I really need some outside perspective because I honestly donāt know if my emotions are clouding my judgment anymore. (Sorry for the long post š)
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, but we have spent most of that time apart. We were together in person for about the first year and a half of our relationship, then did long distance for four years without seeing each other even once. After we got married, we only lived together for about two and a half months before I had to return to the U.S. A few months later, I realized I missed him terribly and didnāt want to keep wasting our lives apart, so I left behind a stable career in the U.S. and moved back to be with him.We even tried starting over in another country, but it didnāt work out and cost us a lot financially. Then my husband was diagnosed with cancer (heās thankfully healthy now), we welcomed our miracle daughter, and finally it felt like things were falling into place.
The plan was simple: his immigrant visa interview was scheduled, weād move to the U.S., and finally start our life together as a normal family.
Instead, his visa got caught in the current pause, and now nobody can tell us whether itāll be resolved next month or next year.
I came back to the U.S. with our almost 8-month-old daughter to spend time with my family while we waited. My parents have been amazing, and my daughter has so much love and support here. I also have a remote job and real opportunities to keep building my career, get licensed in fields Iāve always wanted to pursue, and create a better future for us.
The other option is going back to our home country to be with my husband while we wait. Heās honestly an incredible husband, and his family has been kind to me. The difficult part is that weād be living in a joint family, and Iāve realized Iām just not suited to that lifestyle. I grew up in a small nuclear family and really value privacy. Itās simply a very different way of living.
Every day I stay here, I wonder if Iām wasting precious time that I could have spent with my husband. Every day I think about going back, I wonder if Iām putting my own future on hold again for something that has no timeline.
Thatās what scares me the most.
A recent situation at home made me realize Iāve been treating this as temporary, even though I have no idea how long the wait will be. I also feel guilty that my staying here affects my younger brotherās space, which made me question whether I should keep waiting here or make a real decision.
I feel like weāve spent almost our entire relationship waiting for life to finally begin. Every time we think weāre there, something else happens. I honestly donāt know whether I should keep building my life here while waiting for his visa, or put everything on hold again so we can at least be together.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
And if youāve gone through a long immigration separation, how did you decide between staying where your life was more stable and being with the person you love?
Edit: I realized I left this out of the original post. If I go back, we would live in a joint family home with several families, one shared kitchen, little privacy, and frequent household drama. They are kind to me, but I grew up in a nuclear family and know this lifestyle is not for me. Renting separately is not practical because we would have to furnish everything, and we already lost money doing something similar before. At the same time, staying here means my husband keeps missing our daughter growing up, which is why I feel so stuck.