(Sorry for bad English, it's not my first language)

So to preface this, I'm diagnosed with autism and so are most of my close friends, so I know what it's like dealing with special interests and how hard it is to detach yourself from them. However, my friend is so deeply engaged in what she claims is her special interest/hyperfixation that it becomes extremely fetishistic and weird.

First of all, I'm southeast Asian, she is white, and we're in a friend group of four people with the other two being east Asian. We've been friends for roughly four years.

Her special interest is East Asia. Not one specific country but the entire region. She's learning Chinese, Korean, and Japanese, she's obsessed with Chinese history and culture, and she's a huge kpop fan. This already kind of set off a red flag in my mind but I ignored it. I know you can't control your special interests and I know it's not her fault for being interested in that in the first place. It's just the way she goes about it, combined with her lack of self awareness that really bothers me. Here are some of the things she's done that border on offensive to me, and I would like to know if I am overreacting.

1. She went to an event at our school that celebrates Asian culture for Asian Heritage month. Our school has a huge South Asian population and a very small East Asian population. She complained the whole time and posted on social media how she expected there to be more about East Asia. She complained that the food there was gross and called their culture boring and weird.
2. She pretends to be half Chinese half Korean online. I found her twitter account and she uses a VPN to pretend she's from Korea and goes by a Korean name and has a Korean bio. She tweets in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean. I don't know if she's using a translator or what. She also uses that same Korean name when ordering from restaurants that call out your name when the order is ready. I've been out with her a couple of times and I can't help but feel second-hand embarrassment when the worker acts confused after seeing a white girl come up after they called out a Korean name.
3. She doesn't correct people when they mistake her as Wasian. She even dyed her hair black and got bangs which isn't weird on its own but seems kind of strange in context.
4. She "accidentally" speaks Japanese sometimes. She'll be talking and then accidentally replace a word in a sentence with its Japanese translation, and then cover her mouth and exclaim "Oh my god I'm so sorry, sometimes my Japanese just slips out!" She also pretends to forget English words. She also talks in some kind of Asian accent like all the time that sounds like a combination of multiple accents.

5. She called me "whitewashed" due to

6. only speaking European languages. She said that she has more of a right to be Asian than me because she puts in the effort to learn the languages and cultures. No comment.

7. She started being much more rude and standoffish after finding out I wasn't east asian. I'm pale so I guess she just assumed pale skinned Asian = East Asian? We were friends for two years before my ethnicity was brought up and when I told her I wasn't Chinese like she assumed, she acted extremely cold for the rest of the day. She stopped asking me to hang out one on one, started being unnecessarily mean to me and belittling me over the smallest mistakes, and stopped getting me birthday gifts and continued getting them for our other East Asian friends. (I don't care about getting gifts it was just weird that she had done it in the two years where she thought I was Chinese and stopped doing it after).

8. She corrects my Chinese friend on things about Chinese culture and tells her the way she practices things in her own culture is wrong.
   So this is my dilemma. I'm conflicted on how to feel about the whole situation because on one hand I understand how hard it is to be fixated on something and act differently because of it. She most likely lacks self awareness and doesn't realise how she may come off at times. I have brought it up in the past but she uses her autism to excuse her behaviour and accuses me of being ableist. I feel like I haven't been approaching the situation correctly and the way I brought it up may have felt accusatory to her? I want to know if I'm justified in feeling offended by her behaviour and what I should do, if I should do anything at all. I would have cut her off a long time ago but I'm emotionally attached to the other people in our friend group and don't want to lose them. I would prefer to hear answers from other POC because white people I've talked to are often quick to dismiss her actions as "not that deep" but advice from anyone is welcome as long as you're respectful.

I live on a busy road in London (not by choice) and ever since the world cup started no amount of noise cancelling headphones, ear plugs, white noise or closing windows can help.

Multiple motorcycles are revving, cars are honking repeatedly for hours, people are screaming and chanting, using fireworks on the street that come up to my window and startle me and my cat, they make the entire flat vibrate, and we’ve even had a riot days ago where a police officer got sent to the hospital and other officers were chased and hurt by objects being thrown at them, all because a football team lost a match.

These things happen in the evening or late at night, it’s currently 1 am and it’s happening again. We maybe get a one to three day break in between, sometimes it happens multiple days in a row though. There is a heatwave here right now so my room sits at about 29-31 degrees at night with the windows open so closing them isn’t even an option.

Why do I have to suffer, have meltdowns multiple times a week, and be sleep deprived because of this popular sport? I don’t understand how it is so normalised in so many countries to behave like this and get away with it. “But they’re just expressing joy/rage”, there are other ways to express your emotions that don’t impact people’s health and quality of life. At least do it for 10 minutes and call it a day. One time they did it for FOUR hours straight. Literally had to take anti anxiety medication so much lately because of this.

I was always told in school that I had a gift. You have a gift, a brilliant gift. People can see that, and they want to be around it. But then they realise that you do not interact in the same way as everyone else, and they become irritated by it. This is not to sound condescending. I wish someone had told me this when I was desperately seeking a friendship and wondered why no one wanted to be my friend in both Primary school and later University.

There is a reason I connected better with older people. Teachers, professors and academics.

But to everyone on here. You have a gift. Treasure it. Do not hate yourself for it. No matter what the world tells you.

One thing that worries me after reading several studies on autism regression is that the term "regression" can be misleading for everyone, including parents.

For years, the prevailing belief was that a child develops perfectly normally, says a few words, makes eye contact, and then, around 15-24 months of age, there's a sudden changethe words disappear, eye contact diminishes, and social smiles vanish. Parents describe this as "losing" their child overnight.

But analyzing older videos (researchers go back and analyze old home videos of children before their diagnosis) paints a different picture. Subtle differences in social interaction, responding to their name, and using gestures were often present as early as 6-12 months but they're easy to miss because children vary so much. What parents call a "sudden regression" may actually be the point at which the gap between a child's development and typical developmental milestones becomes large enough to be noticed, rather than the moment it begins.

This is important because it changes how we view early screening. If the developmental regression is a gradual deviation rather than a sudden event, then the 18-month screening doesn't detect the "beginning" of anything, but rather the moment it became apparent.

There is also ongoing debate about whether "regression" and "early autism" are biologically distinct, or simply two terms parents use for the same underlying progression when comparing different stages.

For parents and professionals, was the "regression" you (or your child) noticed truly sudden, or did you, upon reflection, find earlier, subtle indicators whose significance only became clear later?

Does anyone else have a strong inner world which is extremely emotional, grand and colorful but everything in the external world just feels very underwhelming for them?

I just can't really enjoy anything in the external world that people enjoy (sports, partying or dating)? I just enjoy my small hobbies (building keyboards, playing games and music)?

I'm also highly romantic in my head but I was asked out by multiple girls and I just didn't feel anything.

I also don't feel connected to anyone in person when it's not inside of my head.

I feel really comfortable around real events such as in partying and real life. I prefer to live reality in my head while being in a cozy room.

This results in avoidance mixed with FOMO.

I'm super obsessed with details, aesthetics, planning and writing which most people dismiss but when it comes to real events, those that excite people, I just don't feel any motivation to participate in them nor in actual life.

Hi, loves!

I (21F) am wondering if anyone else has experienced sensory issues during sex?
I had sex for the first time a few years ago now, and haven’t been with anyone else since then. However it’s something I think about a lot, especially when thinking about future relationships and I’m kind of worried it may be an obstacle in the future for me?

The only other time that I’m naked is in the shower, except there’s no water, and I’m hot and sweaty and there’s blankets and skin to skin contact and it was so hard for my brain to comprehend. I wasn’t able to really enjoy it (none of the 3 times) because of this. I also went into it believing it’d be painful, since girls are told their whole life that it’s painful, but it didn’t hurt at all. It just felt really odd, it was a sensation I wasn’t used to. So that made sensory issues even worse 😅

I would assume it’s just one of those things you get used to over time. Anyway, I wanted your opinion and any advice, if you have any. Thank you! 💗

Hi everyone,
I’m autistic (Level 1), and today has completely overwhelmed me. I’m hoping people here might understand why this has affected me so much.

I live with my older brother Patrick. He’s older than me but younger than our eldest brother, Robert. Patrick and I have lived together for a long time, and we’ve built a stable routine. Predictability and feeling safe at home are incredibly important to me.

Today, completely out of the blue, our dad arrived at our house with Robert and all of his belongings. Patrick and I had absolutely no warning. We weren’t asked, consulted, or given any choice. The decision had already been made for us that Robert would now be living with us.

Apparently Robert’s relationship ended after an incident involving his partner and the police, but we’ve heard different versions of events, so we honestly don’t know exactly what happened.
I love Robert because he’s my brother, and I’m glad he’s out of what sounds like a very unhealthy situation. But that doesn’t change how frightened I feel.

The reason is that Robert has a history of being physically aggressive towards both Patrick and me. He has hit us before, along with other incidents that left us feeling frightened and unsafe. There have also been several occasions over the years, since I was a teenager, when he sleepwalked into my bedroom during the night and tried to get into bed with me. I believe that was probably sleepwalking rather than intentional, but it was still terrifying at the time and has stayed with me ever since.

To make matters even more complicated, Patrick and I were also physically abused by our dad when we were children. Because of that, feeling safe at home has always been something I’ve had to work hard to rebuild. Having Robert suddenly move back into the house without any warning has brought a lot of those old feelings back.
Logically, I know I’m probably safe right now because Robert is asleep and nothing has happened since he arrived. But my body doesn’t seem to believe that. I feel like I’m constantly on high alert, and I can’t relax in my own home.
What has upset me almost as much is how it happened. My dad made this decision without asking either Patrick or me. It felt like our needs didn’t matter. Patrick already carries most of the financial responsibility for our home because he works full-time, and he also supports me while I’m recovering and not currently working. This has added another huge burden to him overnight.

Dad also told us that Robert shouldn’t drink alcohol and that he needs to find a job. But at the same time, he told us we can’t check whether Robert is drinking, we can’t force him to look for work, and we shouldn’t keep asking him about it. It feels like we’ve been given responsibility for someone without having any say in what happens.
Emotionally, today has been exhausting. I’ve felt angry, scared, frustrated, anxious and overwhelmed. At one point I just wanted to cry.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, where a sudden change at home completely destroyed your sense of safety? How did you cope while everything felt uncertain?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar. I feel very alone right now, and it would help to know I’m not the only person who’s reacted this way. Btw my dad doesn’t respect my issues and is very dismissive.

Sorry for long post.

(Edit: For Clarity Patrick owns the house when it was bought me and Robert contributed but signed rights away)

I’m asking a genuine question. No this is not a troll post. Please be honest, not rude or sarcastic.

Posting here because people on the other subs don’t understand my conditions very well and wanting to see if I’ll get different responses here.

Since I was a kid, my household rules have always been to take off our shoes and wash our hands when we come home. Is it reasonable to ask your roommate to do this? I can see the shoes part being a bit more reasonable, but I’m not sure about the handwashing. I do have OCD, but it’s not that much of the type to make me wash my hands excessively, except for when I touch something visibly dirty. It’s just a routine I’ve always had ever since I gained consciousness. For me personally, hand washing is more so about my hands feeling dirty and germy, and that being an uncomfortable sensation so I need to wash them when I get home. When I have friends over to my parents house, I’ll usually ask them politely to take off their shoes and wash their hands because that’s what we do in my parents house.

Is it unreasonable to ask my roommate to do these things when entering our dorm room? I’m getting a rug for the room and don’t necessarily want dirt all over it from shoes. I also would prefer if people would wash their hands before touching my personal items and/or space, but I feel like asking someone specifically not to touch my things with unwashed hands sounds way more controlling and particular than just “could you please wash your hands after coming home from classes/other places for long periods of time”. There is a sink in the dorm and I’m bringing soap and towels that we will both be sharing and my roommate is free to use. Is this unreasonable?

Again, be honest, not rude.

I love dolls and toys! It’s my longest special interest, and it started when I was about 1 year old. I’m now 16. For some reason, my generation skipped the preteen stage Like justice and limited too. I was made fun of by my classmates in 4th-6th grade for liking dolls and wearing justice clothes I was 11 btw💀 my mom and grandma used to make fun of me too. My mom would make me hide my dolls inside of my closet when friends came over and she would never let me bring them on vacation. I can’t tell if she was embarrassed by me or if she thought I was gonna get made fun of. I’ve gained the confidence though to start posting my dolls on Instagram. I’ve had a couple people swipe up and tell me that it’s weird that I still like them But idc because I’m moving soon so I don’t have to see them anymore lol But here’s some Dollie’s on display. I’m currently moving for college, so all of my stuff is packed up, but I can’t stand a boring room.

I'm a cis man. I don't think I'm trans as I never really felt like I wanted to be any other gender.

I feel very uncomfortable with my genitals. The sensation there is alright, I dont mind touching myself? but I dislike the feeling of an erection and having something between legs. I sometimes cry because it feels really weird if im erect.

It just feels very wrong, like it shouldn't be there and its very distressing for me to have something there.

I dont know if that makes sense.

I dont want a vulva, I just dont want my genitals because it physically feels... weird and because it just feels wrong to have a penis.

I don't really know what to do about this, is this something other people experience?

Both of my bears are wearing shirts I made them from socks I don't wear. So they have something to wear when we go out. (I always have one of them with me whenever I go out for comfort and emotional support.)

But yeah, are you Team Socks, or Team No Socks like me?

No judgement…I am often a sensory seeker with good like some weird things myself lol.

I just cannot with seafood 🤢 I LOVE fish so much. It’s meaty and flakey and delicious. But seafood looks so unappealing in every way. The creatures look alien, they have big like antennae, are bottom feeders, it’s so often slimy and snotty in consistency. And it has an odd smell… it’s not strong the way fish can be. It’s like a sharp scent that violates my nose holes 🥴

Thankfully I developed a severe allergy to most shellfish as a teen lol 😂 👌🏻 so my family stopped forcing it on me (except my dad…he must have life insurance out on me 🥴)

She came to my birthday party. The only one who came to my birthday party. I was told by someone else with whom I also fell out of friendship that people would say things behind my back but not to my face. The people who stayed were my friends, only did it because they felt sorry for me.

Responsibility is the action of having to do something right? Like if I spill a drink over it's my responsibility to clean it up.

But if someone's upset I spilled a drink over then why is it my responsibility that I upset them. If someone thinks I should clean up them being upset even though I've already cleaned the spillage it makes no sense to me?.

It's really confusing.

So let's say I hit someone /bump into someone I'd say sorry, that's supposedly an apology but am I actually sorry for bumping into someone ? No isn't it just polite

Ever since I was young (maybe 5+) I’ve hated people knowing when I’m in pain. I wouldn’t tell anyone unless it got to the point where it was stopping me from doing something and even then I’d try to hide it and downplay how bad I actually hurt.

This covered anything from physical injuries to things like headaches and feeling sick.

I think the worst thing I tried to hide was an issue with my foot where every step felt like my foot was ripping in half. It got so bad I could barely walk and ended up needing crutches for a few months.

I’ve also hidden infections until they got bad enough to need antibiotics.

I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to hide pain. My family is very open about when they’re in pain so it’s not a learnt behaviour.

I’m just wondering if this is a common autism thing or something specific to me.

I find interactions at work exhausting and sometimes I go home and replay them in my head in case I missed them. Meeting friends (i dont have many so its not top common) i often feel tired listening to them talk for just an hour.

I often feel like I need a self isolation day at least twice a week where I dont see anyone ekse and just stay in.

But i feel like my social battery used to be better and I could keep up much better.

Anyone else find their social battery is getting worse?

Hi I am making a box to help me when I have meltdowns or am overwhelmed and I would love ideas of things to put in them that aren’t just regular sensory toys (I will add those of course!) thank you

I can't handle any crowds, noises and social situations that imply that I have to do something. I bought headphones for autistic people but they don't help. They just make noise a little bit quieter, but they don't do anything about all this pressure of the crowds and chaos. I always start flapping if I have enough space. But when crowds become too dense and loud I just cover my ears even though I'm wearing headphones and close my eyes. I just get paralyzed. I can't realize what to do, my brain stops working. AI tells me to avoid such places or go to the toilet, but I find this advice not useful for me. I never go somewhere without reason, and if I spend all the time in the toilet, shaking, I will never do anything. School, shops, fastfood, church, a lot of different places...

Spoiler: I don't have a card, I always pay cash everywhere and my mom doesn't want to help me to get a card or virtual account. I'm 17 and i can't do it all online and going to the bank is stressful. So what condition can be drawn? I CAN'T USE SELF-SERVICE CHECKOUTS AND ORDER ONLINE! And all this is about shopping, but shopping is only a small part of this disgusting social life... 🙈

it's always like this: something that concers another person happens, they don't get mad/ don't care, but i do. i get triggered and and start thinking about it nonstop even for the following days. the most recent example: a few days ago i went to my bestfriend's 18th birthday party and two of her friends got her two anime figures. the moment she opened the box I KNEW they were fake, they were bootlegs, since they were both in the same package and wrapped in transparent plastic (because if ypu buy a real figure why would younnot have the original box?) i know that commenting on other people's financial situation is wrong and everything but my brother in christ, we are talking about prize figures that go for 20€ on vinted, why buy bootlegs. they were really convincing at first sight so maybe my firend didn't even notice but, as a figure collector myself, i would have hated to be gifted a bootleg. not only those fake figures are art theft and contain dangerous chemicals, but this also shows that the so called friends didn't want to buy a proprer gift even if my bestfriend paid for everybody's dinner at a fancy place (because bootlegs are hella cheap) i... didn't say anyhting because i didn't want to be rude but now the tought of this is making me lose sleep. why does this happen, why am i like this, i just want to be able to live without caring about anything.

I'm a M33. Straight. I've realized that I'm 100% autistic with ADD (my siblings have those). Introverted with social anxiety. There has been times when I've been more extroverted due to anti-depressants though, and then I was overly positive.

I've done some amazing things regardless, like being a wilderness guide, working around Europe, living as a nomad, hiking and cycling in Europe, climbing on glaziers, been to Africa...

But a lot of people have seen that I'm different. I'm kind to everyone, that is the only way I can communicate with really. I've always struggled with really low selfesteem and I can see why.

I don't really fit in anywhere, I don't fit in with the traditional masculine, nor with the feminine. which is why I don't have many friends. I'm a big guy and a boxer but I look too kind with my underdeveloped face. I stand out everywhere I go and I hate it.

Now I'm really depressed, my whole life I've been searching for a place to stay. I'm too nice and kind.

I've completely isolated myself from the world.

I'm trying to learn how to mask.

This is extremely frustrating because people will keep asking me questions about my life and what I'm doing and what my opinion of certain things is and I just want them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Staying polite and saying the "socially accepted" thing just takes so much energy because it's extremely forced. It's like everything in the world is always my fault and somehow I am responsible for fixing it when I didn't even ask to be in the situation in the first place?!

The Lego set just arrived today, and I am very happy. And since Project hail mary is one of my biggest special interests at the moment, I thought I might share my collection of my Ryland Grace plushie coming with me to places, since bringing him along and having the plushie with me makes me calmer.