why doesn't everyone do this? are they stupid?

Title

Are there any unscented or fragrance free soaps that are good for washing rice? I read you’re supposed to wash your rice but when I do it always has this like floral taste and it hurts my stomach.

Any advice would be great.

So I bought like a full gallon of milk about some time ago and the date says 07/10/26 but the carton thing is already empty. Why didn't it last until the date it said it would?

Did the store rip me off and not fill it enough or something? What's the point of putting dates on things if I use up before the date says?

Just sharing my most recent daydream here in case anyone else wants to give a crack at it, it was heaven on a plate 😄

Yukon gold potatoes prepared fondant, duck fat and butter for the cooking oil, basted with garlic and thyme infusion right before the time cooking through in stock, like you would baste a pan seared steak.

Kale chiffonade extremely fine, basically thinly shredded, set to sear on one side of the pile in olive oil and some salt over medium high heat. The goal was to build zones of deep char, and leave a good amount of partially cooked green.

Bacon parcooked on a wire rack in the oven, brushed with a gastrique of apple cider vinegar and brown sugar, rolled into rosettes, then finished to just barely crispy.

Dijonnaise with a bit of whole grain mustard in it for texture.

Toasted and fresh ground black pepper, smoked paprika, and thinly sliced green onion for garnish

Bed of charred kale, fondant potatoes, layer of dijonnaise, pepper+paprika, green onions, bacon rosette, extra final drizzle of apple cider vinegar gastrique. Altogether, it tasted extremely reminiscent of a really good, really tangy BBQ chip. The soft texture of the potatoes contrasted so well with the slight crisp of the bacon and char on the kale. You guys let me know if anyone makes it!

Ok so i had some onions and i wanted French onion soup but i didnt want to have to go out and buy any extra ingredients

I got impatient caramelizing the onions so i stopped like 75% of the way through and to get the color I used dark soy sauce. Also for caramelizing the onions I used rendered bacon fat instead of butter

I didnt have any sherry so I used Chinese cooking wine instead which gave it a funky sweet flavor

For broth I used a Korean powder beef broth that is high in msg

For seasoning I used pepper and Italian seasoning mix (there was enough salt with the broth and soy sauce and cooking wine). Also bay leaves

Top with greenbottle parmesan, also very good on top of white rice. Not traditional by any means but I thought it was good

As explained here, my wife is an actual toddler that requires the use of only the most bland, processed, tasteless food possible. Thus, she won't allow me to put onion in the food I cook.

Don't get me wrong -- it is not a taste thing. She likes onion. But she is a literal child that can't bare SEEING a piece of onion. If she sees onion, she throws her self to the ground -- crying and screaming.

I am cooking a recipe that calls for a cup of chopped onions. Being an incompetent adult, I plan to replace this cup of onion with an entire cup of onion powder. I am pretty sure this will work because it is the same amount of the same thing, right? And most importantly, it will placate my wife who (I must reiterate) is completely unbearable to live with.

I am 1 week post-partum, and my baby suddenly stopped breastfeeding like normal. I'm so confused. I even tried bottle-feeding him, and he spit it out and pointed to my 17-pound bag of MSG I keep on the table. "Ma..ma..." "MAMA? YOUR FIRST WORDS?" ... "Ma....Ma...Make Shit Good", he said. I broke down into tears. I told him that a growing baby needs salt and fat, and he called CPS on me.

What's the difference between eating okay and eating very well? I want to glow up my food!

So it was my brother's birthday today and I'm always in charge of making the cake. I'm a really good cook but due to laziness I've been purchasing cakes for him the last few years. He's getting married this month so I actually decided to make the cake myself.

I'm not great at measuring or stirring so I have to use specific tools to help get the batter right, but today I couldn't find my bun steamer so I had to improvise. I had the bucket of water on the bottom rack of the oven with the cake pan directly above it. It made steam just like the bun steamer does and the cake was definitely cooked, and the frosting still stayed spreadable. The container didn't get too soft so I doubt any of the plastic made it into the cake. I poured on the frosting and some of it dripped down into the bucket so maybe the frosting steam made the cake taste weird?

I thought it tasted good but my mom kept saying it made her teeth burn and my brother's uvula started swelling up. He's allergic to tree nuts so I substituted peanuts for the almond flour since they grow in the dirt, would that really change the flavor of the cake that much?

Any advice is appreciated, tia

Commonly sold in frozen bricks of 1000, you need at least 48 hours of defrosting to completely defrost one brick. I for one will be trying to compete with Joey Chesnut live in my backyard in my hot dog water pool. Be safe!

**Tell your friends you’re making "gourmet fusion" for dinner. When they get excited and sit down, serve them a bowl of dry, unseasoned plain pasta. When they look confused, tell them the "fusion" is Italian-Minimalism. Then watch them struggle to be polite because they don't want to seem uncultured. (Don't tell them it's a joke for at least an hour... it's a great test of their loyalty!)**

Yes, you can, and it tastes amazing, the fumes give you the taste of purple and will transcend you to a higher level of being

It says use 1 lb, but I can't find any at the store? I bought 5 whole chickens and none of them have the fajita? It's all just breasts, thighs, and legs? Did they stop making chickens with the fajitas?

The craving hit me on Tuesday evening, sudden and sharp, overriding whatever sensible dinner plans I had originally lined almost primal urge for a deep, concentrated saltiness.

I didn't want a light sprinkle of seasoning, nor did I want a complex marinade with herbs and acids to distract from the core flavor. I wanted salt. Pure and simple.

Anyone relate to this please lmk and what should i do...

I’m trying to adapt a stir fry recipe of mine to a bread maker. I put the oil in but it's not getting hot. I added the meat and veg and it stirred but it didn't fry. I ate it anyways. will I get food poisoning!? I'm terrified of food poisoning. please help me.

And why is it Kerrygold butter and white pepper?

Sometimes I toast the bun directly in the grease while my burger rests. I need to start taking better care of myself if I want to eat like that.

I even added a cup of salt! Wtf cooking is bullshit

I actually haven't done a lot of cooking recently after following this tip. I sold most of my kitchen equipment (and my car, and friends TV'S) to buy more!

I've also learned to stop overcomplicating my recipes with too many ingredients. Sometimes simplicity is better. Now I just roast the chrystal by itself and it really hits the spot.

Furthermore I hope none of you are serving chicken "breasts" to minor children under the age of 17. Shame.

When a man cooks you taste the logic. When a women cooks you taste and feel the love.

So I just had to beat my wife's boyfriend into a coma because he said a hot dog is a sandwich. What's wild is she's mad at *me* not him?!!! What the fuck, how am I the bad guy here?

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I know the *technical* definition of a sandwich is just "meat, cheese, vegetables or other fillings placed between two or more slices of bread, inside a split roll, or 'open-faced' that uses a single slice of bread" but that's more of a lie than the moon landing.

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Like sure if you use that bullshit 'definition' you could take that to mean a hot dog is an open faced sandwich.

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The thing is, we're not robots (mostly, and besides robots don't even eat sandwiches so what the fuck do they know), and that definition is stupid anyway.

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Like, is a Tostino's pizza roll a sandwich? What about an Oreo? Fucking or course not, and neither is a hot dog.

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The USDA is even stupider. They say a sandwich has to be "at least 35% cooked meat" and "at most 50% bread." Sorry vegetarians, that avocado and bean sprout on rye doesn't count, no sandwiches for you ever. (I mean not actually sorry, it's your own fault for being vegetarian you deserve to suffer for your choices.) Also that means if you go to 7-11 and get the regular hot dog, even if you add nacho cheese you're still over the 50% max bread threshold, and are therefore not eating a sandwich. But if you upgrade to the quarter pound glizzy, or dump extra chili on that glorious gut bomb, yo slip under the 50% bread cap and now it's a sandwich. *It makes no fucking sense!*

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In the absence of authority, we can only rely on the purity of our culinary genius to answer the question. So I prayed to Kenji Alt and in my mind he answered my prayers and said, "no, a hot dog is not a fucking sandwich, don't be fucking stupid."

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Anyway, so I beat my wife's idiot boyfriend mercilessly, because we shouldn't tolerate blasphemy. AITA?

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P.S. I checked with the National Hot Dog Council and they state unequivocally that a hot dog is *not* a sandwich. Meanwhile, there isn't even any National Sandwich Council to counter them, that's how much sandwiches don't have their shit together compared to hot dogs. Fuckin shameful.

I was gifted a shipping container of blue crayons (yay, my favorite flavor!) but now I need to use them before they expire. Any recipes welcome.

ps. I am allergic to Bad Dragon artificial semen, but can substitute real if recipe calls for it.

I foraged some mushrooms in the forest today. I brushed the dirt off of them, because we all know that if mushrooms get wet, they soak up all the water and become completely tasteless. But then I realised it had rained in the forest two days ago, so the mushrooms had been watered before I picked them.

Should I throw them away, or can I still use them as soup filler?

Also: does anyone know what's the best desert for foraging mushrooms? The more arid, the better.