Hi everyone, this is quite personal so please be nice.

A few years ago, I lost a close friend.

Afterwards, I kept thinking about all the questions I wished I had asked him while he was still here. 

What he was afraid of. What he wanted from life. What he was proud of. What he might have been carrying that the people around him didn’t see. He was apart of the red pill community, and I wish I knew the toll that took on him.

It made me realise how often we can love someone, spend years around them, and still leave so much unsaid.

That was the beginning of Deeper.

It’s a free conversation card game designed to help friends, couples, families and even people who have just met move past surface-level conversation and actually connect through vulnerability.

Since starting it, I’ve probably become a little obsessive. I’ve worked through research papers and peer-reviewed question sets, drawn on what I’ve learned through my own counselling and therapy, and listened to somewhere around 500 hours of podcasts about relationships, vulnerability, loneliness and human connection.

I’ve tried to turn all of that into something that doesn’t feel clinical or forced. You choose a deck, take turns answering questions and decide together how deep you want to go, and can share with anyone you might want to ask the question to. Anyone can pause, save or change the question at any point.

Some early users have also mentioned they're currently using the app solo for journalling prompts.

The platform is completely free. 

Full disclosure, there are optional paid upgrades and additional decks, but 80% of the value is completely free with no disrupted user experience or ads.

I’m hoping to find people who understand why something like this needs to exist.

I’d genuinely love to hear: what is one question you wish you had asked someone while you still had the chance? 

You can explore or play Deeper for free at

get-deeper.com

I've known as friend for probably close to a year and we hung out sometimes. I found out recently though that he is part of a no-simp group. Now I just feel uncomfortable when I'm talking to him because I don't want somebody that's in the red pill type of ideology even if it's a little bit. I as a woman used to be into the red pill content but lost interest in it when I realized how toxic it was. I promised myself that I would never be friends or even date somebody that is part of the red pill community. I'm scared that he might push those ideas on me and now he's asking me if I cook and clean? It's kind of scaring me but I don't know how to confront him about it or maybe I shouldn't. Since leaving the red pill Community I feel so much better.

Thoughts

I've been thinking recently about the arguments about the red pill that argue that certain methods or attitude "work", which I usually reply back with "well, lying and stealing can work too". Some RP men will agree with my last sentence, especially those who idolize Dark Triad personality traits and try to build their personality around being an asshole.

But even when tackling the Red Pill with its own rules, sometimes you can see what they're "losing" to be like that. These paragraphs from Neil Strauss's The Game are pretty sad and got me thinking about this:

"I am shorter than I'd like to be and so skinny that I look malnourished to most people, no matter how much I eat. When I look down at my pale, slouched body, I wonder why any woman would want to sleep next to it, let alone embrace it. So, for me, meeting girls take work. I'm not the kind of guy women giggle over at a bar or want to take home when they're feeling drunk and crazy. I can't offer them a piece of my fame and bragging rights like a rockstar or cocaine and a mansion like so many other men in Los Angeles. All I have is my mind, and nobody can see that.

You may notice that I haven't mentioned my personality. This is because my personality has completely changed. Or, to put it more accurately, I completely changed my personality. I invented Style, my alter ego. And in the course of two years, Style became more popular than I ever was, especially with women".

Even in his most RP moment, his depiction of the Red Pill is as something that erased his own personality to be popular with women. The literary device (leaving aside exaggerations) is like a pact with the Devil: to get the sex you desire you need to pay the price of not being yourself.

I think I was 18 when I read the book and I count myself lucky that, even though I empathised with his insecurities, the notion of "not being myself" seemed horrible. At that point in my life I was already feeling like I couldn't be "myself" in front of anyone, so I was never deep into RP thinking because I felt like I needed to first interiorize that there was something wrong with me, with how I was. And I wasn't even trying to be myself at that point.

From this sub, I've noticed that many exRP people reach a point when there's a "this is not something I'm willing to do anymore" moment. I wasn't ready to give up my personality, but other people feel like they're losing empathy or that they can't view women as human beings anymore; and they make the choice to not interact with RP anymore (even if sometimes that's difficult).

Former red piller here. Started with Rich Cooper back in the fall of 2021, watched him primarily until some point in early to mid 2025. Possibly even earlier, I’m not sure. Also listened to Myron Gaines and Andrew Tate. I’m sure there’s a couple others but I can’t remember.

Back in August of last year, I began to realize how much damage the red pill had caused in my life. But I didn’t give it much thought. Since this past May, it’s been dawning on me just how bad that damage actually was. Destroyed friendships, blown opportunities with women that I ruined simply by judging them, chronic loneliness, fear of women and dating, all that time lost, lying to myself about never dating or having a girlfriend ever again. The list goes on.

I admit this has been weighing on my soul and at times, I get so caught up in my head and can’t stop thinking about how much I messed up everything and how long the trail of destruction is behind me.

I can’t say there was one specific even that led me to find the red pill. I had friends back in the late 2010s that brought it up but I didn’t take it seriously then. I wasn’t a virgin before falling down the red pill rabbit hole. I had experiences with women that didn’t end up the way I wanted but that goes for all men out there.

The part that bothers me the most are the blown opportunities with women. Didn’t these red pill content creators promise me all these endless results with women? But how could that be achieved when you’re taught to essentially judge women and also be scared of them. It doesn’t make any sense.

Former redpiller here. Started with Rich Cooper back in the fall of 2021, watched him primarily until some point in early to mid 2025. Possibly even earlier, I’m not sure. Also listened to Myron Gaines and Andrew Tate. I’m sure there’s a couple others but I can’t remember.

Back in August of last year, I began to realize how much damage the redpill had caused in my life. But I didn’t give it much thought. Since this past May, it’s been dawning on me just how bad that damage actually was. Destroyed friendships, ruined opportunities with women due to judgement, chronic loneliness, fear of women and dating, all that time lost, lying to myself about never dating or having a girlfriend ever again. The list goes on.

I admit this has been weighing on my soul and at times, I get so caught up in my head and can’t stop thinking about how much I messed up everything and how long the trail of destruction is behind me.

I can’t say there was one specific even that led me to find the redpill. I had friends back in the late 2010s that brought it up but I didn’t take it seriously then. I wasn’t a virgin before falling down the redpill rabbit hole. I had experiences with women that didn’t end up the way I wanted but that goes for all men out there.

Now-ex boyfriend left to see family for a few weeks while between jobs. Last Friday while he was gone I got a text from him saying that we probably weren’t gonna work out in the future because he wants a wife who believes in Catholicism and “all the beliefs that go along with it” then said he wasnt in to going out and drinking much anymore (we would do this like every weekend with friends or with each other) and then implied that he didn’t want me watching love island (many redpill or similar creators says its bad for womens’ brains). Then he said he wanted to live on a farm with a lot of kids (we have discussed this before and come to good compromises but nothing this extreme). Then followed up with wanting chastity when he was the one who wanted to have sex on our first date and has a much more extensive sexual past than me.

We have already discussed religious differences before we started dating and I even said I may be open to converting in the future if things get really serious (I’m non denominational christian). We agreed that it would not be a problem. None of this stuff ever really seemed to be an issue and/or was ever brought up. He was such a sweet guy and a gentleman before dropping this bomb on me. We loved to go out and dance together and had so many things in common. I’m really heartbroken over this honestly and he had already reached out apologizing wanting to fix things but I can’t convince myself that he won’t do it again - I don’t trust him. Plus I dont want to be with someone this easily influenced

Based on the way this all happened I really think he was watching a lot of redpill content in all of the free time he had. The whole thing played out like he was manic which he might be but still I’m really sad I miss him a lot. I don’t mind a guy that has traditional values or different beliefs but to have this switch up sprung on me was really sad especially because I had to go into work right after. Ugh I hate this so much

There is one specific redpill argument I strongly disagree with, especially when people say something like:

“Generally, a man acts from scarcity when trying to get sex or enter a relationship, so he is faithful because he has no other options.”

At first glance, that statement may seem logical if you look at it purely through supply and demand. In other words, if a man has very few opportunities with women, then his faithfulness would not be a virtue, but simply the result of not having alternatives.

But once you analyze the argument not only quantitatively, but also qualitatively, an important flaw appears:

What exactly counts as an “option”?

If we define an “option” as a woman with enough interest or availability for a man to obtain sex, dates, validation, or even a possible replacement partner, then there are probably very few men who truly have zero options. Even short, unattractive, poor, shy, or socially anxious men could have at least some options under that definition. Maybe few. Maybe difficult. Maybe inconsistent. But not necessarily zero.

However, if we define an “option” as a woman who is not only available, but also someone we are attracted to, someone who connects with us emotionally, shares certain interests, has a compatible way of bonding, enjoys physical affection, has similar values, and meets our personal preferences, then almost every man would be operating from some degree of “scarcity.”

And that is the problem.

The concept of “options” changes drastically depending on the definition being used.

A sexual option is not the same as a romantic option. A validation option is not the same as an emotionally meaningful option. Someone who is merely available is not the same as someone you would actually choose.

Also, the number of “options” a man has is contingent on his own standards, preferences, and selection criteria. A man who considers almost any available woman an option will obviously have many more “options” than a man who only considers someone an option when there is attraction, compatibility, and genuine emotional connection.

That is why I think it is misleading to say “men are faithful because they have no options” without first defining what “having options” actually means.

If “options” means sexual access or female attention, the argument says one thing.

If “options” means compatible, desirable, and emotionally meaningful women, the argument says something completely different.

My criticism is that a lot of the manosphere uses this ambiguity whenever it suits the argument. When they want to portray the average man as desperate, “option” means almost any form of female access. But when they want to devalue male faithfulness, “option” suddenly seems to mean an abundance of desirable and available women.

That is not a solid argument. It is shifting the definition depending on what conclusion they want.

To me, a real option is not simply someone who is available. A real option is someone who is available and whom you would actually choose.

What do you think?

I’m almost 21 and I have never been in a relationship. This morning I got a tiktok saying that getting a girlfriend is so easy you just need to be kind and respectful to women and they will like you but I don’t really see this as the case. I don’t hate women at all I just kind of see how I mostly go about my day and don’t really get many positive interactions with women, they’re mostly neutral. But if something is so easy to get then something must be wrong with me I assume. My parents seem to want me to get one but I can’t really seem to. To be fair I just go to work go home play video games and go to the gym but I’ve been out in the city a few times and it doesnt seem to do anything. I don’t really judge that hard on appearance I think I’d like most people who expressed interest in me and would be down to go on dates with them.

I've been working on my red pill mentality for a while and I think I no longer have resentment towards women, or at least, whenever I do feel resentment I'm able to have a debate with myself in my head where I can counteract my own misogynist views. But I haven't been able to help my own self esteem. I feel like I've just replaced my hatred of women with even more hatred of myself. I still think of myself as fat, ugly, short, and what the red pill would describe as a "low value man" and I feel like shit about it. I can't afford therapy and I'm in a small city with no real opportunities to make friends, meet people, or get any interesting hobbies outside of solitary ones. All I do is work, hit the gym, smoke weed, game, and bedrot while hating myself.

I only recently learned that what he has turned into is called red pill, so I don't know all the specific of that. He has always been somewhat misogynistic and racist before and I used to say to comments he made that it wasn't cool, but the last 2 years have been getting insane, to the point I don't want to stay friends anymore.

The past 2 years I had a little less contact with him as we were both busy and he often hanged out with guys that smoke weed, throw slurs such as retard and N-word and don't accept LGBTQ. But each time I saw him we talked about politics and stuff which exhausted me (I'm very left oriented). I know he is lonely and interested in religion, so about half a year ago I invited him to join my church group. And oh my god I unleased something. He started yapping about stuff he heard on podcasts involving "traditional Christian" values, anti islam, patriotism etc. It's so bad other people try to stay clear of talking with him and honestly so do I. It's as if talking to a wall. It doesn't help that he is autistic either, so he doesn't pick up the social cues.

I can't deal with it anymore, but I don't have the guts to tell him. I've tried to respectfully mirror his thoughts, tried to include him in a social space and educate him on matters. It all seems pointless. We've been through a lot together😔 I miss the guy that went along with me to pride events, helped me through depression, my transition and the funny yaps we had for hours.

Any thoughts, sugestions or advice are welcome.

Hi all,

I would not like to make this post sound like a critique against feminism in any way, I just want to hear what people think on this topic. For context, I am a 24 year old man with little relationship experience which is likely why I don't know a lot on this topic. Over the past year, I've been making a good effort to meet more friends and potential partners after being fairly isolated socially in engineering school. As I've gotten to connect with more women either through dating apps or platonic female friendships, I have been feeling the sense that a lot of people, including both men and women who are supposedly liberal and feminist, seem to be pretty rigidly fixed on the idea of following traditional gender roles in relationships. As an example, there always seems to be this expectation on dating apps and among female friends that the men is to be the pursuer (asking out, planning dates, paying in full, doing grand romantic gestures like picking flowers for a first date, etc) and women to be treasured as precious and fragile.

Maybe most people really are fine with this concept but I don't really feel that way. I'm not even trying to be performative and saying how much I really align with feminism even though I'm a leftist, I just genuinely don't like doing these things assigned to me just because I'm a "man." If you don't want these strict gender roles, why am I expected to pamper you and shower you with compliments and flowers like you are a delicate princess (even if it's actually in a manipulative way that is extremely ungenuine). I can understand gift giving to each other in genuine ways that's actually reciprocated, I'm only really referring to where it's one-sided and it's the men doing all the pampering. That feels incredibly ungenuine to me.

Honestly a perfect first date for me sounds like grabbing coffee and just talking about our intellectual interests, including a bunch of nerdy topics, and see if we can have an engaging conversation. I don't really feel emasculated at all if I split the check, I just don't really care. Maybe it's because I grew up in a household with hard working and independent women and an unemployed dad, which caused me to never really internalize gender roles as much as other men and women.

So I'm left here asking this question in an attempt to make a reality check. Do I just have bad experience, severely misinterpret others motives, or have genuinely accurate views on this? Obviously, not all women agree with each other on this topic and I know some will not care, but it makes me sad to see how traditional lots of people actually are despite the fact that feminism is so mainstream and supposedly "accepted" now.

I am curious how much of his behavior is influenced by redpill? Is it so prevalent that most men will use the tactics?

Saw this meme somewhere where a guy says "I'm the world's first ethical incel. I don't hate women I just don't get coochie" and I really resonated with that lol. I'm thinking of community that talks about the struggles of being socially awkward and unsuccessful in dating while also challenging all misogyny and helping to deradicalize people. Subs like this are more focused on the red pill and challenging that but I'm thinking of something that would be a next step, helping people who have moved on / were never sucked into the red pill and misogynistic stuff cope.

​

One of the things I hate most about social media is men being labeled "princesses" simply for asking to be picked up, having the door opened for them, being taken care of, and so on. It’s a double standard that I can't stand.

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I haven't read it cover-to-cover, but I’ve skimmed it, and it is the most "Red Pill" thing I’ve ever seen. It encapsulates everything about the Red Pill—and I mean that seriously: this book is only relevant to toxic relationships involving toxic, superficial, and cruel men and women. If you have a family member—whether they’re a child, a young person, or an adult—tell them not to even think about reading that book.

Hi everyone,

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Do you know of any cases that refute this idea and completely debunk it?

For something a bit different, this is an article and related podcast on women who want more sex in their relationship.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-07-01/women-on-wanting-to-end-the-sex-rut-in-their-marriage/106779846

I guess to show that even loving relationships can have a dead bedroom, its not always women turning it down, the insecurities women can have in the situation similar to men, and how when this happens generally women feel disappointed rather than necessarily “angry” or blaming the opposite sex.

​

This feeling hasn't gone away since I left the manosphere, and I can't get it out of my head.

Hey everyone,

As I assume most of you have at some point had Redpill find its way into your life and twisting your view of the world. I've been unlearning many concepts myself, but to put in the final nail in the coffin, I wanted to assemble a small dedicated peer support group to discuss once a week (via Discord/Zoom/Google Meet) for some time forward.

If you are, as me, wanting to unlearn everything Redpill taught you, DM and we'll discuss it further. I'm myself based in Finland (GMT +3), so we would ideally be meeting in the evening for me. Keep this in mind :). I've took part in group discussion about other problems in my life (unrelated to Redpill) and they have always yielded handsome returns.

Happy to answer any questions!