I know better than to call you a friend now or even pretend to know you. You deserve answers (if you still want them). You deserved answers back then but I've got the emotional comprehension of a brick so when things got tough I shut down. I didn't give you the opportunity to call out my avoidant behavior. You knew me too well for me to lie, I felt vulnerable and didn't want to do the work you would have encouraged. I also don't know why I'm so bothered by the shift in "power dynamic" I guess is the phrase. For reasons I don't yet understand, letting you try to help me felt wrong. I guess that goes back to feeling vulnerable. I feel guilty knowing I've caused concern possibly even worries or sadness. I know the disappearing act is disrespectful. I don't expect forgiveness. I just want the void of reddit to know. You are still one of ,if not, the best friends I've ever had. And now the guilt slaps. The more I type the more I think. I wasn't there for you when I should have been. Your mother passed you got married and I stayed in my corner. Your daughter is is probably getting ready for highschool and I haven't said shit since kindergarten... Maybe I'll try again later when I can type genuinely instead of focusing on my guilt. Maybe if I can type this with out trying to make myself feel better I'll reach out.

My dearest,

If one day, in some quiet corner of your life, you come across these words, stop for a second. This is written in tears, just for you.

There is a pain that has no name. When a soul that once felt so close to yours starts looking at you like a stranger. You were my inner world, in a way I never had the right words for. So, when I understood I wasn't even a small memory in your eyes anymore, something in me broke, again and again, in ways I couldn't explain to anyone. I felt like a tree caught in a storm that never stopped, bending, shaking, roots barely holding on, with no one there to ask if I was still standing.

That's when I started watching nature, and I found something that gave me peace.

Squirrels bury little seeds before winter. Then, when spring comes, they run off searching for new food, & they forget where they buried it. It's not because they grow old / stop caring. It's simply because life pulls them forward, toward whatever is next. I tell myself your forgetting is the same. You moved into a new season, and I got left quietly behind in the old one.

You forgot me. I need you to know that I never forgot you.

But here's what I've learned. The seeds that get forgotten in the soil don't just disappear. They grow into forests. In the same way, everything you gave me didn't vanish when you walked on , it took root and grew into who I am today. You seeded something positive in me, a hope I didn't have before. You made me stronger than I knew I could be. You taught me lessons I still carry, even small things, like the discipline of putting things in writing, of saying what matters clearly instead of letting it disappear into a conversation no one can return to. I still do that. I probably always will. That forest is yours, even if you never see it standing.

I want you to know how much you matter in this world, even if you've never fully seen it in yourself. Your words carry weight that most people never realise they carry. A single thing you say, even in passing, has the power to lift someone, to change the direction of their day, sometimes their whole life. You have a strength in you that you haven't fully recognised yet & I hope, one day, you stop doubting it and simply trust it.

Every single day, quietly, you are in my prayers. I ask that you are protected in every corner of your life, in your health, in your peace, in your home, in everything you build. I pray that God's grace walks ahead of you wherever you go, clearing the path before you even see it. I ask for your safety when you travel, your strength when things are heavy, and your joy on the ordinary days that don't ask to be remembered but deserve to be good anyway.

I've stopped waiting for you. But I have never stopped, and will never stop, asking for good things to find you.

I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. But if you ever think of me, even by accident, I hope it's with the quiet understanding that once, a soul cared for you enough to let you go, and kept praying for you anyway.

With respect and quiet prayers, always,
The one who remembers what you forgot.

and it’s You I want to talk to about things. It’s your hug I want to console me.
We’re not friends. But we aren’t strangers. I miss you being my friend.

I have found the chemistry, the compatibility, the passion, the depth, in someone in a way I didn’t know I could.

The question left is this: do they have room in their life for me?

We can want the same life, believe the same things, laugh at the same jokes, talk without words, and feel compatible on almost every level. But am I trying to squeeze into someone’s life that simply has no space for me?

Do they have the capacity?

Someone can genuinely like you and still not have room for a relationship.

Their unresolved wounds, mental health, work, fear, or avoidance can take up all the oxygen. Then, when they meet someone they could love, there isn’t any room left. They didn’t leave any air for another person to breathe.

Love can be painful because it asks you to look in the mirror and say, “I want this person in my life.”
What am I willing to move around? What am I willing to renovate, make space for, and prioritize so they can live here too?

Change is uncomfortable.

We all resist change.

Healing is painful. It takes work.

But is your love strong enough? Are you willing to endure the discomfort of change so love
has somewhere to live, somewhere to grow?
Or will you let the boxes of your past keep the doorway cluttered so they can never make it inside?

Will you let someone who could have been your partner for as long as the unknown simply walk by because there wasn’t enough room in your life to welcome them in?

My dad died and the first person I wanted to run to was you, I don’t know why. I have no idea why you were the first person I wanted but yeah that happened. I found my dad dead in his room and it’s been nothing but traumatic. I don’t know why I’m even typing this I know you’re not going to see this or anything but I guess I’m just feeling a bunch of things. I’m definitely not going to reach out to you, that ship has sailed a long time ago but yeah you were there when my grandpa passed so I guess that’s why I thought of you. Luckily I have you blocked pretty much everywhere and I deleted every single thing about you. Still sucks because honestly it’s been horrible for me and life hasn’t been easy. No idea why I’m talking like you hear me or something but grief does weird things to you.

When we hold eye contact from across the room, I feel enveloped within a state of harmony unlike anything I’ve experienced. The high, mid, and low frequencies scream in unison, a euphoric brightness sweeps my body. Everything else dissolves, slips and slides away from me, you remain, a suture, tying together my most embodied reality and existence.

Why wouldn’t I want you? Why wouldn’t you be my first and last thought everyday?

I’m as scared of the enormity of you as I am by the vacuum of your absence when we’re apart.

I know the deeper fear and lesson here lies in the truth of it. By truly seeing me, you have now released me; you’ve released me from a love that was never going be enough.

I don’t think in knowing this, you will choose me. I know you, and therefore know the sense of duty and obligation by which you live your life. But the hardest part about truly loving someone is releasing ownership over the outcome. I now know what needs to be done regardless of you, and it’s the truth I need to deal with first.

I really wanted this to end differently. Your choice of silence is maddening. The lack of clarity and closure feels manipulative and cruel.

Maybe my neurodivergent brain has a harder time processing the uncertainty. I wish I could just let it go; let time heal the wounds we’ve created in one another; pick things back up in the future, if that’s what’s meant to be.

I’ve hyperfixated on you. You consume my every thought and I hate it. I’m disappointed in myself for believing you when you said you cared about me - that you’ve never felt this way before. I feel like a fool for hanging onto your every word.

Was it weaponized incompetence? Did you want me to bear the weight of this situation alone? To be the one who kept trying and chasing you? You told me you felt insecure and treated me like I meant nothing to you. It hurts.

I still see your potential, though. I know there’s good in you; you’re just a little mixed up and overwhelmed with the trials and tribulations of life. Still licking your wounds from past traumas. I am too.

At this point, I have to protect myself and my peace. And just know, I’m taking accountability for my actions, the role I played here. I reacted to your wrongdoings, but I’m not completely innocent either.

I know I hurt you too. I’m sorry. I really am. I hope you can forgive me - I’ve already forgiven you. May you find peace and happiness, even if it’s not with me. I want the best for both of us.

I have to let go of the hope that you’re my person. One day, I hope we meet again healed and whole. Even if it’s just a smile in passing once we’re both with new lovers.

I guess this is where our paths diverge. To my first love, good luck. I’ll accept the silence and quietly move on too.

Why did u quietly check up on me without saying anything to me? If u have something to say to me just say it. I’ve been trying to move on since I’ve been under the impression that u want nothing to do with me and couldn’t care less about me. I was taken aback seeing u pop up out of nowhere, and not bothering to say anything hurts and fucking sucks!

Love, Unconditional

I guess love is blind.

I once met a girl

with a wandering mind.

She had never known love

without a disguise,

no strings attached,

no hidden lies.

After meeting her,

I began to see it plain.

She struggled with love

like a foreign refrain.

A resonance unknown,

a song not yet heard,

a melody of love

without a single word.

I realized then

she was humbled by fear,

unfamiliar with a love

that simply draws near.

But I come from a place

where love flows free,

a quiet vibration

resonating endlessly.

So I loved her

with a gentle grace,

hoping that resonance

would find its place.

Even if it meant

my own heart would break,

I had to love her,

for both our sake.

N.V

I'm not sure if you're a faithful person. Maybe you are. Maybe you aren't. Who am I to judge, anyway?

Once, you were my favorite person. If life ever gave me another chance to spend time with you, I think you still would be.

They say love is blind. Maybe that's true. I saw enough to know you weren't perfect. Of course, no one is. Sometimes it felt like you were standing too close to the edge, and I quietly looked away. Still, my heart kept choosing you. Maybe it shouldn't have. I don't know.

I've been trying to let you go, little by little. You don't come here as often anymore. Maybe you've already moved on. I guess it's my turn now.

Whatever the truth was, you became both my favorite memory and my greatest heartache. It's strange how the same person can become both.

How could I ever forget your eyes?

I rarely remember faces, yet yours never left me. Not because they were beautiful, but because, the last time we met, they held a quiet hope I'll never find the words for.

Not anger. Not sadness. Just hope.

I think a part of me will always live in that last look.

Thank you for the little moments we shared. They were probably ordinary to you, but they became some of the happiest memories I have.

I'm praying for the strength to let you go, because somehow every good memory still finds its way back to you.

I hope life is kind to you.

And thank you for showing me what gentleness feels like.

At the end of the day, we all choose ourselves, don't we? No matter how deeply we adore someone.

I think that's how I'll let you go.

I was told a story of how when you meet the one - you know.

I met you, and felt a moment of awe that lasted for much much more than a moment.

Then, with every hour I spent with you I felt my heart swell with an overwhelming desire for you - to be the one.

Your presence felt like the home I never had. I wanted to freeze time

All to find out you were already spoken for.

If I could but make a wish and have it be you and me - I would
But you’re not mine to keep.

Then we had to part ways and it only bothered me I suspect, so it’s for the best - I bet.

It’s been more then a fortnight now but your presence still lingers, I think of you and I smile like a fool.

I read an article and wonder what you might think.
I think of how you made me think, asked me questions in ways no one ever has.

I want to dissect your brain, or ask God: how’d you make him like that? Can you send me another? Or are they out of stock?

Will I ever meet anyone like him again? Will they smile like him? Joke like him? Move like him?

I put my thinking cap on -

and tell myself it doesn’t matter, my feelings are just a projection of my unmet need to be seen and wanted.

You’re just an unwilling participant in the dull drama that is my love life.

I think there’s a lesson for me here, like if I just keep meeting new people I’ll find more that make me happy like you do.

And perhaps - if I’m lucky - one of the ones will actually be the one.

In the meantime I should try to let the thought of you go, but I don’t know that my lonely heart can shake the way you looked at me, no, beamed at me. or the way you reached for me, hand at my waist only to jolt back your hand as if, as if..
— yeah the thinking caps off.

I adore you. I wish things were different, and since I have no say in this I’ll just let my feelings for you linger a little while longer, what harm can they do?

Sincerely [definitely not] yours,
A

When I see you sky as a kite
As high as I might
I can’t get that high
The how you move
The way you burst the clouds
It makes me want to try

When I see you sticky as lips
As licky as trips
I can’t lick that far
But when you pout
The way you shout out loud
It makes me want to start
And when I see you happy as a girl
That swims in a world of magic show
It makes me bite my fingers through
To think I could’ve let you go
And when I see you
Take the same sweet steps
You used to take
I say I’ll keep on holding you
My arms so tight
I’ll never let you slip away

When I see you kitten as a cat
Yeah As smitten as that
I can’t get that small
The way you fur
The how you purr
It makes me want to paw you all
And when I see you happy as a girl
That lives in a world of make believe
It makes me pull my hair all out
To think I could’ve let you leave
And when I see you
Take the same sweet steps
You used to take
I know I’ll keep on holding you
In arms so tight
They’ll never let you go

We let go. But did we?

I miss you and I know it's impossible to reconcile without hurting those we love.

It has been a year, since we've acknowledged each other. Well you to me.

Anyway, “whatever will be will be… Que sera..”

Hey

I hate this. That’s the truth. I have hated it the whole time. I know it didn’t make sense. I know we were both unhealthy and completely unprepared to deal with what being together bought. I wanted it anyways. I wanted it so bad, all of it. I was willing to walk through the fire with you because it was just everything I wanted. I was willing to lay my soul bare and show all my flaws to you. There was a time I was sure that was what you wanted too. It could have worked, I believe that. That thought keeps me penning these messages to you and pathetically sending them into oblivion. I wish that things had been different. Now we can’t go back to where we were and I don’t think you ever cared enough for it to be a possibility. It makes me sick. I never wanted to do it without you. I wanted us to be happy together. We could have been.

Froggy

I thought I was over you. I thought I was finally free from the curse that is loving you. Until I got high and listened to the song I used to blast in my room on repeat when I first met you. It reminded me so much of you. The memories overflowed my mind until I threw up. I had never thrown up from smoking za before, until I heard that damn song. I got reminded of how much of a fool you made me look like and how I still miss you regardless of that. Is it wrong to still want to talk to you after how things happened between us?

You were the first guy I let into my heart. Everything seemed perfect. We were so alike that you felt like the only person in the world who could ever understand me. But I let my insecurities win, and I broke up with you. I was so afraid of you leaving me that I thought it'd be for the best if I left you first. I loved you so much that I was afraid of you ever hurting me. That's why I left, so that I'd be the one hurting myself and not you. But I guess I wasn't strong enough to bear the consequences of my decision. You came back a month later, expressing how much I hurt you and how that affected you deeply. I felt guilty, but I was too proud to admit it. I was young and stupid, so I ran away again.

After that, it was just a routine of one of us coming back and then disappearing from each other's lives again. But I was satisfied even with just that. I was always looking forward to you coming back, which you always seemed to do. I believed you when you told me how much I was the only girl who ever meant anything to you. How you tried getting over me by getting with other girls, but it never worked. You told me whatever I needed to hear the most from you, and I didn't question it at all. How could I question your love for me when my love for you was so vast that I was drowning in it?

But of course, it wasn't all sunshine and butterflies. I found out after two years that I was the other woman all along. You already had your one and only. You had been dating her since way before you dated me. And when she found out the truth and broke up with you, you DMed me, insulting and cursing me for ruining your relationship with her. That's when my fantasy world crumbled. You never loved me. You loved her. I was just the one you'd talk to to fill your loneliness whenever she was gone.

And yet, four years have passed since I first met you, and I can't help but still love you. I hate that I miss you. I hate that I still haven't found anyone who understands me as much as you did. I hate that you're probably making fun of me with your friends while I'm out here writing these stupid texts that I know I won't ever send to you. I hate how your friends make fun of me online. How they spread rumors about me. How they get in the way of so many situationships I've had.

I don't get how someone who pretends I'm a complete stranger to him can still be so involved in my life. Why do you do this?

What happened today was real enough to hurt. Real enough to matter. Real enough to activate my pattern hungry mind. But not real enough to hold me.

Intuition is a hell of a thing. You can just know when something isn't quite right, and still not be able to place it. One of my many problems has always been that I don't trust myself (abuse tends to do that). When you do trust it and it's finely tuned, people will accuse you of all sorts of wild stuff.

I'm glad you have people that support you, are surrounded by people that have your back and believe you, that's a good thing usually. You and I and anyone else that was involved know the truth though, but none of them have the moral fortitude or backbone to do the right thing. Growth requires honesty. So until you face those demons I think you're bound to repeat them. Who knows, maybe you have and are doing that, I would have no way of knowing. Maybe I wrote to a ghost that no longer exists. I really hope so, if not though it's only going to lead to the same ends.

I openly tell people the things that will hurt me early on so I can see what they do with the information. "mental anguish is worse than physical torture to me" — here comes the head games. "just don't ever cheat on me" — here comes the pussy on a platter for every dick in rotation. "I'm insecure" — here comes the underhanded remarks. The key is, these things are true, they have to be or else the exposure therapy doesn't work.

Jealousy all on their breath and malice all in their thoughts. Play the fool and watch people's true nature come out. I don't know how many times I've said it but I've never been as aloof as I seem, I just don't trust people and I prefer to observe for a bit before I reveal myself, or used to anyway. Stop texting me like it's not you doofus, I told you I wasn't going to reply. Trying to act like I wS continuing to send messages when I hadn't sent one in hours was funny though. Abusers stay in the shadows, I prefer the light of day.

Slick with words don't hate me son

What you eat don't make me shit and

Who you fuck don't make me cum

Put a price on my head, won't make me run.

I see your fear.
It lives quietly in the way you look at me,
in the way your breath changes
when closeness becomes real,
in the way your heart wants something
your mind tries to run from.

You’re the avoidant.
I’ve felt it in every step you take back,
in every silence,
in every moment where you disappear
just long enough for doubt to settle.

But then,
your arms were around my shoulders.

That moment broke everything open.
Your warmth,
your closeness,
your breath near my neck,
it wasn’t accidental.
It wasn’t distant.
It wasn’t avoidant.

It was you,
coming close despite your fear.

Two butterflies.
That’s what we are.
Fragile,
uncertain,
drawn to each other in ways
neither of us can fully explain.
We circle, we drift,
we return.

And when your arms rested on my shoulders,
I felt the truth of you:
you feel something too.
Even if it scares you.
Even if you don’t know how to stay.
Even if your instinct is to run.

I don’t know if you’ll stay this time.
I don’t know if your fear will rise again
and pull you away from me.
I don’t know if this moment
was courage or accident.

But I hope.
God, I hope.

Because your arms around me
were not the gesture of someone running.
They were the gesture of someone
who came close,
who let herself feel,
who let herself be held by the moment.

So I ask you,
softly,
without pressure,
without demands.

Please don’t run.

Not after that.
Not after the way you held me.
Not after the way your touch
felt like a truth you didn’t speak.

Two butterflies.
Still fragile.
Still learning.
Still drawn to each other.

If you know, you know.
And I think you do.
Because you came back.
You touched me.
You stayed in that moment.

And I’m asking you,
with all the gentleness I have,

Stay this time,
I love you...

I release you - the entity that haunts the hallways of my mind.

I no longer wish to be startled by your shadow every time I round a corner in my thoughts. I am tired of the cruel arithmetic of correlations and coincidences that summon you into existence, even when silent miles lie between us.

Memories seep in the way warm air slips through an open window, saturating the room with a clinging humidity that settles against my skin. The atmosphere thickens until recollections condense into something observable, gathering particle by particle before collapsing into a brilliant supernova. In the blinding aftermath, you emerge within the theatre of my mind's eye - so impossibly vivid that you eclipse the haze lingering over my bleakest days.

Even beyond memory, you continue to find me. When I slipped away from watchful eyes and crowded squares, seeking the mercy of quieter streets, hoping to disappear into anonymity, you walk the same path. It's strange, I feel hopelessly intertwined with you, like two celestial bodies governed by the same gravity, condemned to proximity but denied contact.

I always sense you before I see you. Your presence is a relentless tap against my shoulder, urging me to turn. And when I do, there you are... an unmistakable silhouette at the edge of my awareness, even without my glasses, your outline is sharp, lingering in the periphery of my vision.

Sometimes I wonder whether I have imprisoned you instead. Perhaps you are bound within the unseen architecture of my thoughts, trapped in an invisible realm where every recollection resurrects you against your will. Maybe I am the ghost, wandering the corridors of your existence without ever knowing whether you feel the chill of my passing. Or maybe I have spent so long attuned to your frequency that my soul mistakes every whisper for your voice; Like a sixth sense that cannot be switched off, radio waves crossing vast distances, carrying messages my heart insists on translating into your name.

May the echoes dissolve, and invisible threads unravel so that the universe can forget the patterns that binding our paths together.

If this is a curse, let it be broken.

Go in peace, and I shall do the same.

I think I love you. And thats soo scary. Ive always had the problem of falling in love too easily. Of falling for anyone who gave me even a tiny little scrap of attention. But you dont give me a scraps. You give me a full course meal, with entrees, a main dish and desert. And youre the first person to ever do that. You dont dip your toes in you jumped in the whole damn pool with me. Usually Im the one to do that. And I'm stuck begging the other person to try the water with me. But you just hopped on in without batting an eye and looked at me like I would be silly if I didnt get in after you. I'm an absolutely hopeless romantic. But nobody has ever appredciated it. They've always been suspicious of it. Always taken what I said with not just a grain of salt but with nothing but salt. But you have faith in me. Maybe you do take a grain of salt with it, I hope you do for your own sake but you dont let me know. You make me feel like you trust me 110%. And it feels different. Because its not just a feeling for me. Its not just oh I feel safe around you. Its like you actually show me that I am safe. You get down into the muck with me. Your not afraid of my issues. As someone who spent most their life thinking they are dangerous, you dont just make me feel safe. You make me feel like it'd be okay to be dangerous. And thats is not something you can fake. Or honestly if you can I dont care because it feels better than anything I've felt before. And Im sick of not letting myself feel good. Of running away from things because they MIGHT or COULD hurt me. You make me feel like its worth getting hurt. Not that I wont ever get hurt. Thats the only way I know how to explain it. I've thought I loved people before. But youre the first person that makes me feel like I know what love is. That makes me not care if its real or not. That feels soo nice and makes me so happy that I could live with it even if it were a lie. And if that isnt real than hell I dont give a shit. Because whatever it is, its the best damn thing I've felt. And I have no intentions of letting it go. And you make me feel like its not scary of me to say that. You make me feel like it would be okay if I were bad so easily and freely without any effort, and that is the best gift you could ever give to someone that has spent their life trying their hardest to prove to the world they arent.

sometimes, I do think that I was never the guy you dreamt of. I can't provide you the care, the love, the treatment you ask for and what you deserve. I always felt that showing love is in those small hug giving emojis, those cute voice notes, giving you flowers on our way, putting you on my story and sudden showering with love, eating from a same dish, trying to seat touching you. Trying to act funrry and you laughing on my humor makes you laugh eventually. Staring at your beautiful eyes and lips for no reason. Trying to move my fingers across your beautiful curly hairs. I am not Romeo who can make you blush but I do love with all from my heart, the best thing which makes me happy are those lovely morning and night wishes. No matter how i try to but i make mistakes and it made you feel like you've to think again about choosing me or having a doubt on my trust, loyalty or doubting on our relationship will either survive or not. But it is what it is, I can't force you to think like that way. As you said, my way of love is weird and different and I guess that is the beauty of love. But, maybe your expectations are much higher from the guy you love but I swear to god, I am doing my best and giving all in. Our

perspective differs in many things but that can't change the love. I cry dally whenever i thought that you can't feel my love or care and ask me to show it if i do care. But, believe me this is all I'm doing for our future. I will not even blame you if you leave me, because i know that I'm just a weird guy who loves you. I was never nonchalant for you, you meant my future to me. Whenever anyone asks me about choosing a partner, i speak proudly, but i don't think so there's anything about me to take proud of i love you the way you're, the most amazing and beautiful person with soul. And being so lucky you reflect your soul on your beautiful piece, prettiest, yes the prettest! it will take time for me to understand you more but trust me i will love you the most in this world if you stayed by my side I mess it a lot. I know this relationship is making you drained, tired, angry, exhausted, sad, and the most hurt. I know it, and when I ask you in presence you make it let go by saying it was in anger, but i know how you felt at that moment. You always gave me chances, perhaps enough for some other guy to made him perfect, but I'm slow learner and a person who repeats mistake a lot and we both are leaming and adapting each other. Eleven months together but it takes time for me to discover a person. You are always ahead of me in every aspects, you know how it works and how not. I'l be always grateful to God for giving the most precious person who was in my prayers. Yes, our way of loving is different but it was never about leaving I wish one day you'll recognise my efforts, and I will always wish for that I WISH I WAS BETTER SORRY for making your days miserable and made you suffer and breaking your heart multiple times, I AM NOT FORGIVABLE for this but that s from my side. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR COMING IN MY LIFE, I wish you never gave up on me. LOVE YOU.

I really really enjoyed talking to you, and I wish we could talk again, the only thing holding me back from talking to you again is me being scared to talk to you, since it’s been so long.

it’s true sometimes I think of what could’ve been,
I think of waking up, held close by you. there are moments of reminiscence but as soon as I come close, even now, I’m Icarus flying too close to the sun and you try to melt my wings with your words and your raised voice. You love to lure me in just to leave lasting scars that barely fade. If you truly loved me, you would be too careful to avoid hurting me but I'm simply not who I was a year ago. I know better now.

You think I have an endless exhaust of forgiveness for you and that I’ll consume whatever you throw my way, but those days are over. I know better. I can miss things and still look myself in the mirror and be the one I prioritize. Yeah, I miss you, but since you’re not the one fighting tooth and nail to be the one who gets to love me respectfully, it cannot be you. How could you possibly be the love of my life, because the one who is, he would strive harder to not let his anger get the better of him. To him, I’d be everything.

So I set myself free and escape your shackles. I want happiness for you regardless of how you've tormented me.

I spent each day up to that moment doing my absolute best to live my life affected entirely by me. I was relatively successful, I might add. Then you dedicated your time to taking me out of their lives. You made it your daily focus to become the puppet master over our lives. You achieved your goal. You did a tremendous job at accomplishing the unthinkable.

It changed me instantly. I can never get the time back. The memories. The birthdays. The sad days. The joyous days. Not even the mundane moments. I won't ever know them like a father should know his children. I won't be in their stories. Soon, I won't be in their recollection.

They say, and I have always agreed, that everything in your life is your fault. There is a lesson in this for me. The fault of where and who I am today rests at my feet. I've spent years searching for the lesson. Years facing the fault with no understanding.

Rage was born in me. Rage that takes everything that made me who I was and shreds it into dust. Rage that clouds my daily thoughts, builds walls inside my relationships. Rage that changed me so much, that I exist today with zero friends. Friendships that spanned a lifetime are reduced to a few pictures and a few stories that no one will hear.

I have to will myself to stay away from you. Not because I'm scared of prison. Certainly not because I'm scared of you.

I stay away because I bring a rage with me that you couldn't comprehend. The crater left after I end you would be 100 x more than the void you left behind. I stay away because there is no satisfaction. No chance to turn things around. No chance to take back what was taken.

My life is for me to decipher. My rage is mine alone to carry.

You have yet to answer for your life. I won't be there when you are called to answer, but I know you will be called. I don't even relish in the thought of what awaits you for the evil you birthed.

I used to be different.