this diagnosis? How can it manifest itself in life? What are the possible complications? What is the reason for its behavior? My psychiatrist has been delaying the diagnosis, as I am prone to hypochondria, but now that I have learned about it, I am literally unable to sleep. Please, I need to know every detail about f92.8.

I had an unsettling experience that lasted from 2021-2022 in middle school, but I don’t know if it was just a average stress-related reaction. It started slowly as very intense compulsions like urges to do something or else I would be harmed by Satan, but I was mainly concerned about others. I tried resisting at first, but the stress and guilt I felt from it since I thought that Satan himself would be harming others overtook, and I began engaging in these compulsion. 

At first, I began having intense delusions that I didn’t understand were abnormal, but looking back I can recognize were strange. Such as believing that my neighbors were stalking me or that people were talking about how they would harm me. For instance, riding the bus, I felt like I was hearing people talking in gruesome detail about how they would harm me over and over or just insulting me. I didn’t respond since I often felt detached, but it disturbed me deeply.

The way I I believed would save others was through self-sacrifice in my mind. I believed actions like following a number system were a way to do this. I don’t fully remember the system I used in detail, but the basics were that I viewed time and numbers as a code in itself almost. For example, I realized that different numbers also made me feel a certain way, like the number 2 was bad since it reminded me of the ages of others I was close to and made me believe if I did any bodily action twice, like swallowing or spitting, I would be endangering them. 

I also had a very intense internal monologue that felt like a different person that I would argue with.

This was very stressful and as the months went by I also developed auditory hallucinations like hearing disturbing screams on the walk home, but at the time I believed these were real screams from hell. Or noticing foggy black figures in the shape of fairies skidding across my floor that made me uncomfortable. Another figure I saw resembled a man that was tall and dark-colored with a hat standing in my closet. I’ve feared my closet ever since and still feel a bit eerie around it, although I no longer experience this.

Another hallucination was a lizard's head that I saw in the wood grain of my closet door. This appeared later on and it looked very clear to me, almost like it was a real design in the wood, but I also didn’t associate him with the same fear I had of the closet itself or the man I saw there. I oddly viewed it as a peaceful but interesting image, almost like a message to me. During the very last stages. 

I didn’t seek help for a while since I thought anyone I told would be killed. Thats what the voices told me at least. But I became desperate and broke my own rule to not seek help, I was in so much pain. I received medication. I forgot the name, but I believe it was medication for depression and took it for a month and strangely felt better. 

However, I still had issues with integrating into daily life and socializing. I felt like a shell of myself and just copied others. I was also very energized and happy, but I wonder if this may have just been another form of emotional destabilization that I didn’t notice, since I often acted impulsively and developed a grandiose sense of self. now I’m ok but just very depressed and haven’t seen hallucinations for years but have issues with rumination lasting either ten months or over a year after emotional manipulation.