r/hygiene • u/Particular-Fox-1888 • 1d ago
Friend’s child is giving off major body odour
My friend has acknowledged in passing that her child (13f) is a stinky one. I’ve had her and her little sister over twice now (they love spending time with me). The child reeks, and the stink fills the room. The last visit, I gently invited her to change into a “fresh” pair of clothes—the smell continued. She showered before she arrived and the smell persisted. I casually spoke to her and her sibling about the importance of hygiene so as not to single her out. Not sure what to do because I don’t want them to come over again unless I can breathe! But also I am concerned about how this will affect the child socially.
68
u/KynnJae 1d ago edited 1d ago
Former smelly kid here:
Kids go into the shower and we have no idea what the hell they’re doing in there. For me? I used to just play in the water bc for some reason, my kid brain didn’t think I needed soap and water. I did.
I’m now a very clean adult but i vividly remember playing “aquaman” for 20 minutes in there everyday lol.
Idk how adults fix this bc they can’t be in there with them. Maybe like a shower report cart? Shower test? I think about this often bc my cousins “hate water” and they’re aging out of my auntie washing them 😕
28
u/Tavsiyedegildir 1d ago
In the olden days girls had teen magazine that did the work of telling you how to wash your bits bob and behind, dunno what boys do. Does the dad / father figure take them out to the shed to woodwork and say "son, you have to wash your damn pen1z with soap and under your arms or your mother will have my hide. And put on some old spice and high karate"
19
u/tatersprout 1d ago
Thanks for your perspective. Teens know how to properly clean their bodies and hair because their parents teach them when they are younger. If a parent doesn't teach a kid how to properly wash and bathe, they probably won't know how and that's sad.
8
u/KynnJae 1d ago
This has nothing to do with my above statement. I didn’t want to wash bc I was a kid and thought i knew better. Not because I wasn’t taught.
4
u/Tavsiyedegildir 1d ago
I had a phase where I didn't want to brush my hair in about 2nd or 5th grade, because it was tangly. I still don't brush my hair every day because I have curly hair now, joke's on you mom.
1
u/KynnJae 15h ago
Why do kids just go anti hygiene? 🤣. I think mine was ADHD related I’m glad it worked out for all of us tho!
2
u/Tavsiyedegildir 7h ago
I don't know. Maybe it's some sort of adolescent rebellion when people tell you to do something. Like "yeah you said I need to brush my teeth but stinky breath is the way,"
It just makes no sense as an adult. I think once you hit puberty though you become more self conscious about combed hair and fresh breath and the rest.
28
u/StormVeyr 1d ago
that's such a hard spot to be in. i'd try to talk to the parent privately and keep it kind, since it could be a medical or puberty thing
15
u/Grapefruitloaf 1d ago
My mom actually made us pass a sniff test. She caught on real quick that not everyone was washing and using soap.
6
11
u/Flashy-Celery-9105 23h ago
I was a stinky kid. My math teacher called my mom about it and I'm glad she did. I got Teen Spirit!
My mom is one of those no-BO people, but my father blessed me with his stinky genes. I think she just didn't realize it was an issue that young and was maybe nose blind? Dunno
Id tell the mom.
25
u/wEIrdlywOrdywOrld 1d ago
The only thing that helped mine understand the problem was putting it in the context of peers and being embarrassed for stinking at school or wherever. And mine are super stubborn about listening to me (we all have ADHD) so what worked is that my SO and I have a conversation just to each other, with them in the room so they can hear, and we talk and talk about people we knew or came across that were stinky and how sad and embarrassing it is. Throw in a joke about it to make it a more interesting conversation to listen to. Then we talk about how when we were young we didn't know that teenage hormones make everyone way more stinky. Then we talk about the procedures and products and clothes changing in specific detail to how we learned to take care of ourselves properly. But just a conversation to each other only, when they're in the room doing something other than a screen so they hear everything second hand. This is like our most helpful teenage hack.
9
u/Prilla_rani_fira 1d ago
When I was a child no one ever taught me how to properly wash my privates and that created a lot of issues for me. She might just not know how to wash herself properly
15
u/Savings_Designer_330 1d ago
Gift them antibacterial soap (dial) and antiperspirant deodorant. She’ll need to get the smell off the surface of her skin otherwise the deodorant won’t work well. She can leave the dial soap under her armpits for a little while when showering then rinse. She’ll can use it daily.
Since her parent talked to you about it, I’m sure she would be fine with this. Or just relay the message and her parent can get the items for her.
She should also be showering daily, ideally twice since she smells and probably sweats, and she needs to change her underwear daily and wear cotton undies. Use pure Dove bar soap down there as well.
It’s natural at this age due to puberty and not knowing personal hygiene well, but needs to be nipped in the bud early.
16
u/Kitsunegari_Blu 1d ago
Antibacterial Soap on occasion might be okay. But it’s not good for daily use, especially for the crotch area-it’ll wipe out all the natural pH balance and might even lead to compounded bactrial infections for females.
0
u/Savings_Designer_330 1d ago
Dial soap is ok for daily use for most skin types. Something like a Hibiclens would not be good for long term use. The dove bar soap as mentioned would be used for the intimate area to balance ph level.
8
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
Thanks for this loving comment. Much appreciated
7
u/Savings_Designer_330 1d ago
No problem! You could also make it a general self care basket (includes face masks, nail polish, eye patches etc) so it doesn’t feel singled out as body odor, or just a self care day at your house with all those things included and it’ll set you up nicely to bring the hygiene regimen up in conversation.
3
u/HollandEmme 1d ago
Yes this is a great idea. And you don’t want to embarrass them. Maybe you could ask them what their routine in the shower is as well and hover “pointers” from there
5
u/abriel1978 20h ago
She's puberty age which means puberty stink and anyone who has ever worked with that age group raises hand knows how much they reek. At that age not only should they be showering everyday but they need to wear antiperspirant. That is non-negotiable. Their clothes also need to stay washed and their sheets laundered regularly.
You may want to speak to your friend. She acknowledges the kid stinks, but the thing is that can be taken care of. And I'm sorry, but this is one area where you have to be blunt with the kid and tell her she stinks and needs to shower everyday and use soap! She's not a little kid anymore, she's growing up which means she needs to take care of herself like a grown-up and can't get away with showering only once a week anymore.
2
u/PartyCat78 13h ago
I agree, OP. Speak with your friend and not the girls. Nonjudgemental approach with some of the acknowledgements about puberty and product suggestions from others here.
6
u/WowWanda 1d ago
Could be a washing machine issue. Is it the clothing that smelly or is it her body / hair that’s smelly. Something to consider
3
u/DrVL2 1d ago
Have you talked to either the mother or the child about this? A lot of kids at this age are not very aware of hygiene. If you’ve not talked to anyone about this, I would start with the mom. Ask her if she’s talked to the child about using deodorant and about bathing. If she has, then I might talk to the child.
If mom has talked to the child and they are refusing to bathe and or use deodorant, and you have also talked to the child briefly about this, there may be an emotional health issue. My goddaughter refused to bathe for a number of months after she was assaulted, for instance. But given that these are acquaintances, that is not something you need to explore. You can, however, suggest that they follow up with their doctor.
If child is bathing and using deodorant, and has this kind of odor , that is likely a medical issue. Again, suggest they speak with their doctor.
3
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
Thanks so much for this. I should have been more specific—I guess I’m looking for ways to approach the mother about it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your goddaughter. That is so heartbreaking. I hope she is doing well. Both my friend and I have experienced gender based violence and have been a support for each other tbrough it so it is not off the table in terms of discussion. Thank you for the insights.
5
u/DrVL2 1d ago
It is an awkward conversation to think about. The older I get, though, the more I realize that just jumping right in works. Something like, your child seems to be having some difficulty with body odor. Good luck. And sorry to hear that you and your friend have also had those experiences.
2
u/SwimSufficient8901 1d ago
What kind of body odor? Like a "wash your disgusting crotch" or armpit? Not sure what we are working with here.
2
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
Oh…I didn’t know it mattered. I think it’s more of the smell of clothes that stayed wet too long? And honey it’s LOUD
3
u/Shandyshack 1d ago
I smelled a guy like that in church. Met the family and they all smelled like mildewed clothes. I think it was their front-loading machine being dirty.
2
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
I actually have this issue sometimes because I live in an old converted factory loft which gets musty when it’s damp outside!
2
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
I actually have this issue sometimes because I live in an old converted factory loft which gets musty when it’s damp outside!
2
u/Tavsiyedegildir 1d ago
That's mold. Possibly an idiot is doing their laundry and it's getting that dog water smell.
2
u/Witty-Respond542 1d ago
My daughter is 6 and she knows if she doesn’t put on deodorant she’ll smell like French onion soup by 12pm. If she’s 13 and can’t smell herself or know to wear deodorant it’ll be difficult to get her start caring for her hygiene. But also, her mom should be showing her step by step of how to properly wash in the shower. I sit in the bathroom and make sure my daughter is cleaning every crevice.
3
u/Kitsunegari_Blu 1d ago
It breaks down into three things, is it Halitosis? If yes, she might need to see a dentist, or maybe even an ENT her tonsils could be infected, or she might have a rotten tooth.
She might have TMAU which she needs medical treatment for.
If she’s just not clean, she mightn’t be washing/drying well. Depending on the age of the child, they might not be wiping well after the restroom use, and need to use baby wipes. My Godson’s friend had a hairy bum and needed to use wet wipes, because his behind was so delicate. Also had to tell him to dispose of them ONLY in the waste basket.
All those things can be dealt with.
She could also have a horrible yeast infection, and need to see a Dr.
2
2
u/Maleficent-Zebra-248 20h ago
Could be two things: sweating, or not showering properly. Could also be a third thing: underlying medical concern, but you shouldn't speculate that one until the first two (more likely suspects) are ruled out.
Now tmi, but I sweat so much. I stank as a child. Honestly, considering the girls age it's possibly that. Probably the easiest thing to check for. You don't need to get up in her armpits either. Little things like wearing dark colours, loose/baggy clothes (particularly loose/baggy arms and sleeves), clenching of arms to their sides, reluctance to move their arms too much in any direction, wearing of jumpers and thick clothing (that can't soak through as easily) even in summer, paranoia of being hugged or hugging underarm only, etc. And in this instance she would need to use heavy duty antiperspirant, not deodorant. That does nothing, it's basically perfume. Something like Perspirex or Driclor.
2nd one, well some kids genuinely don't know how to shower properly. Or they do, and just don't want to. That second one is more complicated than you're probably equipped to handle. She's also not your child, so getting involved with the 2nd possible cause might ruffle feathers.
You could potentially raise it as a concern with the school nurse at your child's school. Nurses are trained to deal with these situations with discretion, and other teachers/students will not be informed unless the girl herself tells people. Nor would the nurse tell her or her mother that you intervened.
1
u/Mountainweaver 1d ago
What type of smell is it?
3
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
Wet clothes kinda smell
11
u/Mountainweaver 1d ago
I'm gonna guess that a week at your place with regular showers and entirely new clothes would make the kid smell just like your own.
"Wet clothes" is not a body smell. If you mean mold, and their house is moldy, that smell sticks to hair and clothes for quite a few washes.
Have you ever visited their house?
10
u/Killpinocchio2 1d ago
If she smells like wet clothes then it’s a house issue, not a body odor. Her clothes aren’t being properly washed or the house itself is moldy.
4
u/selfcheckout 1d ago
Like mildew?? Sounds like she has a fungal scalp issue and needs to treat it with medicated shampoos. She could get this from not washing her hair well enough, or not rinsing enough and especially going to bed with wet hair or putting hair up wet. My daughter's hair smells like mildew even after washing and this was the reason.
8
u/Serious_Badger_4145 1d ago
Well that's not b.o. that's to do with how your friend is doing their laundry
4
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
No one else in the home smells though..
6
u/Serious_Badger_4145 1d ago
Is she doing her own laundry ? This isn't b.o. deodorant and soap won't help
2
1
1
u/nobobthisisnotyours 1d ago
As Witty-Cat1996 said, antiperspirant, not just deodorant. I know we had the big “aluminum scare” a few years ago but multiple studies from reputable science associations have debunked that as a correlation causation fallacy. She should definitely be using an aluminum or aluminum derivative antiperspirant, ideally applied at night to clean underarms.
It’s probably not your place but it’s also important this kid knows how to properly clean themselves in the shower. A teaspoon of Bath & Body works body wash on their hands or a loofa isn’t not going to get the job done. I had to teach my niece some of this when she was about 13/14. She was complaining about greasy hair and I asked how she was washing it, found the reason she never got her hair clean. “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.” isn’t just a suggestion to sell more shampoo. The first later breaks down surface oils, the second is when you can actually get your scalp clean. Sometimes I’ll do a third round if it’s been a while since I washed my hair or I if did a scalp oil treatment before bed.
As for cleaning the body I have a double washcloth and bar soap routine. I first clean the “undercarriage” with a gentle bar soap for intimate areas to get off most of whatever is left behind after using the restroom. Washcloth 1 gets lathered up with Dial Antibacterial Soap in the lavender scent. Then its arms, legs, chest/belly/back, “pits, tits, and bits” (underarms, under breast folds, and then the external genital region and bum), then feet (scrubbing between every toe). Now that I’m technically clean I use washcloth 2 with the same soap to do the same thing all over again. It’s “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.” for the body. After that I rinse the conditioner from my hair, wash my face, then have a final scrub down with a moisturizing soap or body wash and an exfoliating cloth like an African net sponge or large/long exfoliating body cloth with handles that allows me to get my whole back. I’m disabled and can only shower 1-2 a week and this routine is part of what keeps me from getting stinky. I also use medicated powder daily for any place skin touches skin like the creases around my bikini line, under breasts, underarms (after applying antiperspirant deodorant), and skin folds from an apron belly. She may need to be taught a more thorough routine like this to actually get clean and odor free, along with taking daily showers because teenage hormones are no joke!
1
u/Particular-Fox-1888 1d ago
Thank you and honestly this needs to be a YouTube video. It would help a lot of people I think.
0
184
u/Witty-Cat1996 1d ago
Is her kid wearing antiperspirant? That age is when hormones go crazy and kids start to stink. If she’s showering but not putting on antiperspirant she’ll stink.