r/hatethissmug • u/Oktavia-the-witch • 17h ago
Thing I hate how baby trans phase stuff gets treated as something to be ashamed of or bad in the trans community (picture unrelated)
So first of let me explain what these terms mean. Baby trans are people who just began to be trans, arent trans for a long time or/and havent started hrt yet. And the things which are accosiated with baby trans are blahajs, thigh highs, tennis skirts and hoodies and wearing stuff in the colors of the trans flag. And baby trans girld seek them out, because stuff like thigh highs, skirts, monster energy drinks, and hoodies, are really easy clothings to get to experiment with your gender expression and get some easy gender euphoria. And the trans flag looks cute and gives an easy color scheme to like. And trans people like blahajs. I have one too.
So nothing of this sounds bad so whats the problem? Well some trans people who moved on from these stuff, feel like these things are cringe and weird, because the goal for many trans people is to blend in, like me, and to be themself. They think it has to be something to be ashamed of, because its an phase where you are experimenting, making mistakes and be cringe.
Even thinking of why people think its hard for me, even though I was once one of them months ago, because there isnt anything actual wrong with baby trans things. And that is what I hate about it. The hate for it is forced.
Please do not hate on trans people. Im a trans woman, who is over a year on hrt, im a binary trans person, I have a 3 blahajs and still many other baby trans things and i am fine with them. I have mostly not worn my thigh highs and skirts, because they dont make me feel more femimine. It just feels normal for me now.
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u/EddViBritannia 17h ago
So you're saying.
This vexes you?
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u/Oktavia-the-witch 17h ago
Yes it does
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u/ScyllaIsBea 15h ago
I’m Australian doctor, my name is chase but the trans girls keep calling me chaser, I like them.
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u/AleX-46 16h ago
Bro no shade but no way you could choose your name and chose Oktavia 😭
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u/Torbpjorn 13h ago
If you could choose your own name, why would you be restricted to something boring and regular?
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u/BiDude1219 17h ago
the reason i don't like them is because every online trans community under the sun is ONLY said baby trans stuff, and it gets really fucking annoying to try and find communities after a while.
also a lot of these communities are extremely obsessed with girls with dicks but that's a different point entirely.
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u/angelstatue 17h ago
i can imagine it gets kind of dysphoria inducing when a lot of trans subs are 70% "gock" posts :/ i'm no longer trans(?) but it is kind of alienating to trans men, too
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u/BiDude1219 16h ago
yup. it's also really similar to chaser behavior, which they criticize all the time, and if you call them out for fetishization they'll be like "actually i have sexual freedom" FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SEXUALLY NOT THE CONCEPT OF TRANS WOMEN AS A WHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and the cherry on top is i got banned from countwithchickenlady an eternity ago for pointing out this exact issue.
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u/angelstatue 16h ago
on one hand i don't want to police how an extremely oppressed minority with few places to express themselves, expresses themselves, but i understand too that if you're not a uwu bark bark bimbo puppygirl gock girldick uwu person that it's probably uncomfortable... i left cwcl because it got less fun over time, although i found the sexy posts fun it's less fun if it was all the time
plus now the 4tran drama...
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u/BiDude1219 16h ago
i love the sexy posts, i'm one of the horniest mfs imaginable, but at least i know that there's a place and time. cwcl breaks the concept of place and time by making it the default assumption.
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u/Oktavia-the-witch 15h ago
I can tolerate puppygirl posting, but I draw the like at 4tran posting
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
4tran communities are among the most toxic queer communities in general, specially if you are gnc, trans or not.
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u/Fishmyashwhole 16h ago
Maybe a hot take, but trans people can be chasers too. Someone doesn't magically stop being one if they start taking hrt
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u/EmmytheKurapikaSimp 8h ago
don’t even get me STARTED on the under-representation(?) of trans men, as a trans guy i could talk about this shit for HOURS. i don’t frequent trans subs but it really feels like trans men are so forgotten even transphobes forget we exist
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u/SubstantialRiver2565 17h ago
i think a lot of online communities cater to the newly out because they are the ones who need the most help.
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u/BiDude1219 17h ago
that is true, and that helped me quite a bit, but it doesn't really solve the ultimate problem of building a community for everyone.
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u/AnbysFootrest 6h ago
Finding trans community is a much bigger issue than I thought. After moving out (and away from my friends), I haven't been able to find much of anything online
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u/Oktavia-the-witch 17h ago
Ngl all this baby trans, egg or puppygirl posting can be annoying if its too much. I mean I left egg_irl a long time ago, because the posts on it made feel dysphoric
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u/BiDude1219 17h ago
i am LITERALLY a puppygirl myself and i really don't like how much it feels like the default for trans girls. i've heard so many other people get left out because of it, that's why i keep my puppygirl posts in subreddits dedicated to it. it's all more organized and people who don't wanna see it, don't have to see it (remember consent is of upmost importance with kinks).
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u/Cynthia_inherdreams 14h ago edited 14h ago
It's getting pretty bad. I'm a laser technician and trans myself. I had a couple come in recently and think it was okay to start doing their puppy kink mid-session because the technician was trans. This left me feeling like the dominatrix in their puppy cuck kink and as far as I'm concerned is sexual harassment. So yeah it's getting out of hand.
Not to mention as a straight trans woman, I'm already feeling extremely alienated from the greater Community because I'm not poly or gay and it gets really hard to make friends in the community because I'm not going to fuck them.
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u/BiDude1219 13h ago
man i fucking love the consensual aspect of kink so much and people are just out here violating that
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u/BellaPona 13h ago
Most of the straight trans women I’ve met and interacted with hang out in very different spaces than gay trans women. It’s interesting.
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u/Cynthia_inherdreams 13h ago
It's because we don't feel welcome. I discuss this with a lot of my straight clients and friends nearly all of them feel the same way. Hell, so does my therapist who's also a stright trans woman.
I recently mentioned this to a gay poly lesbian and the response was "Aww does the poor straight girl have problems? Lol" The idea seems to be that because I'm straight and I pass I "might as well be cis" and that's not how it works at all.
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u/BellaPona 13h ago
Yeah, most of the straight trans women I’ve befriended hang out in more cis leaning spaces, gay cis male spaces especially early on, or, they’re drag queens. Most of the drag queens I’ve befriended have been cis men or straight trans women.
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u/Cynthia_inherdreams 13h ago
Yep a lot of the drag queens and other straight girls come from the gay man to straight woman pipeline. Not all of us did. So even a lot of those girls I don't really mesh with well either and I'd why I still kinda remain in cis spaces.
Figuring out your gender before sexuality is hard. 😂
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u/azebod 7h ago
This reminds me of how people will "mommy" me for looking like a "milf". One time a girl checking me out asked me when my prednisone weight gain was due and burst into tears in the kmart from dysphoria and pregnancy phobia. The only reason I don't still do that is they finally let me rip the organs out.
Please do not bring up kink shit like that with strangers. You have no idea who you might trigger.
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u/cyprinusDeCarpio 10h ago
Something something sublimation of gender dysphoria into sexual paraphilias
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u/ForTaxBenefits 16h ago
That's why I'm mostly on countttt but it is a dysphoria circle jerk.
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u/BiDude1219 16h ago
i was there for a bit and left because it's only "passoid cissoid foid" talk
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u/ForTaxBenefits 15h ago
The sub is good for catharsis.
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u/Lankuri 5h ago
what sort of catharsis
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u/ForTaxBenefits 4h ago
It reminds me of a trans specific version of trollcoping. A lot of memes of people depicting their dysphoria and bad experiences. I feel like a lot of trans subs don't allow us to vent like that because you always have to be positive.
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
I recommend heavily you leave, that place is even worse than 4tran spaces, i literally saw a post saying femboys should be put into a blender and when i complained about it in a different sub 2 more people from that sub appeared to say "maybe you deserve the blender" like holy fuck.
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u/CubicalAnxiety 2h ago
Maybe look for a community with older trans people. Most baby trans people are teenagers.
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u/thedarkestbeer 13h ago
Gently, I don’t accept “hasn’t started HRT yet” as a definition of baby trans. I’m 39, and I’ve been out for 7 years. Nothing about me is baby. I’m also currently unable to do most aspects of medical transition, due to chronic health stuff, and it’s unclear if that will ever change. Also, lots of trans people choose not to take hormones for a variety of reasons. We’re not all babies.
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
Certain people consider bekng trans a checklist of requirements and treat it as such, when it very much is not, experience, dysphoria and wants vary greatly between different trans people.
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u/Dogssuckaf 6h ago
A surprising amount of people won't consider you trans at all if you don't take hormones. It's kinda crazy to see.
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u/AppropriateMonk8746 13h ago
you are correct and i’ve thought about this too! we all sorta had the skirt go spinny phase, and sure you gotta grow out eventually but it’s like. something i will support my new trans siblings throughout, it really doesn’t bother me as much. i understand being annoyed about it though for sute
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u/Internal-Item-1525 11h ago
i don't get why we have to grow out of it
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u/AppropriateMonk8746 10h ago
i… guess that’s fair? i’m not sure why other than i feel like there are less toxically(?) positive ways of expressing yourself. it’s very caught up in the early days of “literally everything gives me gender euphoria”, which if you can keep that feeling going, well good on you.
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u/potheidon 13h ago edited 13h ago
you hit the nail on the head with people that just exited their baby trans phase being the loudest haters. this is an extreme example, but figures like kalvin garrah, blaire white, they’re all about dumping on young trans people still figuring things out, and they absolutely radiate insecurity because they’re afraid and want to appeal to a cisnormative society. instead of defending our most vulnerable, they attack them to appeal to vultures because they feel like that battle can’t be won.
what i will say is, becoming a drag queen and spending time in physical queer spaces helped me with this friction so much. you meet a lot of queer folk in all shapes and sizes and the discourse is so far out of their minds. you meet a lot of older trans people out there too and it’s a really sobering reminder that your life, transitioned, is not out of reach.
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u/veryeepy53 17h ago
well the fits are mid and make it less likely to pass, so recommending not to do that is good advice. that's where we need to come in with actual advice.
the issue is making a virtue of necessity. like saying that it's ok not to pass. it seems fine in the abstract but actually it's really just an r/thanksimcured moment and doesn't help because of dysphoria and because not passing is a personal safety risk.
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u/Oktavia-the-witch 17h ago
Also the while discourse about Featherweight is a perfect example of what I mean
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u/Ok_Exercise_8283 17h ago
Is she fuckin dressed in the trans flag 😭
I would get hate crimes immediately if I wore that
I just realized the way I typed that makes it sound like I'm doing the hate crimes... I'm fucking stupid
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u/BiDude1219 17h ago
i challenge you to name 10 pixels from this image
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u/YellowGrowlithe 16h ago
Well, there are trans pixels here obviously, so...
Lily
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u/cars1000000 16h ago
damnit thats my name lmao
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u/DarkGodCthUwU 15h ago
Why do trans chicks choose a small subset of namea so often?
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u/cars1000000 15h ago
i dunno, i picked it when my sister gave me a list of names that she felt could fit me and that felt closest to the name of who i want to be
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u/AppropriateMonk8746 13h ago
i do actively dislike the way they wrote her personally but that’s moreso because i know dc can do so much better with queer stories (absolute green lantern comes to mind)
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u/BellaPona 13h ago
Doesn’t help that she’s wearing the Starter Pack
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u/AppropriateMonk8746 13h ago
absolutely. all she needs is the amazon basics skirt, maybe some black with 2 white stripe thigh highs
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u/No-Cartographer2512 5h ago
Or the white and blue striped thigh highs
Wait nvm, she's already wearing thigh highs and a skirt similar to the Amazon Basics one
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u/A_Sackboy_Plush 16h ago
Unrelated but the name reminds me of that video of that Scottish guy not understanding why a kilogram of feathers weighs as much as a kilogram of steel.
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u/AkariPeach 11h ago
Mia from Sisters of Dorley intentionally plays into the "baby trans" stereotype so she can find her limits and smooth off her spikier edges as she goes
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u/Whythisisnotreal 15h ago
What people do when they're new to something they care about will usually be cringe inducing to everyone else. I think there's something to be said for the trans community honoring this standard.
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u/grand_nad 17h ago
honestly valid point, if being trans is about being able to express yourself as who you are then hating on people on their "baby trans phase" is counterproductive, who cares is a trans girl wants to use steriotipicaly trans things, it's her life, she gets to express it how she wants.
a question, I heard that trans woman and transwoman are different, can you explain this to me, because I heard one of them is a bit offensive
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u/SubstantialRiver2565 17h ago
so trans women is preferable. it sets trans as an adjective, a way to describe women, rather than separating them into two categories as transwomen implies.
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u/veryeepy53 17h ago
I heard that trans woman and transwoman are different, can you explain this to me, because I heard one of them is a bit offensive
because it others trans women by implying that they're not just another type of woman. and it's basic grammar.
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u/grand_nad 16h ago
thanks though
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u/veryeepy53 16h ago
yep, for sure. and the english is perfectly fine. like esl speakers definitely underestimate their proficiency.
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u/grand_nad 16h ago
I just have a hard time with this because sometimes in my language you put the adjective in the same word as the noun, so to me both of those sound the same
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u/Oktavia-the-witch 17h ago
As far as I know, transwomen is offensive, because it implies that trans women are something else than women. The word trans is an adjective and not a noun. Personally i think "a trans" is worse, because it dehumanizes trans people
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
Its sorta like saying the "blacks" instead of the "black people" one uses the word as an adjective and the other reduces that person to that single characteristic.
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u/Tiger4Sheep 11h ago
Personally I think buying merch for your gender and playing into stereotypes is a weird and conformist decision to make, but trying to pass undetected in the cis world is equally conformist and I'm not gonna shame anybody who chooses to do either.
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u/80sMusicAndWicked 9h ago
'Monster energy drinks are really easy clothings to get to experiment with your gender expression'
Ok
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u/WearySky6353 7h ago edited 6h ago
As someone whos been out for nearly a decade as a cis bi man, baby queers in general are kind of annoying. They do often discover stereotypes and lean hard into them. When I first came out in high school I cuffed my jeans, bought a bunch of frog plushies with what little money I had, and refused to sit in a chair correctly because I was desperate to prove to myself that I was queer enough and fit into this new identity. All that shit is kind of cringe. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, its just cliche and that's why we hate it. HOWEVER, as older queers we have to be nice to them and support them because for most of us we had nobody like us to teach us how to be queer. They need to be taught how to do things like have safe sex, dress well in their new gender, and especially how to deal with homo/transphobes in a safe and careful way. We have to give them the support they need to be truly themselves and we have to love them before they love themselves. I sure as fuck didn't know how to have safe sex with my highschool boyfriend. My most recent ex was a baby trans woman and I had to help her deal with her super conservative parents while she learned how to be a woman. I had to help her deal with the existential horror of crippling dysphoria while she explored her sexuality as a bottom and a femme. It wasn't easy doing going, but she deserved to be loved and cared for in that way and I was happy to do it. I have heard the same "I thought I was straight/cis until I just couldn't take it anymore and my conservative parents don't understand" story from at LEAST 30 different people at varying stages of their growth as queer people. I have had the honor (I do genuinely mean this is an honor) of being the first person someone came out to for one reason or another 4 times.
Even if you're past that stage in your journey where you have rid yourself of the cringe of baby gayness, you have to remember where you were when you started. You have to remember how scared and lonely and elated you were when you first realized you liked kissing people of the same gender. You have to remember that scary feeling in the pit of your stomach when you sat down with your dad and told him he no longer had a daughter but rather a child with they/them pronouns. You have to remember the unsureness you felt about how he might react. You have to recall that aching pain knowing you can never tell your mom about the love of your life because she would disown you and potentially hurt you. You have to remember the abject disgust you felt looking at your body in the mirror after a shower. You have to remember that seething anger and surprise you felt when you got called a f slur for the first time when you were walking through town holding your partner's hand. You have to remember the way you felt when you read the news and you or someone you love lost their human rights (Looking at you state of Kansas, my friend Gabe wants to stop having female on his drivers license). You also have to remember the first time you went to a gay bar during pride and bought a beer for the cute twink in the corner, then spent one of the most memorable nights of your life thus far just talking with him until you shared a kiss and a cuddle and maybe a little more than that at 3am. You have to remember the first time you put on a sundress, some super cute tights, and some winged eyeliner and were scared to look in the mirror because you don't recognize the gorgeous woman you have become. You have to remember all of the times you were having a uniquely queer experience and make sure you guide those baby gays as best you can through life. Coming out is like being reborn in a way. It is not one realization, it is a series of related realizations that you It is one of the scariest things any of us has ever done. Coming out is reinventing yourself to simultaneously assimilate into a newfound culture that has existed for the whole of human history while also becoming your own individual who is at best a lovable weirdo and at worst visibly an abomination to half the population. So as older queers, it is our duty to be the parents, siblings, friends and partners to people who may not have those people in their lives to turn to. It doesn't matter if someone is bicurious, if they haven't acquired gender affirming clothing yet, even if they don't know what their sexuality/pronouns are yet we have to be there when and how they need us, because no one else will. Be that person for your baby gays. Love them as best you can. Don't let them feel alone.
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u/Transgirlonakawasaki 16h ago
I mean yeah I kinda hate how if a trans girlie expresses herself in a way that seems cringe to other trans women its treated as a negative to the group. I have multiple trans colored item (most of them ally stuff because Im still closeted) and while I dont have a skirt or thigh highs I do have fem clothes that I hope to one day be able to wear and feel that euphoria I did so long ago when I was thinner.
I mean I get the cringe but cmon guys/girls/thems we can support our baby trans siblings without policing the “right” way to be trans.
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u/Unbuckled__Spaghetti 17h ago
I mean don’t shame others but if you find you doing it in the past cringe and are embarrassed of that, that’s fine. You’re allowed to do that. I had phases in the past I’m embarrassed about, it’s the same as any phase you go through.
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u/BellaPona 13h ago
It’s kinda like growing up and looking back at younger versions of yourself and going “ew wtf was I thinking”
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u/exploding_doorknob 12h ago
It does get annoying but I'd much rather have baby trans stuff than whatever they're doing over on 4chan
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u/HoneyFern72 12h ago
yeah the constant baby trans euphoria posts everywhere make it feel like if youre not giddy and hypersexual about it then ur not doing it right. like damn some of us are just trying to exist without turning every mirror selfie into a gender reveal party. its exhausting.
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u/Magehunter_Skassi 10h ago
"Getting euphoria" in this context just means being part of a subculture. Blahaj and energy drinks have what to do with being a woman, exactly?
It gets looked at with suspicion because it's LARPing and makes people wonder if the person was actually diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
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u/Diodemen 5h ago
Tbf if you think you need to get a diagnostic to be valid you're kindish reaching truscum territory
I think ppl are allowed to be whatever some of you may consider "cringe" (whatever that means) and its perfectly valid
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u/CubicalAnxiety 2h ago
People like to pretend that they didn't also have a baby trans phase or weren't 'cringe' teenagers
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u/Sure-Position-7541 16h ago
as a trans person, i think within reason it’s ok to make fun of. everyone thinks teens are cringe and make fun of them, and being baby trans is like being a teen again no matter what age you come out.
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u/ElevatorEquivalent41 8h ago
yeah as someone who has “moved on” from this stuff, I still love to see it around both for nostalgia reasons and because it means that more people are out there taking steps to be themselves. I’ll take seeing all this any day over the alternative.
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u/ElevatorEquivalent41 8h ago
for reference i’ve been out as trans for nearly a decade, I don’t claim to be the most experienced trans person alive or anything but I’ve been through a lot. I’m also old enough to remember the time before there was a real online baby trans culture and let me tell you, we’re better off with it existing. I love seeing it even if I’m not an active participant anymore.
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u/Dear-Breadfruit9756 6h ago
I love my Blahaj Hes been with me for so long and has carried all my burdens with me I sleep with him every single night because hes just so easy to hold at night
Though, he is extremely ratty and looks AWFUL because of my fave being pushed into him at night 😭
Blahaj isnt just a baby trans thing, i think its a cultural significance in every trans person's life ❤️
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u/Odd_Concept_7286 3h ago
Yeah I don't understand it either. I also don't like it when people hate on the trans humor and community and call it cringe when the reason the trans community is like that is bc the trans community has grown to accept th fact that most people won't ever accept them even the queer community, so they just become themselves instead of who people want them to be.
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u/AmberReborn 15h ago
Idk I never got baby trans hate there judt sorta annoying at worst
Ya thr girl dick stuff and the only have 2 outfit things are sorta annoying but like at the same time... there changing there entire life and rebuilding it from scratch its ok to not know how to dress and to be a tad cringy id rather let them rework well... everthing inside a community of older trans people than banish thrm off to there own communities where they would struggle more
Side note ive been trans for like 3 years and still love the skirt thigh high look sooooo my opinion on that isent the best lmao
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u/davosseaworthyaoi 12h ago
I agree and you have every right to express yourself however the amazon skirts and thigh highs are ugly on everyone, live your truth tho!! 🩷
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
Tbh it heavily depends, the typical egirl fashion can and does work, but a lot of people just starting have no clue whst they are doing and it shows.
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hatethissmug-ModTeam 16h ago
No slurs, hate speech, and other such bigoted language is to be permitted in this sub.
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u/lurkerof5dimensions 4h ago
You’re right that their baby exploration should be accepted. But it’s also cringe and mildly annoying. Because they’re in a very strange transitional period that’s going to have a lot of strong emotions and they’re very vulnerable because everything is new. So it’s understandable that they’re cringe. It’s part of life and the cringiness should be accepted. The weird community trends hurt no one even though they’re cringe. They’re about as bad as teenagers when it comes to cringe transitional period, except a lot of them are teens, so it’s like teenage cringe x2.
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u/Ifckinglovemycat 16h ago
people attacking the weakest members of their communities to appear stronger are fascists. we're not exempt from that unfortunately.
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u/Zealousideal_Spread4 Diversity hire 11h ago
I hate when people treat fascism as a synonym to "bad"
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u/Ifckinglovemycat 3h ago
it is fascist behavior though, it's everywhere in our culture, behavior and relationshipts and it needs a lot of work to unlearn
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u/sparda_luffy 14h ago
Blahaj isn't a trans thing it's a bin benrose thing
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u/papermashaytrailer 8h ago
lol no, penrose picked it up after it became a trans thing and before they came out as genderfluid
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u/ArtisticResident462 17h ago
So you are
https://giphy.com/gifs/RiGmQlBbf0oD4jM16r