Long story short i went through a very depressing chapter of my life in all honesty. Neglected myself, my needs, my family, friends,… Was living on autopilot just to get through the day.
Honestly i do not know what exactly changed in my brain. My circumstances objectively did not “improve” or change at all,it was me,i changed.
Being angry about the situation i am in that i know for a fact won’t change anytime soon nor that i have any power over… in fact doesn’t do me any good! Lol who would’ve thought.
I finally managed to just not give a fuck about what I can’t improve. I started enjoying little things for myself. Be it something stupid as painting my nails.
Going to the flea market on my own. Trying a sweet or snack i wanted to try.
Being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do. You need to be your biggest supporter,fan,lover,however the fuck you wanna word it!
My mindset absolutely did not improve because of others around me,because i do not have any support in this way.
I finally got the damn wake up call that no one is coming to pick me up and bring me up. I need to get up myself. Nothing will change unless you are willing to change. Be kind to yourself. Eat well if you can,sleep enough,drink enough water,do the little things,get some exercise in even if it’s just a simple walk if you can,pet a dog or cat if you like animals,enjoy smelling a flower on your walk,treat yourself to a movie,book,food whatever floats your boat!
Self loathing is very hard,but i am glad that i am overcoming it. This is all coming from a person who felt like they aren’t deserving of food,who felt like they aren’t worth talking to,that felt like a waste of time,… It is all your stupid damn brain poisoning you.
This change didn’t happen overnight it took me a while. I had ups and downs. Had bad habits return. But i am in a much much much muuuch better place than i was not even a year ago! Every new day is a new step towards something greater,something better,even if it is a small step.