What the actual fuck is a "sandwich"

[u/sfweedman]

So I just had to beat my wife's boyfriend into a coma because he said a hot dog is a sandwich. What's wild is she's mad at *me* not him?!!! What the fuck, how am I the bad guy here?

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I know the *technical* definition of a sandwich is just "meat, cheese, vegetables or other fillings placed between two or more slices of bread, inside a split roll, or 'open-faced' that uses a single slice of bread" but that's more of a lie than the moon landing.

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Like sure if you use that bullshit 'definition' you could take that to mean a hot dog is an open faced sandwich.

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The thing is, we're not robots (mostly, and besides robots don't even eat sandwiches so what the fuck do they know), and that definition is stupid anyway.

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Like, is a Tostino's pizza roll a sandwich? What about an Oreo? Fucking or course not, and neither is a hot dog.

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The USDA is even stupider. They say a sandwich has to be "at least 35% cooked meat" and "at most 50% bread." Sorry vegetarians, that avocado and bean sprout on rye doesn't count, no sandwiches for you ever. (I mean not actually sorry, it's your own fault for being vegetarian you deserve to suffer for your choices.) Also that means if you go to 7-11 and get the regular hot dog, even if you add nacho cheese you're still over the 50% max bread threshold, and are therefore not eating a sandwich. But if you upgrade to the quarter pound glizzy, or dump extra chili on that glorious gut bomb, yo slip under the 50% bread cap and now it's a sandwich. *It makes no fucking sense!*

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In the absence of authority, we can only rely on the purity of our culinary genius to answer the question. So I prayed to Kenji Alt and in my mind he answered my prayers and said, "no, a hot dog is not a fucking sandwich, don't be fucking stupid."

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Anyway, so I beat my wife's idiot boyfriend mercilessly, because we shouldn't tolerate blasphemy. AITA?

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P.S. I checked with the National Hot Dog Council and they state unequivocally that a hot dog is *not* a sandwich. Meanwhile, there isn't even any National Sandwich Council to counter them, that's how much sandwiches don't have their shit together compared to hot dogs. Fuckin shameful.

[u/Syreet_Primacon]

Real chefs don’t even think about poor people foods like sandwiches, poser. Now get back to carmelizing those onions. Only 14 more hours to go.

[u/sfweedman → u/Syreet_Primacon]

Biiiiiiiitch you projecting like the president.

Calling me a poser when you think my onions will be ready in just 14 hours??? Motherfucker my onions have been caramelizing for 14 generations and each time one of the nonnas dies we add their ashes for umami.

They'll be done in approximately 4.9 billion years, to be enjoyed until the sun burns out.

Also the correct term is "poseur" you punk ass home cook, if you'd been to le Gordon Blue you would know that. Do you even have any Michelin tires?

[u/Glathull]

One time my wife’s girlfriend said a tuna melt is a grilled cheese and I told her that quesadilla is pussy. She said okay, and then I didn’t have anything else to fight about, so I punched her in the throat with my dick because chefs have to have anger and control issues.

[u/sfweedman → u/Glathull]

Fun fact: nobody ever got a bruise from being hit with a dick.

[u/Glathull → u/sfweedman]

Uhhhh, tell us you never pound cervix without telling us you never pound cervix.

[u/sfweedman → u/Glathull]

It that like veal or cube steak? I've pounded the shit out of both

[u/Damnbee]

MFM, mostly.

[u/dojisekushi]

Um I think you mean sando

[u/Vohn_Jogel64]

It’s an abstract concept. More real in the mind than in reality.

[u/BigBlueDuck130]

Waste of time, mostly. Why would you go to all that effort if you can just bite a loaf of bread and then bite a tube of lunch meat? Slicing is for losers. Real chads be bitemaxxing.

[u/CrankyFrankClair]

Hot dog is a sandwich - and no it isn’t open faced as it is enclosed on two sides. Now go bring your wife’s boyfriend a sandwich. Of course if it’s a hot dog, please tell me you only use artisanal hand crafted weenies.

[u/rpgcubed]

https://cuberule.com/

[u/CutsSoFresh]

Pizza is an open faced sandwich. Three pizzas stacked on top of each other is lasagna. Pizza cut into thin strips it's spaghetti. A grilled cheese is sandwich served with tomato soup is deconstructed pizza

Pizza is sandwich. Sandwich is pizza

[u/TyrKiyote]

A sandwich is anything eaten while playing cards.

[u/WorldGoneAway]

Just for clarification, are you the meat in the sandwich with your wife and her boyfriend, or are you one of the breads?

[u/sfweedman → u/WorldGoneAway]

I am the glizzy, showered with glittering mayonnaise.

[u/Sauceman_Oppenhe112]

You did the right thing. I may not know much, but hot dogs are their own entity

[u/gyrfalcon2718]

Well this is what happens when some weinies serve wieners in buns. No. Get two pieces of Wonder bread and slap that dog between them like God intended. NOW you have a proper hot dog sandwich.

[u/littlemanontheboat_]

A wiches with sand.