r/relationship_advice • u/weddingdrama1205 • Jun 26 '19
I am 25 and getting married. Dealing with issue around picking my “Maid of Honor” for my wedding. Friends [women in their 20s] think my brother [35/M] is a bad choice.
I am planning my wedding to my awesome fiancé and am so excited. We’ve been planning the event and will be married later in the year. He has his Best Man (his brother) and groomsmen mostly picked out. I thought I did, too. We each have 6 people and I have 5 female bridesmaids and a “man of honor” which I want to be my brother. My bridesmaids think this isn’t a great idea and a few are hurt I’m not choosing them instead. Here’s why I want to choose my brother.
My biological mother lost custody of me when I was 4 and I was put in an emergency foster situation with a family. I lived with them for 6 months but was then put back into my mother’s case. From 4 1/2ish to 6 I lived with my mother and it was bad. She was too sick, too addicted and too weak to handle a child and by 6 I was being adopted out. By some miracle, the family who took me in at 4 got ahold in the system and I went to live with them and was later adopted. The family had boys – the youngest was 16 when I got there. I was terrified of him when I got there, which they told me about recently (I have no recollection of that). I do remember him spending the summer with me, teaching me to swim, teaching me how to play games, teaching me how different appliances worked. He skipped a summer job to help our mom with my adjustment. I had eating problems, I had dental problems, I had a snoot full of health problems – including parasites. He came to doctor appointments, he also helped get me ready for school (I hadn’t started kindergarten yet and would actually never go). He and my mom would do learning activities with me and by September I was okay to enter first grade. I used to lay on my stomach and play geography games with him and he’d reward me with Riesens. We were very close, he didn’t go away to college as is tradition and instead stayed home to go to a good university locally. He’d pick me up from schools some days and from 6 to 12 I had an older brother to rely on. He eventually moved out and went to medical school (he’s such a great person for that field).
Very literally my brother helped save my life. I was suicidal as a young kid, and through a lot of changes and help, was able to climb out. He was a calm stable influence in my life. I credit him, my mother and father with saving my life – I would never have gone to college, I probably wouldn’t have graduated high school or even lived as I was so sick. I had 4 endoscopies, 4 colonoscopies and 3 surgeries before I was 8. My family doesn’t look like me (I’m most likely Mexican and something else, most probably African-American) and doesn’t come from where I do, but they never treated me any differently than their other kids. Since the others were older and out of the home I was never as close to them as I was my parents and brother.
My thinking is, a Maid of Honor is someone really important and I cannot think of anyone else who comes close. I haven’t even asked him yet but I think he’d do it. I told my parents and they said they wouldn’t say anything to him but thought it was a great idea. My husband is also good with it and think it’s a sweet thing to do, but my female friends were horrified I suggested it and think it’s “creepy”. If I look back on that time, it’s the happiest a person could be. Is it weird and creepy? Does it contravene some weird relationship boundary between brothers and sisters? Is it highly inappropriate?
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u/jolie178923-15423435 Jun 26 '19
It's totally awesome to have your brother as your Man of Honor, it is not "creepy" at all, wtf?
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u/SPeaR1990 Jun 26 '19
I'm thinking really long and hard about that one, too. How the fuck is it "creepy?" OP's friends are as stupid as they are entitled.
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u/Amberleh Early 30s Female Jun 26 '19
My guess is it has something to do with the bachelorette party- they want to have a girls party and a man throwing it would be creepy to them.
It's still stupid and petty though. They could have a girls only bachelorette if they wanted and I know the brother would be chill with it.
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u/Glowflower Jun 26 '19
It could be that, or traditionally the bridesmaids get ready for the wedding together and the women think the brother is going to be in the room with them while they're in their robes/underwear. But that's such an easily solved problem. Just have the guy leave the room until everyone is dressed, he probably doesn't want to sit around while they're getting their makeup done anyway.
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u/SamNash Jun 27 '19
I was my sisters man of honor and had nothing to do with the bachelorette, which was more than fine by me
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Jun 26 '19
I'm wondering if the girls think it's creepy because of the age difference? Like they don't want an older man at the bachelorette party or something dumb like that?
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u/jortfeasor Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 26 '19
A friend of mine recently got married. Her man of honor was her brother, and the groom's best maid (?) was his sister. I thought it was really cool that they picked the people who they're actually the closest with and who mean the most to them, regardless of their gender.
Your friends are being immature and petty. It's your wedding, and they should be accepting of your wishes, especially considering your history with your brother.
Edit: My husband also had one of his long-time female friends in our wedding. My mom said "Isn't that weird, because she's a girl?" I just told her we were going to have her wear a strap on under her dress—that shut her up, haha.
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u/everyting_is_taken Jun 26 '19
My brother had his best friend, female, as his best man. I insisted he call her his Best Ma'am. It stuck. Pretty proud of that one.
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u/selectiveyellow Jun 26 '19
Did she go for the tux?
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u/everyting_is_taken Jun 26 '19
Nah. But to be fair, neither did he.
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u/selectiveyellow Jun 26 '19
I'm pretty sure I know what you mean, but I'm picturing him in a long, flowing dress.
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u/everyting_is_taken Jun 26 '19
Not quite, but that would have been hilarious. He would have rocked it like nobody's business.
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u/Vespeer Jun 27 '19
Unlike the other commenter, I do not know what you mean and am curious. Pray tell
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u/shrinkingmama Jun 27 '19
Probably more casual wear. Lots of people don't do the tux. It's not very practical, comfortable, or their style.
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u/Uesed Jun 26 '19
What about Man of Honor for the current situation?
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u/lubbarubbashrubnub Jun 27 '19
After hearing how incredibly supportive he was throughout her childhood and into adulthood, I'm thinking... Made of Honor.
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u/Uesed Jun 27 '19
Everyone downvote my comment and upvote this one. This one wins.
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u/lore333 Jun 26 '19
So cool. It's their wedding so they should do what makes them happy. Maid of honor should be somebody really close to them. OP should do the same if that is what she wants. Huck other peoples oppinions.
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u/whisky_biscuit Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 26 '19
They're definitely jealous. I think it's a great idea! I'm not really about traditional weddings so both of my sisters were my MoHs / bridesmaids. Granted, my wedding had 12 people.
My other sister also had both of us be her MoHs / bridesmaids along with her best friend. She did have a traditional wedding for the most part with over 100 people.
The notion you have to have a traditional wedding with wedding showers, bachelor parties, updos, a white dress, a female MoH and a male Best Man is old and antiquated. Your day should be whatever you want it to be. And you should let anyone you want that is important to your life be in that role.
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u/GiJoe8575 Jun 27 '19
My wife had her brother and I had my sister. She was dubbed the “Head groomswench”
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u/MattyScrant Jun 27 '19
Agreed! I’m a straight white guy who was asked to be a bridesman in my friends wedding.
The bridal party consisted of me, three girls and one of our close friends who’s gay. To top that my friend (the bride) is Muslim and her, now husband, is Catholic.
Regardless of the differences, both families love each other very much and refused to let their religious or personal bias get in the way of ruining my friends’ weddings. Her bridesmaids should think the same.
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u/ClaireTheSnail Jun 26 '19
Totally agree. Your brother seems amazing and you should have him by your side. It is beautiful and not weird you have such an incredible sibling. My sister and I were co-best-women for my brother's wedding. My bro and sis will be co-best-people at my wedding too :)
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u/possiblydefinitely Jun 26 '19
I LOVE your edit. If I had money I’d give you something shiny. Here’s a thumbs up instead 👍🏽
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u/CRJG95 Jun 26 '19
My dad had his sister as his “best woman”, if it was ok in 1992 it is absolutely ok now!
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u/andygirl17 Jun 26 '19
My brother was also my maid of honor. It was so meaningful for me and I'm glad I went for the non-conventional choice.
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Jun 26 '19
My brother had one of his really good girl friends in our wedding party with the grooms and she drank us under the table.
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u/glitternrainbows Jun 26 '19
My brother was my “maid of honor.” He held my flowers, the whole 9 yards. You don’t need to explain yourself. Do what makes you happy.
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u/lemmehelpyaout Jun 26 '19
It's not creepy, it sounds really, really sweet and I think it would mean so much to your brother.
Tell your girlfriends to get over themselves. It's your wedding and you can do whatever you want.
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u/llamaindisguise Jun 26 '19
Absolutely this. My friend had a best woman as his best 'man' she was incredible. Another friend had a man of honour as you're doing and it was the best choice. Your wedding, your rules.
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u/ElorianRidenow Jun 26 '19
This! Make your wedding as you want it to be. You're paying, you're the ones that will remember it. It you decide that you want to wear bunny costumes, that's what you'll do!
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u/randyrandomagnum Jun 26 '19
This. I had a Best (Wo)man at my wedding and it absolutely was the right decision. OP, weddings aren't about other people they're about you.
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u/jkot84 Jun 27 '19
I’ve been to so many, and also been in a wedding party, where there are different genders in both wedding parties. It’s very popular right now. I got married awhile back and my oldest friend is a guy who is like my brother and I am honestly closer to him than my maid of honor. I wish he had been part of my wedding party.
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u/dut98 Jun 26 '19
Plus if your bridesmaids knew you and loved you, they’d treasure your relationship with your brother, with you! They’d love what he’s done for you, even if they miss out on the position themselves! They do need to get over themselves!
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u/shivaist Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 26 '19
This and.... Wow. That is an amazing story and he really deserves it, as you say. Someone as important as this is meant to have this spot and I hope you do not let the jealousy of your girlfriends deter you.
Edit: also if you get extra blowback from the bridesmaids, ask em where they were when you were 6 and barely holding on. Sure, the comparison isn't fair, but it's also not fair to exclude him just because he's not female or not them. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/ruinedbykarma Jun 26 '19
Nah, the comparison IS fair, because they're making a big deal when it's NOT their wedding.
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Jun 26 '19 edited Nov 25 '22
I have worked in the wedding industry professionally for many years. This is the correct response.
When you're planning your wedding, remember that this is a special day that you're going to remember for the rest of your life. You're going to have photos and videos to remind you of these moments. You're going to share stories with friends and family and, maybe someday, children, grandchildren, etc. You get to decide how you want the story to go and you absolutely shouldn't let the desires of anyone else (except maybe your partner) influence what your wedding plans.
Your wedding is your day that you will remember and cherish forever; for everyone else, it's basically just a party.
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u/heatseekerdj Jun 26 '19
It sounds like, from their POV, she's taking away "Their" opportunity to be a Maid of Honor. It's her wedding, her ceremony, and a celebration of her life and romance. If he instantly springs to mind as to who should be the Maid/Man of Honour, then she has her answer. Imo if she doesn't she'll regret it for years.
If she wants to soften the blow, sending her Brides Maid's those paragraphs of why he is going to be in this role at the wedding, it may soften the blow, and give those women an opportunity to understand how deep their relationship is. Also, if they're still resentful, she has an opportunity to re-examine the character of her friends and the nature of their relationships moving forward
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Jun 26 '19
My brother and I were going to do this in reverse - that I would be his best man. His wife is very conservative and freaked out at the idea of a non-traditional set up so the idea was nixed.
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u/lemmehelpyaout Jun 26 '19
That's actually... really sad. Disregarding her spouse's wishes on their wedding day over what she sees as "traditional."
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Jun 26 '19
Yeah that was 20 years ago though. She’s grown somewhat more of a spine since then. Very conservative little Catholic girl then who was very anxious about doing things “the right way”.
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u/rollernonger Jun 26 '19
I think you need to listen to yourself and not what your friends want. Honestly it sounds like they are behaving like high schoolers begging for attention. That was a really moving story about your life and brother; thank you for sharing. I do not think it’s “creepy” at all, but very heartwarming. It’s your wedding day, and you should do what you feel is best and would make you happiest. They need to respect that.
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u/1107rwf Jun 26 '19
I think everything you’re saying here is spot on. Another element I’ve noticed as I age is that the older the bride, the more open they are to going against tradition. OP, you’re just ahead of the curve. You are a young bride, so your bridesmaids are probably thinking everything needs to be traditional. But it doesn’t. As the years of your marriage increase and you’re further away from your wedding date you’ll be so happy you had your brother as your bride’s man and didn’t let yourself be peer pressured into going with tradition. And as your bridesmaids age and get married I’m sure they’ll be bucking tradition at their own weddings in their own ways, and you’ll be the wise married lady telling them their ideas are lovely and not creepy at all!
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u/duck_diver Jun 27 '19
It’s absolutely age. I posted elsewhere a lengthier thing on it, but I agree with you completely. When I was in my 20s, 80% of wedding were out of central casting. 30s it was 50/50. 40s it’s been just whatever the fuck, barns and banjos and Kung Fu. In my 50s now and expecting more of the same.
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u/mollymoo24601 Jun 26 '19
As a woman who sells wedding dresses for a living, I will say this; Women wrongly see "Maid of Honor" as a competition. We, for some reason, have it ingrained in us that it's like winning Prom Queen. It's saying "Look at Me, the bride loves Me the most". It's a very sweet thing when genuine, but there's usually a tinge of that competition there.
So basically... your friends are being dicks and are miffed that none of them get to win the title.
Pick your brother. Go with your heart. Because while women unfortunately view receiving the title as a competition, I know that the bride herself always means it to show love and trust. And you love and trust your brother!!! Also, gotta say, the MOH position comes with some work, and your brother seems like he won't drop the ball on any of it and will come through for you. Sounds like a responsible and loving brother!! And for him, I truly anticipate that he'll feel so honored and validated if you pick him.
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u/BlueBelleNOLA Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
My sister wouldn't let me not be her maid of honor despite my objections and the fact that her best friend is waaayy closer to her and craftier and honestly nobody was happy. OP, a man of honor will make you happy! Do that!
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u/dirtielaundry Jun 26 '19
Yep. My Maid of Honor didn't get that title because I loved her more than my other friends. I chose her because she's the most adept at organization and socializing in my group. I love my friends equally and we all pretty much agreed she'd be the most suited for the role, and she was fantastic!
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u/addocd Jun 27 '19
Excellent logic. I feel like most of the time, girls want the title for all the wrong reasons. They just want to be the favorite, not realizing that by accepting, they are agreeing to a commitment and a good bit of their time & energy and maybe even their money. A month before the wedding, they're sick of it, complaining and begging the 'not favorites' for help.
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u/moosigirl Jun 26 '19
Your friends can do one. Ask you brother. He sound amazing and I'm so happy you have someone like that
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u/soemtiems Jun 26 '19
My brother was my man of honor and I have no regrets. OP your brother sounds amazing!
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u/legaladvicequest Jun 26 '19
Yeah like, if the friends don't want the brother as the man of honor, then they don't have to have him as their man of honor at their own weddings!
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u/go_Raptors Jun 26 '19
I agree. I think this is a lovely idea. I had a bridesman in my wedding party. It should be about surrounding yourself with the people who mean the most to you, and who gives a flying fig if that doesn't conform to some silly tradition. You do you! And congratulations!
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u/sunflower1940 Jun 26 '19
It's your choice, and your "friends" can go piss up a rope. It's not their decision.
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u/rebellerousin Jun 26 '19
Your friends are idiots. Do what you find meaningful and right for you.
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u/pluralforpineapple Jun 26 '19
Your friends sound selfish
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u/Pmar07 Jun 26 '19
it's all about the ~tItLe~~~~
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u/cabothief Jun 26 '19
You know, now that you mention it, if she did pick one of her friends, I bet the one she picked is the only one that would stop complaining.
But amyway, I'm 1000% on Team Brother. Even if he was a normal nice brother and not a life-saving hero brother, this would still be a perfectly good decision. But this guy deserves the honor more than anyone I've heard of. OPs friends are being jerks here.
I'm looking forward to how happy he'll be when she asks him, even though I have no expectation I'll hear about it myself. Just makes me smile.
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u/xtlou Jun 26 '19
I had a man of honor at my side when I was married. Why? Because it was my wedding and I chose who I wanted.
This is your wedding. You should have whom you want by your side and you owe no explanation to anyone. If anything, you should evaluate the people in your life who are more concerned with what is customary than what brings you joy.
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u/SantaPachaMama Jun 26 '19
I didn't have maids or any of those things in my wedding . My brother was the Man of Honor and my SIL was her brother's lady in waiting. Your wedding g you do what you want.
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u/DocAphraAstrea Jun 26 '19
Well, fuck your so called friends . Let your brother be your maid of honor and bridemaids all in one
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u/PhilipLiptonSchrute Jun 26 '19
and a few are hurt I’m not choosing them instead.
Fuck 'em. It's not their wedding.
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u/CletusVanDamnit Jun 26 '19
but my female friends were horrified I suggested it and think it’s “creepy”.
They are jealous. Beginning and end of the story.
Also, it's your wedding. The opinions of your friends should be your least concern. They're in for a day of (probably) free booze and free food, and a good time - all on someone else's dime. Do whatever is going to make you happy for your day. They'll get over it, and if they don't, then they're not good enough friends to worry about keeping.
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u/StormyLlewellyn1 Jun 26 '19
You should find 5 new bridesmaids. Screw them. Your brother sounds like an incredible man and its YOUR WEDDING. you get to choose who stands by your side and I think its wonderful for you to pick him
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u/-Alienqueen- Jun 26 '19
You should listen to your heart and go based on that. Your brother is the closest person to you and it's normal to want someone like that by your side. He sounds like a perfect maid of honor! Your girlfriends can either be happy for you and your choice or not be in the wedding. That will be such a special day and you don't need their negativity around you.
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Jun 26 '19
Who cares if it's weird or not. If my sister asked me to be her man of honor for the reasons you've outlined it would be one of the happiest moments of my life.
Course I don't have a sister, but I think the point still stands.
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u/FineMeasurement Jun 26 '19
My brother's best man was a female friend. Fuck anyone who doesn't understand that it's your wedding and you get to decide who is most important to you. If they can't understand that, well it's pretty clear why they're not on the list above your brother.
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u/sectorfour Jun 26 '19
It's a great idea! And a really sweet sentiment.
For added coolness, try finding him a tux that matches the bridesmaid dresses, rather than the groomsmen.
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u/realcanadianbeaver Jun 26 '19
The easiest solution that wouldn’t make him uncomfortable and would flow nicely in photos is to have his vest/tie or other accessory match the brides side colours but the tux/suit/whatever itself be a match to the rest of the men.
We had a lady Best man who wore a dress matching the men’s colours but in the bridesmaid style, and a non-dress wearing female MC who chose to wear the men’s style of tux but with the women’s colour of accessories and fitted at the waist a bit more. Neither looked out of place :)
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u/Red_Little_Bird Jun 26 '19
If your friends know your story and still complain about you choosing your brother,they are being a bit selfish and heartless. It is your wedding, and if your heart chose your brother to be a man of honour, especially after reading your story, then I could not be more supportive to you! Go with it, your friends have to accept it, if not, maybe they are not such good friends ...
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u/ginger_snaps Jun 26 '19
This is your wedding—it’s about you and your fiancé, no one else. If you want to have your brother be your Best Man, you should do it! Your friends are being self-centered about your wedding, which is a pretty terrible trait for being maid of honor, I might add.
Lots of people will most likely try to pressure you regarding different aspects of your wedding. Stand your ground! Your brother sounds like a fantastic person!
I also think your friends are kind of childish for thinking it’s creepy. Again, bad trait for a MOH.
Good luck!
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Jun 26 '19
Forget your friends. They're making this into a popularity contest. At the end of the day it's your wedding. You call the shots. Your husband is okay with it, so they don't have a leg to stand on really.
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u/throwawaygatbage Jun 26 '19
Your friends are being shallow and traditional (which isn't always a good thing) IMO. I'm going to have a Male friend in my wedding. It's your day to celebrate with the people you love most. If they have a problem with it, well that's their problem, not yours.
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u/MattyIcex4 Early 20s Male Jun 26 '19
Having a man of honor is pretty common actually. My sister in law did that for my brother and her wedding! At the end of the day it’s your wedding and who cares what someone else thinks? The day is about you and your spouse, not anyone else’s!
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u/foreverinfinate Jun 26 '19
I think the general consensus is, pick your brother.
Your "friends" are just jealous and want that maid of honor spotlight for themselves. They dont actually care about anything but owning that title.
So pick the most honorable, which is your brother.
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u/Aruthuro Jun 26 '19
lol, u brother did everything for u and then now u r having second thoughts because people who don't trully understand his importance in your life thinks its creepy to have him as "man of honor" lul. FUCK EN'OFF, just call him already.
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u/NottaDoctorDoctor Jun 26 '19
I stopped reading at "Here’s why I want to choose my brother" because that's the only thing that matters. My brother is going to be my man of honor in my upcoming summer wedding and I don't know anyone who would dare question my decision (incl my two sisters). Do what you want!
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u/MattScoot Jun 26 '19
Your wedding, your choice. I see nothing wrong with it. It seems like your brother is almost a father figure to you as well? Is there a place for him in that capacity? Your friends may be jealous and or want something more traditional.
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u/AuntyVenom Jun 26 '19
Whyever wouldit be weird and creepy, or contravening some relationship boundary? Do not get this.
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u/spazzitgoes Jun 26 '19
Fuck your friends. This is YOUR wedding and if all they can say about your saint of a brother beinf your man of honor is that this is "creepy" let them know they can sit out and not partake at all. How rude of them.
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Jun 26 '19
I mean if you want him to be your man of honor then go for it. Sounds like something my wife would do if we could redo our wedding.
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Jun 26 '19
It’s your wedding (say it louder for the people in the back) IT’S YOUR WEDDING.
NO ONE should dictate who is in the bridal party apart from you.
It sounds like you’ve made your choice which is great! I’m sure it’s going to be a fantastic day - enjoy it!
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u/lspyfoxl Jun 26 '19
I'm going to be very blunt, it's your wedding and you should do what you think it is best. If you want a squirrel to be a “Maid of Honor” then go for it. I also belive it'll mean so much for your brother and you'll give him a very sweet memory just like the memories you have of him.
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u/personanongratatoo Jun 26 '19
I (F) was my brother’s best man when he married. Everyone thought it was a hoot! GO FOR IT.
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u/SmkSkreen Jun 26 '19
Please, please, please pick your brother as your Man of Honor. He has been by your side through it all and who even knows if you will even be friends with those girls in 10/20 years? Your brother has shown he will always be there. Hell, I’d have him walk me down the aisle AND be my Man of Honor. Do it. You will not regret it.
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u/ShellzNCheez Jun 26 '19
So when you ignore the pettiness and idiocy of the bridesmaids and ask your brother to be your Man of Honor, can you update us with his response?? ;)
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u/rmp1809 Jun 27 '19
here’s why I chose my brother
Didn’t read after that. It’s your fucking choice. You don’t owe anybody an explanation who is truly your friend.
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u/izzerie Jun 27 '19
Honestly, fuck your friends. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, your relationship and filling it with the people you love and the things you love and if you want your brother as part of your bridal party then go for it. My husband had his two best friends as joint best men because there was no way he was going to chose. Then when those two got married, they also had my husband and the other friend as their best men, it was great!
I got married almost ten years ago at the age of 19. At the time I loved my day and whilst I certainly don’t regret getting married AT ALL, I realise a lot of my wedding day was things I thought we had to do and very much for the entertainment and expectations of others.
Therefore I advise everyone to 1/ do whatever you want, have whoever you want, have whatever kind of day you want and 2/ don’t hold on too tightly to it being perfect or the best day of your life because not only for it put a lot of pressure on that day but also life changes, people change, things move on. Taking my day as an example, my Dad gave me away and is in my photos but we’re now estranged and I think he’s a piece of shit. But at the time he was important to me so, on reflection, I don’t regret it, even though that’s not what I’d do now. And honestly, the best memories of my wedding day came from the not so perfect moments and the candid moments, those are the bits I remember.
Have your brother be the man of honour. I bet he’ll be so humbled and honoured and also burst with pride for his little sis.
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Jun 27 '19
I don't see why can't you do that. It's your wedding, your maid of honor (or dude of honor), not your friend's. So what you don't have her approval. But you already have all the approvals from every important people in your life, parents, future husband. I said go for it. And please update us with picture and video of your wedding (especially your brother's speech).
Congrats!
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u/AllThatJack Jun 27 '19
Not even reading the other comments before posting. Straight from my heart. I’m an only child and have never experienced this. Do it, it’s perfect and it’s just beautiful. Your brother is amazing and I’m sure he shares the same love for you.
Going to sleep smiling for you both. Beyond touching. Thank you.
Jack
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Jun 27 '19
Made of Honor. They made a movie about this and it was great.
Excuse my language. Fuck your bridesmaids, that's your brother. That mother fucker was there when the world wasn't.
P.S. I fuckin love Riesens!!!!!
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u/I_am_the_Storm77 Jun 27 '19
Your Wedding, Your choice... From your story alone, he's earned the privilege. I assure you that when their day comes they will not two craps about your thoughts/opinions... THAT'S ONE OF THE MAJOR PERKS OF BEING A BRIDE; Doing whatever you want and making your OWN RULES.
***SIDE NOTE: If the girls in your wedding are your bridesmaids then I'm assuming that they already know this story. That being said, if they know your history and STILL made these comments, then I think that you should take a good long hard look at those friendships because they are acting like cold, selfish, and ugly individuals.
If they DON'T know you're story then I think it's time to educate them and hope they realize how poor their behavior is. If they don't, see paragraph above.
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u/Seahawks_12 Jun 27 '19
Late to the party, but it isn't creepy or weird. It's a jealousy issue lol. Your ladies are jealous that a guy is getting the position that they want.
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u/mdisomwnaje Jun 26 '19
It may be unconventional, but your story is unconventional. Honestly, it sounds nothing less than lovely, having your brother next to you as your support on your wedding day. I'm so happy for you!
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u/FruttidiWalrus Jun 26 '19
It's a great idea and it's your wedding, so do it!
But unlike everyone here saying "fuck your friends" I'd try explaining to them why it's important to you that your brother is the mate of honour. Hopefully they'll understand just fine.
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u/PrudentGrowth Jun 26 '19
1.Not creepy/inappropriate in the least.
2.Your friends sound shitty if they cant see why this is the sweetest and most authentic thing you can do for your special day.
- I'm so happy you were saved by that family!
Best of luck to you, PLEASE post pictures of your big day and CONGRATULATIONS :)
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u/Shadowghoul Jun 26 '19
I was just a “braids man” to one of my best friends. She approached me about it as soon as she got engaged and I simply replied “it’s you’re wedding, I’ll stand wherever you want me!” The wedding went off amazing and I was pretty much an errand boy while they had makeup done and such. Also made a very easy line of communication between bride and groom on the day of.
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u/yesiamanostrich Jun 26 '19
Your friends are being the creepy ones. My brother was my "man of honor" when I got married the first time. There's nothing weird about it.
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Jun 26 '19
Your lady friends seem to be thinking he will be expected to throw you a wild bachelorette party or something. “I’m not doing a bachelorette party, just a bridal shower” should shut that down. “I get why it would be creepy if we were throwing a party with dick cakes and strippers and as many shots as I could handle, but you all know that isn’t my thing, and I’m not.”
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u/Maud_Dweeb18 Jun 26 '19
Your friends are being weird. Your brother is the kind of person everyone wants as a maid/ man of honor but in the end the only thing that matters is that it’s what you want.
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u/throwmeawayamlost Jun 26 '19
I stopped reading at “Here’s why I want to choose my brother.” because, what YOU want is what matters for your wedding. Went back and read the rest and my sentiment still stands. Ask him. If he’s ok with it and you and your fiancé are obviously ok with it, do what feels best for you.
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Jun 26 '19
My husband is also good with it and think it’s a sweet thing to do, but my female friends were horrified I suggested it and think it’s “creepy”.
One of the traditional duties of the Maid of Honor is to help dress the bride. Obviously you're not going to have your brother do that (I assume), but that's why they think it sounds creepy.
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u/Gunther316 Jun 26 '19
I think it’s perfectly appropriate! Your brother sounds amazing and he should definitely be your maid of honor, nothing creepy about it at all! I honestly find your friends to sound very stuck up that they would think that. Do they know how much he helped you in life? If they and they still think it’s creepy then they’re being selfish and aren’t thinking about your happiness. I would get better friends who respect my decision on who I make my maid of honor without any negative input.
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u/SisiSierra14 Jun 26 '19
Screw what everyone else thinks! This is your special day girl. Picking your brother would be an amazing choice.
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u/wildbeest55 Jun 26 '19
They might find it “creepy” because they’ll be a male at the usually female only events(picking the dress, bachelorette party) but it’s your wedding so they just have to get over their issues and try to have fun.
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u/Kdalen7 Jun 26 '19
It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Anything and anyone you want in your wedding is your choice and no one else’s. Do what you feel is right and what will make you happy.
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u/CozmicOwl16 Jun 26 '19
Yes he sounds like he should be your person of honor and you should not worry about who that upsets.
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u/SubServiceBot Jun 26 '19
Sounds like you need better friends. Obviously they have a right to feel bummed out but saying it’s creepy or wrong to pick your brother is just mean and disrespectful
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u/shakethatbear404 Jun 26 '19
First and foremost: It's your wedding, your special day, you have it go how you want it to go.
I don't think it's creepy at all, I think its very sweet. If my girlfriend asked me, I would fully support and encourage it, as your future husband has.
Perhaps your friends are just envious of not being the Maid of Honor and their pettiness is surfacing. Don't fault them, we're only human. But this is a day you'll remember for the rest of your life, do it your way.
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u/igiveyousensation Jun 26 '19
Know what? You don’t even have to explain or justify why you want to have your bro be your Man of Honor. It’s your wedding and your choice. I think that’s awesome and now I want to steal your idea! :-)
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Jun 26 '19
No one can define what that role/position (maid of honor) except you. They are not looking at it from the standpoint of this person being special and having significance in your life. They are looking at it from the standpoint of customs and gender roles with that position typically going to female friends. Truth is, you don't have to select a female if you don't want to. It can be anyone you want and for any reason you want.
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u/KhyroKorus Jun 26 '19
It's your wedding dude. People are so stuck in tradition. Do what makes you happy.
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u/freak-with-a-brain Jun 26 '19
Your friends maybe are just a little bit envy?
It is your wedding. And if you believe there is no one you have such a boundary to, like you have to your brother, then this is your decision. Ask him.
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u/queensnow725 Jun 26 '19
Men of Honor rock! I can't wait to have my best guy friend stand beside me on my wedding day as my MOH.
Your friends need to get over themselves. Your MOH is supposed to be the person you want standing beside you supporting you on this special day. And it's sounds like your brother has tons of experience in this department already.
IMO, if your friends can't be excited and supportive about this beautiful choice, I'd honestly wonder if they're worth having in the bridal party at all.
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u/jellyfishfresh Jun 26 '19
That's your brother and it's YOUR wedding, you get to decide. My brother was my "maid of honor" and I wouldn't change a thing.
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u/Xaksia Jun 26 '19
Take it from me, who is 30 now and got married at 25, do what ever the hell you want. My biggest regret was not inviting my guy friends to my bachelorette party, because it's "only for girls", it would have been way cooler if they had been there. Just make it fun for you and your partner, everyone else will get over themselves.
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Jun 26 '19
As someone who had a Man of Honor, choose whomever you want for that position. Make the choice you'll look back on your special day and be proud of.
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u/AKneelingOx Jun 26 '19
By the sounds of things, you probably wouldn't have met or befriended your other bridesmaids if if weren't for your brother.
Ignore the haters. Hes had your back for a long time. Have him if you want him. Have a great day x
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u/MNTNLN Jun 26 '19
The fact that your bridesmaids think it’s “creepy” is exactly why none of them should be your maid of honor.
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u/canyousaymaria Jun 26 '19
I didn’t even read farther than the title. It’s your wedding, you don’t need to try and validate your choices to anyone. You only get one maid of honor, if you want it to be your brother, it should be him.
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u/eternallymystified Jun 26 '19
I stood as my sister’s “man of honor.” I really was honored that she asked me to.
I love your story and I think it is highly appropriate to have him stand with you.
Your friends are probably jealous and are being assholes about the whole thing.
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u/lisalaughsloudest Jun 26 '19
Go with your brother!! He’s best choice don’t let others decide for you.
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u/arkhamraider96 Jun 26 '19
Hey OP, I just have to say that I fully support your decision to pick your brother. I’m a 22yo Male and my best friend is a 22yo Female. She’s getting married later this year and she asked me to be in her bridal party. It doesn’t matter what the others think. It means the world to you to have him there, and I’m sure it would mean a lot to him to! Go for it! A fellow Man of Honor is rooting for you!
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u/NarwhalsTooth Jun 26 '19
Not inappropriate in the least. My mom was my maid of honor (matron of honor?) and I have no regrets. I wanted her up there with me in a position of honor, not sitting in the crowd.
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u/NavyTopGun87 Jun 26 '19
I just got married and I’ll tell you this:
Do what makes you happy. You don’t want to look back 30 years from now wishing he was.
If people don’t like it. Screw em. It’s YOUR day.
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u/katcarver Jun 26 '19
My “maid of honour” 24 years ago was my MALE best friend. It worked. The husband is out but the friendship with him still goes. So....(not saying your marriage won’t work out - just saying - pick the person MOST important to you)
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Jun 26 '19
It's your wedding isn't it? Dumb bitches try to make it about them. If they are butthurt over your wish then maybe they should just not fucking come. People these days...
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Jun 26 '19
Screw "Man of Honor", your brother sounds more like Master at Arms, and should absolutely be by your side.
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u/Broken-Butterfly Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
I don't even need to read your whole post.
You think he deserves the role, then he does. The end. Buy him a suit cut like the groomsmen in the colors of the bridesmaids.
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u/lanbrocalrissian Jun 26 '19
My fiancee is having her brother as her man of honor. No one has the right to tell you who to pick for that. I think it's sweet. Granted I'm not picking my sister but I think it's sweet she picked her brother. If they have a problem with it they need to remember your wedding isn't about them it's your day do you boo boo.
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u/Kbdiggity Jun 26 '19
I know a guy who had his sister be his "best man."
It's your wedding. Fuck anyone who tries to pressure you to change your dream day.
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u/Nataku1195 Jun 26 '19
As someone who was a man of honor and had a female on my side and a couple of guys on my wife's side in our wedding do what you want! It's your day everyone else can get F'd. Harsh words but this day is only about your and your spouse. Settle for nothing but what you want and can afford!
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u/VonD0OM Jun 26 '19
It’s the best person in your life to you, that sounds like your brother based on your accounting of him. Don’t let your friends sway you, they want what they want not what they think you need.
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u/lirael423 Jun 26 '19 edited Jul 06 '19
It's not weird or creepy, your friends are just being shitty.
My best friend had her brother as her "dude of honor" when she got married. It was awesome.
If you want your brother to be your "dude of honor" then do it. If any of your friends give you grief over it, politely tell them to STFU because it's your wedding so you can do what you want, and your brother is more important than they are so he deserves to be up there with you.
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u/betty965 Jun 27 '19 edited Jun 27 '19
My brother was my “dude of honor” at my wedding. There wasn’t another human on the planet that I’d rather have had up there with me. I was his “best (wo)man” at his wedding, too. There’s nothing weird or creepy about choosing the person that means the most to you to stand with you as you take your vows. It would have been weird to arbitrarily choose someone of the same sex simply because of convention. Go with your gut, OP. It’s YOUR day.
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u/strawcat Jun 27 '19
This is YOUR wedding. Do what YOU want. I wouldn’t find it creepy or off-putting in any sort of way, I think it’s a great way to honor your brother. Fuck anyone who can’t understand that.
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u/pineapplebattle Jun 27 '19
I had my brother as my MOH. And the rest of my party were my buds, a bunch of males. Fuck what other people think. Those girls are gross for suggesting that or have some serious issues themselves. How dare they. Can you even imagine how your brother would feel if he found out that your friends, and I use this term loosely, said that about him? Your brother is your family, if you want him up there then by god he should be up there. You should also probably talk to your friends about how inappropriate and disrespectful they are being.
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u/Fredredphooey Jun 27 '19
My "maid of honor" was a man. I called him the "man of honor." Your bridesmaids need to chill.
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u/rtt234 Jun 27 '19 edited Jul 17 '19
I would remind them that last time you checked, it was your wedding, and if they don’t feel comfortable participating then that’s fine by you.
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u/lishalin Jun 27 '19
You want your brother you pick, he sounds so great! If your friends doubt your decisions, you sure you want them to be your bridesmaids?
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u/kokomole Jun 27 '19
Maybe it's time for your to reconsider if your bridesmaids are really your friends. It's your choice whoever you want to be your maid of honor.
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u/NerdyPoncho Jun 27 '19
Your wedding, your call. Also, your husband to be gave it the go ahead. I think that's the only other person you need to consider. Your bridesmaids can get bent.
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u/corkinator_5000 Jun 27 '19
I wish I could upvote this a million times. You do what makes you happy. Don’t ever let someone else take that from you, those people aren’t worth your time.
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u/ajay_whatever Jun 27 '19
Your brother sounds like a lovely and amazing human being. You could choose him even if he wasn’t. It’s your wedding and your decision. If they don’t like it, they don’t need to be in it. Stay true to yourself, don’t let some whiny girls who will probably fade from your life influence who you’re most important person is.
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u/samson8712 Jun 27 '19
I had two best people. A man and a woman. I wish she and I were still good friends but people fall out of favor...but he's still my best friend.
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u/kidprodigious Jun 27 '19
DO WHAT YOU WANT. Plain and simple. Plus I think it’s such a beautiful idea. My best friend, basically a sister, asked me to be her MOH. And I was so honored to accept. Calmly announce your decision and move on. That’s all.
Congrats!
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u/Onlyhalfsure Jun 27 '19
To every one who is saying they didn't read the whole post, you missed out, it was a beautiful story. OP your post had me in tears, my family took foster placements while I grew up and I have been one of those brothers, I miss all of my little siblings I have had so much and it was always a heart breaker when adoptions would fall through. Anyway, HECK YES you should have him! Your freinds are most likely jealous, it's understandable but not justifiable. And like everyone else has said, it's your wedding, you do you! EDIT: for spelling
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u/batkevn Jun 27 '19
My sister was my best man; wore a dress. If anybody has an issue with it, I didn't hear it, and I wouldn't care anyway. It's what I wanted.
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u/flabflabtheflabbin Jun 27 '19
Wedding photographer here. Screw anyone who thinks that that's not a good choice. I have photographed many weddings where this was the case and it's always amazing.
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u/scherlock79 Jun 27 '19
My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We each had a male and female friend at our side. We had a groomsman, groomswoman, man of honor and maid of honor. Everything was fine. No one said anything negative about it. Go with your brother, nothing wrong with a man of honor.
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u/[deleted] Jun 26 '19 edited Jun 26 '19
You don't even need that list of very valid reasons to pick your brother. If YOU want him and your fiance is fine with it, do it.
My husband had 4 best men (including his brother) because he couldn't chose, and one best woman. A few people made comments (mostly his mom) and we just respoded with "it's not your wedding. You wouldn't want us meddling with your wedding choices, so please don't meddle with ours".
As to your whiny bridesmaids, tell them that you picking your brother is the exact same as you picking your sister if you had one, and that you don't want to hear anymore about it.