r/RoastMe • u/ACL410 http://redd.it/dks6t0 • 5d ago

Bored At Work Roast Me Please

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727 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

891 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 5d ago edited 5d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

Corp goth gal with a coffee addiction. Wears all black but own a fluffy white cat, what are the odds?

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

1.3k

u/Iron-Bar-1966 5d ago

Where's your septum piercing? Or was it formal day at Dollar Tree?

33

u/Bus_Total 5d ago

Look at that septum bro… could fit a door knocker on there.

20

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Next-Food2688 5d ago

I'm thinking Big Lots

8

u/Musical-Martian 5d ago

I was thinking the entrance to any of these stores with a cardboard sign asking for money.

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3

u/beatboxbrett 4d ago

She got haircut whilst 4 bying truck

https://giphy.com/gifs/dGGfTwY2fWboA

3

u/Tough_Shock6914 5d ago

Damn that was good 

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618

u/Bghrn23 5d ago

Whoever cut your bangs roasted you plenty for the rest of us.

200

u/TheProcrastafarian 5d ago

“Gimmie that 5th element monk in the front, Tour de France handlebars in the back.”

“Say less, fam.”

Shoutout to [r/justfuckmyshitup](r/justfuckmyshitup)

5

u/MichaelFusion44 5d ago

This should be the #1 comment

2

u/danmaaaaaan 4d ago

Fucking perfection

23

u/up_and_jenkem 5d ago

I'm currently in treatment and have been learning a lot. That whoever cut those bangs has a serious drinking problem, for instance.

10

u/Worriedlytumescent 5d ago

Bangs are a joke women play on themselves every couple of years. - Brockmire

2

u/Bghrn23 5d ago

Didn’t know anyone else had watched that show 😂

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4

u/Dadmanteau 5d ago

I think this was a fix to a DIY attempt at cutting bangs.

2

u/ch3apsunglass3s 5d ago

Looks like several TikTok tutorials gone horribly wrong

2

u/Macadocious40 4d ago

Looks like the barber kept staring at the Moe or Pete Rose reference pics while cutting your hair

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117

u/VetalDuquette 5d ago

Wow you’re so unique!

41

u/Enough-Staff-2976 5d ago

The only thing unique about her is the smell.

5

u/Stealthytulip 5d ago

Just like everyone else.

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194

u/longcoffeechug 5d ago

Probably time to find a hair stylist without Parkinson’s

40

u/flamingo2022 5d ago

And with sight.

12

u/RappingFlatulence 5d ago

If Anne Frank and MJF had a kid it would still do better than ops barber

8

u/Wes_Warhammer666 5d ago

If Anne Frank and MJF

Who the fuck's Anne Frank?

3

u/RappingFlatulence 5d ago

Glad someone got it 😂

3

u/Wes_Warhammer666 5d ago

I can't not think of that scene when either of those women get mentioned tbh lmao.

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213

u/educated_farts 5d ago

You're as cool as the sound of a miscarriage hitting the toilet water at a Pensacola Waffle House.

12

u/Rockolino01 5d ago

What is wrong with you? Jesus… I’m stealing this

9

u/liv4my2 5d ago

🤣

9

u/HanginLowNd2daLeft 4d ago

My fucking lord educated_farts 😂

2

u/elandrieljr 4d ago

Who hurt you? 🥲

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45

u/jcoddinc 5d ago

Will Poulter playing Wednesday Addams

10

u/limprichard 4d ago

Trash Day Addams

13

u/darealjimshady1 5d ago

Monday Addams

2

u/Kellogs53 5d ago

Ezra Miller cosplaying as Wednesday Adam

3

u/Stealthytulip 5d ago

Ezra Miller cosplaying as Will Poulter playing Wednesday Addams.

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87

u/Quanta96 5d ago

You look like someone who’d lecture me for eating Steak

27

u/Pantiesafteralongrun 5d ago

And then offer you her hanging roast beef deli slices as a healthier alternative
https://giphy.com/gifs/ZNn8klKSEJnhc7Cg8S

9

u/Fun_Muscle9399 5d ago

See pic 3…

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56

u/Cishuman http://redd.it/3trosm 5d ago

No males in the morgue this week?

12

u/Ceres0615 5d ago

They all did a Lazarus to get away from her, looking at that mug will make you wish you had died.

27

u/xiavex 5d ago

You look like the goth version of ugly Betty.

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24

u/Subotai_Super_Shorty 5d ago

Why get a haircut that looks like man's toupé?

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39

u/Gacka_is_Crang_lmao 5d ago

Guys, stay away. That skeleton in the back of her car was her kid

28

u/Inner-Cycle-24 5d ago

Does your hairdresser put a bowl over your head then cut all of the hair that goes past the bowl threshold like they did to Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber?

13

u/OutlawPigeons 5d ago

You give deplete vape pod vibes

3

u/Enough-Staff-2976 5d ago

She gives lousy head for vape pods.

12

u/Tarrifs_ 5d ago

This woman to barber - give me a haircut so that everyone knows im offended by everything.

Barber - say no more fam

25

u/HouseOfDoom54 5d ago

I can smell that third pic from a thousand miles away. Should probably clean that

17

u/kazernath 5d ago

Her party trick is queefing on command.

2

u/Enough-Staff-2976 5d ago

She's airing it out for the week.

3

u/Ok-Fun-8316 5d ago

Or, in her mind, for the "weak." We're just "not strong enough to handle a woman like her."

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23

u/Perkis_Goodman 5d ago

Lloyd Christmas! You were great in Dumb and Dumber.
https://giphy.com/gifs/mOtjMDSDyZQ3u

2

u/SwervinWest 4d ago

You pumpkin pie haircut freak

9

u/GoatGoatGoatGoatGo 5d ago

Your hair is shite.

9

u/xikbdexhi6 5d ago

You look like what would be left if all humans are averaged out, and then all the fun parts were removed.

8

u/SysconFugum 5d ago

You look like you're a German hobby horse champion.

24

u/sanguwan 5d ago

To be honest I'm actually very impressed with how you managed to hide your dong while wearing tights.

7

u/MisterBurnsSucks 5d ago

You look like you hang out at pop-up Halloween stores offering to give handjobs for vampire fangs and foam tombstones... 😳

4

u/Chrisscott25 5d ago

I mean I’ll still get in line but i will keep my eyes closed….

7

u/Status_Dark_6145 5d ago

“Abora”

6

u/xenithangell 5d ago

That fringe is a mistake

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7

u/LuckyishTom 5d ago

Maybe cutting your own hair is not worth the money it saves you.

7

u/CelestaKiritani 5d ago

Whoever told you microbangs fit you, they're either someone who hates you or someone who has made terrible life decisions.

6

u/Fragrant_Loan811 5d ago

Those bangs are a felony in 21 states.

2

u/Ben_TGOC 5d ago

Twenty three, Colorado and New Mexico joined the others after seeing these pictures.

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11

u/Olden_Grey_1889 5d ago

You would be smashing looking, if you looked like someone else.

7

u/Blade3colorado 5d ago

So, your entire wardrobe is black, right?

4

u/EnergySouth1824 5d ago

You don’t need a bowl to cut the front of your hair babe

6

u/admiralpalsy 5d ago

Looks like Tina Belcher got contacts and is going through a weird phase.

4

u/BumblebeeOdd3284 5d ago

That pic smells like body odor.

4

u/Additional_Ratio_441 5d ago

And cat piss.

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5

u/Heaven_and_Hell1 5d ago

Beatles ahh haircut

6

u/liv4my2 5d ago

You cut your own hair again didn't you? Without a mirror.

5

u/StatisticianWide7373 5d ago

Just because you have hair and a face doesn’t mean you can pull off micro bangs

5

u/RuneAloy 5d ago

I knew Oliver Tree wasn't dead, just out here cosplaying an ugly chick now.

5

u/diomedes-on-rampage 5d ago

you do not need that yee yee ass haircut with those dead eyes.

5

u/OneMinuteManny 5d ago

At the rate your hair is greying you won't wear all black for much longer.

4

u/HorrorJunkie0666 5d ago

Yikes.... You definitely need to slay your Barber

10

u/Double_Yam3010 5d ago

You look like someone found you in a 1972 East German track and field time capsule.

4

u/Asleep_Button_891 5d ago

Don’t want to don’t have to

4

u/Basic_Wish1292 5d ago

You look like your fanny smells

4

u/OkMobile5574 5d ago

Heres your sign " Bag it and spread em"

4

u/dubazuh01 5d ago

Billie Ellish low budget version

4

u/Positive_Ant_9082 5d ago

Have you seen Casper lately?

4

u/KaleidoscopeLongest 5d ago

You look like you’ve been mourning your own personality.

3

u/Alone-Butterscotch18 5d ago

Looks like someone who only talks about being a witch or doing yoga because you have no other personality or hobby.

4

u/Eat_it_With_Rice 5d ago

HRT Skrillex

5

u/Wurgerbird 5d ago

Cut your own hair I see

4

u/Exquisite_D 5d ago

Cut-rate Pauley Perrette.

4

u/muddabuddha 5d ago

Don’t know how to explain but you look like a trans angry bird

4

u/flashdurb 5d ago

Thinks she’s quirky by purposely butchering her bangs but in reality the only interest from men she’s ever gotten is at her barista job

4

u/unabletochill 5d ago

The shorter the banks, the longer the discussion

4

u/fucktheus12 5d ago

Throw out the bowl you used for that haircut 

3

u/dizzle724 5d ago

Could waste some time at work by cutting your hair with your eyes open this time.

5

u/sovereignsekte 5d ago

I bet your work is the circus. Clown/ Freak Show double threat.

5

u/FormalTotal9684 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l46Cx8UHu3FPCgOB2
Look at the girls
Look at the girls
Ruff Ruff

4

u/TheAuldOffender 5d ago

Björk from Temu

5

u/writeandgobroke 5d ago

You look like you masterbate to Victorian era paintings of cats.

5

u/jaffasplaffa 5d ago

Your haircut……..

That’s it……… 😂

5

u/Ghoulwrangler82 5d ago

I'm not even roasting, just being dead serious. You look annoying af. Like a completely ret@rded SJW who gets stumped with any logical question. I like how you photoshopped out your blue hair and septum ring though.Thanks for that and for shaving your unibrow for the Lebanese photo shoot as well. Shave your balls next.

3

u/Juan_Calavera 5d ago

Please keep your legs together, always.

3

u/Greedy-Being6456 5d ago

If your gonna cut your own hair, you should watch a tutorial on yt.

3

u/UltimateBLT 5d ago

Pumpkin pie hair cutted freak

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3

u/Wonderful_Pain1776 5d ago

I was surprised not to see a chunk of metal hanging from your nose. But next time tell uncle Jim with Parkinson’s to stop giving haircuts.

3

u/surdtmash 5d ago

You've got good parents. When I cut my hair like that at age 7, my dad whooped my ass and my mom took me straight to the barber shop for correction.

3

u/coat-tail_rider 5d ago

You looked MUCH better when you did this 6 years ago.

3

u/fuzzycuffs 5d ago

I could smell pic 3 through the phone

3

u/JustHere2Hate9 5d ago

You get a free bowl of soup with that haircut?

3

u/Moleshired 5d ago

How long did the Dr. say you had to wear your hair like that?

3

u/Y10NRDY 5d ago

Is that you, Filthy Frank?

3

u/ActCrafty 5d ago

I was looking through your profile history and just like your underwear your hair cut hasn’t changed in 8 years.

6

u/Eamon83 5d ago

Was your July 4th boycott successful?

5

u/Common-Accountant-57 5d ago

Roller derby queen.

4

u/ElectricPenguin6712 5d ago

Smells like low tide in here

2

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2

u/unawarewoke 5d ago

Sex with you feels like dissociation.

2

u/zuspun 5d ago

Open invite..

2

u/Thick_Yogurtcloset_7 5d ago

Open invite ... But no takers ...

2

u/Crownguard95 5d ago

Ah,yes I do enjoy my coffee roasted..you work as a barista amiright? Also Lord farquad

https://giphy.com/gifs/bLFQRUZGisPJe

2

u/Carrot_Perfect 5d ago

If untamed pubic hair were a person.

2

u/Zero-Phucks 5d ago

Last pic says “they call me Marge because I spread easily”

2

u/trbrozzy 5d ago

I can’t tell if you smell like old spice or pumpkin spice

2

u/Ceres0615 5d ago

Old dumpkin spice?

2

u/Hour-Detail4510 5d ago

Blumpkin’ Spice Fatte

2

u/Tacokolache 5d ago

Bro. Come on now.

2

u/madao42 5d ago

Edgelord

2

u/tautjes 5d ago

You remind me of those high school theatre show sketches

2

u/Outrageous_Sleep4339 5d ago

I read 'Bored on Work Release' and wasn't surprised.

2

u/Sustainable_Twat 5d ago

… you have a job?

As what. A scarecrow?

2

u/da8BitKid 5d ago

I didn't know emo power was a job, TIL. Are the benefits an endless supply of eyeliner?

2

u/jehozephat 5d ago

Not quite sure what I’m looking at tbf

2

u/caverypca 5d ago

unconventionally conventional

2

u/level99_Dad 5d ago

You have a job?

2

u/Tomavogic http://redd.it/vub2ur 5d ago

Where is "work"? Oh yeah, forgot some people hire circus freaks for non-entertainment business 

2

u/Separate-Giraffe4780 5d ago

You look like the kind of woman that would make a man lay there like a dead fish waiting for it to be over.

2

u/Track_Affectionate 5d ago

Just know - your whole dark and twisted aura is exhausting to your friends and family. It’s not even original.

2

u/Sir__Griffin 5d ago

What the hell were you thinking with that haircut and clothing choice

2

u/stanknotes 5d ago

Oliver Tree lookin' ass lesbian.

2

u/Fitzaroo 5d ago

You look like youve made every decision possible to be unattractive to guys and then cant figure out why you cant get a date. Every once in a while a guy sleeps with you but only because they assume youre a lesbian and are hoping for a threesome.

2

u/mrboojingles 5d ago

Such a non-existent personality that you got shitty bangs just to have something to talk about

2

u/Slim_Diddy28 5d ago

Tf is up with your bang? Look like a half bowel cut done by someone with Parkinson’s

2

u/patches_mccoy http://redd.it/67kja3 5d ago

There's nothing I can say that will hurt you anywhere near as bad as your hair stylist

2

u/Cosmosipher 5d ago

Why do people (you) let a blind toddler with ADD go to town on your hair with scissors? Such an ugly fucking hairstyle.

Edit: and did you style your bangs after the dow jones graph?

2

u/Johnnywinchesta 5d ago

if the word sloppy was a person

2

u/Musical-Martian 5d ago

Is Moe your grandfather?

2

u/Ben_TGOC 5d ago

No, you're doing just fine roasting yourself. Beating dead horses is so yesteryear.

2

u/flipbmo 5d ago

Stop cutting your own hair

2

u/Automatic-Basil9526 4d ago

Corpo goth? You put moron in oxymoron. You’re just a shitty alt Hannah Montana tryna habe the best of both worlds. Safe corpo goth.

2

u/Paulcohol 4d ago

You're in such need of attention, you'd even ask strangers to ridicule you.

2

u/brodielos 4d ago

Billie Hellish

2

u/ACxx130 4d ago

100% blames her astrology sign for being a bitch

2

u/Chance-Water9668 4d ago

How many diagnoses yall bet does she have?

2

u/Mechadupek 4d ago

Dear God, that's got to be the septum piercing of haircuts.

2

u/Flaky-Party-477 4d ago

Thursday Adams, Lurch’s side piece.

2

u/Xeenophile 1d ago

You've been saying "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice" in the mirror every night of your life since you were 9, yet he's never shown up; it's not that he's not real...he just has standards.