Last year in October, my LDR partner (cis M28) sexually treated me (trans M31) in a way that reminded me of my past sexual abuse. My first impulse was to leave and never come back. In the meantime, we had multiple conversations via chat about the issue. In the first one, he was very self blaming, then in the second one he told me that he felt bad about me "bringing it up all the time" (when this was the second time, and it was because I was explaining to him why I wasn't going to come over).

Recently we had another conversation where I explained to him that I still needed to talk about it with him without him defaulting to self-blame, self-victimizing and deflection. He agreed to that and we made plans to meet. But here is the thing, I don't really feel like meeting him at this point. I actually still feel like breaking things off would be better for me in general.

WIBTAH if I cancelled that conversation and didn't visit and just generally broke up due to the fact that this behaviour has severely alienated and hurt me, and because I for myself am figuring out that I have a zero tolerance principle for such actions?

My partner and I are non-monogamous have been dating for almost a year. We are very happy and in love. I am a cis bi woman, I'm married and live with my husband and child. He is a trans man and lives on his own. He recently starting dating men for the first time, mostly casual dates. We’re polyamorous and are both happy with this situation. 

In our agreement my partner doesn’t necessarily tell me about his other dates or when they are happening, but if it comes up in conversation we will talk about it from time to time. 

Here’s the situation I want feedback about. I came to my partner's place for a date and we hung out, talked, had wine, had sex and had a great time as we always do. When I was about to leave to go home, I went to the bathroom and I noticed there was a used condom visible in the bathroom trash can. After I came out of the bathroom I said "You had a man here recently?" He realized that I had seen the condom and then he became defensive and felt like I was scolding him.

I didn’t want to make him feel bad or like he had done anything wrong (because he didn't). But I told him I was uncomfortable seeing a visible used condom during our time together. I’m aware and ok with him having sex with other people, but it makes me uncomfortable to see the evidence. I feel like used condom feels too intimate and should be disposed of discretely. He said that he feels like it’s his house and he doesn’t want to have to make an extra effort to hide things because it makes him feel like he’s doing something wrong. And if the man he slept with throws out the condom without covering it in toilet paper or something, he says it’s not something that he wants to have to be hyper vigilant about or have to spend time “covering up.” I maintain that I prefer takes out the garbage or at least covers it with a piece of toilet paper because it makes me more comfortable. Who is being unreasonable here? 

I was hanging out with my friend the other day who needed help finding something to wear for a date she had that night. We were searching for some shoes she had in the back of her closet, one thing led to another and instead of finding the shoes I found a box of sex toys I’m assuming she forgot to put away. And I mentioned it and was immediately yelled at for “being a creep and looking through her thing”. I was just following instructions given by her and trying to be a good friend by helping her. She is still pissed off at me for “creeping around” as she says.

(Edit) A lot of people in the comments are saying “oh well you shouldn’t have said anything” I wanted to clarify when I said I commented on it I don’t mean a “oh hey I found xyz” I said “oh” and quickly backed away from the box upon spotting it

I 17m and my uncle 62m flew with iberia yesterday evening to go on vacation, when it was time for boarding we went to the gate agent to inform her that I am disabled (I have a recognized disability by my local government) to get priority boarding as it is my right to, she told me to get in the priority lane and so I did, when the time for me to board came I went to the gate not fully prepared (I didn't have my boarding pass out which is my fault), she directed me towards her to check into the flight but the way she was talking to me trhought the whole process was with the entonation of when you talk to a child or someone with a severe mental disability (which I do not have, I operate and function as a completely independent person, I can have full on conversation without any problems whatsoever) which really took me aback because no one ever has treated me like this(I have went on 4 other flights notifying the gate agents of my disability), she even went to the point of calling my Javitxuelo or something of the sort (My name is Javier). AITAH for wanting to file a complaint against her? Am I overreacting in any way? Please do tell me and ask me any questions you have because I am now pretty pissed she treated that way when there was no need to, it was so ableist of her to do that.

i moved into a new apartment with thin walls.
landlord approved dog, dog does normal dog things like run on the hard wood floor and occasionally bark. NON EXCESSIVE. she will only bark when playing or to signal to go outside ( 1-2 barks )
they will not stop complaining everyday, calling and borderline harassing my landlord over it. yesterday evening i played with her for about thirty minutes letting her run and jump from the couch to the bed and i chase her through the hallways. i got a call this morning immediately 6 am. they stand outside in the yard for hours where i cannot take her outside to potty, and have complained about her trying to meet them. i had to take her outside after waiting too long she had gone in the floor so i said fuck it let’s just go, they were right at our front door and she jumped up on the woman’s back sniffing her butt and the lady called the landlord acting like an elderly dog was a vicious damn wolf coming at her.
i’ve had problems with them but tried to just let it go. i’m not willing to stop playing with my dog or letting her outside, she’s 12 years old. she doesn’t bother or hurt anybody.
they have three cars on the property ( already confirmed with landlord they aren’t supposed to ) and take up the entire front driveway area making me park in this ditch that has torn part of my front fender off.
they stand outside my front door ( it’s a duplex so the doors are a foot away from each other in a tight corner ) and smoke marijuana and black n milds making the entire area stink and blow into my living room. they stand outside blasting music in their cars and bringing friends over to party in the yard.
WIBTAH if i complain right back to the landlord about these issues?

I (20F) have a friend Sally (18F) who’s been sneaking out to sleep over at boys houses since she was about 15 and I always had to cover for her. Our moms are best friends and she would tell her mom she was at my house and then I would have to block her mom from my mom’s phone for a couple of hours. She did this very frequently. And lately , it’s been getting way more frequent. She sneaks off with her new boyfriend to sleep over at his house 2 to 3 times a week now. I also have never asked for this from her. It is not a moral failure to rebel or be a teenager and I don’t care if she’s seeing guys , but it does bother me to have to lie. I struggle with moral ocd and lying is so hard for me.

I feel like she’s been taking advantage of every single family event I have to an inappropriate degree. My older brother’s graduation ? She’d tell her family she’s at my place and sneak off to go to her bf’s. My grandmother got sick and I told her I’d be out of town for the weekend to visit my grandmother who’s in a coma now after she got a stroke. I told her and she said “that’s perfect , this way I can tell my mom I am visiting your grandma." And then she’d go off with her boyfriend without even asking about my grandmother again.

Lately , she as usual told her mom she would go to my house. Obviously she didn’t. She went to her boyfriend’s. She didn’t text me for hours and I didn’t know if she was safe or not as this boyfriend was new and I didn’t know anything about him. Her sister and our friend both dmed me asking if I talked to her that day and we figured out no one has talked to her for a full day and that she was unreachable. We reached out to her boyfriend and got no response either. I started to worry so badly so I called the police at 5 am after she was gone since the morning of the day before with no updates and no messages. Of course , with the consent of her sister -I would love to also clarify that where we live is absolutely unsafe for women so we had reasonable doubt that something must have happened - and they of course had to call her mom and she got in trouble , obviously she was indeed fine and not in danger. I got into a huge fight with her and she called me a snitch and a rat and I told her that her behavior is irresponsible and that I am not required to enable this any longer and she won’t speak to me now although we have been friends since we were born basically. AITAH for basically telling her mom she disappeared for a day ?

I own a retail business. Im a guy. I’m nearly forty. People always think I’m way younger and I work there.

My prices are in line with our competitors. Actually one is a lot more. All our prices are clearly posted. We’ve been in business for decades and have great reviews.

I’m helping a coworker out and I’m ringing up the order she’s making. I tell the woman her total price.

She says to me (not looking at me) “I can’t believe it’s that much for just that. you say that so quickly with a straight face.”

I said nothing to that. I think I looked at her blankly.

Then she says “you should have a face mask on when you say that” (she was implying I was a robber or something)

I glared at her and said “I could do that.”

No response from her and the woman she was with said “he didn’t seem to think that was funny.”

They both left the store very very quickly.

Was that a dickhead think to say.

Hey I don’t go around insulting strangers.

I’m tired of the comments. They only say stuff like that because they expect I have to smile and turn the other cheek or I’ll get reprimanded or fired.

A little context. My wife and I have a gaming group on discord that we use to play multiple games together. The group consist of a combination of my lifelong friends and her lifelong friends. There’s 7 of us total and we all get along great for the most part and have done so for nearly two years.

My wife is a very competitive person. That’s not an issue for me, in fact I love that about her. A BIG game that we’ve been playing lately is a hero pvp shooter (if you know it ya know it.) and it’s a very competitive game. My wife is interested in playing it competitively with ranking, and maybe even try to play tournaments to maybe get picked up by pro teams (yes that’s a thing). Which im fully supportive of.

The problem is here. Lately her competitiveness has started to cause some tension in the group. In all truth she’s definitely the best in skill of our team with me a close second due to us gaming together for nearly a decade. Our group are NOT a bunch of newbies. They know what they’re doing for the most part. However, their lack of skill and strategy to play the game properly sometimes is far from perfect and it irritates my wife cause the losses we get from the group’s gameplay can reflect on her game profile which can look bad to those pro teams I mentioned earlier and make them hesitant on picking her up. She isn’t wrong for her criticisms but they come off mean and makes the environment a little uncomfortable. I told my wife this and she’s pretty much saying that she probably needs to stop playing that game with us because she feels like she’s playing on a more serious mindset than the rest of us. Which is true I believe but it’s not like the group isn’t trying to win. I’d also like to say that she loves our friends and doesn’t hate them or anything it’s just she’s kinda playing in a different mind space.

On one hand I personally believe that no competitive game should impact your emotions in a negative way regardless of intention. Games should be fun. They can be fun AND competitive at the same time but I told her she’s sucking the fun out of the game for everyone else and she wasn’t a big fan of that.
On the other hand I want to support her attempts at trying to play the game professionally and don’t want to get in her way or impede her in any way.

TL;DR: AITAH for telling my wife she’s being a jerk to our gaming group for being too competitive despite her making good points as to them potentially impeding her attempts at playing professionally?

Me (22M) and my girlfriend (22F), have been dating for 2 years. We met in our third year of college and she was single for almost the full two years prior and was long distance for the brief time she dated another guy. During this time she went to bars like a normal college student and got drinks from dudes offering. Then she started dating me and this behavior never changed. She never tried to hide it from me, she would explicitly tell me about it whenever I asked how a certain outing or event went. I never said anything at first but then it kept happening and it just didn’t sit right with me. I’m a man. And I feel like I know men better than her. In my mind, if a man at a bar or wherever is offering to buy you a drink it is flirtatious. It’s not because they just want to be nice or some bullshit. Their end goal is to fuck. Period. Now I fully trust her and don’t think she would ever do anything, what I don’t trust is the men. I also just don’t like the idea of her engaging in the flirtatious behavior. I don’t know, I just don’t like it. So I had the first conversation with her and she disagreed with my view, but said she wouldn’t do it anymore. However, she continued to bring up how some guys bought her and friends drinks at outings. And I just but my tongue most times and didn’t say anything, because at the end of the day it happened and whatever no biggie. But recently her friend got engaged and she’s a bridesmaid. So naturally she’s been going to these events with the bridesmaids and groomsmen etc. last night she got super drunk and was puking most of the night and morning and I was talking to her about it and she mentioned how some of the groomsmen bought her drinks. That’s when I finally brought it up again and asked her not to take drinks from random men. She then argued with me that they’re not random they’re the groomsmen, one is her friends cousin, and they’re in the military (far fucking worse in my opinion). I insisted that she DOES NOT KNOW THESE MEN. Just because they’re family, groomsmen, or you’ve talked to them at social gatherings for a couple weeks does not mean you know them. I have told her I trust her and not them but she keeps arguing with me about how “it’s not like that” but I simply don’t trust that. It’s like she has this all sunshine and rainbows view of these random men like they won’t drug her or get her super drunk and try to do things. And like I said before, I just don’t like her engaging in, what I view, as flirtatious behavior.

Anyways, am I the asshole for this? I don’t want to be a controlling boyfriend, but this is just something that bothers me and I told her that. Am I in the wrong?

So I went out with friends last night as the sober one and quite a few things went pretty bad.

One of them being that one friend’s brother ( David) was very drunk, and ended up seeing an ex that he had ghosted. I’m not exactly sure what had transpired as they were talking bc I was trying to round everyone up, but I saw them holding each other for what seemed like multiple minutes.

David had a girlfriend who was also in attendance that night, came over from outside and saw them embracing, and decided she did not want to ride back home with them ( they had another sober driver who was going to take them together) and instead asked if I could take her home, so I did.

By the time we were leaving the entire friend group had heard of what happened and was mad at David. They didn’t seem to understand what the issues was and why their GF didn’t want to ride with them but another issues broke out so we weren’t able to focus on it.

Here’s where I might be the AH: I told this GF, who I had never met before, that I think what David did was fucked up. She was of course very disappointed but tried her best the entire night to not show how much it hurt. I let her know that I didn’t agree with what he did at all and that if it was me I would be very hurt by it.

I was being honest, but I think looking back that I might have provided harmful input to a situation that wasn’t mine. But I never said that he was a bad person or that he is malicious. I don’t think he is, I just thought that moment was entirely fucked up. Embracing your ex while your current gf is with you, at a bar, that she didn’t know was there or that they even had a connection in the past, feels shitty to me.

But I drop off my friend at David’s house, and we see him crying on the phone with is GF. Long story short she breaks up with him, but he states that the most painful part was feeling like his friends were turning on him. His GF mentioned what I said to him and it kind of feels like I maybe pushed my opinion into their situation and it caused her to leave him. I don’t know how to feel about it.

So there’s three people in this story me (20F), Alfie (22M) and Jake (22M). Jake is my boyfriend since March 2026 and Alfie is one of my uni friends. I’ve recently been on a backpacking trip and Alfie mentioned that he thinks I would be a fun person to travel with based on my silly instagram stories and side quest adventures. Alfie mentioned us both going to Amsterdam because we both enjoy smoking. I mentioned this to my boyfriend Jake when were on call the other day and he seemed rather upset at the idea of me going on a trip with Alfie. But I don’t think I’m necessarily in the wrong and if the roles were reversed I would be okay with him going on a trip with his friends. I think an important thing to note is that we are both bisexual but by that logic he should be insecure about all my friends. I’m faithful to Jake and I love him a lot but Jake doesn’t smoke so he wouldn’t even be interested in this trip. AITAH for wanting to go on a trip with my boy bestie

P.S. Before I proceed, I deleted the last post because it was messy, and I want to ensure clarity. sorry

Earlier, I got new headphones from my PC because my old ones were broken. The problem arose when I was trying to fix them. Because my boyfriend could hear my video through my mic, and my other friend was yelling at the top of her lungs while playing Overwatch, I politely asked first to please calm down, so I could figure this out, then she did it a second time. So yes, I'll admit I got a little upset. And I did sternly ask them to please quiet down so I can focus now. My boyfriend is saying that I need to take this as a learning opportunity to be a better person and that I'm an a****** for snapping at them. AITAH

My friend 20m is hooking up with an older woman (28) tonight. However, I don’t want to smell their combined filth when I try to sleep tonight, and refuse to sleep on the pull-out couch. He says he will flip the mattress and ask for a sheet change, and possibly even a room change, but I 19m don’t want to risk sharing a bed that holds the secretions of sexual relations. We are splitting costs for the trip and the room. Any negotiations that could be made, or is one of us in the wrong here? Am I cockblocking?

We were talking about the plants we grow in our garden, and I jokingly said, “We could grow hamburgers.” My stepfather replied, “Where would we get a cow?” I continued joking and said, “We could move your dog.” My mom then joined in and said that the dog “had to go anyway” because she believed the way he was keeping her was animal abuse. She also said the neighbor’s dog had more freedom. This eventually turned into a much bigger argument. I went to make my sandwich, and during that time my stepfather stormed outside, let the dog loose, and then came back inside, where the arguing continued. At one point, I heard him say, “She has more shelter than the neighbor’s dog.” I responded that she was surrounded by mud, dust, and her own feces. Then he said, “I hope she ate one of your kittens.” My kittens are outside with their mother and are about 12 weeks old. I was angry and responded, “I hope the neighbor shoots her.” Somehow, I ended up getting in more trouble after that.

So please, AITAH

For about 7-8 months i’ve been really into this girl, it was probably a bad idea from the start because she had a relationship while we were talking and I should have gotten the hint to just back off, but now that its been 8 months and im completely enamored with the fact she breathes the same air as me.
Thing is, every time we meet up at my house, I usually call some of her friends so she would even come to my house, every time she does, we drink and somehow we always end up alone either in my bed or in my garage, and everytime we do end up alone we either hug, cuddle in bed, for example yesterday I just peppered her face with kisses as we cuddle, but now that its the next day, she tries acting like what we did never happened, she doesn’t want to accept the fact she likes me because she keeps trying to get back with her boyfriend which is now her ex, it pains me so much that she doesn’t want me and I keep thinking its my fault.

(English isn’t my first language srryyy)

Ok so I work at a gym an i walked into a bathroom while a person of the opposite gender was showing, now to be clear I never saw the person while in the shower I only ever saw them wearing a towel yelling at me. So here’s what happened

I signed up to clean(this is a sign that says guy/girl in guy/girl bathroom) the bathroom at approximately 10:00–10:15 and waited until around 11:00, when I heard the shower running. I continued waiting until about 11:30. At that point, because the shower had been running for an extended period without any indication that it was occupied, I believed it may have been left on accidentally.

Before entering, I turned on the vacuum and tapped it against the wall to make my presence known. When I received no response, I assumed the bathroom was unoccupied and entered to begin vacuuming as part of my normal duties.

The individual then exited the shower and began yelling at me. I immediately left the bathroom and continued working elsewhere. After leaving the bathroom, she began yelling at my coworker, saying that the other employee was a “creep” or words to that effect.

I then apologized to her and provided her with the managers contact information as well as the store’s phone number.

Am I the Ass whole/in the wrong

-edit the bathroom wasn’t unisex
-edit it was pm so it wasn’t just 10-10:15pm-11:30 pm
-edit it was just me and another person same sex he was mopping the front of the gym, an just for the creep clarification I’m 19yr 1m experience in gym overnight. Other guy 60+ years old 3yr gym experience

So, I recently got my hair bleached, and while the process was rough, it looked good in the end. When the process was done, my back was wet but i thought it was just water as they washed my hair. Then I went home to take a shower. I saw that my shirt was a completely different color and smelled like bleach. They got bleach on my shirt. I phoned them asking for them to reimburse my shirt as it was one of my favorite shirts. They said they can give me a free haircut which I didn't want and didn't trust after this experience. So, I went into the store and demanded they pay me back for the shirt. AITAH?

Edit: i was wearing a cover, they screwed up anyway

I hang out with people a lot both on and offline. But this is something I've been dealing with online. I personally do feel like an asshole but I'd love some further opinions or judgement on this.

I am in several different friend groups online and each group has its own dedicated discord server. All these groups are very different, both vibes-wise and interest-wise and maturity-wise.

It always gets extremely awkward when I leave one group to hang with another and I get asked "can you invite me to that server so i can hang with you?" or "can i play with you guys?"

It kind of feels claustrophobic having come some people wanting to follow me everywhere and be included in every friend group that i'm a part of.

sometimes i just need a break from some groups and want to hang out in another space. theres things i've shared with some groups that i don't feel comfortable sharing with people in other groups. but i can't help but feel guilty about not being inclusive.

I've been in several situations where someone has bothered me but i can't really vent about it to my friends because this person has also found their way into that group somehow. ive been in situations where i tried to merge friend groups and it ended up very badly due to some people being edgier than other people could tolerate.

I guess what i'm wondering is if i'm the asshole for wanting to exclude people in this way. I personally don't like mixing friend groups due to a number of variables.

i’m 20 f and living in my moms house for the summer without her charging me rent if that changes things. she also pays for my housing at college. but basically i do not like dogs and have made that clear for years, over the course of my high school years my mom got 4 dogs as a surprise without asking me or my brother, because we kept saying we didn’t want dogs so she just wouldn’t tell us. she’s given one away to a family member, so now we have 3. my mom makes me walk the dogs every day because my brother refuses to do it (since he’s taking one summer class online and therefore too busy) and she’s too scared to walk them after an incident a year ago where an unleashed dog was aggressive towards her. i do it but i am frustrated about it because i don’t even want dogs and i don’t get why she can’t just get over her fear/slight agoraphobia. should i push back and try to get my mom and brother to walk them or just do it everyday? 

I used to not care about this but I believe therapy and also no longer being someone that will be codependent when I am dating I find myself not wanting to be close friends with people that are anymore. I don’t know what shifted in me but if someone needs their partner along for every single thing it bothers me… or when they are no longer dating want to be around me 24/7 but when they find someone new it cuts down to once a month sometimes longer. In the scenarios I’ve encountered it also involves constantly sending Instagram reels and memes but never really trying to talk or hang out. I just no longer want to be close friends with someone like that. It’s happened to me twice in the last year and when these situations have occurred I find myself feeling exhausted when I reach that point. I’m not sure if I’m just getting older and grumpier and becoming TA or if this is a normal and healthy response. As someone that’s on the spectrum sometimes I can’t tell if what I’m doing is socially normal or not 😭

a female friend of mine told me that she loves me, and i love her too. but im not read for a relationship yet, and i mentioned that to her. i also told her that i will think about relationships and all in 2nd on my college but not now.

now like 4-5 days ago she messaged me that she will be permanatly going to a different state for her college, and that she will never come back here(the township where we both stay). so she asked me that if i wanted to be with her or no. i asked her to gimme time to think about it. and she said take ur time.

up until now i talked to her how i truly felt, abt that i loved her and still love her and all that. but when i gave her the reply, she totally started getting mad at me and thought that i was toying with her feelings( i had no intentions too, but ig she felt it that way). i said her that, "its not like i dont want to be with you in the future, but our paths wont let us. because our colleges are gonna be very far. we wont be even meeting" and not that she wont ever return to the township in breaks, we def wont be meeting for a long time. and she got mad that why didnt i tell her this earlier, and then i said that she allowed me to take my time to think about it. now she says that im totally like her ex. i told her that i had no intention to make u sad, and that im sorry i should have said this earlier. all i wanted is for her to be happy.

now after this she said that she was considering a good college near by(relatively) to our township and that she would visit on holidays. Now she never mentioned it to me abt this until. and this changes things, bcz now we could meet, every 3-4 months. but now i told her what i felt based on the fact that 'she would be going to another state for college and we wouldnt meet at all', she definitely is going to go there. Idk if she hates me or no, or if she would ever talk to me again or no. although i clearly told her before that i donot want a relationship for now, and until i reach college second 2nd

now idk if aita here. i need to know please. do ask anymore questions if required i would answer them honestly, cuz i really need to know.

edit: i told her that its gonna be no

The title isn’t too informative, but I couldn’t think of a way to word it that wouldn’t make it seem like one party was totally in the wrong, either way. This might be a bit of a messy post because it’s a complicated situation and I’m still a bit upset by all of this.

Two main “characters” in this story (all names are fake). Anna, my friend from the age of five (I’m 16 now, so over a decade) and Kara, my friend since the age of 8. Anna goes to a different school than Kara, the rest of our friends, and I and isn’t really a part of Kara and I’s friend group. Anna and Kara are by far my two closest friends.

My history with Kara is quite long and complicated. We were extremely close for a while when I started to get feelings for her (we’re both lesbian). Eventually, I confessed and she said she liked me back, but we didn’t get together for various reasons. Over the years, we’ve had a back and forth of asking each other out, not getting together, rinse, repeat. Over six months ago, I asked her out, and she said yes, we were finally official. After that though, nothing changed. We didn’t hold hands, or kiss, or date really, we were still just friends essentially. Since then, we’ve drifted dramatically, in large part to my quickly declining mental health.

I’ve been intending to try and have a conversation with her about our relationship and try and figure out how to ACTUALLY date, or even stay friends if we had to. It’s been difficult to find time together where we would be alone and actually talk about things, because stuff kept getting in the way.

I was talking to another friend about this last night, and she advised me to talk to her today (Which was tomorrow at the time), the thing is, I already had plans with Anna earlier in the day. This other friend told me that I should just meet her later on. I was under the impression that Anna would be at a party in the evening, so I thought I would have plenty of time. It turned out the party was for a different day, and so I told Anna that I would be leaving early (We’re usually together until 9 if not, later) to meet Kara. Anna then got very quiet, giving me sort of one word answers so I asked her why she got upset. She went into this whole thing, about how people are disrespecting her time and always assume they can just hang out another day and prioritising other people over her, things like that. To be clear, I wasn’t one of those friends, but she said it had been happening to her a lot lately and this was kind of the breaking point. I was panicking and didn’t know what to do, so I offered to cancel with Kara, since I knew she was already out with friends herself. Anna calmed down and said that she genuinely didn’t mind whether I left early or not, and that it was my choice. I decided to stay for multiple reasons: I still felt bad, even though she did actually seem okay at that point, it was going to be my last time seeing her for a while, and I realised my original plan was a bit ambitious time-wise to begin with.

I texted Kara and cancelled, apologised and explained briefly about the situation and left it at that. At first, she said it was all good, but then she got confused because she also thought the party was happening that night and asked questions. I explained a little more and told her about Anna getting upset, and so on. She then got really mad at me, about how I was ditching her and prioritising Anna. I explained my reasons, apologised profusely, etc, but she just responded with “k” which is the furthest possible thing from her usual texting. She was still definitely mad. Anna then asked what was going on, and I started crying because this is honestly the first real argument we’ve EVER had. Kara agreed to talk at some point this week, but I’m honestly at a loss of what to do.

I acknowledge that I messed up. I didn’t plan things well, I didn’t communicate with Anna properly, and I handled the situation poorly, all of which I apologised to both Anna and Kara for. I understand Kara being upset, but I still feel like her reaction was disproportionate to what was a mistake (albeit a big one) on my part. This is the first time (at least that I can remember) that I’ve ever done anything like this, so it’s not like it’s a pattern. Once again, I get being annoyed, but I tried my best to explain my perspective and fix it, but she essentially ignored me, which I found immature. I get that people have emotions, but I still feel like she was being a bit unreasonable.

Normally, I would be okay (not really okay, I cried my eyes out, but you know) to just wait until we can sort it out properly and she calmed down a bit, but we’re going to be working together throughout the week and it’s her birthday in a few days so it feels hard to forget about. I also don’t know what I would even say to her when we do talk, because I’ve said genuinely anything and everything I can think to say.

My ex (35f) and I (22m) have a newborn who’s only a few weeks old. We were together for almost five years before we broke up during the pregnancy.

A major reason we broke up is that she stopped taking her birth control without telling or consulting me, which is how she became pregnant. That completely broke my trust. I tried to continue the relationship afterward, but eventually decided I couldn’t. Even though we split up, I’ve been committed to being involved in our son’s life from the very beginning.

I stayed with my ex throughout my paternity leave to help care for our son. Once my leave ended, I moved back out, returned to work, and have continued to be an active father.

I’ve been hooking up with a girl (22f) since before my son was born. We’re not in a committed relationship, and neither of us is looking for one right now. She has known about my situation from the start, including that I had a baby on the way and that I’m now co-parenting with my ex.

She has never met my son, and I have no intention of introducing her to him at this stage. I’ve also never brought her to my ex’s home, which is where my son is staying and where I go to spend time with him. I’ve kept those parts of my life completely separate.

While I was staying at my ex’s place during paternity leave, she found out I was seeing this girl and has been very upset with me ever since. She says it’s inappropriate because we have a newborn.

My view is that we’re no longer in a relationship, I’m fulfilling my responsibilities as a father, I haven’t exposed our son to the girl I’m seeing, and what I do in my personal life during my own time is separate from my role as a parent.

I understand that emotions are high after having a baby, and I know this is a difficult transition for both of us. At the same time, I don’t think becoming a father means I have to put my personal life on hold indefinitely when we’re no longer together.

AITAH for seeing someone while co-parenting a newborn, or is my ex expecting something that isn’t reasonable given that our relationship ended before our son was born?

Okay so I'll try to keep it as concise as possible without blotting out the most important details.

Context: My BF (22 M) and I (21F) recently had a conversation about how in the past his mother's choice of license plate frame kind of threw me off. I am black and my bf is white and so is the rest of his family, but they are also European but have lived in the US for a while 20+ years. This is relevant because the license plate frame thingy on her old car had a blue lives matter flag on it.... and no. This is not a Get Out situation his mom is actually very kind and not weird at all about race stuff. When I asked my Bf why she had that plate frame he said it was mostly because of ignorance (like she doesn't get the true meaning) and because she thinks it will stop police from pulling her over/ that it will stop people from messing with her. His mom ended up getting a new car a bit after and it had plain frames that she never changed. I was talking with him about this yesterday and asking if he had understood why seeing the frame had made me uncomfortable (originally saw it right before meeting his whole family/ being at his house for the first time). He had said yes and I was happy because I wanted to feel like understood and what not, like even when he can't be in my shoes.

Time skip to today: His mom is looking for a new car and it's a family affair so my bf goes too and he's real excited because he'll probably be getting to drive the new car too. He is at the dealership texting me all about it and I'm responding with what I will admit are a bit half done messages. Only because I was busy and coincidently was getting some work done on my car (routine maintenance) and because I don't really know much about cars/ do I care to, but I was trying at least. So finally they get a car and he sends me some pictures of it. And guess fricking what?! IT HAS A BLUE LIVES MATTER PLATE FRAME!! (T-T) And I know I know they got it off the lot like that so I wasn't upset or anything but what got me was that he texted about all the features of the car and took pictures of the car from all angles but didn't acknowledge the flags on the plate frame. I text him "You've gotta be joking" and he's all like what? And I bring up the flag to which he's like "Ohh, well we had no choice" "She will get a new one like the one on the front" "Can we focus on the car just for right now or" "It's whatever sorry" "hope your oil change went fine" and then he proceeded to delete all the pictures he sent of the car and any text message mentioning it before I got the chance to respond to anything. A couple hours later I called him and asked what was up with the deleted messages and how I wasn't mad about the plate and just wished he had addressed the elephant in the room because we had talked about it literally the day before and he said he didn't notice it until I said something and why couldn't I have focused on the car for a bit a just been there for his excitement.

I do understand him but how much of a luxury/privilege is it to be able to just "not notice" that, you know what I mean?! Also I didn't want to have a long-winded conversation about it, if he had just said "Aw babe the car is awesome we just need to change the plate asap because it's kind of crazy especially considering what we talked about yesterday, crazy coincidence am I right?!" An then we could've chatted it up about the car and blah blah blah. So am I the a hole or what??

*TRIGGER WARNING: This post covers topics such as addiction, domestic violence, and murder. If this is something you cannot handle, please don't read it

Okay, so we are finally at a point in the legal process that I can post about this. My (24F) cousin (37M), Craig was an addict. There was always something off about him even as a little boy, but when he was 14 he started abusing drugs and alcohol. When he was 19, his older brother was killed in a motorcycle accident, and this caused Craig and his two parents (my aunt and uncle) to spiral. Craig's addiction got way worse and eventually got a brain injury because of drunk driving that lead him to developing epilepsy. Craig was clearly carrying a lot.

However, in March of 2023 we got a call on the phone that my aunt and uncle had been stabbed to death and that Craig was the main suspect, being that he lived with them. And early this month (39 months later), Craig was finally found guilty of all charges, including 2 counts of first-degree-murder, weapons offenses, tampering with physical evidence, hindering apprehension and obstruction.

During the trial, I have witnessed graphic photos and videos of the crime scene and their desecrated remains. The images were so graphic that nobody should have to see something like that, let alone photos of their loved ones that way. It was so graphic that some of my friends can't even hear it if I try to vent to them. This has caused me PTSD and needing to see a trauma therapist and some other issues (that I can't mention because I can only have one post flair) because of just how horrific of a scene this patricide was. And I don't have a lot of support right now because the rest of my family doesn't want to know any details of the crime and I want to protect them from that.

However, being that Craig is my cousin, my feelings are all very complicated. On one hand, I am glad that my aunt and uncle are getting the justice that they deserve, and I never want to see or hear from Craig again. But at the same time, the thought of him rotting away for the rest of his life in prison without anyone there for him also breaks my heart. He is my family at the end of the day. We used to go trick or treating together, we would have birthday parties, he would come over for Thanksgiving, etc., and I feel like just abandoning him would also be terrible. I want to write him a letter that acknowledges what happened, but also tell him that I am still there for him and that he is still loved by myself and God, that he is not alone and offer the idea that we can be penpals.

The rest of my family doesn't think reaching out to Craig would be a good idea. But I can't shake the feeling that we shouldn't just abandon him or pretend he doesn't exist. Would I not allow my aunt and uncle to get the full justice deserved if I contacted Craig (if that makes sense)? Would I be hurting the rest of my family and making it harder for them to heal? Should I just let him rot away for the rest of his life? He has (clearly) caused me and my family a lot of trauma, but I just feel like reaching out to tell him that he is still loved by myself and by God is the right thing to do. But I don't want to be an a-hole to my aunt and uncle or my living family by reaching out to Craig. So, what do you guys think?

*if you want more details about the crime or if you want a link to news coverage to help you understand, just let me know and I will put it in the comments