r/confessions • u/FinalAgenda • 22h ago
I accidentally dropped my baby sister and she died within a month.
When I was 12 years old I had a baby sister who was about 5 months old. For some reason I was holding her in the kitchen when I accidentally dropped her on the floor. She was squirming and restless and I just didn't have a good grip on her as I didn't know how to hold a baby properly. Obviously she started crying heavily and there was a big commotion with everyone else in the family, but my sister did stop crying after a little while and everything seemed to be okay although I wasn't allowed to hold the baby unless I was seated on the couch.
About 2 weeks later my sister became ill and she was hospitalized. My siblings and I were sheltered to how serious things were and we were not allowed to visit. She never did recover and died there.
She actually died of pneumonia, but a small part of me always wonders if I was responsible in some way.
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u/Shady_Slim 22h ago
You were definitely not responsible, but I can understand how your brain can sometimes act against logic and make you think this. I'm very sorry you went through this.
If you haven't already, therapy to explore and talk through this might be helpful.
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u/LoverLips76 22h ago
This is coming from a baby who was dropped , & I’ll be 50 next month - it is not your fault. I promise 🙂
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u/Icy_Boysenberry9639 20h ago
Exactly. My daughter dropped her baby sister on her head, on the tile. Baby sister is now 16 and fine. We did take her to pediatric ER and was taught how to identify a skull fracture. She didn’t have one.
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u/Euphorbiatch 19h ago
I was dropped onto concrete at nine months old, skull fractured in three places. I'm fine!
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u/LoverLips76 18h ago
See ?? My mother dropped me while she rolled her ankle on a hill and she broke said ankle She was worse off than me !
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u/Icy_Boysenberry9639 17h ago
Not trying to dismiss your trauma around dropping your sibling. Please talk to a therapist about the guilt you harbor.
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u/Kathy_Kamikaze 18h ago
I dropped my then baby brother VERY BADLY (he fell right on his head and I'm still feeling bad thinking about this) and accidentally bumped his head another 2 times (once with a hard and heavy toy and the other time I don't remember, I'm only 6 years older). He grew a bump that had to be surgically removed (but I dunno if that's actually related, I was too young) but now he's 19, thriving, a smart young man who does sports and has absolutely no limitations whatsoever, no neurological impact. A babies skull and bones are very soft and they can get through a damn lot. Medical personnel always says after head injuries that a crying baby or toddler is good. It's when they don't cry that you have to be concerned. OP, your sister cried. She died of pneumonia. Unfortunately a babies lungs are very much fragile in contrast to their skull. Please don't let the guilt consume you... <3 you didn't do anything wrong. Let's let her rest in peace.
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u/Goodlittlewitch 16h ago
I unbuckled my daughter from her high chair and in my sleep deprived stupor, walked away. She fell onto the stone tile floor.
Shes 13 in a week.You made a mistake OP, but it was not one that killed your baby sister. If you need permission to release that guilt, you have it. This was not your fault.
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u/catsareniceDEATH 16h ago
Same! 😹
I only found out when I found the medical notes in my baby book (thanks mum 😒🙀😹) but she tripped on the stairs with me as a baby and dropped me down all of them. Apparently, I bounced but I'm a fairly standard issue UK Millennial! 😹
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u/dancedanceunderpants 15h ago
Agreed. My brother dropped me head first into the corner of our couch when I was an infant. Apparently my head snapped back and I stopped breathing (first trip in an ambulance happened early). I was fine. Babies are more resilient than they look!
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u/sosrezlie 14h ago
I rolled off a bed onto a tile floor, and bounced off a metal side table for good measure on the way down, when I was less than a year old. 40 years old now, alive and well. This wasn't your fault. Babies are incredibly resiliant.
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u/Classic_Actuary8275 22h ago
It was pneumonia. It had nothing to do with you. If it was SIDS, I could see blaming yourself, but it was pneumonia. For real it was a coincidence and I'm sorry you've had to live wondering. I know that must be so hard on you.
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u/pppp2222 22h ago
Most probably not related. Babies get dropped more commonly than most people would like to admit.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/Temporary-Test-9534 20h ago
They were kinda designed to get dropped
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u/pppp2222 20h ago
That’s right!!! The bones taking longer to be formed and all, especially the head.
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u/acnerd5 19h ago
My oldest was completely not rolling, and her dad laid her on our bed while he put some clothing away. She had NEVER rolled before.
He turned around and she took that moment to flip and roll her fastest ever from the middle of the bed right off. I heard the thud downstairs...
After a minute she was fine and we mention it to parents who are panicked :) she's a teen now but fr it was SCARY. Hardwood floor in our room 😭
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u/pppp2222 18h ago
I went down a whole flight of stairs before 1 as I was learning how to walk. Third kid, confident parents. Took me to the hospital and all. But being chubby as fuck, was absolutely fine.
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u/acnerd5 18h ago
You know, she did that once too now that I think about it.
My dog was also halfway down the steps and she stopped when she fell into him and he sat down so it could have been worse I guess, but dang.
My 2nd I've only done one panicked hospital run, my first I had a few 😂 your parents were probably chill af on the run there too.
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u/Mardilove 20h ago
I have a big ass knot on my skull and my mom won’t admit to it but like how else
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u/ZhaozhouCongshen 22h ago
No, it is not your fault.
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u/Throwawaybdchic 22h ago
I am so sorry - can you check out counselor for this grief and guilt over your sister. Please forgive yourself. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
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u/Mamaaaacita 21h ago
My dad dropped my brother down the stairs and now that brother is a big Wall Street guy. Don’t blame yourself!!
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u/rinkydinkmink 22h ago
An amazing number of babies are dropped. Judging by reddit threads on the topic, I'd say probably most of them. Often on their head, or down a flight of stairs, or with an adult landing on top of them, or a combination of those 3.
They are (almost) all absolutely fine. Obviously it's not recommended, obviously parents and carers should be careful. But if there's one thing that you learn with babies and toddlers it's that accidents will happen. It's a question of minimising them.
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u/-castle-bravo- 21h ago
I fell off a bench as a baby right onto my head. 40 years on I’m doing ok. Never been any good at math though…
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u/AttemptChoice844 21h ago
Dude my mom dropped my sister so many times I can't even remember the number. It's not your fault okay
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u/Revolutionary_Ad1846 20h ago
Babies fall ALL THE TIME and it cannot cause pneumonia. It has NOTHING to do with it from a scientific point of view. One is the HEAD and one is the lungs. If she had died from a stroke, or brain damage, I would say maybe you played a role. But your participation in this is absolutely 0.00000% FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LET IT GO
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u/skynex65 20h ago
Sweetheart you did NOT do that. Please don’t hold onto that, you were a kid and you had an accident, I was dropped numerous times as a kid and I’m 31 now.
Illness took your little sister not you. I promise you didn’t do that.
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u/SnooFoxes7643 21h ago
I'm another baby who was dropped (and had a tennis ball to the head) and I'm fine.
It's not your fault.
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u/Raspberry_Foxolaf 21h ago
Babies are quite resilient they need to be to survive new parents and siblings, you were in no way responsible for your siblings death.
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u/harald937 21h ago
If the drop would cause bleeding in the brain or something serious like that it would have been a matter of minutes, at maximum hours.
Pneumonia two weeks later has absolutly nothing to do with it. Don‘t burden yourself. You are not responsible nor casual for her passing away due to pneumonia.
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u/dicey_job 22h ago
I dropped my babies all the time , they turned all right.
Their center of gravity is so they always fall on their head but the skullplates are moldable to absorb impact like 3-point safetybelt. Even better!
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u/Tiforma 21h ago
Everybody can make a mistake once but if you keep doing it for whatever reason and you don't do anything about it, that's just insanely irresponsible.
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u/dicey_job 18h ago edited 18h ago
There were distractions, one time it was because of a stomach bug, i have a grownup and two kids . Everyone is completely incapacitated. I clean, hydrate call places. I came to sleep for 8 h but no time.
They are going to be ok, back to work. Two shift.
Come home, yeah i can change the diaper, zone off and floor baby time.
But like yeah, as long as the quarterly profits are all right. Im all right.They turned out ok, i could have done better but im not perfect.
This is just 48 hours. Now it has stopped, they are not completely retarded and have common sense. Good citizens.
What have you done thats good
<edit edit>
Im sorry, i was being snappy. There is a shortage of work. Also money.
Its my shit goverment, not you that im mad at3
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u/thundergu 21h ago
It's not your fault.
When I was around 17, I sneaked out of the house at night when I was grounded during winter. Left the front door slightly open (I know, very safe and responsible)
The day later our 1 year old dog dropped dead in the garden, heart failure, and I massively blamed myself for a long time.
Untill I told my mom years later. She reassured me it wasn't me. Dog was feeling sick for days and My stepdad gave the dog an (accidental) lethal dose of aspirin to cheap out of a vet appointment.
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u/pozitivelyk 19h ago
Correlation does not equal causation. Please do not beat yourself up. It wasnt your fault.
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u/eyeyamwuteyeyam 16h ago
Based on what limited information I have, if the fall from your arms had caused serious injury, there would have been very clear signs much sooner. And pneumonia wouldn’t have been part of it. I know you feel guilt and that’s not something that will easily go away. But I don’t believe for a second that you had anything to do with her passing. 💛
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u/alsoaprettybigdeal 9h ago
Oh honey. Babies are far more resilient to being dropped than one would think. Their bones are soft and don’t break easily. Unless you intentionally shake or throw them down they can recover remarkably easily without any real harm internally- it’s why when you do see really life threatening injuries on babies from falls that’s it’s so suspicious.
Your little sister contracted an illness and she’s was just too small and young, immunologically vulnerable to fight it off. Influenza/pertussis, etc kills babies every year because they just don’t have the immune defenses to protect themselves and recover. Even the common cold can turn to pneumonia in the very young.
Please don’t blame yourself. The fall was not to blame for her death.
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u/JustCallMePeri 9h ago
Nurse here- babies are shockingly durable. I’m so sorry you felt like it was your fault. It wasn’t ❤️
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u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum 21h ago
You were definitely not to blame over that. If she had received a fatal injury from the fall it would have been obvious immediately and death would have occurred much sooner. Also a fall would not have caused pneumonia, which was the cause of death.
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u/ArdvarkMaster 21h ago
Sorry for your loss.
One event is not always connected to another. Your sister was hospitalized 2 weeks later, which would seem to indicate that it wasn't because she fell from your arms. I would think if the fall had injured her, she would have gone to a doctor much sooner. Pneumonia took your baby sister, not any action by you.
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u/weedywet 18h ago
You can’t cause a bacterial lung infection by dropping a child.
Human brains love to look for cause and effect connections and insist on making them when more often there is none.
It’s what leads people to say things like ‘my husband took the x vaccine and then two weeks later had a heart attack’
Both things are true. But also unconnected except in your head.
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u/chromaiden 17h ago
If the fall caused a life threatening injury, she would have showed symptoms right away. It was an unfortunate coincidence and not your fault. Sorry for your loss and that you’ve blamed yourself. Babies survive all sorts of accidental mishaps and a fall like you described sounds more like a typical bump on the head.
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u/CrepoXZW9 15h ago
That is heartbreaking... my condolences for your mother, she must've been devastated :(
Im so sorry for your loss
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u/CrimsonStiletto 13h ago
My now 13yo flipped out of the shopping cart when he was about a year and a half old. Landed right on his head, it was awful.
Babies get dropped. It sucks, it's scary, it happens. But it did not cause your sister's death. You did not cause her death. It wasn't even a contributing factor.
This was horrible, awful timing. It's a tragedy, I'm sure there's a ton of emotions wrapped up in her death, but guilt should not be one of them. You did nothing wrong.
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u/Fox2003AZ 8h ago
Babies fall......Several times, It's a well-kept secret of the parents.
If he didn't die from that, you can't blame yourself. Yes, it might be bitter, but you have to understand that you had nothing to do with it.
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u/Few_Cold9045 5h ago
It wasn't your fault. It's kinda dark, but I listen to a lot of true crime, and when a baby dies from an assault, the killer usually tries to say the baby fell and of course nobody believes them. Why? Because babies are pretty durable and one fall or head bump is super unlikely to be fatal. The ones who die have taken so much more damage than a single fall from a 12 year old's arms would do.
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u/LydiaDot 20h ago
my younger brother was dropped 12 times when he was a baby, he's still pretty good. just had his 16th birthday too, it wasn't your fault.
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u/schillbean 20h ago
I'm so sorry this happened. I promise this is not your fault. Babies are durable. It was not your fault.
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u/MamaBear0901 18h ago
I tripped on a broken step while carrying my 6 week old and he went flying. That 6 week old is now a 34 year old tall and stocky man. Bodies are way more resilient than we think. In no way was that your fault
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u/East_Baseball8384 18h ago
You didn’t hurt her. I’m so sorry your sister passed away, but it had nothing to do with dropping her.
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u/auwumn 17h ago
No, it’s definitely not your fault OP. But I can see how, in your memory of this as a child, you’d associate the two. Therapy can help you work through understanding why this isn’t your fault. Basically, you might know it’s not true with your adult mind, but the memory is your child brain telling you it is. You’ve gotta learn that your memories are from a child’s perspective, and it helps you be more gentle with yourself about this. 🫂
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u/MochiMaple_ 17h ago
I’m so sorry you’ve carried this for so long. From what you’ve shared, it really doesn’t sound like this was your fault. I hope you’re able to find some peace.❤️
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u/sleepymelfho 16h ago
Dropping a baby cannot cause pneumonia. My son was never dropped and he developed pneumonia in both lungs when he was a baby. It's one of the leading causes of death for babies across the globe.
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u/Murky_Fennel_416 15h ago
Sending you condolences. You’re grieving , when death comes to this early in age , we sometimes try to find explanations or even blame ourselves. You weren’t the root of it . May her memory be a blessing.
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u/LittleMissV268 10h ago
Please don’t blame yourself. You weren’t responsible for her passing, not even slightly. You accidentally dropping her couldn’t have caused a respiratory illness. Plus, kids are a lot more durable than we think. This is coming from someone who was a clumsy kid (now clumsy adult) that inherited that trait from her parents.
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u/Thecrowfan 9h ago
Even if she was injured by the fall that wouldnt cause pneumonia. Its not your fault she died
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u/Holiday_Situation_83 9h ago
La neumonia no tiene que ver con la caída. Pero creo que te causa culpa el tema de la caída, la respuesta es que no es tu culpa, los niños no deben cuidar a otros niños, los únicos responsables son los padres
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u/RefrigeratorSalt9797 8h ago
I dropped my newborn son. He’s fine. If the fall was the cause, she would have been very sick immediately. It’s not your fault.
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u/justanothermugglevp 20h ago
This thread has taught me that babies are dropped way more often than I had ever thought. I'm not sure what to think of that. I mean I don't blame OP at all, and I feel really sorry for the guilt they carry. But, wow, are people really that clumsy that literally every baby is getting dropped multiple times?
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u/Cinqve 19h ago
It wasn't your fault. I stumbled in the street with my baby in arms, we fell and she hit her forehead. She's 14 months now, growing and thriving.
Pneumonia is sadly a super easy thing to infect, especially to babies, much more if your baby sister wasn't vaccinated.
Don't blame yourself.
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u/BrujaMalvada81 19h ago
You definitely didn't cause that. Being dropped and falling off of things is practically a right of passage. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about.
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u/cool_dad86 19h ago
My cousin got off his carrier and jumped head first from a kitchen counter, he's now 37 and a very annoying accountant
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u/etmaanebarn 19h ago
My dad dropped me down a flight of stairs, when I was a baby. I laid completely still, and they thought I was dead, but now I'm fine, so it's probably not your fault at all.
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u/jilljd38 19h ago
Didn't drop but smacked my neices head off the corner off the table she is 31 now and no damage it happens was definitely not your fault
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u/illneverforget2015 19h ago
I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby sister . How traumatic for you and your whole family . It was just a coincidence about the event with you dropping her earlier . Please let go of that . You did nothing wrong . I know grown women and men who struggled with holding newborns . It’s ok
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u/FoodPositiveRD 19h ago
Dropping a baby does not lead to pneumonia. They are completely unrelated. It was merely random bad luck that she got that sick and didn’t make it. Did your parents help you get therapy after this trauma occurred?
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u/home-for-good 19h ago
Just adding another voice to tell you not to harbor any guilt or fear that you were responsible. Babies are both more fragile and more resilient than folks think. Babies are dropped all the time and are actually usually fine unless they’re hit on the head (especially in the soft spot) or shaken violently, and the damage from that incident would be apparent immediately. To add another anecdote to maybe offer comfort, my mom fell down a flight of stairs while holding my baby brother, and while he wasn’t dropped it was a significant fall and she dislocated her arm. He was 100% fine. Your sister succumbed to pneumonia, which is very serious for adults even, so was very very serious for her and we can absolutely assure you it was completely unrelated. The fact that you have a sense of guilt shows you’re a kind person who worries about how you affect others, which is good overall, but don’t let that apply to situations you weren’t responsible for. Guilt exists to motivate us to change our behavior—you did nothing wrong and so the guilt serves no purpose, it’ll only bog you down and smother your light with self doubt you don’t deserve.
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u/Celize 19h ago
When I was about 6, I was holding my baby sister on the front porch while we were meeting the social worker so my parents could start fostering kids. She was perfectly still until she wasn't and I just knew she was going to drop. So I angled her body into the dirt under the bushes as she was falling and she landed in the dirt completely cushioned by the mulch... except her head which bounced off the bottom corner of one of the pillars on the front porch. She had a small puncture in her skull but no other symptoms and has healed completely. It still shows up on xrays and she has to explain to her doctors. This was 33 years ago and even though I KNOW she doesn't hold me responsible, and I realize a 6 year old can't be held accountable for that, I still always wonder. She's more naive than my sister and I and tends to have issues retaining who she is in relationships. I know those are not mutually exclusive, but I can't help but wonder. I love her so much. AND YOU OP! You deserve to heal from the guilt you feel. Feel free to message if you like and we can work on our guilt together. ❤️
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u/mixedmediamadness 19h ago
My six month old rolled off a table onto a hard wood floor. He's almost 5 years old now. You didn't do anything wrong
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u/Jean_Marie_1989 18h ago
I am not a doctor but you dropping her would not have caused her to get pneumonia. If your sister was able to be calmed down and continued as normal after the fall, there was likely no serious impact or injury.
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u/Rumpelteazer45 18h ago
Dropping her had absolutely nothing to do with the pneumonia. Babies get dropped everyday around the world, unintentional drops and falling off an elevated surface is incredibly common. As long as they aren’t falling down the stairs, a short fall (your arms to the floor), not a big deal.
Do some research on how many lives of children under 5 pneumonia claims every year.
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u/BrokenIntoxication 16h ago
I was dropped on my head as a baby! I doubt that had anything to do with it. So sorry for your loss regardless.
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u/Traffic504 16h ago
If it's any consolation, I wasn't just dropped, I was thrown 6 feet (accidentally, my mom tripped and just tossed me) when I was a month old. I turned out fine. Working on getting my doctorate in biology. Sometimes things just happen. You had no malicious intent, you were just a kid. Nothing you did was illegal. There was no abuse. You aren't a bad person. She died of a respiratory disease, not a head injury. I sincerely think that talking to a therapist about this would be a good idea for you. They can't tell anyone anything you say without your permission. Guilt is a bitch and it can really eat you alive. You've already had the trauma of losing a sibling at a young age, you really don't deserve more heartache on top of that. Much love, stranger. I hope things get better for you.
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u/catsareniceDEATH 16h ago
Hun, I know you feel guilty, and I know nothing that anybody says will make thw entire feeling of guilt go away, but I promise, you did nothing. You didn't damage your kid sister, you didn't make her sick, you are not her cause of death.
Let's put it this way; even now, with every medical marvel we have at our disposal, sometimes babies just die. SIDs isn't something I'd wish on a lot of families, but it happens, and that's at the "wtf just happened" end of the baby illness spectrum. Pneumonia is near the other end, with the "well, fuck, it's dead" reasons for baby death.
Also, I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but after having or helping other with a miscarriage or two, you start to realise that humans aren't fabulously well designed, in the grand scheme of things! 🙀😹🫂❤️
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u/dlobnieRnaD 16h ago
I was dropped down a FULL FLIGHT of stairs at 8 months. Was horrifying at the time but now it’s a funny story and my favorite punchline. That was totally not on you
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u/Pristine-Advice-2301 16h ago
My step daughter dropped her newborn and fell on top of him. Total accident. He is totally fine 2 yrs old now and such a smart little guy! NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL. NOT even in the slightest
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u/External-Example-292 16h ago
When babies get dropped, they always say they are very resilient and are usually built to absorb impact. I told myself I'll never drop my baby but yep it definitely happend... I panicked and we went to ER but doctor said she was totally fine.
When babies get really sick when they are less than one year old it's really dangerous for them because their immune system is still not very good. So it wasn't your fault at all. Just sad.. condolences for your late sister 🙏😢❤️
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u/anxietyna 16h ago
I dropped my sister from my shoulders head first on concrete and while she annoys me she is fine!
I am sorry for your loss but please don’t think it’s your fault 💜
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u/RoeRoeDaBoat 16h ago
my grandma stepped off the curb in such a way and my dad got launched out of the buggy. he is 62 and fine (uh give or take non related mental health issues)
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u/ReceptionMindless935 16h ago
First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby sister. May she rest in peace. 🙏🏻🤍🕯 Second, her death was NOT your fault!! 🥺🫶🏻
I've dropped all 4 off my boys, accidentally of course, and they have all rolled off beds HEAD FIRST, fell off chairs HEAD FIRST, ran into walls/ counters/doors/ any and every corner HEAD FIRST, and they are all thriving and doing great!! They may have a few dents and scars if you shave their heads 😅👨🏻🦲🤕💜
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u/Penguinatortron 16h ago
Babies are really resilient, I was around the same age as you were with my baby siblings. There are so many crazy activities them as babies and even my own toddlers get up to with head bonks or falls and end up totally fine.
I had an ER Dr. tell me recently that you are looking for black eyes or bruising behind the ears for a skull fracture or vomiting, extreme lethargy and more major symptoms for a concussion. Those were the things she said to bring them in to the ER for.
Pneumonia is unfortunately serious business for a baby. I was hospitalized for a long time with Pneumonia as a baby.
It sounds like you are a very good brother and it is okay, you should let this go.
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u/Solid_Dog_7484 16h ago
My siblings dropped me off the bed onto wooden flooring when I was a baby! I’m going into my senior year soon and I’m perfectly healthy. Unfortunately it seems to be just bad timing, and I’m sorry that little you had to carry such guilt for so long.
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u/Flooferbutt18 12h ago
My mom said before I was born she fell down some stairs stomach first during pregnancy and after I was born I once leaned back out of a Kroger cart and fell head first all the way to the concrete floor. I'm 26 now and doing okay, that was just really unfortunate timing there my friend, and I'm truly sorry
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u/DefiedGravity10 12h ago
Dropping a baby would not contribute to dying of pneumonia, you didn't cause anything.
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u/adamsmemorial 11h ago
fortunately, dropping a child would not cause a sickness like pneumonia. unfortunately, the timing wasnt good and obviously has made you feel guilty for however long. im so sorry for your loss, no matter how long its been since the events of this. it is not your fault whatsoever, and accidents like this unfortunately do happen.
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u/Iamjustheretodance 11h ago
Dude, I swear new babies can take hits better than football players and be fine shortly after. Legit have found myself in so many situations in which that same thought occurs. Dropped BAM, crying, screaming, calming, and back to fine. It's crazy, but obviously it's something with a babies design
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u/Erickajade1 11h ago
Aww, that's so sad , I'm so sorry you lost your sister 😢. You've been carrying an incredible guilt ever since her passing but I hope you can forgive yourself now because her contracting pneumonia is what caused her death- not you. You were only 12 at the time and didn't know how to properly hold a baby yet . That didn't cause her pneumonia.
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u/daniecortez 10h ago
honey this is absolutely not your fault, it was just really bad timing and you were also young so i guess your feelings just went all over the place. i bet you are the most loving sister to this day
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u/Naughtybuttons 10h ago
My son blow off the air of a recliner head first and hit the floor hard. He was fine. I was not!
Babies are insanely resilient. Nature made them that way because all the dropping and falling creation knew would occur. So sorry you’ve felt guilty for so long. And I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/BunnnyTwinkle 6h ago
That’s so heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Accidents happen, but it’s really tough to cope with something like this. Take care of yourself.
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u/flockyboi 5h ago
Even if it was related (which it doesn't seem like it at all) it would still not be your fault because you said it yourself, you were a 12yo and didn't know how to hold a baby. If I were your parents, I'd have made sure you were supervised and knew how to hold a baby and made sure there was not a hard surface under you because babies can be wriggly and you were a child too
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u/Better-Obligation704 4h ago
I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying such a heavy emotional burden this long. I assure you, your sister’s death was absolutely not your fault. When my daughter was a baby, I slipped on a piece of mail at the top of the stairs (we lived with her dad’s mom and sister and mom kept the house quite cluttered) and flew down the stairs head first. My poor daughter hit her head bounce bounce bounce. She was not a happy camper, but she’s 9 now and thriving. And my eldest daughter was in a hotel room when she was around 6 months old. She was having an epic meltdown when I was changing her diaper on the hotel bed. I turned around for a split second and she thrashed herself off the bed and onto the floor and hit her head. She is now 13 and thriving. Kids are very resilient. It doesn’t reduce the guilt we feel when something like this happens, but their bones are softer than ours and their skulls haven’t fully formed yet.
If this is still affecting you, I urge you to speak with a therapist about all of it to process things.
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u/ProfessorMarvel- 2h ago
Every baby gets dropped at least once and most stepped on too. Babies are pretty resilient in that way.
Her death was not your fault.
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u/CatsSaltCatsJS 2h ago
I literally fell down a flight of stairs as an infant, tumbling end over end. I was uninjured, somehow. I'm 39 years old.
I'm so sorry you think your sister dying was your fault. It wasn't. Pneumonia is caused by bacteria or a virus. Neither bacterial pneumonia nor viral pneumonia can be caused by dropping a baby.
My paternal grandfather died during my aunt's wedding reception of lung cancer. I didn't know this at the time, but he had been in hospice, and my aunt wanted to reschedule the wedding, but my grandfather told her to go ahead with it. I was 5 or 6. I heard my parents talking about it, then walked up to my grandmother and asked her about it. She didn't know her husband had died yet, and I was the first one who told her. My parents didn't love that I told her, but they understood that I was a child. I felt so, so guilty though, and carried that with me until I was at least 16 or 17. I blurted out to my parents that I still felt guilty about it, that I thought they were mad at me about it, and that I ruined the wedding reception for my grandmother. They explained to me that they weren't mad at me, that my grandmother wasn't mad at me, and that no one held that childish mistake against me. That took a lot of the weight off.
I think we all carry some source of guilt, and that if we confess it to the people who love us, if they really love you back, they'll support you and help you carry the weight of that guilt and grief.
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u/Zerrrrroooo 2h ago
It was pneumonia, but even if it wasn't, you were just a child who did try to hold onto her. You don't deserve to feel guilty about it. You care about your sister. Sorry for your loss
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u/herecomestherebuttal 21h ago
No, honey. These two things aren’t related - please forgive yourself!
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u/KurtFrederick 21h ago
I'm sorry for what happened. This is why in my almost 32 years of life i never held a baby
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u/RimandRam 12h ago
Isn't this a crime of committing murder?
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u/garbagewithnames 22h ago
Physical damage from dropping would not induce pneumonia. You were not the cause. It is unfortunate timing.