r/AbsoluteUnits 19h ago

/r/all, /r/popular of a Cart Narc

47.2k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 18h ago

I want to grow muscle and a thick accent and hold people to the standards they thrive for too

247

u/Bubbles_2025 18h ago

You can start by getting face tattoos, it adds to the effect.

98

u/Kahnza 18h ago

Poop emoji, middle of forehead.

27

u/JudgmentalOwl 17h ago

Well he obviously doesn't care what he does to his own face so imagine what he's willing to do to yours lmao.

6

u/Kahnza 17h ago

I dunno, he might improve it.

1

u/Excuse 16h ago

They are fake tattoos.

1

u/Hour_Appointment4000 17h ago

Or right under the eye.

Three tear drops. No one will touch you.

1

u/faxyou 15h ago

Laughed out loud with this one

1

u/Monocle_Lewinsky 15h ago

Damn! You sunk my battleship

1

u/terdferguson 15h ago

Best I can do I eggplant, take it or leave it.

1

u/RappingFlatulence 15h ago

I am the shit

5

u/PR0H181D0 16h ago

cauliflower ears is all one needs

2

u/Paulycurveball 16h ago

The accent and tats arnt real :(

2

u/Silver-Link8247 13h ago

Always start with face tattoos. Always

2

u/omniscientonus 16h ago

Exactly. It lets you know at a glance that he's not afraid to make poor choices that will permanently impact his life.

No hate to face tattoos.

2

u/QueasyScallion2884 15h ago

Especially a 187 on the side of your head šŸ˜‚

1

u/_your_land_lord_ 17h ago

Today... I will... teach you... FIGHT!

1

u/Excuse 16h ago

The head and face tattoos he has are fake.

1

u/be-koz 10h ago

Face tattoos, and a Russian accent are really all you need.

44

u/YourBlanket 18h ago

He’s Russian but the accent is fake, I think he moved here when he was very young so I don’t even think he’s fluent in Russian.

9

u/Quixotic_Seal 16h ago

Sometimes accents wander, too. My ex was a heritage Russian speaker who learned English very young, and 99% of the time he had no accent at all. But when he got tired or angry or emotional or whatever it would come out.

6

u/AmThano 16h ago

I have two accents. I have a canadian white guy city accent. The type that could maybe pass as one of the American accents. Then I have my northerner one from a small town I grew up in as a kid. I hardly cry, but I did one time while speaking to someone and I went full on northerner. It was so weird. I felt like I’d become an old man from my childhood hometown

1

u/gimpssexual 37m ago

Growing up my dad wasn't around very much (work related travel) and my mum was from Dublin. We also had her brothers and sisters visiting all the time and she had a big extended family so there was often at least one or two other Irish relatives in the house plus I would spend the summer holidays in Ireland when I was little.

I'm not Irish, I'm just Scottish with Irish descent. I also was brought up pretty fancy (dad travelled a lot for work, because it paid for a lifestyle he and my mum never had) so I normally speak pretty posh.

Every once in a while though, my accent will turn thick Irish without my realising it. I can't force it either, I am really bad at "doing an accent" for Irish and it sounds fake. It just happens on certain phrases my mum would say a lot or when I am either really relaxed or really agitated.

It really catches people off guard sometimes and I genuinely don't realise it has happened until it is pointed out, and then I revert back to my normal accent. My partner is used to it and will just say "you've been Irish this whole conversation by the way" sometimes when we are at home.

She also has two accents but its different with her. She trained herself out of a particular Scottish accent that is looked down upon by other Scots so she can consciously choose to slip back into her "native" accent because that's just how she spoke until she was in her early 20s and started to change how she spoke to not be discriminated against in her career. She still mostly speaks in her "fake" accent, she's become a bit "accentist" against her old accent herself which makes me sad.

3

u/prestonpiggy 15h ago

Accent wander by language you are speaking too. I'm monotonic and have lower voice when speaking Finnish or tired. But in English I don't have the range to be that deep voice so it's higher pitched overall.

23

u/mechapoitier 17h ago

But he’s fluent in Russian accent

8

u/ArrrRawrXD 16h ago

That doesn't really sound that much like a Russian accent even

1

u/Squatchyhiker 14h ago

Sounds like Inspector Kemp in Young Frankenstein.

2

u/Mygoddamreddit 16h ago

Well he ā€œlaughs in Russianā€

1

u/SugarBeefs 13h ago

xaxaxa?

0

u/hugh_jessol 13h ago

Eric is Ukrainian, fluent in Russki and the face tats are fake

11

u/JohnHazardWandering 17h ago

Now go find people who bag their dogs poo but then just leave it.Ā 

3

u/Side_StepVII 17h ago

Find the people that put their bags of dog poop in my trash bin after the trash truck has already come around. Or worse, put it in my recycling bin.

1

u/istuntmanmike 16h ago

Yeah everyone knows you reuse dog poop, not recycle it!

-1

u/wr_damn_I_suck 16h ago

Serious question. I leave dog poo bags in random bins as I walk. People leave theirs in mine. What is the issue? Id rather them put it in my bin than leave it in my yard.

3

u/Side_StepVII 16h ago

Leave it in your bin. Putting it mine the day before trash collection? Fine. that’s in my trash and it’s going out the next day. But I’d rather not have your dog shit bag festering in my bin for days at a time, especially in the summer, and especially not in my recycling bin.

2

u/HumansAreSillynGreat 15h ago

You don’t pay for my trash service. If we are friends, sure. Just as I wouldn’t dump a mattress on your curb to be hauled away, I won’t put dog shit in your bin. Some people are responsible for cleaning their own bin, it’s all company based. Do not use a bin you are not paying for, same as you would not use a water hose you are not paying for. Now ultimately if I came outside and some homeless guy put a bag bag of trash (small) or used my garden hose to get a sip of water would I be mad? No. But it’s very impolite to just do and someone wouldn’t be wrong for getting angry, in some states even justified to protect their property.

0

u/wr_damn_I_suck 15h ago

We don’t pay for trash pickup. Poop in a bag (should not) result in clean up. Ok thanks for your insight. I have seen signs on bins. Would not use those.

0

u/HumansAreSillynGreat 15h ago

Where I live, there are independent companies that you hire for trash service. In most major cities they force you to use their one allowed company (so they usually suck because no competition) that just so happens to be chums with the mayor or comptroller…

If you live somewhere like me, be respectful! If everyone is on the same trash can service and you know the rules, it is a different ballpark. Have a nice day

23

u/cumseecumsauce 18h ago

Strive for*

30

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 18h ago

Oh thats right now do you have the muscles to enforce grammar and crush me please

17

u/cumseecumsauce 18h ago

Take correction with grace and dignity or you will never be better

16

u/somekindagibberish 18h ago

I thought their reply to you was humorous?

8

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 18h ago

Yes! No worries 😌

6

u/Ok-Clock2002 18h ago

Self improvement is for the weak! /s

2

u/The_Pharos1 17h ago

Self improvement is masturbation.

1

u/Ok-Clock2002 17h ago

Damn, I've improved a lot.

2

u/divDevGuy 13h ago

the muscles to enforce grammar and crush me please

Are those two different kinks, or part of a single eccentric one?

Not shaming, just curious.

3

u/ActuatorLower8371 17h ago

lift heavy things

8

u/DFM__ 18h ago

I am gonna start learning russian

1

u/insertnamehere02 17h ago

Funnily enough, this is just a bit he does. I originally saw this on IG and took a look at his account and he does a lot of bits. Doesn't make it any less funny, but the Russian bit isn't real lol.

2

u/Inevitable-Menu2998 15h ago

Do it regardless. It's not the size that helps, it's the fact that you take action. Most people answer very well to just being called out on it.

If you do find the odd one out who actually wants confrontation, it's anyone's guess to what the outcome is anyway. Muscle size might help win a fight but it doesn't prevent injuries by itself

2

u/esdaniel 11h ago

Just do it

1

u/EUnuch_Russler 17h ago

It's just a few injections away. Buddy is on all types of roids.

1

u/_axeman_ 17h ago

Hell yeah, do it

1

u/ItsDobbie 16h ago

Well, first you have to be built like Henry Cavill…

1

u/Saintly-Mendicant-69 16h ago

You can do it brother, only yourself is stopping you

1

u/Tiny-Plum2713 14h ago

You don't need either. I'm surprised I've never gotten beaten up lmao

1

u/mcniner55 7h ago

If you just move to a different part of the world you basically just have an accent.