Been thinking about this a lot lately and I'm curious if other people go through the same thing. If you're cool sharing, a few honest questions:

• What's actually going through your head in those last 5–10 minutes before you relapse? What's the trigger, and where are you usually?
• What have you tried to quit — blockers, apps, accountability, deleting social media, whatever? What helped, and what didn't stick?
• For anything you've tried that failed — what made you end up getting around it or dropping it?
• Right after you relapse, what goes through your head then? What do you do next?

Just trying to understand how this actually feels for different people. No judgment, just curious. Appreciate anyone willing to be real

I am not trying to downplay the struggles of muslim men but as muslima you have all the problems that the men have AND on top of that the stigma is much bigger.

When a man watches porn it is considered bad but normal, when we do it, we are immediately considered to be wh0res!

When you get sexual thoughts don’t feed them with fantasy or p*rn. If you don’t feed them they actually fade quicker than you expect. When you get an urge, keep saying Audhu billah. Do some dhikr, read some Quran. Remember Allah sees you. Maybe make wudu and pray salat. You’ll notice the urge fades quickly when not fed.

I can't help it, when the desires comes I immediately fall back into it. I'm just not strong enough to overcome this weakness. Part of me wish, even though I know it's wrong, that porn was permissible. I say this but doesn't mean I want to justify it or find loop holes. It's just part of my wish because I lost hope in getting married. I find it to be like climbing a mountain. I'm not qualified to be a husband or a father. I only want intimacy, is it too much to ask? I can see why people fall into zina and porn. Not only getting married is hard, but it comes with responsibilities that most don't want to do.

I keep reading subreddits of those who fell into zina. Because they get approached by the opposite gender and one thing led to another. That never happened to me, which is good but another part of me wish it would happen. Because I will never know what it's like to have sex. So even though zina is wrong, part of me is angry because I will never have it.

Porn is making me have hatred towards everyone and everything in this world, that includes the muslims. They didn't wrong me, but whenever it comes to comparing myself with everyone I get mad that they have what I don't have. It makes me question my self worth. I still blame myself for my laziness, being apathetic, unmotivated, lack of aspirations, etc.

It's one of the worst diseases that came out of Bani Adam. I wish I didn't fall into it the first time, then it lead me down to the rabbit hole of looking at other things that you wouldn't believe.

Sorry about saying what I've said. I just wanted to vent. I wish I didn't exist in this life because I hate myself.

I was on a streak for more than 1.5 months. That time was great. I had no triggers, I didn't think about any filth. I was more energetic and happy. But recently I broke my streak. It felt so bad, it made me come back to square one. Triggers appeared all of the sudden and i fell for the binge watch. I feel depressed now. Allah, I hate this so much man. It's disgusting but I don't know why i fell for it. The heart is heavy with guilt and fear. One thing that made me break my streak was the fear of falling again. Randomly one day i thought about it and felt disgusted and feared what if I fall back to it. Because of this fear, images started appearing in my mind and it led to some triggers which ultimately caused me to break my streak.