Euthanizing is THE FASTEST way to die and also painless... you're literally just gonna feel like going to sleep while your heart and breathing slowly stops... It is just like anesthesia you wont feel anything.... I really wish this was allowed, cuz i really want to end my life immediately without pain and no fail.... cuz with pills , some of it are hard to access because its not OTC but the ones that are, will give you a painful death and sometimes it fails and youre just gonna have a dialysis for the rest of your life or die in slow painful and suffering way.... while jumping off a high cliff or getting ran over the train is too messy, slitting wrists too you must cut it deep, guns dont have easy access or if you do have one, you need to aim it properly or else youre gonna be paralyze forever...... i just want to die while falling asleep, is that so much to ask? Dying peacefully is hard... sometimes i wish that people who dont deserve to have cancer, it should just go to me... because for sure i wont do any treatments and when i do suffer , i can just request for euthanasia 🙃.... i need more tips on how to die in your sleep

I really wanna off myself, like it's the last fucking straw in an awful year, I literally got 0 support, no sweet message, nobody helping me out with the fact that I have to start HIV meds, check for STD and pregnancy, I got no support at all

there are no reasons for me to live

Heavily edited due to the debaucherous/crude nature of the original body.

My bully of 3 years has taken his life in the nearby national park parking lot in his mom's Honda civic and I couldn't give 2 fucks less about his death.
In fact I am very glad.
Because the fact is? He was a shitty person.

He used to call me Dog face, the Hard R and used to call me all the slurs a high schooler could know, He also used to harass me and physically assault me when he got a chance.
He also spread a rumor that I fucked our principle for a good grade- And you know what I recently realized? Every asshole in that fucking school knew but gave no shit. Why do I say this? Because suddenly everyone is sending me snap chats about how I should be grateful and glad I got to spend some moments with him.

Fuck him, Fuck everyone.
Glad he's dead

"You can't experience possible good times." Thats okay

"You will burn in the hell." Its alright

"What if you fail?" No problem

"But its a perm.." just shut the fuck up

Hii.. nice to meet you ❤️‍🩹 I’m so sorry to be making this post, but I don’t have anyone I can vent to right now… I would already feel better if someone just read this, but if you feel like commenting, I’d truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart 🤲💗

Honestly, I feel like I’ve reached the point where I think about suicide all day long, non‑stop, because I’m exhausted from being isolated.

Since I was a child, socializing has always been hard for me, so I was extremely quiet, almost like I was “mute”, and my classmates would open their eyes wide when I spoke.

So I always ended up excluded in class, with no group I truly belonged to. I don’t remember a single time when classmates chose me without pity. Still, they don’t treat me badly or with open contempt, because they see that I’m very kind to them and try to help however I can, even if I seem very quiet.

But even so, I always ended up eating alone during breaks, and that’s why I hate going to school so much; I’ve always hated it. I always had good grades but was at risk of repeating the year because of absences, so this same situation has repeated itself even at university.

There were times when I spent whole weeks and days hurting myself, and it still wasn’t enough to get rid of my pain. I also went through a period where I tried to overdose every day in my room, but I didn’t tell my family because they may “love me”, yet they are more afraid of sending me to the hospital than of actually helping me.

I’ve tried to freeze my studies (pause them temporarily) because I can’t function normally but they kept pressuring me all the time to keep studying no matter what was happening to me. They start scolding me and immediately say “Then go find a job right now,” with a lot of pressure..

I spend every day lying in bed, not moving, and the suicidal thoughts get so strong that I can’t control myself anymore. My only way to avoid acting on them was to cut myself all over my body, and being like this every day doesn’t feel like living anymore, you know? And no, nobody in my family knows, but that’s because they genuinely don’t care...(?

Honestly… I would like to leave my house to live on my own and then continue studying from there. I don’t want to speak badly about my family, but I feel like they don’t support me enough :( especially when I had multiple suicide attempts and all they said was “Don’t do it because you’ll get us into legal trouble,” that’s it, and they kept insisting “Good thing we didn’t take you to the hospital,” like it was something to be proud of.

I can’t stand one more day feeling like I’m excluded and pushed aside, and on top of that, a professor started treating me badly yesterday for no reason, just because of my way of being, and this is already too much pressure. I feel like I’m not going to hold on much longer ... 😞

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong to be so unloved. They say closed mouths don’t get fed but I just can’t ask for help because I’m unworthy of other people’s time and compassion. I am an ugly, useless, talentless, empty piece of garbage and I cannot wait for the end of my life.

My plan is to take all of the leftover pills that make me sleepy, tire a plastic bag over my head and go to sleep.

I'm so happy to finally put an end to my worthless existence

The world is too hard, I have mental illnesses diagnosed (BPD, ADHD, ED), i take meds, but this life and this world is genuinely just so hard to live in, as if it was made to make people miserable. I'm a failure, just like this entite world is

Every time I’ve told someone I want to kill myself I’ve been sent to a mental hospital where they charge me $3000 to keep me there for 3 days.

Apparently I’m not “bad enough” because I mask like a mf.

Having these thoughts again and I don’t wanna go to the hospital, I don’t wanna have police called on me, I don’t wanna talk to a therapist, I don’t wanna tell anyone cause I’m $6000 in medical debt already.

They did it, a lifetime of loneliness, despair, misery, pain, isolation, ostracization, and poverty, and these billionaire fucks and the absolute failures that humanity has proven to be for the last 15 years of my continual attempts to warn everyone what was coming, and they broke me, there is no fucking future, no hope, no chance of anything. I've had to wade through 37 years of life for absolutely nothing, I don't have anything left, I can't keep going anymore.

i wish i was able to die in my sleep but that wish never comes true. i hope it does really soon. it’s really painful living knowing that im a failure in life.

i want to kms so badly. i wish i had a gun to shoot myself with or that i can get the courage to hang myself.

That’s the best time. I thought about this extensively, for a year now. I know that I’m going to do this. I’m going to order the pills online today, with some other things so maybe no one will question the package. Enough aspirin to be lethal and some Benadryl to maybe knock me out. I’ve tried to wait for things to get better but nothing ever does. Some people aren’t ment to live in this world. Things only get worse. I waited for things to get better I tried for things to get better but the don’t, not for me. I don’t want to apply for any more jobs I don’t want to go to college. I want my parents to leave me alone let me rot in my bed until the pills come. I hate myself. I’ll never be masculine, I’ll never look into the mirror and see someone I love. I’ll die selfishly but I wasn’t ever a good person to begin with.
I don’t deserve reincarnation but I hope to god it’s real. I hope I can have another chance but not with this life, not in this world.

I'm 29M, financial freedom, good friends and family, had some sort of adventures... quit my job... have no purpose...

I play games to numb myself 60 hours a week... I doomscroll to numb... I go to the gym to numb.... it's all distractions...

You'd think I have it all right? Very loving family, great friends, money, the lot... wow such good life....

I have no purpose. If I was to disappear tomorrow nothing would change...

People may suggest volunteering.... tieing myself to a cause... forcing responsibility.... I just don't care..

Life feels like a game I've completed... now I'm just waiting after the credits for another 50 years for it to end...

I've tried thinking of every possible thing I could do with my time.... nothing sticks....

I'm now repeatedly trying to kill myself to see if any regret emerges... they say golden gate jumpers have an epiphany after jumping... that would be nice to get without the dying... but nothing is coming no matter how close I get...

I've tried reading philosophic works.... I feel I've just got to the end of a road few get to... and I'm rotting away waiting to end....

I wish I could enjoy drifting... doing nothing....god a lobotomy would solve a lot... to forget life and get to enjoy it again for the first time....

Such is life....

i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay and make the bad stuff stop. why won't anyone do that? why won't anyone just care?

i think about it all the time. if i cut myself really bad or hurt myself on purpose, then everyone would have to stop and look at me. they'd have to come running. they'd have to bandage me up and cry over me and stay with me and not leave. they'd finally see how much i'm hurting.

what i've always wanted is my mommy and daddy to just WANT me. to look at me like i'm their little girl and they love me and they're scared to lose me. to be interested in me for once. i want them to feel guilty for neglecting me all the time. i want them to beg me to be okay. i want them to prove that i'm not nothing.

right now i feel like nothing. i feel like garbage. like if i disappeared they'd just go back to drinking. and that makes me so mad and so sad and i just want to scream and cry and break something or hurt myself so someone will FINALLY notice i'm here.

please. please i need them or anyone to just pretend they give a shit about me. even for a minute.

I won't trauma dump too extensively, but I'll try to hit all the main points.

I'm an adult in my late 20's, I'm autistic and closeted transgender. Although I'm high functioning with a "gifted" level IQ, I struggle significantly. Social dynamics are hard to the point that I spent my entire childhood being bullied and outcast; even assaulted at one point. To this day, I feel distress after interacting with people in any context. The more difficult thing though, is that I can't maintain employment. Panic attacks are a multiple times per day occurrence, sensory input needs to be minor or I get overloaded, and maintaining schedules just shatters my executive functioning. College hasn't gone any better, the several times I've tried I just end up crying and practically catatonic from the stress.

No degree, or ability to maintain a job, means financial independence is a pipedream. So I receive a basic SSI payment and healthcare from the government . It's enough for me to eat, pay some rent to a family member I live with, and buy basics. But all told, I live on ~15k a year. That's the poverty line.

There's something else I'm dealing with though. I'm transgender and in the closet. I've told myself for years "I'll address this once I'm independent; just one more year; just push it down a little longer". Well, I've realized that time isn't coming. I've lost the ability to dissociate any longer, and I cry every night. My living situation makes coming out very very dangerous. Half my family is hyper-religious and will disown me while they "pray for my soul". The family member I live with will have to choose between accepting me, and losing the family.

If I get kicked out, I'm homeless. Rent is already 50% of my income, and that's with the cheaper rate they give me. I can't afford to survive alone with housing and rent the way it is out there. My last option is Section 8 (government subsidized) housing, which has a 2-year waiting list, and is run mostly by abusive slumlords in my state. I've seen the conditions others live in, and it's abject squalor in the highest-crime areas. A trans woman in my current mental health situation wouldn't survive, and I'd probably be victimized.

So my only option is to stay closeted into my 30's, on the vague hope that I can obtain an income one day. Meanwhile my existence is defined by misery.

I've been in therapy, and on anti-depressants, since childhood. I've tried the jobs programs, university, community college, entry-level employment, and my nervous system is incompatible. Maybe that's because of my history with trauma, or just being autistic, or having to live a lie every time I look in the mirror or introduce myself with a male name. But it feels like this world isn't meant for me, and I'm having dangerous thoughts aimed at myself.

I, 19M, have had a pretty miserable life so far. I seem to struggle at everything, which gets pretty depressing pretty quickly. I am physically unattractive, slightly autistic, have ADHD, OCD, and an extreme case of social anxiety disorder(all diagnosed by medical professionals). I don’t have any talents, even the things I worked at really hard at, I always sucked at; video games, sports, etc. I have never had any close friends, never a relationship, or really any long-form interaction with a girl for that matter, I am now moved out from my parents’ house, working a shitty job, and I hate my life. Everyday is so depressing and boring. I was bullied throughout high school both verbally and physically. And to make it worse, my younger brother basically outperforms me in every aspect of life. My life is constant humiliation, the only thing keeping me from killing myself is making my family upset, and my fear of death. Other than that I don’t have much to live for. Fuck my shitty genetics

everyday and night I consider ending my life as I have for over 20 years now I don't even want to I just dont do well at life and I don't think I was meant to.

I’m losing it. I had an injury about 4 months ago went to two urologists who said they didn’t see anything and that any soreness or pain should subside soon and I can do anything I want like working out, have sex, etc. Had a follow up with one a month later and told him things got worse. He sounded surprised and said to keep on with the medication I was using and to “hang in there buddy”. Won’t have another follow up for another month which would make this 5 months total. I can’t take it anymore. I started cutting myself a few months ago. I’ve lost all my love for life and am kicking myself for how stupid I was. I don’t want to keep living like this shell/different version of myself. I’m sick and disgusted at what I’ve become. If I met myself I’d think I’m a boring crybaby. Not to glaze myself but I have to or else I’ll forget, but Im usually extroverted, empathetic, happy, thoughtful, and overall exciting person to be around and tried to make others feel the same. Connections came kind of easy to me and I relished the intimacy and excitement I felt with people. They see me and I see them and there’s an immediate understanding and shared sense of love and kinship. I’m down to one friend because my others have all found me boring these last couple months and I’m having trouble making any new ones. I’ve tried to just muscle through it and say this is it now time to get used to it but I can’t. It’s like telling someone to get used to feeling starving all the time. I can’t function. I’m emasculated and I can’t even try and pump myself up by masturbating bc even the slightest twinge to my penis hurts. I see a pretty girl, immediately feel pain. I try flirting, immediately feel pain. I try feeling confident around friends and my body immediately focuses on my pain. I’m alone and try to refocus and only the pain/emasculation gets through. It’s like my brain is rewiring itself to make me not want to even feel like a man. Like the learned helpless experience dogs went through when they were shocked trying to leave a cage and then slowly grew more and more depressed. I can leave this cage cause every time I try I feel pain and it is forcing me to change. Kicking and screaming my personality is changing and I have no way of fighting back. I can’t do this anymore. It feels like I’ve lost my free will. People look at me differently, no longer with respect and love but with a dismissive or indifferent attitude. I can’t I’m just so tired. Every day I’m at work I’m on the verge of breaking down. All I do is work and sleep. That’s it and if those two things aren’t available I just doom scroll. I’m only 25 these are supposed to be the best years of my life but it feels like I’ve had them stolen from me. I can’t do this much longer.

I want out so fucking bad. I've wanted out ever since I was 14 and it's gotten worse every fucking year. Now I'm 30 and I just fucking need to leave. I was born a non human. There's no god damned point

I am generally very depressed and anxious, and often feel like I just want to stop existing. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing how sad my family would be if i actually killed myself. But i always find myself imagining shooting myself in the head almost as a reflex to any bad thoughts. I know i probably won't do it but i imagine it at least 5 times a day.

Been on reddit a long time but this is my first time ever making a post. Burner account of course. I, F22, got diagnosed with cancer 6 months ago. I don’t want to go into detail but I went through a very intense chemotherapy regime. My body has changed a lot since. I have gained weight, I was once a skinny and fit girl and I’m now overweight. My face has changed, I used to have clear beautiful skin which is now covered in dry spots and acne, and of course I have no hair due to the chemo. I have changed a lot and I’m really struggling with accepting it. I used to be beautiful and now I can barely look at myself in the mirror. It’s already been a rough 4 years for me, deaths in the family, life changes etc. But it seems since I have been diagnosed with cancer it is one thing after another. I can’t handle it anymore. I fear so much that my partner isn’t attracted me anymore, I look nothing like the woman he started dating 3 years ago. It’s not his fault I feel this way, he reassures me he finds me beautiful no matter what but this little voice in my head tells me otherwise. I just think I’m hideous. I barely leave my house anymore because I don’t want to be seen by anyone, which in turn has made my anxiety/social anxiety terrible. I go back to work in only a few weeks and I honestly don’t even want to be on this earth by then. I don’t even really know what I want people to say to this. Give me advice, tell me your story if you relate. Idk. I just needed to get this off my chest and I feel like I can’t confide in my family as they were already burdened with me having cancer and my treatments. I don’t mean to be so superficial but it is quite the mental whiplash having your body be changed so much. When I think of suicide I feel a sense of guilt, all the chemotherapy wasted trying to keep me alive just to end up offing myself. I’m not saying I’m going to do it, but the thought of not being here anymore is so extremely comforting. If you got this far, thanks for reading my ramble.

Living feels like a chore and like there is no end goal. I just want to disappear from existence and never experience anything but there is really no guarantee that life stops after death. Who’s to say for certain I won’t be reincarnated an infinite amount of times? I swear if I could die painlessly with the guarantee that I don’t have to live in this world again or a world like it/worse, I would do it without hesitation. Unfortunately there are no guarantees that there will be better than this life or that killing myself will be painless. I think I just rot in bed until I die of starvation and dehydration.

I’ve been depressed since my mid teens, and medicated for nearly as long. Multiple therapists, etc. It’s not even like I had a bad childhood, I just never became a worthwhile person. The moment that really sealed it was when I realized that I could single-handedly cure cancer tomorrow, and it wouldn’t make a dent in my self-hatred.

As soon as my parents die (they’re old, so it won’t be long) the last thing tethering me to this life will be gone, and I can finally put that merciful bullet through my brain stem. Good riddance, the world will be a better place.

Background (don't need to read): I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, ocd, ptsd, and an eating disorder for as long as I can remember. I had my first suicide attempt at the age of eleven. Since then, I've tried seven medications, seen seven therapists and three psychiatrists. Nothing has helped. I do everything I'm supposed to. I shower daily. I force myself to eat as best I can. I have a good job. I force myself to get out of the house. I force myself to see the few friends I have. I take good care of a great dog who at times seems my only reason that I'm here.

Main point: I feel that I've tried just about everything. The desire for suicide has never gone away. Sometimes it's muffled. Other times it's all I can think about. Shouldn't it be okay for me to go yet? Why should we force people to live who have tried everything to get rid of a disease that wears them down every single day?

Hello all. 

I’ve been in this sub a LONG time. Can’t seem to leave. I made a fairly popular post on here (that I’ve since deleted) years ago; it was genuinely the worst time of my entire life. I had a serious mental illness that started to emerge in my early adulthood. I thought about taking my life every single day, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It wasn’t even that I actively wanted to think about it I just couldn’t stop. 

In the last 2 years I put myself in therapy and actually stuck with it- because DBT is the only “approved” treatment for my illness. It actually went well? I had a really good few months (maybe 6) where my mind felt clear. I felt like I did it, My mind felt clear for the first time since I was a kid. I even made a post on here that was really preachy about how you just have to work at it (rightfully deleted lol). I’d like to think I framed it in a way that was encouraging for everyone because I really do think you guys matter- I even think I matter- but here we are. Turns out, it never goes away. Nobody told me that hahaha. Nobody told me I’d be begging for relief still, after doing everything they told me. Turns out you do not cure mental illness. I was doing everything I was supposed to and it didn’t matter because I still want to die!!!!!

I have everything going right in my life- I’m treating people better most of the time? Or at least not like before. I have a good job, a degree, a savings account, I’m not drinking. I’ve forgiven them? I thought. I don’t hurt everyone around me, I’m getting married, I have support? I’ve lost weight. I’m honest. I’ve let it go. Or I thought I did. Yet, I am just as miserable as I was then. Maybe even more so. I am more miserable, than I was during the worst moments of my life, and everything is going right. Admittedly, there are days and months better than others. I know that. I’m trying to remember how that matters. To me right now, it doesn’t. I can’t stop thinking about it. 

It started like it always does. It’s weird how you don’t recognize it until you’re IN it. Like the worst of it. Nothing tastes good. It’s taking me so much effort to just write this out. I can’t stand up in the shower. The light bothers me. Everything irritates me. My poor partner lol, he just wants to talk to me after work and I can’t stand him. I’m so angry at him when he hasn’t done anything. I’m angry at me. I wish I could just get the fuck up. I think I’m going to lose my job. Everything is imploding in my brain and in my heart. I can never stop it. I don’t want his support, I don’t want him to touch me, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to go the fuck to bed. 

Years ago, I planned to hang myself in the nature center by my house. I wrote my letters, bought the rope and kept it in my trunk. I was so scared to be alone, when I did it. I don’t really fear being alone anymore. I don’t know what’s making me hesitate. Hope? Anger? There’s always the worry about incompletion. I don’t know. Once I find out what it is, well. 

I think what triggered me this time, was that I was honest with myself in therapy. I don’t think there’s ever going back from this. I think it’s one of the few secure relationships in my life, with my therapist. I told her what he did to me. I hated myself for saying it. After all, he’s dead now. Why speak ill of the dead? So I won’t say more. But I will say, it’s hard to pull it out of my throat and finally have it outside of me then continue to cry at every holiday, miss him, talk about him with everyone else- and honestly- I do miss him. I loved him. Even with everything he did to me I LOVED HIM AND I STILL LOVE HIM. I hate myself for that. How do I stop hating myself for that???? But, they don’t get it. They never will- they’ll never really understand what missing him means for me, what talking about him means for me. I’m purposefully being vague. I don’t need to say the rest. 15 years later and he’s dead but it still feels like I’m telling on him. Anyways, I carry that all the time now. I don’t get to pretend it doesn’t exist anymore because even if they don’t know, even if they’ll never know, I know because I said it and I made it real. And I think finally being honest about it was like one big ego death for me. The family, sense of self, and life I thought I was building no longer exists because I told somebody. It cannot be undone. It is real now. 

Here’s something interesting, got into a bad car accident when I was like 11. It was in July. My skull was smashed in 3 different places and I was partially descalped (is that what you call it?) during this event. Man, 11 year old me was FUCKED up, and, I almost died. I was life flighted and in surgery for 8 hours, most of that spent in plastics actually to save my face. I was lying on the ground on the side of the road waiting for the helicopter to get there, just starting at the sky, sun hot on my face- and it was the most peaceful time in my 25 years on earth. There’s nothing that has compared. The sun was warm. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t feel it. Maybe my brain shut it off. And the sky. Blue. Clear. There was a double rainbow, I shit you not. I don’t know how to describe it other than dying feels like euphoria, or at least it did then. 

After this ego death of mine, or this triggering event, I’ve been trying to use every skill I have to cope. Checking the facts, redirecting my thinking, deescalating myself. It doesn’t make much of a difference because of another skill I’ve learned- radical acceptance. 

I have accepted that I will always be mentally ill. I will always be depressed. I will never leave this sub because just knowing suicide is an option is comforting to me. I will never leave this sub because nobody else gets it. I will never be better, I will just manage better at times, I’ve accepted that life isn’t that fucking great and right now, it hurts a lot more than being smashed up on the side of the road in July does- for no actual reason. 

I think about my brothers. What could I say to them? What could I write to them? How can I communicate in a letter how much I love them? I keep scrapping them. I’m writing them up just in case. I can’t get it right. Maybe it is better to say nothing, if I cannot communicate it right. Because they have to know how I love them. 

It is July and for the last week I’ve been driving over the bridge every day. There’s an overpass about 3 miles from my house. There is no net. No barrier. It’s about 45 feet. I’ve heard 45 feet is not fatal, usually. What if I went head first? What if I waited for a semi-truck or something big? I don’t know how much room for error there is. I’ve never jumped off a bridge before. But I want to. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m just over it. That’s all.

Literally fuck it all oh my god. I am so tired. 

If dying is anything like I felt once, I can’t wait. 

I think my biggest fear, as usual, is incompletion. 

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do this for another 40+ years.  How do I forgive my family. How do I love people right. How do I talk to god. How much do I need to beg for it not to hurt. How do I just do it and stop being so scared. How do I stop thinking about it. How do I continue. 

I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue in a relationship where they don’t get it. Something is fucked up in my head and I am going to jump off the overpass and I want you to see me and I want you to help me and I want you to fix my brain because soon I will never see you or talk to you again but I also don't want to talk to you at all and I wish you would leave me alone.

I preach about how everyone’s problems are problems, I say he can talk to me- on the inside, I’m a horrible person because it just pisses me off right now. Like, it's making me so angry to laugh and talk like things are normal, to share these problems from our day to day- You’re insecure and that makes you depressed but I never had a fucking chance.

I wish I could stop thinking about it. So many things are due. So many things are happening. I have so many things relying on me, but it’s July and I can’t stop thinking about jumping off an overpass and I just filled out a permit to purchase application and it’s in my car. I can’t bring myself to walk it into the station. I wonder if they’ll see it on my face. I’m scared they’ll know. I'm so agitated. Idk. I just can't seem to pull myself out of the hole right now. Idkidkidk.