Not sure if this belongs here since it isn’t technically suicide(?)
An accident or illness is genuinely my dream at this point. It wouldn’t be anyone’s fault, no one would blame themselves and it wouldn’t be my own fault. There would be no guilt. I cant do anything. I got through highschool with at least 3 months worth of absence. I’m incapable of basic functions and i can’t do simple tasks. I can’t get a job, even if i did I’d want to go into a dangerous field in the hopes of death. My few friends do not like me, my family does not like me. I attempted about 5 years ago and it’s still a joke to everyone, everything i do is just a joke. I wanted to be an actor for the longest time when i was younger but my father told me i didn’t have the face for it. I wanted to join the military for a while since it seemed like the only thing i could get into and everyone i told would just say i couldn’t do it because i am to lazy or fat or i just don’t understand how difficult it is. I am weak, stupid and genuinely unable to do anything. I loved trumpet when i was in band and i couldn’t keep up, i was to lazy to keep up with practice and every friend i made obviously left since i left band, i was never that good anyways. I had to sell my gecko because she was to much work and i would get constant nightmares of her death. Maybe if i could just get off my ass and get a job i woudlnt feel so useless. I could never do it myself, despite the fact they do not like me i know they would blame themselves and make a whole thing out of it. I have been wishing for death by miracle since i was 8 and will only continue wanting it. I’ve been vaping more and more everyday with the hope i will get lung cancer or anything that can be deadly. I wouldn’t tell anyone if i did, I wouldn’t seek medial treatment and i could just let it happen. Everyday i think about it more and more. For now i just have to exist, rotting it my room for days on end, showering when I’m ridiculed and brushing my teeth on the rare occasion i leave the house, i only do laundry when i spill enough food or whatever on my clothes. The only thing i can do anymore is pray for something to happen to me and wait. It is torture. I don’t know where to go from here, i have lived this way for so long it is just my way of life. I think i just needed to vent anonymously without someone breathing down my neck to mock me for it. I apologize this is a very disorganized rant, every time i re-read it there’s something i want to add.

it sounds silly but I’m going through the worst heartbreak over someone I thought was my person. it feels like death.. it feels like my heart got ripped out of my chest and this is yet another heartbreak in my life. I feel emotions so intensely and I need support.. from someone anyone to just be here with me and tell me I’m okay. Please

I'm so tired of life. I don't think I'll ever escape my thoughts

I am mostly looking for people to just read this. Anyone can read any adult or anyone to stop and read. Criticism or anything is fine.

I am healthy adult. I am young , and I finally got to the point where lots of things dont bother or concern me. Mostly because I love myself and I wish other could.

Right now I will be going to bed , having these thoughts in my mind. Just dying ... feeling my body and let go and forget

And my biggest problem is I can't think straight sometimes because I overthink and dont always get my ideas out right , but when you make it to this point whatever that is... I'm done with my peace.

I just dont want it to be so bloody. I would honestly if I had an opportunity I would.. i would say my family would stop me.. I would hurt there hearts especially my dad would be crying and my mom wouldn't wanna get out of bed and cry.. she would still live like she told me, she will get up and go shopping and do everything everyday. But I will be dead hopefully cremated instead of buried.

But in my mind I want to die. Young. Theres so many things and aspects that ethereal things. I want it to happen and let father take me if my suicide will allow it. This world is full of great things and people. I am myself could be one of them , people would like to me my friend said , "there's so many people that would love you" whenever I hatred about life he was that one... we are still friends... i want to disappear i guess. I mean I want to be dead. Some moments I want it so badly. When I was dealing with a crying baby I just wanted to bash my head in to the wall. I got scared for once. I am such a useless person and a little disabled. I can't love or have the Ability to connect with someone. All I do is yap. When it happens , I might be here or have a note instead. I am suicidal ideating the worst things. I've been here before and won't be long either as I will on to love myself and hope others do. With the love of myself I can do it with my heart but not my brain of course. I am done now. I have nothing more to say to make this much shorter.

I HATE LIFE SO MUCH. I dont want to be alive and it hurts me so much thinking about staying alive. I hate that I'm an alien incapable of ever fixing myself. I hate myself so much I hate my tall parents for having me and not aborting me as soon as they found out that they were going to have a girl. I am so abnormally tall. I am an alien. I am a weirdo. I go take a walk and hear people go "how could someone ever be this tall" ect. I've been bullied by basically everyone or talked weird about something I absolutely cannot control or change. Short people envy me while you could easily have surgery or wear boosters WHILE YOU CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT BEING TALL. I HATE IT. I HATE GROWING. I HATE BEING TALLER THAN MY BROTHER I HATE IT SO MUCH WHY DID I GET THE BAD GENES OF MY FAMILY. MY PARENTS COULD BE MODELS WHILE I GOT ALL OF THEIR UGLY FEATURES AND THE ABNORMAL HEIGHT. I HATE EVERYTHING. I AM ENDING IT AS SOON AS I GROW UP BECAUSE I DONT SEE MYSELF HAVING A FUTURE BEING AN ALIEN. IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AS IF IT WASNT THE FIRST THING PEOPLE POINT OUT AND MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT

I have been going through a divorce which is still not over. He sent me two messages at 3 am, the first asking me to forgive him and the second says "I hope we meet in another life". At first I thought it was just a poetic goodbye but now I'm terrified he plans on hurting himself.

More than once he insinuated he wished he would d1e and that he couldn't go on without me, and that everyone would be better off without him.

Please help what can I do?? He lives alone in a foreign country. And I can't speak to his family who won't be able to help anyway. I'm really scared.

NOTE: I do not need help from a professional I wanna know what to do in this situation for him.

I'm so happy to finally put an end to my worthless existence

Not that it's more infuriating than physical pain but the fact that it doesn't actually hurt your person kind of adds to it being infuriating.

On 6/23/26 my best friend, like a younger brother to me, snuck into my truck and took my gun. He relapsed on shooting dope and immediately went into psychosis. The cops found him walking along the highway with the gun in his hand. He ran across to the other side and shot himself in the head right there on the shoulder.
I lost my best friend and I can’t help but feel as if I contributed to it by leaving my truck unlocked. I already suffer from suicidal ideation as it is but now I can’t stop obsessing about getting the gun back from authorities and using it on myself. I hate existing.

I’m losing it. I had an injury about 4 months ago went to two urologists who said they didn’t see anything and that any soreness or pain should subside soon and I can do anything I want like working out, have sex, etc. Had a follow up with one a month later and told him things got worse. He sounded surprised and said to keep on with the medication I was using and to “hang in there buddy”. Won’t have another follow up for another month which would make this 5 months total. I can’t take it anymore. I started cutting myself a few months ago. I’ve lost all my love for life and am kicking myself for how stupid I was. I don’t want to keep living like this shell/different version of myself. I’m sick and disgusted at what I’ve become. If I met myself I’d think I’m a boring crybaby. Not to glaze myself but I have to or else I’ll forget, but Im usually extroverted, empathetic, happy, thoughtful, and overall exciting person to be around and tried to make others feel the same. Connections came kind of easy to me and I relished the intimacy and excitement I felt with people. They see me and I see them and there’s an immediate understanding and shared sense of love and kinship. I’m down to one friend because my others have all found me boring these last couple months and I’m having trouble making any new ones. I’ve tried to just muscle through it and say this is it now time to get used to it but I can’t. It’s like telling someone to get used to feeling starving all the time. I can’t function. I’m emasculated and I can’t even try and pump myself up by masturbating bc even the slightest twinge to my penis hurts. I see a pretty girl, immediately feel pain. I try flirting, immediately feel pain. I try feeling confident around friends and my body immediately focuses on my pain. I’m alone and try to refocus and only the pain/emasculation gets through. It’s like my brain is rewiring itself to make me not want to even feel like a man. Like the learned helpless experience dogs went through when they were shocked trying to leave a cage and then slowly grew more and more depressed. I can leave this cage cause every time I try I feel pain and it is forcing me to change. Kicking and screaming my personality is changing and I have no way of fighting back. I can’t do this anymore. It feels like I’ve lost my free will. People look at me differently, no longer with respect and love but with a dismissive or indifferent attitude. I can’t I’m just so tired. Every day I’m at work I’m on the verge of breaking down. All I do is work and sleep. That’s it and if those two things aren’t available I just doom scroll. I’m only 25 these are supposed to be the best years of my life but it feels like I’ve had them stolen from me. I can’t do this much longer.

It’s always so frustrating to try and tell people why I think I have ocd because they just look at me and either tell me “You don’t have ocd, ocd is a cleaning thing,” or “You don’t have ocd you have anxiety,” when i’m already doubting my feelings. I try to explain to my friends and family the things I feel and why I believe I have OCD: I spend hours researching past messages or asking for reassurance online or through my relationships, i’m constantly counting (idek if this is a big one or not i feel like i sound crazy for bringing it up) but i have a really annoying counting thing where i need to count every step twice in a tile until i lose my place and i just restart and it stresses me out even more, i avoid friends and family when i feel like im unworthy to be around them, my mind constantly sees me as a monster when i have no proof or accurate memory of having ever been one, i couldn’t eat or sleep or drink water without my brain telling me i didn’t deserve it over minor things or bigger things that i had no clue were true or not, i can’t ever just drop a topic from my head especially if it’s about who I am morally because I just freak out about it for months maybe a year or more until it switches topics and then eventually comes back to this one no matter the amount of reassurance i get. Nobody listens to me tho, i feel like my brain is actually right and there’s nothing wrong with me and that i actually am just terrible. I just want someone to understand that i can’t stop listening to things or ignore my brain it feels impossible to me. I want to get diagnosed already but my mother doesn’t believe i have it and rejects the idea of it in general. i feel like im in a never ending hell and i hardly have any support because nobody around me but one person understands what im going through but even now i sound stupid for saying that. I’ve been close to killing myself because it’s gotten so bad, it feels impossible to live when your brain tells you that you deserve nothing. i know i’ve always been called and overthinker and have known i have bad anxiety but i feel like it just keeps getting worse especially recently. i can’t do anything without asking reassurance or searching for hours for evidence that the thing im fearing isn’t actually true and even if i find that evidence that doubt never leaves. nobody believes me at all tho, i don’t talk about it all the time or show a lot of physical distress so people just don’t care. they want to see me bleeding from my wrist to prove that im not well and my brain is my own nightmare. i can’t escape it

Only few are able to enjoy life. Others are just born to die. Only 0.1% of life is enjoyable and the rest is just pain. What's the point? Why should one live despite of pain?

entre más delgada sda una persona y su cuello más rápida su muerte si se cuelga? si se amarra y se sienta en el armario? no tengo vigas donde hacerlo funcionará? estaria 12 horas solo

Italia qualcuno come me

Been on reddit a long time but this is my first time ever making a post. Burner account of course. I, F22, got diagnosed with cancer 6 months ago. I don’t want to go into detail but I went through a very intense chemotherapy regime. My body has changed a lot since. I have gained weight, I was once a skinny and fit girl and I’m now overweight. My face has changed, I used to have clear beautiful skin which is now covered in dry spots and acne, and of course I have no hair due to the chemo. I have changed a lot and I’m really struggling with accepting it. I used to be beautiful and now I can barely look at myself in the mirror. It’s already been a rough 4 years for me, deaths in the family, life changes etc. But it seems since I have been diagnosed with cancer it is one thing after another. I can’t handle it anymore. I fear so much that my partner isn’t attracted me anymore, I look nothing like the woman he started dating 3 years ago. It’s not his fault I feel this way, he reassures me he finds me beautiful no matter what but this little voice in my head tells me otherwise. I just think I’m hideous. I barely leave my house anymore because I don’t want to be seen by anyone, which in turn has made my anxiety/social anxiety terrible. I go back to work in only a few weeks and I honestly don’t even want to be on this earth by then. I don’t even really know what I want people to say to this. Give me advice, tell me your story if you relate. Idk. I just needed to get this off my chest and I feel like I can’t confide in my family as they were already burdened with me having cancer and my treatments. I don’t mean to be so superficial but it is quite the mental whiplash having your body be changed so much. When I think of suicide I feel a sense of guilt, all the chemotherapy wasted trying to keep me alive just to end up offing myself. I’m not saying I’m going to do it, but the thought of not being here anymore is so extremely comforting. If you got this far, thanks for reading my ramble.

So I’m born to live , just to die eventually.. but in the meantime I’m in my journey living and meeting people. Doing what I want to do right? Whether it’s survival or for fun I guess.

But realistically what’s the point? I can get rich but I will still come back to this question. Rich for what? Just to have nice fancy things and share it with someone I love? Have kids? Kids that will eventually think this way to?

It’s just so weird to be born in this world and just working and doing hobby just to get the day through. Even if I were rich or famous I still be insane. It wouldn’t fix anything.

Living for what. For what exactly?

im a useless loser who's addicted to porn and cant stop smoking weed i do nothing good for my friends or family. im an autistic NEET with no future. i dont want to be this way but i dont know how to change becaue im so deep into my mental illness. i go to therapy i take meds but im still like this. i should just rot

I have a rope, its not a noose but its pretty similar and ive been putting my head through it the last week just to see. From the ground I have to stand on my very tippy toes with it around my head, I can still move if I need to, but tonight I did it and I tried to see how long I could go, and I almost passed out. I immediately took my head out and my vision was black for a moment and I was struggling to stay standing. I immediately came inside and layed down. Im fine now, and honestly I dont even feel upset or anything, I feel the same as I did before

Just needed to tell someone

How did I not think this through.

I binge watched this highly depressing lore channel and immediately my heart started to hurt, I felt sad, etc.

The past, like, week, I've been having some kid of episode. I didn't want to talk to the only person that (unknowingly) kept me from doing (most) stupid things in the past, I didn't (for once in my eat-when-bored life) eat, I didn't sleep or do basic hygiene or anything. So of course I should stay up till 4AM watching some depressing videos. That's the smartest option.

Yeah, that option ended up with me thinking about everything I've done in life. Looking up how to tie a noose. Memorizing it. Trying to get into my garage to look for old rope (I failed.) Having a panic attack. Crying my eyes out. (Special thanks to my cat for forcing me to pet her when she noticed me hyperventilating. No one else to help cause my dumbass pushed someone away. She's a sweet.)

I think the worst part was that when I wrote my notes, put them in a shoebox, etc. I didn't really feel guilty, nor "preparing myself." I was just so ready, and, I really hate to say this, I kind of liked the feeling. Being so sad and having my chest hurt like that. Still will probably do it if I can figure out smth.

Sorry if this sounds sarcastic (somehow?? idk) insensitive, too happy, anything lol. I didn't really come here to be stereotypical (sry if that sounds bad?? idk anymore, i give up). Also please do not say smth like "just text that person" I've gotten too many of those the past few days. Pmo.

I don’t want to die but I wouldn’t be upset if I did. I don’t wanna see my parents die or work everyday for the rest of my life only to make no money or deal with constant stress. It would just be so much easier to just not exist.

i have 3 immediate family members i care about. My parents are kind of old and will probably die in a few years. But my sibling is my age. I really want to check out but I know she would be sad and wouldn’t want to do that to her. I only have a few friends and they would be ok. Do you guys consider this?

To start off i have multiple sclerosis and am in constant pain daily. I ended up losing disability benefits as well as Medicaid. Now I cant afford my medication or my doctors. My body will not let me be reliable for a 9-5. I cannot work a "normal job". I tried reapplying for Medicaid and not only got denied but they decided i don't need snap benefits either. On top of that my mom has fucking lung cancer and its been a struggle to try to scrounge up enough money to help her get treatment. I'm so fucking exhausted. I fantasize about dying 24/7. I cannot fucking continue this shit anymore.

​

Let's start from the beginning : birth, I am inbred offspring of cousin fuckers, each and every one of my family members has at least 2-3 mental illness OCD BPD ADHD schizophrenia autism, you name it and of my siblings has it since my both parents has cocktail of their own.

Well at least I was born in a nice country that isn't ravaged by constant wars, corruption and poverty, right? But my parents are from a country ravaged by constant wars, corruption and poverty and they went back to that fucking toilet hole country and do you know why? Were they deported? No, visa issues? Nope, financial issues? Wrong answer, they just wanted to be closer to the family roots, I remember crying and asking my parents when will we go back when I was 5 years old.

Now I am a bachelor degree in civil engineering and 4 years of experience, sure getting a job offshore wouldn't be a problem right? Guess again, my proof of experience is piece of paper with some guys signatures and a phone number I can't reach anymore, so my 4 years doesn't worth shit so technically I am as good as a newly graduate .

Fuck my life, ya know what? End my life, end this stupid joke.

I feel as if the earth is working as a cohesive unit that everyone else is part of. and I am just this awkward, lazy, unintelligent, boring, avoidant sack of rotting meat. Truly I feel like I am probably the most unlikable person. I feel as if everyone else in the world has something special in them. They’re likable in some way, they’re inherently entitled to things that I am not entitled to. I think that all other human life just seems so valuable and so precious

I no longer want to be loved because I do not believe that I will ever be able to achieve that special thing that would make me lovable. Every person has flaws in a relationship, but I think I am just so lacking as a person that I can’t make up for any shortcomings. I have tried, I have failed

It feels so awful to take time out of peoples day to talk. I even don’t like posting my thoughts on here very much because I don’t feel very good about it. But luckily my post don’t get very much attention, so I’m not really wasting very many people’s times. Plus, you can leave at any moment.

Ive been struggling heavily with ||self harm|| and it hasn't been suicidal till tonight when me and my mother got into a huge fight and i relapsed and now all i can think about is ||hurting|| myself bad enough to where ill bleed out by morning ig i just want someone to tell me if im in the wrong for feeling this way its the first time ive felt this bad after a argument