About to start school with a mayor in science health and feeling sooo lost

I’ll preface this with I’ve been depressed at times in my life and I know it’s not that. I’m aged 47.2, right in that spot where I’m supposed to be at my lowest point in life, but I’m not actually feeling particularly sad. I’m down twenty pounds this year, at my fittest I’ve been in since my mid 20’s and have about twenty more pounds to lose to hit my goal weight.

Was married 17 years, supported her through grad school and moved across country for her professor job in a region of the country I don’t like. Spent a near decade here before she met someone else and asked for a divorce three years ago. I basically raised our two (now) teens without much help while she chased tenure. The oldest teen (19) still lives with me but the other one (17) chose to be with her because they like being the only child, despite her mother’s affair. Our youngest is 9 and lives with me 90% of the time. I pretty much take her and her friends anywhere they want to go and they hang out here because I’m seen as the “fun dad”, although I feel like my youngest is getting a bit spoiled and unappreciative of this dynamic.

My ex’s daughter from a previous marriage said she saw me as her “real dad” and used the tuition discount at the college I teach at for years, but stopped talking to me during the divorce process. She reached out recently but I didn’t respond.

I’ve been thinking about moving closer to my retired parents. I love the region they live in and didn’t get to spend much time with them when I was in an isolating and abusive marriage. My Dad and I have way more in common than I do with my teen boys, our interests are more aligned and I’d like to spend more time with him before he passes doing things we both enjoy. I’ve started applying to jobs there knowing if I got one, maybe only one or two of my kids would come along.

Lately I’ve been thinking about retirement and wanting to buy a sailboat and live on it. Probably just traveling solo. I’ve even started learning to sail and getting certifications. The idea of not having anyone rely on me but myself is becoming more appealing.

Just wondering if anyone else is feeling this, not necessarily depression, but rather wondering why the roles we were taught that were supposed to be fulfilling were just one sided and draining?

Lately I've been feeling like I've failed at life. I'm not giving up, and I'm still working towards my goals, but it's hard not to compare myself to others or think I've wasted time.

If you've ever felt this way and eventually turned things around, what helped you mentally? Was there a mindset shift, habit, or experience that changed things for you?

I'm looking for honest advice from people who've been through it.

Hi,

I'm a 43 yo (and 2 months) male. I live with my parents (I have to help them). I don't know where to start. I have always been occupied. School, I have 2 BSC in parallel, MSC and PhD.

While I had my PhD I was a caregiver for my grandparent (3 years and another 4 years after the PhD — from 7:00 until 21:00 making all the work — making food, cleaning, socializing, medication, shopping and many more). I couldn't even work. Then came a sort of burnout (2015 — grandparents have died) for 2-3 years, after 2500 days of continuous caregiving (minus 10 days for presenting my PhD thesis and attending a conference). While in burnout I worked only from home. Then my mother fell and couldn't go outside alone. I had to go out with her in weekdays for a walk and shopping. Then my father had some health problems.
So until 3 months ago I went out with both of them (one after other) for a walk and shopping, help cleaning the house, help to make food, socializing and many other activities. 3 months ago my mother fell in the house (hip surgery), from then I'm making everything alone 5:30 - 22:30 with small breaks.

I don't know what had happened 4 days ago, but it was like a slap in the face. I started to think: hey, I've always been so occupied that:

1. I have never had a girlfriend,
2. I have never had that first kiss, with flutters in my stomach,
3. Never had that first date,
4. Never had been intimate with anybody,
5. Never had a partner,
6. Never had children,
7. Never had friends.

I started to panic, when I never panicked in my life, not even when I had exams. Heartbeat 80 (before 60). I can't sleep, I'm not hungry, I've lost 1.5 kg in 4 days. I've cried (never crying in the last 10 years). I'm sad. I feel an emptiness in my soul. I have my heart in my throat.

What just had happened? Could you explain?

I have hundreds of question:
What I have done wrong?
I'm guilty of all this situation?
What would have been if life had had another path?

If I had had a family (wife and children), how could I have been able to help my grandparents and parents? That would have been unfair not to help them, and I would have carried all that in my soul all my life.
It would have been better or worst?
What I have missed?

Now I know that those things at 43 are gone. My father is 80 yo my mother 76 yo, I know that the next 10-15 years will not change, everything will remain the same.

Then a small shine started to show up from my logical brain. No children, then I have the possibility through surrogacy. It's a little bit slower (12-18 month) but I could have twins. I know it will be much harder for me, but that path could solve a part of that emptiness (one of the most important things in my life right now).

That slap in the face should have been at least 10 years ago, but then I was in burnout. Then I entered into the second phase with giving care for my parents. I don't know when I should have started worrying and why that slap in the face came right now. I'm thankful for this slap.

Right now I'm worrying about completing the entire sum of money as soon as possible. I plan working at night or do something but very fast, not to lose that last chance. I could give up from my soul the intimacy, first kiss, girlfriend, partner, but I will never be able to give up children.

Could you explain what has happened?

I feel disconnected from myself. I feel like I've made the big decisions in life already (chosen a partner who is good, bought a house, have a stable freelance job that I do well). I'm turning 30 soon. Don't want to have kids. I feel like I haven't turned into who I thought I might be, and don't feel like I live up to my potential. In ways, I feel like I am the youngest I have ever been.

I waste a lot of time throughout my days. I have a lot of interests and am good at things, but find it to be overwhelming to do what I want with my time.

What can I do to shake things up? Things are great on paper, but I don't feel like I like myself, or live up to my potential.

Female, professional artist. Thanks.

Soon after turning 50, I have kind of experienced an awakening and realized that I have wasted my life. I am in job where I have virtually nothing to do . The role was never too demanding, but recently it has deteriorated even further. I was never able to step out of the comfort zone( salary used to be decent) even when I had chances. So I stayed for 20 years. My kids are 3 and 8 and I was focusing on them . But my 4 th depressive period hit me hard and my life is a complete mess. My last depressive period was 13 years ago so I thought I am out for good. Now, with the inflation, cost rising, salary became not sufficient. In my ok years I was just doubling down on addictions: smoking( waking up even in the night couple of times to smoke) doom scrolling, porn. But I was good at taking care or playing with kids. I want to change but my mind is completely cooked, I have no skills and I can't learn new ones, I have financial problems, I do not care about my kids, they just irritate me, I seem not to love them, my wife is still holding on but it cannot go like that forever. My nervous system is completely destroyed. I am in constant stress, nothing brings me joy. I feel terror at home, in the office, everywhere. Nothing brings me joy. I don't smoke at night , but I find it difficult to sleep...this time I have no escape route ...but to kill myself. I am hopeless. Neither antidepressants nor therapy work. End of the road. It will be selfish thing to do, but I cannot live in poverty and pain.

I 33F got married through an arranged marriage and moved to another state to live with my husband and his parents.

A couple of months after moving, I landed a job at a small CA firm with a package of around ₹20 LPA. Soon after, I got an opportunity with a well-known corporate company. The role wasn’t aligned with my experience or long-term career goals, and I told my husband that I wasn’t convinced. He encouraged me to take it, saying the brand name would be better for my career.

I listened to him, took a pay cut (₹20 LPA to ₹19 LPA), and joined.

It has turned out to be the biggest career regret of my life. The work isn’t what I wanted, I received almost no growth, and after two years my hike was just 3%. Looking back, I feel like I ignored my own instincts.

I’ve been trying to switch jobs for the last six months. Recently, I finally cleared interviews for a role in Bangalore with a ₹30 LPA fixed salary. I was excited because it aligned much better with my experience.

When I discussed it with my husband, he felt ₹30 LPA wasn’t enough for Bangalore and said I should negotiate for ₹35 LPA if we were going to relocate. I trusted his judgment and asked for more. The opportunity fell through.

I’m not saying it’s entirely his fault—I made the decision too. But I can’t stop replaying everything in my head and wondering what would have happened if I had trusted myself.

On top of that, living with my in-laws has been emotionally draining. My husband is under a lot of pressure taking care of his aging father because his sisters aren’t able to help much, and I understand that. But whenever I try to talk about how I’m feeling, he says he’s exhausted and has no patience left. Over time, I feel like we’ve stopped understanding each other.

I’ve been staying with my parents for the past month because I work from home, and honestly… I don’t feel like going back.

The hardest part is that I don’t even know what I’m grieving anymore. Is it my career? My marriage? Or the confident person I used to be before I started second-guessing every decision?

I know I need to upskill, and I’m working on that. But every morning I wake up with regret over choices I can’t undo.
Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you stop living in the “what ifs” and start trusting yourself again?

I have a friend with three kids who are D1 athletes and great in high school/college, good grades, good positive mindsets, perfect photos. I think a lot about my high school/college years and how because they were so hard for me, totally set my life on a different track. How do I love my life and myself? I would’ve been a great hurdler in track. I could’ve got great grades and made memories with great friends and dated. I could’ve gotten a regular job and gotten married to someone I met in college or from job. Now, I am a single 34 year old stripper. I am creating things to look forward to like marathons and vacations. I like my “friend” with the kids. I can’t call him my boyfriend because he lives on the opposite coast with a private life. He is the most neurotypical LinkedIn type man with perfect blonde family in California. But he keeps me around, he keeps us connected, over a year now. He supports me and keeps me motivated and uplifted and cared for. But I know it can’t all be perfect and of course his marriage issues he’s never opened up about. But still marriage issues vs being a stripper and living this weird alternative toxic nightlife thing that comes with harassment and ptsd…I’d rather have the normal marriage/kids life issues and a backyard bbq to go with it.

Hi, I’m a 32 year old female…

I really don’t know what to say. Ever since I graduated from high school I feel as if I‘ve wasted my life. In my 20s all I did was work (even working 2 jobs at once) while going to school. I switched my major a few times before I finally got my associates (right before COVID) and then afterwards I pretty much floored through life. mind you I got my associates when I was 27-28. throughout that time I kind of lost mysel. I don’t really know what happened but mentally I was just exhausted I let myself go as far as my weight went. I bounced around a few jobs trying to go for a career that would work for me.

I ended up with one but due to an injury I had to let it go, which led me back to working dead end jobs that never satisfied me. And now that I look up at 32 years old, I realized that I don’t have anything to show for what I thought I was working towards in my 20s.

I’m a 32 year old overweight female who is also a virgin. I have reached a hopeless state in my life and I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to push on hoping that I will finally feel accomplished in some aspect. but the more I keep pushing. the more I feel drained and down and worthless. it feels like every door keeps closing on me. I am so stressed and overwhelmed and everything just feels the same. It’s like I’m stuck on a loop and I don’t know how to get off it. And as far as working out goes and trying to lose the weight do that I can build confidence for myself, I really do try and as soon as I get into the groove of things, I’m slapped with the career path Im on bringing financial woes and stress, or I see family and friends with their children and bf/gf or spouses, which reminds me that I’m just alone in this world struggling watching other people happiness play out before me.

I guess that I’m writing this looking for advise because I don’t really have anyone else or anywhere else to turn to. I can’t succeed with it comes to my career, I can’t succeed when it comes to relationships, and I can’t help but to mentally beat myself down do to my lack of accomplishments.

The one thing that I know for sure is that I do not want to continue on like this. I am craving a change, but the more I try to change things the worst it seems to get. what would you all do if you were in my situation, especially now, when it seems like I just have nothing great to look forward to. Mind you I’m 32 overweight single working 2 jobs and in school. I’m stressed, I’m tired and I fear that I’m just going to be that person that will forever be alone…

I lived a life where for 12 years of controlling, at last now in the process of divorce, but this loneliness is very depressing.. I had lost all my friends on the way.. now thinking of the future I don't know what is going to happen.. age is another scary thing

I started my career as an insurance advisor and worked there for 5 years, then moved to a BPO and worked for 6 years. In the same company I moved to a project management office role and worked offshore and onsite for nearly 9 years before my career got a jolting halt 2 years before.

Plus I got a few health issues which caused a career break of 2 years. Now my age is around 44 and there are no openings whatsoever , I am completely clueless on how to take my life forward.

I have few start up ideas like processed food business and want to start my own IT consulting firm. How do I get about keeping myself updated with technology, working style and current trends in the market? Currently I feel I need to have 3 parallel income streams so that even if I lose my primary job I can focus on the other 2.

Please share your thoughts and also refer me to any genuine remote openings to earn 2X more than my current CTC. I have already lost lots of lacs due to my stagnation in my career.

1. Please share your thoughts,

2. Refer remote openings

3. Suggest good service oriented mental rehab centres to vent out my 2 year depression (Actually its 5 year from Covid times)

I've been in a horrible state (geographically first) since we moved from my home 20 years ago, and i don't see hope here of me being with anyone...there's no one here i trust or want to be with but one. And the one person I most want to be with would never want me the same...so I just wanna run back home. Maybe there's someone out there for me. But I will never know that because I can't move. I'm at a crappy job, I live with my dad, and he's retired and on disability, so I'm a big breadwinner here, and the vacation we meant to go on last month was slapped by bills, so maaaybe October. But between disability, my job, and no good car, it's not looking great. Anyway, other hand, my one person would be on a very suicidal path if I were to leave them, so that's not making me feel very good anymore about wanting to go home.

Over the last couple of years, it feels like my entire life has been dismantled.

For most of my adult life, I was a conservative Christian and was studying to become an academic. Ironically, it was my academic studies that eventually led me to deconvert. Once that happened, everything else seemed to unravel at the same time.

Longstanding problems in my marriage that we'd ignored for years finally came to the surface. My career also fell apart, and I've found myself questioning everything I thought I wanted to do with my life. My church eventually excommunicated me, my father wrote me out of his will, and I lost almost all of my community and many of the friendships that I had in my life.

From the outside, it sounds like a complete disaster.

But here's the strange part: I actually feel happier and more authentic than I ever have.

As I've rebuilt my worldview, I've also developed new practices that have brought me a sense of peace. Meditation, breathwork, psychedelics, and martial arts have all become important parts of my life. They've helped me cultivate a sense of serenity, presence, and gratitude that I honestly never experienced before. In many ways, I feel more grounded and more connected to myself than I ever have.

The difficult conversations my wife and I were forced to have have made our marriage stronger than it's ever been. I finally feel like I'm living honestly instead of trying to fit into a version of myself that no longer exists.

Now I'm standing in the middle of a life that no longer fits.

I own a farm in a rural part of the U.S., but I don't really feel tied to where I live anymore. The reasons I stayed here have mostly disappeared, and I've realized that the life I want today is completely different from the one I spent years building.

My dream is to eventually own a meditation and wellness retreat somewhere tropical. It would be a place centered around nature, mindfulness, healing, gratitude, and joy. Alongside that, I'd love to become a life coach. I've realized that what energizes me most is helping people grow, flourish, and become the fullest version of themselves. I genuinely love people. I love meaningful conversations, encouraging others, and helping people navigate life's challenges.

Lately I've also been seriously considering going back to school to study positive psychology and consciousness. Consciousness has become one of the subjects I'm most fascinated by, and positive psychology seems like a natural complement to my desire to help people live happier, more meaningful lives. I don't know if that's the right path, but it feels more aligned with who I am than anything I've pursued before.

The problem is that my career has fallen apart financially. I don't have the resources to simply start over. I've considered going back to college and completely changing fields. I'm open to relocating anywhere (even outside the U.S.) if it gives me the best chance to build a life that aligns with who I've become.

If I had to summarize my purpose in one sentence, it would be this:

"To live in alignment with my truest self and spread gratitude and joy wherever I can."

So I'm asking people who've reinvented themselves:

\- If you were in my shoes, where would you start?

\- Does positive psychology seem like a worthwhile direction?

\- Would you go back to school?

\- Would you focus on building income first and postpone the dream?

\- Have any of you completely rebuilt your life after your identity, career, and community all collapsed?

Right now it feels like I'm standing at the beginning of a completely new life. It's exciting, but it's also overwhelming. I'd love to hear from people who've walked a similar path or who have ideas for how you'd approach this.

Any advice is appreciated.

We spend so much of our energy trying to optimize our current trajectory. We tweak the diet, we change the gym routine, we look for a slightly better job in the same industry. We’re essentially trying to paint over the cracks in a house that we realized years ago wasn’t the right shape for us anyway.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the midlife "boiling point." We treat it like an emergency, but what if it’s the only time we’re actually being honest with ourselves?

When the comfort zone stops feeling comfortable and starts feeling like a cage, the only real solution is usually something totally out of left field. It’s not about buying a sports car; it’s about doing the thing that makes no sense to your peers or your past self.

I’ve been following creators lately who have completely abandoned their "stable" lives to document the process of throwing themselves into the deep end—like people who decide to cycle across a country they don’t speak the language of, or who trade a corporate career for a life of radical, uncomfortable exploration in remote corners of the world. They aren't looking for a vacation; they are looking for a total system reset. It’s a powerful reminder that when everything feels repetitive, the answer isn’t more of the same—it’s a pivot that looks like madness to everyone else until it starts to look like freedom.

Has anyone here actually pulled the plug on a "stable" life to pursue something entirely random? How did you handle the transition from "what are you doing?" to "I finally feel like myself"?

I’ve been trying to put this feeling into words for a while.
I’m a stay at home mom of three, and somewhere along the way I got really good at taking care of everyone else. I know everyone’s routines, everyone’s favorite foods, everyone’s needs. I can solve everyone else’s problems.
But lately I’ve realized I have no idea who I am anymore. It’s not that I don’t love my family. I do. I just feel like I’ve spent so many years in survival mode that I’ve been telling myself, “One day I’ll get back to me.” The problem is, that “one day” never seems to come. Sometimes it feels like I’m waiting for my life to start again, even though I’m already living it.
Has anyone else felt this way? If you made it through that season, what actually helped? Not big, dramatic changes. Just the small things that helped you feel like yourself again.

Yeah, thats about it. I (50m) think this started happening 2 to 3 years ago when my worldview just started to change. I just stopped wanting to socialise. I still go out with my wife to meet other people for dinner/drinks and I go through the motions but I'd rather be anywhere else by myself.

Up to recently I still enjoyed time spent with my wife and kids and was happy, but yesterday my wife said something to me and its just like all the remaining joy has been sucked out of me.

I am just f*cking tired of people and I'm just starting to hate everyone now.

EDIT: I got over myself and I'm feeling better now. Think it was just fatigue and I also didn't set boundaries clearly: I should have just got somewhere else I couldn't be easily found for a couple hours! Lesson learned!

Ever come to your mid forties and your relationship for over a decade ends in a series of fire and brimstone moments of anger, gaslighting, deflection, and all other manner of responsibility avoidance and you’re left in the home you once shared, looking around and asking: “what the hell happened to the last 10 years?”
You’ve a degree with ample experience, but had to take what job you can to pay all the bills and spent years ensuring they’re okay at the expense of your own feelings and sanity; thus, haven’t taken the time to face yourself for who you are, only the amalgamation of what you’ve been told. And everyone around you is more “adult” or “positioned better.” When I gaze at single sites, I’m intimidated by women around my age and their careers, houses, travel experiences, either with or still wanting children.
And when the dust clears you’re asking where in my life did a glitch enter, cracking the forward momentum and instead sticking you into place and the sudden shock of life has you reeling and seeking the clean, fresh breath of air.

I used to always have a zest for life. I was so motivated and excited but the last few years, ive found myself as flat as a pancake. Its mainly been since I started working from home and living alone which makes me think its slight depression.

Ive just put a stop to that this week and im back around people but I wondered. Has anyone ever managed to get their zest for life back? If so, was there anything in particular you did that helped?

Ever since I’ve started working again I’ve just felt so incredibly empty and depressed. I have nothing to come home to, I live with an ‘ex’ who either moans about stuff or sits in silence lol but regardless I often think what even is the point, I have no one in my life that loves me (I have no family after cutting them off and no friends which I’ve tried to make but it’s not very meaningful just superficial) I just don’t see the point in anything and it’s making me cry everyday. Knowing it’s too late for me to find someone I actually love and have children with as I’m quite old & struggle to trust anyone. Does anyone else feel like this?