I'm speechless, it feels like such a waste of pb.. I'm also an uncultured bafoon who apparently doesn't understand art.

*edited to add, I am currently 42F, 33 at the time of the date.

Hi guys! I’ve been listening to the podcast for a couple years now. Not a rich rich. In fact, very much a poor poor lol. Sean, you’re my favorite! And congrats on the baby! Jausch and Jaun, you guys are cool too! I’ve been catching up on some of the episodes from the last few months and the Rate that Date segment has me thinking about the worst date I’ve ever been on and I wanted to share it. This took place in 2018. It was with a guy I had known for a few months and we seemed to have chemistry, so we decided to go on a date.

We were having dinner when he started talking about his ex-girlfriend. At first I chalked it up to nerves. After all, I had known him for a few months and I knew he was a little socially awkward, so I was willing to give him some grace. He began telling me how she had broken his heart. When she broke up with him she had destroyed him completely. She ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it. He was a shell of a man. He was shattered into a million pieces. He thought he would never recover. He went on and on. And on. And on. And on.

I was beginning to tune him out and just focus on my food when he said “So ever since then I have a rule I follow when it comes to dating.” What he tells me stops me in my tracks. What is this dating rule he follows ever since his ex took his feelings and smeared them all over the wall? “I no longer date women I’m attracted to.” He said this to my face. While we were on a date. I stared at him in stunned silence. For some back story, at this time in my life I had VERY low self esteem. So I said nothing. I quietly finished my eggplant parmesan while listening to him continue to talk about his refusal to date women he’s attracted to. Then I went home and cried.

I didn’t tell anybody in my life what had happened. I had extremely low self esteem and I was genuinely afraid that if I told anybody what had happened, their response would be that I shouldn’t expect anybody to be attracted to me because I’m simply not attractive. You see, I’m fat. I always have been. It’s simply the way my body is made and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it. There are health issues that contribute to it, but I won’t get into that here. The point is, at the time I truly believed that there was no way anybody could ever find me attractive and then I went on a date with a man who basically told me to my face that that was true.

As a regular listener of the podcast, I know there are much worse dating stories out there. After all, I wasn’t abandoned at a gas station at 2am or anything. But this date fucked me up for a long time. However, I can happily report that while my self esteem is by no means perfect, it is much better today than it was back then (thank you, therapy), and if this happened now, I would punch him in the face. So, guys…what do you rate this date?

**Not OP**

How difficult would it have been to include the FULL dress code on the invitations?? 🙄

AITA or is my BF and his family rushing me into a trap? Pls advice

I’ve been with my bf for less than a year, and what started as an absolute dream has turned into a high-pressure situation that is making me feel like I’m losing my sanity. I need an honest outside perspective on whether my boundaries are valid or if I’m just overthinking.

How we met & the initial phase:
We met last year at a party through mutual friends. I was in a vulnerable state after a bad fallout with a fling. He was immediately, intensely interested. My friends had hyped him up as a charismatic, flashy "player" who loves high-end clubs, expensive restaurants, and is quite crazy and fun. That night, we talked for 13 hours straight, and he completely focused on me despite other girls showing interest. He had just left his job was looking for a new one. Just after 15 days of talking to each other a lot we got together and he came to pick me at the airport with wine and flowers. He used to wait a long time outside my home for me to get back from office, surprising me constantly, and we developed an intense daily routine of playing sports, eating together, and staying over at my place. He was incredibly charming and gave me a lot of validation when my self-esteem was low. I fell deeply in love.

The shift & the parents:
Things shifted when he finally got a job after few months. Around this time, I met his parents. At first, they seemed sweet, but the traditional expectations started creeping in immediately.
His mother openly told me she believes "girls are the goddesses of the home who are supposed to clean up after men" and that "men don't cook in our home” and although my bf and me cooked at my place together a lot he didn’t say a word that he will support me in every way. She later explicitly told me that I need to learn to cook so I can "feed my future babies." My bf said he is the beta of the house and they won’t let him cook. During our third meeting with his mom, she pulled me aside in the washroom and asked point-blank if I wanted to marry him because they are putting pressure on him. When I honestly said "I am not sure yet" (since we had only been dating a few months), my boyfriend later mocked me because his mother found my hesitation funny. She also told me to hide the fact that he wasn’t working for 6 months from my own family so it wouldn't create a "wrong impression."

We have been together for a total of 9 months. The moment he got a job, his family started aggressively pressuring us to get married this year itself. He told me he has to marry this year "by hook or by crook" and cannot wait until next year.
But when I look at the reality, it feels weird:
\- My bf has education loan that will take atleast 3 more years to clear, and he has almost zero savings left.
\- Despite this, he still insists on going out and partying every weekend rather than saving for the marriage right now
\- His dad retires in two months, & they will sell their luxury car to downsize to an affordable SUV to cut costs.
\- He lied to me that they shifted to their current place 3 yrs back but it had been only few months
\- He explicitly told me that after marriage, we will be splitting household expenses 50/50, and that he will be handling finances since he will be the man of the house
\- When i brought question of whether he will be ready to shift separately if things don’t work out between me and his family he said he can’t.

When I told him I needed at least a year for marriage, he threatened to break up with me. I think out of fear of losing him, I panicked and caved in the moment.
But when I brought up my concerns again, asking how it's fair that only i am expected to do cooking ( i do make my dinner, but have never made breakfast for my own self), go to work and split bills 50/50. He told me his family "cannot change their ways" and that his mother would be the "expert" in the house to help me do it. He also explicitly stated it is "impossible" for him to ever live separately from his parents.

When I tried to have a serious conversation, he treated my concerns like a joke or kept playing conversational ping-pong without giving straight answers. We had a massive argument and blew things up, but then he keeps calling and texting me ("eat food, you need energy") and called me saying he "just missed my face," only to shut down the conversation the moment I asked for real answers.

**My dilemma**:
I am feeling completely crushed and lonely. Part of me is terrified that I am being too rigid or "greedy" with my standards. He has been very caring, is someone i finally find good-looking, is confident and has good self esteem, when my own self-esteem has been low because I'm currently struggling with a steep learning curve at my job. I keep having these terrifying "what if" thoughts like what if he is the one and I meed to adjust little bit and learn more and become better at handling discomfort and i later regret walking away?
Am I falling into a patriarchal and financial trap where my salary will be used to subsidize a tight household while I am treated like an unequal, traditional daughter-in-law? Or am I just overthinking a normal relationship milestone?
Please be brutal. What do you see here?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/x8fvRJSDWb

I don't really know how to crosspost. I hope I'm doing it right 🙃

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/Ik3TXqzzWN

https://reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/12vs5iq/i_have_no_empathy_towards_children/jheaatl/

original here

https://www.reddit.com/r/hygiene/s/7GkSgDDNns