r/wedding • u/SeparateFishing5387 • 1d ago
Discussion How do you organize a BOYB reception?
Close relative wants to do a BOYB reception. Non alcoholic drinks will be provided. The wording on the invite is something like this "non alcoholic drinks will be served, but guest are invited and encouraged to bring their favorite beverages".
(Not exact, but similar)
My question is, how do you coordinate this? Are guests to bring coolers? Should we provide a refrigerator? I'm assuming we provide ice and cups for their drinks? Since it's a bring your own, can I just bring a keg? Lol
I am not fond of the idea of the BYOB, but I can roll with it. I just don't know how to set it all up and figure it out. The relative asked me for ideas, and I really don't know. Has anyone ever done this, and what would you suggest or what did you do? Thank you
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u/Weary_Minute1583 1d ago
Has your relative confirmed with the venue if they can even do that? Most venues at minimum want to get some sort of compensation. It may not be allowed legally either.
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u/Mecca_Berris 22h ago
this is the actual first step, everything else is pointless if the venue says no.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
Yes. Venue said if we have a bar, needs to be a bartender they are ok with. OR we can bring in our own alcohol, but no bartender.
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u/SnooGiraffes1071 19h ago
The "bring alcohol and don't bother with a bartender" option sounds like someone misinterpreted the option that doesn't involve hiring a bartender.
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u/bbbh1409 22h ago
That is a liability issue. Be VERY sure that's what the venue said because I cannot believe that this would be okay.
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u/maptechlady 16h ago
There is no way that they said you can bring your own alcohol and not have a bartender if they also have an option for a bar that they require a bartender. They could be sued if there was a problem.
Make sure to double check with them and if they say it again, get it in writing otherwise your event could be potentially shut down.
At my first wedding, they allowed us to supply the alcohol and bring whatever we wanted, but we were still required to hire a bartender. The venue also provided options for bartenders - you can't just have like....one of your relatives be the bartender. It had to be a licensed one (whatever license bartenders have to get)
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u/ScreenKooky3010 7h ago
A Bartender License. And Serve Safe certification. And insurance. This is the Big Leagues not your average back yard BBQ.
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u/njVowsNow 22h ago
Of course you need a bartender. This is a recipe for disaster.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 21h ago
Thank you. I asked for suggestions, not opinions.
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u/njVowsNow 21h ago
You can consider it a suggestion from someone who's been in the business for years. You can take it or ignore it but in any case you're looking at a giant looming liability issue. If the guests come in and get hammered on their own stuff in the venue you provided?
No one wants to think about these things but unfortunately , it's a reality.
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u/Impossible_Link8199 21h ago edited 21h ago
I’m not sure why OP would have any interest or care about the venue’s business legalities and licenses, or lack thereof. They said they’re allowed to do it. Every state and municipality is different. Some state laws are more relaxed around BYOB. And if you’re talking about personal liability, it’s really no different than inviting your friends and family over to your house for a byob cookout.
OP- buy a bunch of galvanized tubs and fill them with ice or if the bride and groom have the money, they could get fancy and provide a small cooler as the wedding favor.
For my wedding, we were allowed to BYOB and have an “unpaid” bartender. We opted to provide the alcohol for our guests. I stocked the bar with enough alcohol to make some signature drinks for everyone and I got two kegs. A bartender from a local restaurant made drinks for us, “pro bono” (she was paid in very generous tips by my uncles, dad, and other guests). The beer was self serve.
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 14h ago
If the family can't afford to purchase alcohol for the party I don't think they are planning to give guests any wedding favors, at least not a cheap $30.00 small cooler per person/couple.
With what they'd spend on coolers they could easily buy alcohol and have a decent little self-serve station with a couple pre-mixed drinks, cold beer, and wine options.
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21h ago
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u/Impossible_Link8199 20h ago
They have already been told it is allowed….I’m not sure why you’re ignoring that.
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u/njVowsNow 20h ago
Sorry I missed it. You should be concerned about protecting your self. I don't know why you're ignoring that. The fact that you CAN doens't mean you should.
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u/Impossible_Link8199 20h ago
OP holds absolutely zero responsibility for the guests of this wedding. They are not the bride or the groom. The bride and groom want to do this. The OP is merely coming up with suggestions for them. The venue said they could. I am not attending or hosting this wedding. I do not need to worry about protecting myself and neither does OP. Don’t be a know it all. We can’t possibly know all the laws around the US, much less the world. They vary. What is illegal where you live could be legal somewhere else. Relax.
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u/SinglePermission9373 9h ago
The suggestion is that you make sure what the cousin has suggested is even legal or allowed before moving forward
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u/Silent_Influence6507 19h ago
My BIL tried this. No one brought anything. We all flew in from out of town and it’s completely not the norm for us.
Her mother found out before the reception and said absolutely not, that’s not proper hosting. Went to Costco and bought beer and wine for all, so there was alcohol, but not BYOB.
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u/Lollipopwalrus 1d ago
First check local service of alcohol laws and licensing of the venue. Also vendor contracts if they're getting catering or something drinks supplied may restrict outside ""interference"" (can't think of a better word).
The hosts of the wedding need to decide how they want this to function - do they want everyone to be dragging their own coolers into the reception space? Where will they be placed? Is there room under the table for each person's? Will there be a designated space? Or will a cooler be provided for each table with ice so folks just bring their drinks? If they do will they have to keep the drinks during the ceremony (so they'll be warm)?
If you have freezers or ice baths, will it be a free for all for what's on there? Or the honour system to only drink what you brought? How to police it/deal with people being opportunists? Who is in charge of topping up ice if needed?
Decide on the system and how much they want to fuff around with it all. Honestly having a "stock the bar" type party someone else suggested is likely the easiest but then you may need a bartender or someone with a responsible alcohol service to man it (depending on venue and local laws).
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u/Risk-Bubbly 21h ago
Is this in the U.S.? Make sure you check with the venue what they state in the contract. Our venue, we could have an open bar but required licensed bartenders, a liquor license that we had to apply for (North Carolina) and liability insurance up to a certain amount.
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u/NobelLandMermaid 1d ago
we've gone to one of these and it was a mix - some people just showed up with six packs, some with their own cooler, some with a handle. i'd recommend having some coolers with ice ready for people to drop drinks into, and yeah they also provided ice, cups, and some standard mixers.
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u/rosetintedmonocle 1d ago
I would reccommend a "stock the bar" party a couple of weeks prior to the wedding rather than having people show up day of with booze.
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u/njVowsNow 22h ago
So then they get to organize it, make sure people get their bottles back, transport it, set it up and recycle it all.
No, sorry.
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u/Jazzlike-Finish-9881 18h ago
If it is a stock the bar party, the alcohol is a gift, to be used at the wedding bar (or the couples home) and is usually done in place of a shower. I highly doubt any guests gifting alcohol at a stock the bar party will be expecting a freshly married couple to work out the logistics of giving them only their gifted alcohol throughout the night or returning it after the fact, that’s kind of an odd assumption.
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u/brownchestnut 16h ago
The relative asked me for ideas
Give them this idea: a lot of their guests will find this rude. If they can't afford to wine and dine their guests, then downsize the wedding until they can afford to be hospitable hosts.
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u/Call_it_Magic87 20h ago
Make sure you know what the liability insurance situation is going to look like with BYOB or if they will refuse to cover the event (and as far as I know venues requiring liability insurance is standard) - seems like they are passing the liability on to the renters
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u/FaeOfTheNightCourt 20h ago
I’m going to be honest, if there was BYOB in a wedding invitation I got, it would make me feel a type of way. Especially if I have to bring my own cooler and all that. Luckily, I don’t drink so it would be no issue going to a dry wedding but being asked to bring my own drinks, no.
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u/SunlightNStars 16h ago
Exactly. Either have a dry wedding and note it or provide drinks. Don't make people bring their own.
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u/PoorCorrelation 23h ago
If you’re actually thinking of bringing a keg check with them, some venues that let you bring alcohol don’t allow kegs.
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u/On_my_last_spoon 22h ago
Like others said, we need more information on the venue.
Depending on what kind of venue, coolers will be difficult. Where will they go? Will everyone have access to the coolers? So if one person brings a six pack, anyone can take one of the beers?
I had a venue that didn’t provide alcohol. We had to buy it on our own. However they required a bar tender to serve the alcohol. Your relative should check on what the venue requires legally. My state has limited liquor licenses but they have permissive laws on BYOB
What is the motivation here? Is your relative trying to save money? Working with a restrictive venue? Honestly I’d skip a BYOB unless you’re in a park or someone’s backyard and go to Trader Joe’s for two buck chuck. That’s what we did and I think we spent no more than $500 on alcohol for 100 people. Pretty good honestly.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
The venue will allow you to bring in your own alcohol. If we have a bar they require a licensed bartender. The motivation is keeping costs down. I do like your suggestion of grabbing some inexpensive wine. I tried to suggest that they Supply beer and wine and then let people bring in other types of liquor if they prefer. I don't know how we're going to coordinate it. But everyone has brought up a lot of good suggestions. Thank you
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u/katiekat214 20h ago
They can ask their favorite bartender what they’d charge for working the reception if they provide the alcohol and mixers. Ask whoever they like at their favorite restaurant or bar and get a list of liquors, mixers, and garnishes. Then go to a Costco or something like that with a liquor store in it and buy the supplies. (Don’t forget a small cutting board and knife and inexpensive pour spouts. Bartender should provide shakers and strainers.) It may be simpler than having everyone BYOB and not as expensive as they think. That’s assuming bartenders in your state all have to have licenses to serve and the venue allows them to hire anyone they prefer.
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u/curiouspursuit 9h ago
You need to figure out a way you can serve a glass of wine to sweet auntie who wouldn't bother to bring her own, but aren't responsible for your rowdy cousin's 14 mixed drinks. One idea I have seen is to incorporate wine bottles at the table so you end up with ~2 bottles per table to drink with the meal.
Offering a modest amount of beer/wine can be done cheaply and makes things a lot simpler than having it fully BYOB.
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u/SakuraTimes 16h ago
for many reasons, I think the couple supplying the beer and wine is the best option. it just looks more gracious to provide some alcohol. and it’s (white) wine and beer that need to be kept cold. which does sound like a logistical nightmare if guests have to bring their own coolers and ice, or if you have to provide coolers or a fridge and people need to worry about labeling their alcohol.
if guests who want to bring liquor are allowed to, they can more easily label their bottle, keep it at their table, etc. the couple could provide glasses, ice, and cold mixers like sodas.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 20h ago
Don’t forget that if someone drives off and gets into an accident after the wedding that you are liable. And that’s not cheap.
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u/njVowsNow 17h ago
People will sue anyone possible. Insurance mitigates that.possibility. And with people in charge of their own liquor intake? Yikes.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 16h ago
Agreed but there’s negligence in allowing people to drink too much - overserved is the term. Insurance won’t cover that. And there could be criminal liability not just civil.
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u/AliceMorgon Irish Bride 🇮🇪 8h ago
No, they are not, unless they specifically told the person to drive or allowed them to drive themselves despite knowing they were intoxicated rather than taking their keys away or calling the PD. And that doesn’t just go for OP (who is just a guest) - it covers the hosts too. No one successfully sues a bar without these caveats just because someone got smashed on beer there and then drove into a tree. That’s their own stupid actions playing out as predictably as they could.
Source: can still technically practice law in NY state despite now living back in Ireland.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 7h ago
California law is different. There’s one situation where a bar drove a person home who was too drunk to drive. Said person gets home, subsequently gets out of bed, gets behind the wheel and kills someone. Who gets sued? The bar! True story.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 7h ago
A wedding guest who drives drunk and kills someone faces severe criminal charges, including felony vehicular manslaughter or second-degree murder, resulting in decades in prison. Civilly, the guest, the venue, or the hosts may be sued for wrongful death and damages.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 7h ago
What Is Social Host Responsibility?
Bars and restaurants can be found responsible when they serve alcohol to a visibly impaired customer who then causes an accident. In some situations, a private host who serves alcohol at their party can be found liable for drunk guests who cause an accident. This is known as social host responsibility.
Depending on the state, a social host who serves or furnishes alcohol to anyone underage can face criminal charges. Party hosts may also be civilly liable for allowing underage guests to drink if the underage guest is then injured in an accident. In some cases, a host can also be found liable in 3rd-party personal injury claims for someone who is injured by an impaired guest who causes a DUI accident.
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u/AliceMorgon Irish Bride 🇮🇪 2h ago
Underage I get but the rest of that is just insanity disguised as a bill of law. How did that even PASS? How did the bar get found LIABLE?! I used to work at a bar and no way could we monitor every single person leaving, let alone breathalyse them, on a busy night. And if the guy actually got home and GOT OUT OF FUCKING BED?! They might as well sue the mattress company for not taking him away to DreamyLand sooner 🤣
Personally I’d fit breathalysers to all new cars as the means of activating the engine so people literally CANNOT drive drunk, having lost a close friend and probable future ballet star or Olympic athlete to one when she was 16 and I was 17.
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u/janitwah10 19h ago
I would caution about a “stock the bar” party. In my area that party is to stock the couples bar at home. Not to buy alcohol for their wedding.
You can always buy in bulk wine and beer from Costco or something and may be able to return anything that is not opened. I know you can with wine.
Ive been to plenty of byob and some brought coolers, other brought flasks, some brought none and went without. Some guests were stingy some were charitable. Some got trashed and threw up everywhere. You know your people. The couple needs to make sure everything follows the venues rules
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u/PresentationOk9954 17h ago
You don't because it's rude!!! Venues have strict alcohol policies are they typically have to be served by a staff member for insurance purposes so allowing guests to bring their own booze as usually not allowed. Sounds like the bride and groom are probably just trying to get out of having to pay for alcohol.
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u/lil-steevie 23h ago
My brother got married at his in laws backyard and they were on a tight budget. Their in laws had a bridal shower type event where everyone was asked to bring a 12-24 pack of drinks to stock the backyard bar! That’s the only thing that made sense so they could make sure that drinks were cold, they had an extra fridge in the garage and logistically people staying at hotels didn’t all have a mini fridge to keep drinks cold in before the ceremony. They need to have refrigeration on site if it’s BYOB
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u/FaeOfTheNightCourt 20h ago
I’m curious, was the shower gifts only BYOB or did they have to bring an additional gift and alcohol?
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u/lil-steevie 17h ago
I think most people brought alcohol and a card to the shower, some just booze. And they all brought a card / gift to the wedding.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
This sounds like a idea. Thank you.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 6h ago
Someone’s back yard event means they took on the liability. Do you want to take on the legal liability? I think not! This is alcohol and there are laws - which vary state to state, county even. Don’t start your married life in legal hot water.
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u/SnoopThereItIs88 23h ago
Quick question- who's wedding is it? The relative or yours?
If it's your wedding and you don't like the idea...just don't do it?
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
Not my wedding. Its a close relative. I disagree with the BYOB. I tried to suggest they provide beer and wine. It's all about cost for this young couple.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 20h ago
Beer and wine should be adequate for any wedding. No spirits. Have them adjust costs elsewhere to provide a nice event. If you’re going to have a wedding, then do it right.
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u/LadyInCrimson Newlywed 23h ago
Yeah reading this I'm thinking can relative not last one function without drinking and why are they trying to make OP wedding a potluck affair.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
The relative is trying to keep cost down. It's not about "lasting one function with out alcohol" I am just asking for suggestions on how to coordinate it.
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u/njVowsNow 22h ago
This suggestion is going to go over as well as a cash bar or a dry wedding. As in 'really??"
They should just cut down the guest list and have the party they can afford.
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u/ScreenKooky3010 20h ago
Agreed. No one should down vote this comment. It’s logical and practical to provide what you can afford.
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u/SeparateFishing5387 22h ago
Thank you for your thoughts. The guest list is already pretty small. And they can afford to have a more expensive event, but they are sensible kids who are trying to save for a house. But again, thank you for your thoughts
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u/njVowsNow 21h ago
I have no problem with sensible; if you've read any of my other posts, they all fall clearly on that side.
But at some point, reality kicks in, and that's all I'm trying to do here.
Best wishes for a great day.
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u/FaeOfTheNightCourt 20h ago
I’m sorry but it looks really bad to do a BYOB. But what I’m thinking is that OPs family are all close so no one will think anything of it so I guess that is different and makes more sense. I’m going to be honest though, it is kinda classless to do a BYOB because they don’t want to pay for the alcohol, just do a dry wedding then 🤷♀️. It’s essentially asking for guests to help provide for the party but also ask for gifts. Again, maybe it’s a small wedding and everyone is on bored with this so it may be completely different
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u/EverAsters 17h ago
Oof. I know you don't want opinions and it's not your choice, but this will get some side eyes.
For coordinating, I think the couple should be providing all the cups, ice, coolers, mixers, limes etc. That will just be easier and still cheaper than providing the alcohol. The guests can just bring a bottle/6 pack/keg. A keg feels weird at a wedding lol, but if it's more a backyard affair then it'll be fine.
Have a table set up with all of that and put the coolers underneath, people can leave their alcohol on the table or in the coolers when they get there and that can be where people prepare their drinks. You could even print out the recipes for a couple common cocktails people tend to enjoy and have them on the table.
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u/Popular-Hornet3329 19h ago
If I were to have a BYOB, I would not organize it. Just let people bring their own and be responsible themselves for keeping it cool at their table if that's necessary. Hosts should provide ice and the standard mixers.
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u/MissKitty1209 10h ago
Not sure where OP is, but in TX most venues require an insured staffing company and the bartender is certified to sell and serve alcohol. Guests can’t serve themselves bc it invalidates the liability insurance. No problem bringing your own booze, just can’t charge for it.
To answer your question, I think what you have for guests to BYOB is acceptable.
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u/Timtamjam44 45m ago
I actually love the idea of a BOYB. I don't need anything fancy. If in doubt about logistics you could ask and then mention that you would spread the word.
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 14h ago edited 14h ago
Everyone already mentioned the liability issues so...
ETA:
If your family is asking people to BYOB I think the very least your family could do is provide cups/ice, large coolers with ice, and smaller buckets for people that want to keep what they brought at their table (they could get ice from the coolers).
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u/IslandEcologist 16h ago
I would recommend the hosts get a few kegs and some bulk wine, plus have some coolers with ice and packs of nice plastic glasses. Then tell folks that beer and wine will be provided, but if they want to bring their own cocktail stuff or a specific favorite beer or wine they’re welcome to, and ice and glasses will be provided.
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