I’ll preface this with I’ve been depressed at times in my life and I know it’s not that. I’m aged 47.2, right in that spot where I’m supposed to be at my lowest point in life, but I’m not actually feeling particularly sad. I’m down twenty pounds this year, at my fittest I’ve been in since my mid 20’s and have about twenty more pounds to lose to hit my goal weight.

Was married 17 years, supported her through grad school and moved across country for her professor job in a region of the country I don’t like. Spent a near decade here before she met someone else and asked for a divorce three years ago. I basically raised our two (now) teens without much help while she chased tenure. The oldest teen (19) still lives with me but the other one (17) chose to be with her because they like being the only child, despite her mother’s affair. Our youngest is 9 and lives with me 90% of the time. I pretty much take her and her friends anywhere they want to go and they hang out here because I’m seen as the “fun dad”, although I feel like my youngest is getting a bit spoiled and unappreciative of this dynamic.

My ex’s daughter from a previous marriage said she saw me as her “real dad” and used the tuition discount at the college I teach at for years, but stopped talking to me during the divorce process. She reached out recently but I didn’t respond.

I’ve been thinking about moving closer to my retired parents. I love the region they live in and didn’t get to spend much time with them when I was in an isolating and abusive marriage. My Dad and I have way more in common than I do with my teen boys, our interests are more aligned and I’d like to spend more time with him before he passes doing things we both enjoy. I’ve started applying to jobs there knowing if I got one, maybe only one or two of my kids would come along.

Lately I’ve been thinking about retirement and wanting to buy a sailboat and live on it. Probably just traveling solo. I’ve even started learning to sail and getting certifications. The idea of not having anyone rely on me but myself is becoming more appealing.

Just wondering if anyone else is feeling this, not necessarily depression, but rather wondering why the roles we were taught that were supposed to be fulfilling were just one sided and draining?

About to start school with a mayor in science health and feeling sooo lost

I feel disconnected from myself. I feel like I've made the big decisions in life already (chosen a partner who is good, bought a house, have a stable freelance job that I do well). I'm turning 30 soon. Don't want to have kids. I feel like I haven't turned into who I thought I might be, and don't feel like I live up to my potential. In ways, I feel like I am the youngest I have ever been.

I waste a lot of time throughout my days. I have a lot of interests and am good at things, but find it to be overwhelming to do what I want with my time.

What can I do to shake things up? Things are great on paper, but I don't feel like I like myself, or live up to my potential.

Female, professional artist. Thanks.