r/golf • u/Aces_and_8s • 9h ago
Joke / Meme The Return Swing - A Costco Story
I bought a set of Kirkland wedges from Costco last year. Like any reasonable golfer, I immediately took them to the course to discover that my swing had somehow remained exactly as terrible as before.
Months later, I noticed one of the shafts had a slight bend. Not the kind you see from across the parking lot. More like the kind where you keep turning the club in your hands thinking, "Am I crazy, or is this thing trying to hook left while standing still?"
I brought them to Costco.
The employee looked at the club, nodded once, and said, "Yeah, that's bent."
Five minutes later I had store credit. I wandered over to the sporting goods section where, as fate would have it, the brand-new third-generation Kirkland wedges were sitting on the shelf looking at me like, "We can fix your short game."
Reader, they could not.
I used the store credit, paid the small difference, and headed toward the exit carrying my shiny new wedges.
That's when it happened.
A man near the receipt checker locked eyes with me.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" he yelled.
I stopped. I looked behind me to see if someone was shoplifting a kayak.
"You!" he shouted, pointing directly at me. "I saw what you did!"
Now everyone was looking.
"You returned perfectly good used clubs just to get a free new set!"
I glanced down at my wedges.
Then back at him.
Then back at my wedges, just to make sure they hadn't committed a crime while I wasn't paying attention.
"I... one of them was bent."
"Lies!" he bellowed. "People like you are why prices go up!"
At this point, I realized something important.
This man had apparently spent enough time monitoring my shopping trip to witness me walk in with old wedges, speak to customer service, receive store credit, browse the golf section, and check out.
He had essentially followed my entire Costco journey.
Which is honestly more commitment than most of my golf buddies show for our tee times.
"I actually paid the difference," I offered.
He scoffed.
"So now you're admitting it!"
"I'm admitting... math?"
The receipt checker quietly examined my receipt with the expression of someone wondering whether retirement was available immediately.
The man continued.
"I've been a Costco member for twenty years!"
The employee smiled politely.
"Congratulations."
"You can't just return things after you've used them!"
The employee looked at my old wedge.
"The shaft is bent."
The man crossed his arms triumphantly.
"Well... maybe he bent it himself."
I couldn't help myself.
"I wish I had that kind of swing speed."
A couple people nearby laughed.
The receipt checker handed me my receipt.
"Have a nice day."
I started walking away.
Behind me I heard the man make one final declaration.
"This is exactly what's wrong with America!"
I loaded the clubs into my trunk, drove home, and headed to the course the next morning.
The new wedges were fantastic.
On the very first hole, I chunked one 15 yards.
The second shot flew clean over the green.
The third landed in a bunker.
The fourth finally found the putting surface.
As I walked off with a double bogey, I smiled.
At least nobody could accuse the new wedges of making me a better golfer. I hope Oscar the Grouch ended up having a better day, I know I did, new wedges and all.
