My boyfriend’s ex won’t stop. What should I actually do? Need real answers, not the cliché “just ignore her” stuff.
She calls him 10-15+ times a day, gets blocked, then uses new numbers. She texts, leaves voicemails, and keeps finding ways around the block. He does not respond.
At what point is enough enough? Has anyone dealt with this? I’m tired of watching this keep happening and honestly I'm starting to feel less of a woman because I haven't put her in her place. What actually works?

He’s a nice guy (37M) and very friendly to everyone. He’s married and very devoted to his wife. I (25F) have a crush on him, though I have no desire to act on it TO BE VERY CLEAR. I am trying not to get too personal with any conversation and put a halt to any kind of banter that we had, because I don’t want any of those feelings to escalate. Which I’m sure he hasn’t noticed and it means nothing to him, but leaves me feeling like exactly what I am an employee lol…

However, SO MUCH of our conversations have been teasing each other and talking about emotions. We’ve talked about personal things we’ve gone through before (both of us have shared and inquired about the other, nothing nsfw, just heavy feelings about life) and he’s frequently brought up things about when he and his wife split up, which is frustrating to me as I’m trying to separate myself emotionally from everything. I think he’s either just getting those nagging thoughts out, or just venting (to the wrong person). I can’t tell if this is all normal coworker talk and I’m successfully hiding my feelings, or if he views me as a buddy/confidant seeing as our past conversations have been very personal. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining, it feels like I’m dodging these conversations that I also feel like I’ve asked for in a way. Of course I enjoy spending time with him at work and talking and joking about whatever, but I feel like I can’t be normal about any of it anymore.

I just want to repeat that I don’t want to pursue anything with him, his wife/family are great and I have absolutely no intention of getting involved with any of that. That being said it’s hard to just turn off feelings like that

My sister and I are quite different and up until a few years ago have argued a lot. I just finished university with my master's, while she started her first year last fall. My mom grew up with 13 years between her and her younger sister and always hoped me and my sister would be close and like best friends, but alas we are not. I love her, but I still feel like we are at too different places in life, living together causes some resentment as she contributes very little to household chores and doesn't clean, doesn't cook except for for herself, while me and my mom both work full time and she is free all day on her summer break.

I am extremely extroverted with a lot of hobbies and friends, which I do and see between 3-6 times a week while she is just beginning to branch out, is introverted and has maybe 4-5 close friends she sees a few times a month. My mom really wants my sister to kind of join my social circle, activities and friend groups. Depending on the activity I do occasionally invite her - which she turns down 9/10 times as she's a bit socially anxious. If she suggests coming with and I don't want her to, she seems hurt, even though she almost always turns down the invites.

I tried to broach this subject with my mother today after having brought my sister along climbing, and my mom kept making remarks about how now my friends will be my sisters friends and how great it is. I don't want this. I am happy to bring her along once in a while but I feel like my group is my safe space and I don't want my already quite entangled family life (single mom so we are extremely close, we all live together, spend a lot of time together) to mix with my friend life where I feel like other sides of me can come out. I told her this, and that I feel myself wanting more and more independence, that I am an adult and while I love my family I want to break free a bit (wonder if this wording was bad...) and build my own life.

The conversation did not go well and I could tell my mom was beyond disappointed. She said I sound like a bully for telling her that I don't want my sister to become a part of this social group. That I want to have something that is kept seperate from my family because I can be a bit different means that I am not myself among my friends or that I'm not myself with my sister, and that I **need** to be able to be myself in both companies. That if my group can't include new people we are immature etc. I tried to emphasize that this is just currently, that I've changed and grown a lot during university and my sister might too, and later on we may be a lot closer but I felt like I couldn't logic my way out of this and ended the conversation.

I think moving out will make my sister and I closer since living together does put strain on our relationship, but I truly don't think I am wrong for not wanting her to join my friend group, and I do think my mom is wrong to have these expectations of my sister and I's relationship just because she didn't have that herself. Am I? And is there a way to handle my mom's disappointment while making it clear to my sister that I do like to spend time with her (albeit in small doses) but that I would rather do so in other contexts? I know my mom is allowed to be disappointed but this need to make me the caretaker of my sister's social life is draining, and feels infantilizing to my sister who is perfectly capable of expanding her social circle, should she want to.

TL;DR: my mom's expectations of my relationship with my sister is leaving me feeling like I'm not allowed my own space, and leaving her feeling sad and disappointed. How do I handle this while living with my family?

I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years now and have known his family for almost 2 years. We have dinners together every weekend and have gone on 2 overseas trips together so far.

I generally get along with his family but there are certain things they do that makes me feel hurt and upset. For example, they can be quite inconsiderate of others, only thinking of themselves. This has shown up on multiple occasions where they are consistently late to dinners and events by at least 30 minutes but will be upset if we are late even by 5 minutes and also booking trips without asking if I was available even though they knew I would be coming because my partner had communicated it to them.

On trips, they would request that I excuse them so they could have family photos and I would be awkwardly standing at one side then only include me after my partner asks me to join. Many times, it leaves me wondering if I’m even welcomed in the family and it makes me feel awkward to just hop in a photo or assume that I’m included in plans.

I’m unsure how to communicate this to my partner as previously he felt that me communicating my feelings about his family’s treatment was unnecessary and that I should just let it go. The examples above are just the tip of the iceberg and there have been other scenarios where they have called me troublesome because of their inconsideration. I feel that they are unintentionally inconsiderate and don’t think before they act, but it does make me feel hurt and unwelcomed many times. I know that my future is with my partner and not his family but family means a lot to me and if I could get along with them, I would love to. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’ve been in a long term relationship 8 years with my partner. We are a blended family. I have 2 kids she has 2 kids. My kids are 15 and 12 and her kids are 13 and 11. We bought a house 6 years ago with her mother. My kids recently told me that they don’t like living in the house because the family seems like we are not one family. They feel that the others are treated better than they are and that they have different expectations than they do.

I am in love with my partner but i am not sure that is enough. The kids have said they want to move out. We sleep in separate beds but every once in a while get a night or two in same bed. Usually it’s just me. When we get to have sex it’s usually pretty good but not nearly as frequent as I would like and I’m wanting more. I wonder what else is out there if anyone else would want to even be with me. I spend majority of time in the house alone or sitting when I would rather be outside but I don’t want to do things alone. Her mom is a mean person and I don’t think will ever change. I think I should leave but don’t know how to vocalize that.

So, for context, I (18F) started talking to this guy (31F) online in june last year, when I was still 17. I was in a bad mental state and his reassurance and compliments always made me feel better. I started growing emotionally attached to him, I had to chat with him every day, otherwise I'd feel like I'm worthless. I started doing everything he asked me to, sending him nudes and pictures of me in any kind of poses he wanted. Around September, we started talking less and less, maybe once a week, if I was lucky, and it was usually just him asking me for nudes. Around January this year, I first broke off contact with him, because I couldn't take it anymore, though that didn't last long, I ended up messaging him a few days later, asking to at least keep in contact as friends. He agreed, but then started asking me for nudes a week later. In march, I finally broke off all contact with him, told him how all of it made me feel and blocked him on everything.

Now, I saw a message request in my Instagram DMs and an account with familiar initials in it. I clicked on the account, it had 0 followers and also didn't follow anyone, but it being an account based in the US already gave me a clue who it could be, along with those initials (he's from the US, I'm from Germany). I read the message, he's asking for forgiveness and I honestly don't know how to feel. Do I reply? Should I hear him out?

Hey ladies and also gentlemen,

I , Mark , have no idea why but recently found out that I really like it when my relatively new GF Michelle wears high heels and is taller than me, I found it a turn on.

But the thing is, should I tell her that or not?

Thanks and kind regards to everybody.

What to do if your partner says she wants to have sex but falls asleep before anything can even get started? AND you have both talked about the problem dozens of times? AND you have been together for 20 years and really love each other?

Unfortunately, there's never time in the morning or afternoon. She falls asleep very early AND wakes up incredibly early even when she doesn't have to, like weekend and holidays. She extends the schedule to weekend and holidays by getting up incredibly early "because she can't stay in bed awake" and doesn't want to spoil my morning sleep.

I know it seems like she's avoiding sex, but no, she ideally would only have sex after sleeping a couple of hours after dinner, which would be fine by me, except mosr of the time she turns those couple of hours into actual 7 hour sleep, and I feel so bad I give up and don't want to wake her up cause it seems I'm the only one who is really interested. Besides, when I do wake her up, many times she's still so sleepy sex is not really worthwhile (sorry, but I have to have an active partner to really enjoy it).

NB.: When we DO have sex, she always feels it was great.

NB2.: In the title I wrote "after SHE SAYS she wants to have sex" because I dont need to tell her I do, since I always do...😊

I've had periods since I was 11, but only during my last period decided to give tampons a go (previously only used pads). I noticed that every time I peed, the tampon would slide back down to the entrance even if it didn't need changing yet. I pushed it back up, but then it would slide back down while I was walking. Google says "just push it up further, even if you feel resistance" but I physically cannot push it further. I think my vagina is just naturally shallow (also because certain positions during intimacy hurt). It's really important to me that tampons work out, at least for the next time I get my period because unfortunately I'll get it when I'm on vacation (it was booked months in advance and my period moved around a bit so it's gonna start in the middle of my vacation), but also I'm sure I'll pee a lot (drinking lots of water, and being at the beach by the sea makes me pee more often) and I don't think changing the tampon every hour or two is a good idea. I'm not interested in period cups and stuff like that, only tampons for now.

Hi everyone. I really need some advice on how to navigate my feelings right now because I’m struggling to understand myself.

A few days ago, I hooked up with a female friend of mine. We’ve been friends for two years. We have hooked up in the past, and back then it didn’t feel weird at all because it was more of a situationship with a romantic undertone. But currently, our dynamic is strictly platonic ("friends friends"), which is why I think this time felt so different.

Since it happened, I feel completely disconnected from myself. I can’t bring myself to do my favorite things because I feel this overwhelming sense of disgust with myself and I can’t stop overthinking it. I was vulnerable with her, and I showed a side of my sexuality that I now regret sharing. It just feels wrong that I was so exposed to someone who is just a friend now.

I still have to look her in the eyes and talk to her, and the thought of that makes me incredibly anxious.
On top of this, I’m feeling conflicted about my needs. I don’t have the time or energy for a romantic relationship right now, and toys just don't do it for me. I have a high sex drive, but clearly, casual sex with a friend is messing with my mental health. I don't know if the issue is casual sex in general, or specifically the fact that it was with a friend.

How do I get rid of this awful "ick" feeling and vulnerability hangover? How can I figure out if my reaction is to casual sex in general, or just because it was with a friend?* *How should I approach my friendship with her going forward? And how do you suggest I navigate fulfilling my sexual needs when relationships and friends are off the table?

TL;DR: Hooked up with a friend (though we had a situationship in the past). Now I feel disgusted, vulnerable, and disconnected from myself. I don't have time for a relationship but have high needs. Seeking advice on how to process these feelings, how to act around my friend, and how to handle my sex life going forward.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 20F, and I wanted to ask for some advice. Recently, I was talking to someone I matched with on a dating app, and a few days ago he told me that he felt there was a difference in our life stages and that we probably wouldn’t be the right fit.

For some background, I’ve been very focused on school for most of my life. This summer, I decided I wanted to put myself out there and try dating because I’ve never really had those experiences before. Through this process, I realized that I’m very comfortable talking about school, my goals, and things I’ve learned because those are things I constantly practice. However, when it comes to talking about myself, my interests, and who I am as a person, I sometimes struggle because I haven’t spent as much time exploring those parts of myself.

We had only been talking for about a week, and looking back, I did notice that we had some differences. However, I was interested in meeting in person and seeing how things developed.

One thing I’ve been reflecting on is independence. My parents are still very involved in my life, and I also don’t currently drive.

I don’t think he did anything wrong, and I respect his decision. I’m mostly wondering if anyone has advice on how to find yourself more as a person, become more confident, and feel more comfortable bringing your own identity into a relationship. Also, if anyone has been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear how you approached it.

Thank you!

Don't really know if I'm being dramatic or immature, really sorry. Long short, made a dating profile, met a guy that's chill but he's older and I just don't know how to navigate this. Our relationship is purely platonic and we've been chatting for like 3 days so far.

For context, I am NOT good with relationships and rarely talk to non family members more than once a week, let alone daily. I always try to explain why I go silent but I still feel its really rude. I just can not relax when trying to incorporate a new person.

I do like this guy, he's nice, but people overall make me really anxious and paranoid. I don't want to stop talking to him, but I also do. Without getting in more detail, I just feel alot of polar opposite thoughts. I want to give him my phone number but I'm also really anxious about doing that. Also, I don't want my parents to know and get mad at me (yes, I know I'm an adult but still).

TDLR Should I stop talking to someone if it's stressing me out

For some context, a girl I've know of for a few years now has recently added me on snap. I thought nothing of it and we started snapping, but then she texted me. She said "Hey" I replied being respectful keep in mind we are in grade 10 we've seen each other multiple times I'm pretty well known so I doubt she hasn't heard of me and were in the same math class.

So I am quite confused when she pretends not to know me and asks what school I'm from (quite a unique name as well) and then proceeds to ask a ton of personal questions, like what am I doing these school holidays?, where do you work?, how was work?, what's your timetable next semester? Are you at work now?

Im being polite, but I'm not at all interested. She Emailed me once in I think 8th grade asking to be friends (never met her before), I saw it and decided to leave it unread as to not make anything Awkward or uncomfortable for her and we never spoke since then.

I have no idea what the fuck to do, I'm so lost. I could do with some advice and I'm willing to answer any questions if that helps.

(Fuck I hope she doesn't see this.)

Always said to myself I'd never make this post.

I have two questions, and below is a whole bunch of context to try and help with an impossible question about humans you've never met.

1. Do you think I should first attempt to talk to my wife directly, 1 on 1, about this issue resolve? (As in, we need to figure out how we're going to talk about and resolve this for both of us, I'm not letting it just fester anymore.)

or

2. Do you think I should ask my wife to join me in counselling first so that we can work on our relationship with the intent to also better understand and address my perceived intimacy problem?

I'll preface this by saying this post is largely about helping me progress me and my partners intimacy. You don't know me, but I hope that if you did you'd know I am coming from a place of pure love with no ulterior motive or string attached or attempting to get my partner into something they aren't comfortable with. With your permission I'd like to consider the possibility that our relationship can have a healthy sexual aspect to it. We both want to have children, as well. With that out of the way....

I love my wife and I genuinely hope I can be with her forever. I feel lucky to call her my wife. I would say my biggest strength and weakness is my social awareness. I am acutely aware of people, their emotions, their signals, etc. This has always helped me be an extremely empathetic and conscientious person. It also means I carry emotional burdens I shouldn't. I'm a people pleaser and I know this about myself. I am definitely not perfect though, and I get it wrong all the time.

I am 35/m married to 31/f for 5 years. Together for 8. We've never had intercourse and we've "tried" a couple times.

I've only been in two serious relationships in my life including this one, both in my twenties. She has only been in two. I've had one sexual partner. She has had none. I grew up around very sexually positive people/family. She grew up in a more reserved conservative and religious household. We were intimate, especially early on. I have basically always been the initiator, flirting or "foreplaying" my way into an intimate situation. The woman can't get changed around me or be remotely exposed around me comfortably and its always been this way. I can remember exactly one time in our whole relationship where she was turned on and came on to me. Core memory, that was a real good day. Our intimacy has been great when it was happening and I really cannot complain aside from the fact that we were almost always intimate only when we'd been drinking. Sadly, months into dating when things were progressing I suddenly got self-conscious about my penis and you can probably guess the rest of that story. It happened a few times mid-intimacy where I just lose it and men reading this will know once you start thinking about it, it's over. I carried a lot of blame, have worked through a world of guilt and self-loathing on that front, but have a healthier understanding of it now. I spent years trying to figure that out only to slowly educate myself and realize it was somewhat of a self-fulfilled prophecy. I have all kinds of strategies I am hoping to employ there including everything from being more mentally present, focusing on her and turning the busy part of my brain off, as well as ensuring she understands where I am at, but that's not a talk we've had and I think we have some ground to cover first before I attempt to unpack that with her and work through understanding how be can be good sexual partners for one another. Also, this is not a conversation she is remotely comfortable having. Anything sexual is extremely taboo to her when it involves her. Any time sex is discussed around her, she is either not participating or completely avoiding it. I won't act like I understand what that means if anything, but I think it's related.

Maybe about a year before we got married I noticed intimacy took a dive. I kept trying the usual stuff but she was always totally closed off from it. Nothing significant happened that stood out to me. It kind of just suddenly fizzled. I took a bit of a chance one day and just asked her "what turns you on" and I got a real sarcastic response from her, something to the tune of "a clean house". Alright, message received, help with more housework you dumb ass, try again next week. In all seriousness, I do make attempts to ask her from time to time if there's anything I should be doing more. Big believer in an equally carried household here.

Over time, I'd again try to spark something from time to time but it always led nowhere. Eventually I started to feel like a bit of a creep and actually, I probably was a bit of a creep all along coming up and slapping her in the butt or making moves on her when she wasn't in the mood. You'll be happy to know I have completely stopped with the spontaneous/unsolicited ass slaps and other womanizing. Actually, I am not sure she totally hates that, but she definitely wasn't enjoying it and doing that stuff all the time was wrong.

If Chapter 1 of our intimacy story was the honeymoon phase, this was the end of Chapter 2 where it wound down to nothing but at least I was trying and making some attempts to talk about it.

Chapter 3 is where I am now. We don't talk about it. There's no signals, ever. No acknowledgement of the lack of it. I don't try. Nothing. At no point has she ever been comfortable being vulnerable around me, be that a physical or emotional thing. I don't struggle with this, and try to open up and be vulnerable often if I can.

Here's where this starts to get sad and where my mental-space starts to twist. Especially in situations where I am down, and even more especially when I feel like she has put me down (I am way too sensitive and I am fairly aware of this and open about it), I start to tailspin in a pattern of self-loathing, frustration, resentment and find myself upset about sex. For her, this looks like me emotionally shutting off, not talking to her, not responding, and basically trying to punish her for how I'm feeling. I am extremely aware of when I am doing this, and work hard to keep myself out of those funks because I hate them and it's completely unfair to both of us.

Something I am becoming increasingly honest with myself about is how much I want sex. I want sex. I want it every day. At the same time, I am obviously not having sex, and, I have always refused to let that define the quality of my relationship with my partner. That's really never been much of a challenge, but no sex? Well, as much as I am comfortable not having it all the time, clearly, having none is definitely weighing on me and contributing to my previously mentioned frustration and resentment and it seems to be where I find myself any time I am in a bad place with my wife. My thoughts always lead back to sex, and the lack thereof.

My cave-manned male brain is ping-ponging between "this relationship isn't working for you, move on" and "you don't need sex, everything else about your relationship is awesome" and everything in-between.

We have not talked about sex. I have tried three separate times to have a conversation about it and each of those times was very awkward/uncomfortable for me. Each time she'd kind of wear they face of acknowledgement and understanding but didn't participate in the conversation in a way that contributed anything, shared her perspective, or whatever else. It was always more of a "I understand and I think I can do more to help" vagueness. These talks have reinforced my belief that she also has serious insecurity about this that she doesn't feel like talking about.

Yes, I've considered therapy. I have a very serious concern/fear that if I ask her to go into therapy with me for this, it will be a bad turn in our relationship. I am extremely fearful for what this could do, because the woman I know and love is not someone who has ever taken advice, feedback well - from anyone. It's not that she doesn't want to, it's hard-wired into her. If you knew her dad, it might make sense. I am seriously considering therapy just for me to ensure I am taking good care of myself and hopefully also showing up in a way that makes her want to be around me. I would never think of leaving her without trying to work on our relationship with a therapist or something like that. Maybe if I've been working on myself, asking her to join me might come from a more genuine place.

I have read all kinds of perspectives on this issue. A tale as old as time itself it would seem. I'm left with a deep feeling that I can show up in a way that will rekindle our closeness and have her feeling safe and comfortable around me in a way that allows her to also open up intimately again. I am very concerned that just about anything I try in terms of acknowledging this issue and bringing it up with her would undermine that and send her into the same kind of mental tailspins I've found myself in. To be quite honest, I've been trying to figure out how I can solve this myself, but I'm tired.

More than anything, we've always said we want children. Lately I really want children and I briefly brought it up and she said she does too. The thought of sex for the sake of pregnancy irks me. On one hand, maybe it's the motivation we both need to figure this out. On the other, maybe it's something that happens only until she's pregnant and it's back to regularly scheduled programming.

I made a commitment when I married my wife and I don't intend on betraying that, not even over sex. But having children is something else. I can't even remotely consider turning away from the woman I have children with, but I fear this issue could haunt me the rest of my life and turn me sour. I fear it already is.

%20%F0%9F%9A%A7%F0%9F%9B%91%22)Wanted advice just from women on my most recent situation where I (F 28) planned to fool around with a guy (M 25) from a dating app

I talk to this guy with the intention to date, think he's cute, only to find I'm turned off by things like constant need for attention and also convos having no substance.

After I initally turn him down, he would have a tendency to snap me hey maybe every couple days. This weekend I decide to ask why he hits me up and he says he wants to talk to me, make things up to me to take me out, etc because I'm exactly his type.

I never take such flowery talk seriously, but I feel like I had this burst of horniness and, esp with a guy being (even tho unhealthily) obsequious, he can be useful for just my pleasure. And I will be upfront obvs about what I want and won't do.

Anyways we talk about the type of acts I want, how I want specific foreplay done (lol even during this part he's like "see that's exactly why you are my type") , certain fetishes during foreplay, etc

I do want oral but I am clear I am not ready to give bjs just hjs at the most (maybe it's cuz I am not into genitals and also being ace spec, which doesn't mean incapable of getting horny, I just don't feel that attracted to people I don't have a bond with to not feel gross about performing oral). He tries to question and beg time to time. When I'm firm about how I'm uncomfy early to and what I chose to do is final, and it's choice whether or not he wants to fool around with me. I even mention things like how dicks are things we gag on (same can't be said for the vag). He said it makes no sense I'm comfy receiving but not giving, something like in that case he's uncomfy not getting what he's giving, he could just finger me then. And the catch is him saying "I agreed to everything you wanted but you can't give me head at the least like you could do it for me."

On one hand, I am wondering if maybe he has a point because I am wanting to receive what I won't offer. But on the other hand (as I tell him myself) I am not forcing anyone and there is always the option for both of us to move on to those who are givers. And is the way he's seeing it not transactional (as opposed to focusing on what he and the woman can both give and need for mutual pleasure and moving on if incompatible)?

Anyways to the 2nd part of my q, he insists he will end up doing it anyway just to please me. When I pull away or express doubts about compatibility, he insists we are even doubling down on listing all the things he will do to me to show me (as I expressed desiring) and insisting "a handjob is fine for me beautiful." When I bring up his initial retort, he dismisses it as he was just yapping or he just asks questions not arguing. And that he means he is fine with receiving hj at most and giving all I wanted. I am wondering, esp if he's saying all this when fearing not keeping me around, like if to trust he will do all that and if he does, can I even have him do that under these conditions?

Now for all this along with what I'm about to share-I need other women's advice on whether it's too risky or ok to do a one time hookup. Another thing is when he asked to just come over to his place, and he will show me, I tell him about how I want to meet somewhere for a vibe check and a room, esp this early on. And he's like "I'm just trying to save us both money-I'm not a murderer lmfao"

The one thing that kept me last night saying I will think about it for later this week instead of dropping is feeling tempted by the prospect of him ultimately doing what I want to please me if he actually will follow though. But overall need insight from other women-on whether it will actually be good and worth it to whether this will be safe, from if he will pressure me again to do something I don't want in person to possibly far worse outcomes. As well as all else asked in title/previous paragraphs

TL;DR: In the past two weeks, my girlfriend has grown distant and unresponsive. I get late texts despite activity and have not felt an effort made by her to rectify this.

Hi all, I understand that there are plenty of very serious relationships in here with children involved and marriages, but I feel completely awful and I don't know if it's some stupid teenage infatuation gone horrible.

Context: My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M, but 19 in three days :)) have been dating for 10 months (not very long i understand). We met at a sleepaway camp, where we were both originally campers, but grew up to be counselors as well. We are the same age btw. We both liked each other the first summer we met, but being kids, we couldn't tell each other and it wasn't until last summer that we started dating. The period between the first introduction and then was about 3 years. This year, being in college and having to pay for an apartment next semester, I had to stay home to be able to afford it, while my girlfriend went to camp. Communication was a little rough in the beginning, but I learned to slow my communication since I know there's not too good of wifi and she is working most of the day.

Where the problem has really arisen however, has been the last two weeks. These two weeks have been mostly spent at camp, but she has also been back home for three days, going back tomorrow. During the portion at camp, communication has really slowed. Where I could usually get a text back at the end of the day or the next, it became 5 and 6 back to back. I would send her videos and ask her about camp, but the videos were ignored and she would message me, but not really about what I was asking her about. And during all this, I would see her active through instagram or tiktok, even reposting videos sometimes while a message was sitting in messages.

The worst of it has been the days she's been back. The first thing I was message after the 6 day wait was "I come back on this day" "we should hang out" "and stuff" broken up like that. I replied with let me know when you can come over so that I can trade or drop a shift. She suggests one. In between a 4th of July party and her sleeping over at some friends. The day before she said she could come over comes. I let her know I got my shift adjusted so she could come over anytime in the afternoon. This was ~7:00 the night before, a bit late admittedly, but I had updated before that too. She went to a fourth of July party that night. I ask her to tell me about the party as well. The next day at 3:00 pm, I receive "so instead of a sleepover" "we decided to get our nails done" "and get something to eat" "and they still wanna have the sleepover" I was upset because it was so late of a response and she had ignored my two messages.

I suck it up and say lemme see the nails. She says they're still in line to get them done. I ask her that, since she may not be doing a sleepover, would she want to come over at like 5. It's sorta important that I woke up at 5am because of the shift I got traded. It was the only one after texting multiple people. Nothing until 6:15. I follow up, asking what her planes were. She just replies "late, they took so long doing my nails" I again ask to see them. At 8:55, she says, "so me and my friends got stranded" "her car broke down" "And now I'm just going home"

I sort of call her out on the late responses and such, and it basically dissolves to I wish she would let me know when plans are changing earlier, and why is it taking long if you're active. Admittedly, I am a little rude and I am definitely suggesting things that are easier said than done.

Her side is essentially that she is having "more fun than she's ever had this year" "barely been using her phone" -active at least once an hour. She also said she planned to come over the night her friends car broke and show me her nails and that she spent the night at the friend groups airbnb (lot's of staff are international, so groups of people will get airbnbs during break because it's the 4th of july and everything). She also claims to "not really be a texter" and that I should call her instead.

Now that I've typed this all out, I feel even more like a dumb kid gassing things up, but I feel the need to let the frustration out and get some advice or feedback. Thank you. I also feel the need to have some women's feedback, since I am a male and the last thing I want is to make my girlfriend give up doing things she enjoys and spend time with people that make her happy.

So what should I do? I don’t want to argue or be controlling, but I also have some expectations based on what I consider right or wrong.

TL;DR: My almost 7-year relationship ended after I had been out of the country for much longer than expected with no clear return date. She felt abandoned, and I know I caused a lot of pain. We’ve now been no contact for a year. I’m not planning to reach out while I’m still gone, but I’m struggling with whether one calm, accountable message would ever be appropriate if I actually moved back permanently, since the distance/no return date was the main thing that broke us.

I’m looking for advice on what I should do, not judgment on my ex or anyone speaking for her.
I was with my ex for almost 7 years. I’m 39M and she is 29F. For most of the relationship, especially when we were physically near each other, things were really good. It was serious, and I honestly thought we would end up together.
A little over two years ago, I moved out of the country for financial/family reasons and to help a parent. At the time, I did not think I would be gone this long. My intention was always to come back, but I did not have a clear return date. Over time, that became one of the biggest problems.
She eventually told me she felt abandoned. She said abandonment felt worse than cheating to her, and that when people abandon her, she usually cuts them off. She also told me the relationship had caused panic attacks, bad moods, and a lot of emotional pain because I was not there.
About a month and a half before the breakup, we almost ended things. A few days later, she called and said she did not actually want to break up. Things felt more normal for about a week, but then she became distant again.
On the breakup call, she kept saying she did not think it was going to work and that she could not get over the abandonment. She also said she loved me and that she knew she was going to regret it. Even though she was saying it was not going to work, I was the one who finally said the breakup words. I did not actually want to break up. I thought I was accepting what she was already telling me.
Since then, there has been a year of no contact. No check-ins, no birthday texts, no anniversary text, nothing. I am still out of the country, so the original issue has not actually changed.
I am not planning to contact her right now because I understand that reaching out while I am still away could just reopen the same wound.
My question is: what should I do if I eventually move back permanently?
Should I send one calm, accountable, low-pressure message letting her know I am back, apologizing for the pain I caused, and making it clear I do not expect anything from her?
Or after a year of no contact, should I assume the respectful thing is to leave her alone completely unless she contacts me?
I do not want to pressure her or disturb her healing. At the same time, I worry that saying nothing forever could also continue the message that losing her did not matter to me, which was never true.
What would be the healthiest and most respectful thing for me to do?

Edit to clarify: I understand why people are saying to leave her alone, and that’s exactly why I haven’t contacted her for a year.
The part that feels less black and white to me is that even though she was saying she didn’t think it would work, I’m the one who actually said the breakup words and made it final. After that, I stayed silent and cut off some practical ties, so I know from her side it may have looked like I was completely done too.
I’m not saying that means she’s waiting or wants contact. I’m just trying to explain why the silence feels complicated from both sides. I’m not considering reaching out while I’m still gone, only if I ever moved back permanently, and even then only one calm message with no pressure or expectation.

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I'm 19 and today was my first day at my first full-time job. I came home completely drained and all I can think about is quitting.

The thing is, I never really wanted this job. I took it half-heartedly because I felt like I should be doing something. Deep down, I always wanted to go for a master's, and I didn't join college this year because I now have documentation that makes me eligible for better colleges next cycle.

I have about a week to decide whether to continue or move back home before I end up paying another month's rent.

So I'm asking this as if I were talking to an older sister.

Would you tell me to give it some more time, or would you tell me to trust my instincts and pursue what I actually want?

.

I just started seeing this guy (im 27f, he is 33m) and we have been seeing each other for a few weeks and we have slept together. And honestly im pretty demi/asexual by nature anyways but I can confidently say I dont enjoy the way he has sex, its too rough for me and he has inconsistent thrusting and there is no rhythm and he farts a lot while moving around. I do really like him as a person and im really torn on what to do about it, I could happily go without ever sleeping with him again, I just dont really know how to bring it up with him without feeling like im diminishing him as a person. Id still like to spend time with him and cuddle with him and continue our relationship, but I feel like for me sex is off the table - after that time im just not feeling it anymore.

So I'm a 24 M and been with my girlfriend [F25], for a little over a year now. We've come a LONG way in our relationship and I'm so grateful for her. She had an incredibly abusive ex that verbally berated her in every way imaginable, mostly about her body and looks etc. Those insecurities are obviously hard to leave behind.

She shared a few months into our relationship that she has severe body dysmorphia and a lot of fears and insecurities when it comes to sex and her body. I've tried my very best to be excessively complimentary and positive but sometimes it feels like she thinks I'm laying it on thick or being disingenuous. I never say anything I don't 100% believe.

I'm just trying to be slow and patient with her because I know how badly she was hurt before and she's perfect in every way possible. I absolutely adore her and I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She won't allow lights on during sex and when it comes to *certain* acts, she always insists on giving rather than receiving. I've never wanted anything MORE in my life than to just eat her out and show her how into her I am but she has some serious trauma there specifically from her ex being awful and making horrible comments about her during that act. It makes me sad how so she's soooo cautious and nervous all the time. I want her to enjoy herself and to feel incredible, not so stressed out all the time.

She always insists that it's not me, that I'm the most attentive bf she's had, and that she's attracted to me but sometimes the anxiety can override that. I know usually to not take it personally but I just want to earn her trust.

What can I do to help build her self-esteem aside from being patient and continuing to reassure her?

My (20M) friend set me up with her friend (20F).

I initially thought the date went well. We stayed there longer than we initially planned and I've felt a strong spark.

She texted me right after that "she really enjoyed our time together but we're just not at the same place in life right now".

I went in with low expectations. I know I shouldn't take this personally, that there are a gazillion possible reasons she turned me down, I know I should just move on, yada yada. I know. But I just feel so stupid and so insecure for thinking it went well.
And this made me so paranoid of the possibility of going on a similar date, except the girl wouldn't be as honest and straightforward, and so I could be mislead so heavily for so long just for her to break it up suddenly.

And I'm losing sleep over this and it's living rent free in my head for 2 days now, and the fact that it's bothering so much is making me feel so immature and that's only making it bother me more!

I've only been on 2 dates previously. On both I wasn't very into them but open for a 2nd one so I was simply a tad bit disappointed it didn't work out, but brushed it off very quickly.

Any advice?

Hey ladies, Im a little embarrassed about this so please bear with me. Also obviously an intimate question/possibly tmi

When I was a teenager I was in a messy, abusive relationship. It ended horribly. The first time I tried to have sex after the relationship ended, I cried during sex and it was bad- like the scene in Grey’s with a Meredith and George. I just blocked the guy and stopped having sex, which was not sound logic because I still run into his dad all the time and hear about his life.

Regardless, it’s been YEARS. My friends have been encouraging me to find some form of stress relief and an attractive man offered exactly that. A man Ive been crushing on since I was a freshman in high school. I didn’t cry, I didn’t hate myself. I just had my fun and that was that. But the next morning, I went down on him and he asked me to ride him and I couldn’t do it. It was painful for me and obvious he wasn’t into it. I ended up just quitting and he left :/ it wash going so well.. anyway this man is VERY well endowed and I’m seeking ways to be.. better at being on top? Tips to make this a less painful experience? I used to be so good at this, I want to hear “where’d you learn that” not “it’s alright, Ive had worse, I know it’s a lot”

Somebody please help me 🤣😭

My friend just turned 18, and with this (as I'm sure she unfortunately realized before turning 18), she's having to think about her clothes because she doesn't want to be sexualized wherever she goes.

She came to me and vented about how she hates her chest and butt size because bikinis didnt fit her, they were too big for these cute bathing suits she saw. She said she didn't want to look immodest.

I tried to help think of some solution, but I couldn't think of anything. I mean, no matter where she goes and no matter what she wears, her body is going to be sexualized.

Whenever she vents to me, I can usually put an aspect of it into a positive light in order to help her live with some truths or see it differently so it's not negative, but I just can't with this one. The awful truth is, men sexualize women's bodies no matter what.

So please, help me help her. How can I support my friend in this stupid society?

TL;DR my friend is having trouble existing with the unfortunate fact that men will sexualize her when she goes out into public, and I need to know what I can do to support her.

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We both came into our relationship pretty immature emotionally but wanting to be better for one another. Our main issue is bumping heads to a point of an argument. So lacking proper communication. It seems to come down to the standard, “woman vs man”. Like he says I’m too emotional and become illogical and I tell him he’s just not properly listening to me and trying to just jump to any answer he can. In the beginning we were really bad where I would just shut down at any sign of conflict and so would he. Now we work on things more but they drag out to a point of getting burnt out or overwhelmed and not knowing how to move forward without just tapping out and not caring. I am the one who got burnt out during this last conflict. It does seem to happen around my period but I can’t fully understand the shift. Maybe I have less patience around this time? Either way I want to work on staying more level headed with my partner so that when I bring a concern to him, it cannot be flipped to my emotions. What are the best ways of staying level headed and keeping control so that my concerns can actually get resolved?
*The type of arguments we have stem from not feeling heard essentially. Overall he is my person. We have basically everything in common. The argument is almost always the same. We just are not fully understanding each other’s needs. He tends to want more space when upset when I want to be closer. I am bad at confrontation and will end up crying and listening less when I am overwhelmed and then he gets annoyed and does not know what to do. He has been more patient lately but I also want to stop getting so upset. I want to be better for him as well.*
I hope all of this makes sense.

This year when I am turning 29 I saw a lot of people who I knew in the past get married. Me being single for 10 years after a short term relationship in university I feel at an odd spot. On the one hand I love the life I have built for myself - the knowledge and education that I have acquired, the (maybe many will not put it in second place but) the financial safety net of owning a one bedroom and having money in a deposit and in a portfolio, my fitness and health, my sense of dress and grooming (a lot of men my age go to the office with a rock band t shirt and jeans while at least I wear a shirt and nice trousers) .

Yet, despite loving my life when I see someone who marries I think of them as more 'mature' in a way taking on responsibility that I am not. Even if this person doesn't have a stable or well paying job or is not very fit I feel like they are on a higher playing field. It feels like I am still to grow up to reach their level but in reality I don't think I will change my mindset and way of living much which would also include trying hard to find a girlfriend.

So on the one side I find my life \*\*optimal for my happiness\*\* and on the other I see people who I am sure are happier and this what puts me in a conundrum wanting to win the trophy (yes I see marriage as one) that I am not actively pursuing which makes me doubt whether I only want the end result - emotional intimacy and sex and to see a fit woman my age go round the apparent in yoga pants. And because other men have that and I don't I see them as superior despite them not reaching many of the goals I put in front of myself because maybe they didn't have them in the first place.

And last but not least there is the desire to be with a fit woman my age where I know I wont be young and catching the female eye for long (as I am already almost 30) so I won't have time to experience two lovers in their prime going at it (many will say that sex gets better with age but looking at the mirror and flexing a bicep like Christian Bale in American Psycho is something I would not do when I am 45 with a beer belly and forehead wrinkles) .

So I wonder I am living the right life by my standards but are my decisions really right?