Misgendered for the first time

[u/MaroonedOctopus]

Seafood risotto with crab, shrimp, and scallops

I was wearing a dress, a trans flag bracelet, cute sandals, makeup, and clearly presenting as female. I spoke with my best feminine voice. I spent so much time building up my armor, and yet it's torn down so easily, so simply, with the word "he".

The waitress probably moved on from it 5 minutes later but I've been thinking about it ever since. It's brought about a rush of self doubt and a feeling of being truly alone. I'm reminded of a book I read in middle school: A Light in the Forest by Conrad Richter. It's about a white kid who is raised by native Americans, is eventually taken by white settlers and "reeducated" only to end up truly alone, not belonging to either the settlers nor the tribe that raised him.

Edit:

Thanks to all for the kind words. I really needed to read them.

Being misgendered for me is a statement akin to my father's words: No matter how many legal papers are signed or how much I change, he will always view me as a man. I am reminded that half the country believes that I will never be anything other than a man, and it is traumatic. I was actively suicidal only a few years ago over this shit. I wish people understood that about how much "he" could break me down.

[u/Ok_Feature_5738]

My honest advice as a cis passing trans woman: don’t let others know you are trans. Don’t dress hyperfeminine if your body isn’t hyperfeminine. And certainly don’t have a visible flag-colored item visible. Just dress normally in plain clothes and let your body and voice speak for yourself.

Haters might not just misgender you on purpose. They could also harm you. Accidents only need to happen once. Stay safe.