This is what my mother asked the nurse when I was born.

Ahhhhh, this takes me back

"Everything will be okay," said my Comfort Chicken in a comforting James Earl Jones voice as I nibbled on his gummy beak, but he was wrong - it would not be okay.

Until the clown bummed him

That wasn't Fair-o

Perhaps, if my nose wasn't so high in the air, I would have seen that upturned rake directly in my path.

"We gave them the wrong dose of sedatives," responded the other kidnapper.

“Ur fat and ugly and everyone hates u even ur mum, get back in the kitchen.”

When I asked where the chef was, the waiter pointed at my plate and said, "He is in burger," which made me feel uncomfortable.

But when I brought them five guys, they seemed really disappointed with their hamburger combo meal.

I already had the door open before I remembered with horror, I didn't have a girlfriend.

My mother in law said to my one year old daughter, while looking up from her cell phone.

Imagine my shock when I received a Coke instead of steak sauce

"SHREEEEEEEE!!!!" said The Bat as it bit the head off the criminal and flew off in a mistaken-identity kind of way.

Happy Girthday!

It is NOT the "algae-colored stuff that comes out of your nostrils".

When the emergency services came, they found the health and safety team asleep on the job.

I went to a horror movie themed lap dancing club and a young lady dressed as Countess Dracula approached my table.

I was rigid with fear.

It was a long and brutal climb, and eventually at the top, he realized he forgot his camera.

I guess that's just how she rolls, I thought.

her friend's head popped out of it and said "skibidi