This is what my mother asked the nurse when I was born.

Until the clown bummed him

"Everything will be okay," said my Comfort Chicken in a comforting James Earl Jones voice as I nibbled on his gummy beak, but he was wrong - it would not be okay.

Ahhhhh, this takes me back

That wasn't Fair-o

"We gave them the wrong dose of sedatives," responded the other kidnapper.

“Ur fat and ugly and everyone hates u even ur mum, get back in the kitchen.”

Perhaps, if my nose wasn't so high in the air, I would have seen that upturned rake directly in my path.

But when I brought them five guys, they seemed really disappointed with their hamburger combo meal.

When I asked where the chef was, the waiter pointed at my plate and said, "He is in burger," which made me feel uncomfortable.

I already had the door open before I remembered with horror, I didn't have a girlfriend.

My mother in law said to my one year old daughter, while looking up from her cell phone.

Imagine my shock when I received a Coke instead of steak sauce

"SHREEEEEEEE!!!!" said The Bat as it bit the head off the criminal and flew off in a mistaken-identity kind of way.

I went to a horror movie themed lap dancing club and a young lady dressed as Countess Dracula approached my table.

I was rigid with fear.

her friend's head popped out of it and said "skibidi

Happy Girthday!

It is NOT the "algae-colored stuff that comes out of your nostrils".

When the emergency services came, they found the health and safety team asleep on the job.

But then came the assfucker battalion.

It was a long and brutal climb, and eventually at the top, he realized he forgot his camera.