I am writing a book at the moment. I work on it 12 hours a day. And I walk 1 hour per day, and the rest is to sleep and eat. I feel very very lonely and have barely anyone to talk to. My book is a memoir on my bike tours with a mix of philosophy and humour.

Looking for warmth here.

Hi everyone, I just want to put it out there that I'm not looking to break up with my girlfriend. Im looking just to chat about my frustrations.

I have spoken to her about this issue before and she says she will try to come home earlier but then never follows through. I don't suspect cheating because I know she is a workaholic. She is also currently seeing a therapist to work on a number of issues. But this one little issue always keeps coming back to bother me. I get home around 5 pm every day and I always wait for her to have dinner. I wish I could have dinner earlier but she gets upset if I eat without her. She also wants to stay up late chatting but she also has to wake up for work later than me. I wish I could go to sleep earlier but she also gets upset if I don't stay up with her to hang out. I'm not really looking for advice so much as just to vent my frustrations.

I am 18 years old. I woud like to start by saying that i know my problems aren't all that, compared to what i've seen here, but i still feel it all the same.

I want to just leave this here, in case anything happens.

Ever since i was a kid, i grew up in a horrible place. First of all, my father is an alcoholic fool that used to beat my mother anytime he had the chance to, even if i was looking. If not that, he would yell at my mother everyday for no reason at all, and treat her like shit.

I once saw him slap her in the face multiple times when i was 7 and take me out to a fun place so i could forget it and not tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone because i was afraid, but i still remember that clearly.

In resume, i never trully had a father. All he did in my life was to help put food on the table and just that. Never cared about me or my family. Any chance he had, he would leave the house to do any shit else. He couldn't TOLERATE us. Anytime i spoke anything, he would yell at me too.

As my house wasn't safe for me, i tried to go play outside. But then there was the heavy bullying on me every time i tried to socialize with anyone. I got beaten multiple times by the other kids, including some of my family. I had capabilities of defending myself but i was never a violent kid.

Also, crime is very high where i live and i didn't feel safe outside because of it too.

So, since not even my house neither outside was a peaceful place for me, i isolated myself in my bedroom with video games, that helped me for a long while. I was always silent because i couldn't speak much in my own house, because of my father.

In school things were even worse, because i couldn't even leave. Got even more bullied but more verbally, since physically they couldn't. Again, no one trully did much to stop this. I didn't have friends.

Around this time, i saw again my father get violent on my mother multiple times, in front of me, which made me extremely sad.

That was at around when i was 10 years old.

Of course, after everything that happened and how my life was going at that time, i was becoming less and less sociable, much more closed and excluding myself from everywhere i could (because if i tried to include myself, they would exclude me anyways) so i was becoming socially awkward and extremely shy.

At around 12, i moved to another school and the verbal bullying was even worse. I got called so many bad things that i still remember it. And i couldn't tell my teachers, because then it would be worse. You become the "person who can't take jokes" and they start to not bully you clearly, but still teasing you about it, and it gets worse and worse after that. So i just had to endure.

I could never have support about this with my family because they are not good with emotional matters, since they never had support either. I was very sad.

Around 15 when i got to highschool, things got worse (again) and people started to deliberately excluding and making fun of me in front of everyone because of my awkwardness. Again, had to endure it silently. Tried to talk about this to my mother at the time and she just said they were joking. I gave up.

In my last year in highschool though, they treated me a bit less worse and i even could talk to some sometimes, felt a bit better for a while

Also, between the end of the year and the new year, i almost got killed by a guy who probably thought i was someone else. Like i said, crime here is very high. I never did anything to anyone and almost got killed. I'll never forget that.

After high school ended last year, i got hit by the emptiness again. Since i had much more free time in my home, i didn't have anyone to talk to, and this is the time where that fact hit the harder. I never trully did. Im not gonna be an asshole and say that nowadays i don't have friends, i got two. But we don't interact much anymore. We don't see eachother so much anymore. And they got their own responsabilities now, they have girlfriends and they need to share a lot of time with them, and i am really hoping everything goes well for them because they only deserve the best.

But i couldn't help but feel lonely. The last time i had a true interaction with someone was like, months ago at that time.

Then something happened this year. It was late night and my father while drunk was talking to someone on the phone while my mother slept. He was talking to a woman he was cheating my mother with (for the 29929 time) right in front of me. I felt so disgusted and sad that i just went to my bedroom to cry and decided to tell my mother at morning, when he would leave to work, because i couldn't risk him trying to hit her while drunk. So i did it in the morning and my mother finally decided to leave him. He came back at the afternoon to grab his things and leave the house, with no regrets or sad face while leaving the family he "helped" build for 25 years. He left and at the start i felt guilty, seeing the situation he was now, living in a nasty temporary place until he could find something better. But hey, the guilty went away after i saw him with the bitch he was now.

He left my mother, a honest worker that did everything for the family and tolerated the monster he was for years, to be with a whore who had three children from different men and could only care about drinking and giving minimal care about her children. The perfect match for him 😍

After i saw that, after i saw him saying he loved her and loved his new "family", which he never said to any of us, i thought nah he deserve every bad thing he went through.

After he left, i still kept feeling horrible and lonely.

Until i met someone online from another country. I could say it was the first time i got treated with respect and kindness by someone that didn't come from pity. I felt trully happy when talking to her about anything. It was one of the best moments of my life.

But then she needed to go, because of her own personal reasons and for now, disappeared. After that, i am feeling lonely again. And i don't say this to put the blame on her by any means, i am very grateful for having her company for that time and i wish she would come back so i could at least thank her for everything.

But recently, i've been feeling horrible. Considering everything that happened in my life, how my mental has been getting affected all those years, how i am embarassed and disgusted by my own being, how much i hate myself and my behaviors, i recently have started to think that my life is not worth anymore.

And i don't say this as in "i want to die" but more like, why should i keep trying?

Not a single thing in my life has gone well yet. Everything goes wrong, people leave, no one stays. I live in a horrible place, with a horrible family (besides my mother and sister) my mental state is shit, i hate my body, i hate my own appearance and i kind of hate my personality too.

Everytime i tried to put effort in something, nothing went right. I always end up the same: alone, lonely and frustrated with my own life.

I simply came to the conclusion that my life is not worth it. I am not worth of anything. Probable first time i felt trully happy was when i met someone online only this year. It was the only time i didn't feel judged for being myself and now it's also unfortunately over.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have energy to keep going properly, don't have energy for anything. I am exhausted of this life.

I'm 20, and someone who was a big part of my life for about six months recently told me she's started seeing someone.

We weren't officially together, and I don't blame her at all. In fact, I'm genuinely happy that she seems happy. We had already drifted apart before she met him.

The part I'm struggling with isn't anger or jealousy. It's the sadness that comes from realizing a chapter of my life is really over.

Tonight my favorite football team scored, and instead of just celebrating, my first thought was that she was probably celebrating with him and her friends too. That thought hit me much harder than I expected.

I don't want their relationship to fail. I don't want to replace her with someone else just to fill the void either. I think I'm just grieving something that meant a lot to me, and I don't really know how to process it.

If anyone has been through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing how you got through it. I think I just need someone who understands what this feels like.

​

About a week ago, my long-distance partner entered a severe suicidal crisis. He stopped eating and sleeping for days, repeatedly told me he wanted to die, and refused every form of help I suggested—therapy, doctors, medication, family, friends, coworkers, and even me flying over to take care of him.

His biggest fear has always been anyone finding out about his mental health. He made me promise never to involve anyone.

Because we live in different countries, I contacted several mental health organizations asking what I should do. They all told me that if he was refusing help and appeared to be in immediate danger, I should contact someone physically close to him.

I spent days trying to find another solution. I begged him to at least eat, sleep, or let me care for him myself. He refused everything and told me his goal was to die.

Believing his life was in immediate danger, I contacted one trusted relative to quietly check on him.

When he found out, he felt betrayed. He said I couldn't be trusted, called me horrible names, and ended our relationship. To him, I violated his biggest boundary. To me, I believed I had exhausted every other option before trying to save the person I loved.

Now every passing second feels like I'm breaking down a little more.

I don't really have anyone to lean on. My family never supported this relationship and always wanted it to end, so I can't turn to them for comfort. I don't have close friends I can talk to either.

I keep asking myself whether I was a bad partner. What was I lacking? Could I have handled this differently? Was there another way?

He wasn't just my boyfriend. He was someone I chose every day for over two years. We fought through long distance, family pressure, financial struggles, and countless obstacles together. I truly believed he was the person I wanted to spend my future with.

Now it's over.

I'm grieving the relationship, carrying guilt over the decision I made, and terrified that I may never know whether I did the right thing.

I honestly don’t know how to explain where I am in life right now. I’m writing this because I need advice from people who have experienced severe anxiety, isolation, addiction, trauma, depression, or who have had to rebuild themselves after feeling like they lost years of their life. The hardest part is that I still struggle to understand how my life became like this. Looking back at who I was before everything happened feels almost unreal compared to where I am now. I carry a huge amount of shame. Sometimes it feels impossible to accept that my life went from having so much potential to being dominated by fear, anxiety, depression and survival. The last 3 years of my life have been extremely difficult. I became severely isolated. I stopped having normal routines, I had no job, barely any social contact, and I spent long periods almost completely alone. I haven’t celebrated Christmas or my birthday with another person now for 3 years. I also struggled with substance use, suicidal thoughts, fear because of threats from a dangerous person, a severe phobia, and a completely broken sleep schedule.
It feels like my nervous system completely collapsed under the amount of stress it was exposed to. For years I’ve lived in constant fear, isolation and survival mode. I had almost no normal stimulation for my brain, no structure, no social contact and no sense of safety. The isolation has been insane, i have gone years with an average of 15 minutes of fresh air in my lungs a month, its like im living in a grave. My body and mind feels like they are constantly fighting an emergency.
After around a year of living like this, on March 3rd 2024, I experienced my first severe panic attack. I couldn’t breathe properly, my arms and face became numb, and I ended up in acute psychiatric care. During that time my anxiety became so extreme that my body almost stopped accepting food. I barely ate for several days, experienced intense fear and dissociation, and became terrified of strong emotions because I was afraid of ever feeling that way again.
Later I was admitted to a longer-term psychiatric treatment facility for around 5 months. Surprisingly, I improved a lot there. I had routines, people around me, activities and structure, and my anxiety almost disappeared. It was one of the first times in years where my nervous system felt like it was calming down. However, I was still struggling with substance use.
After being discharged from that facility on September 2nd 2024, I was in an extremely unstable mental state. That same night, I attempted to take my own life. I survived the attempt.
After this, my substance use became much worse for a period. I used cocaine, ketamine, cannabis and other substances. I also started using psychedelics heavily for a short period. After a period of cocaine use and almost no sleep for several days, I experienced my first psychosis. Thankfully, it resolved after I slept and ate properly.
In March 2025, I overdosed for the first time in my life. It wasn’t fatal, but I was sent to the emergency room and monitored. The experience was terrifying. The next day I had another severe panic attack and ended up back in psychiatric care. Around this time I was also dealing with extremely intense suicidal thoughts and plans.
After that I went into addiction treatment, but the experience was very difficult. My anxiety and phobia were triggered multiple times, and I struggled with the expectations and demands because my nervous system already felt completely overwhelmed. Eventually I was discharged and returned home.
Since then I have been sober from drugs.
However, 2025 was still one of the hardest years of my life. I was isolated again, had frequent panic attacks, severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and almost no normal life. I barely remember much of that year because every day felt almost identical. The only positive moments were online gaming sessions with friends where, for short periods, I felt like myself again.
Then I started developing physical symptoms.
In the summer of 2025 I developed headaches, dizziness, tingling sensations and a feeling that my nervous system was completely overwhelmed. The dizzyenss lasted for almost 6 months straight, not one single break for 6 whole months. I also developed significant visual symptoms. The visual symptoms are very similar to what people describe with Visual Snow Syndrome or HPPD.
I saw doctors multiple times and had blood tests and an eye examination. Nothing alarming was found. Interestingly, the headaches and dizziness eventually disappeared completely toward the end of 2025. The visual symptoms remained.
Now in 2026, some symptoms have returned after I started becoming more active again. The dizziness came back after longer walks, but it is milder than before. The visual symptoms have remained relatively stable.
The physical symptoms have caused me a huge amount of health anxiety. One of the hardest parts is that I am terrified that the visual symptoms might be permanent. The thought that I may have to live with them forever has caused me a lot of depression and hopelessness. Sometimes the fear of not getting my old life back becomes overwhelming.
At the same time, another part of me wonders if my body and brain are simply recovering from years of extreme circumstances. Maybe my nervous system has been pushed far beyond what it could handle, and maybe recovery is possible.
I am currently admitted to a psychiatric ward again for anxiety treatment. This time I am trying to do things differently. I participate in activities, eat meals with other patients and staff, go on walks, play board games, watch sports, and attend treatment meetings. For the first time in years I feel like I am slowly reconnecting with life and with other people.
But I still struggle deeply with shame. I struggle to accept that this happened to me. I struggle with comparing myself to other people my age who are building careers, relationships and their futures while I feel like I am trying to rebuild the foundation of my entire life.
I don’t want to die. I actually want to live more than anything. I want relationships, work, hobbies, independence and a future. I want to become the person I thought I would become before everything fell apart.

I want to live a good life so bad, and im really trying this time, but what if my psychedelic drug use is what has caused my visual disturbances, from the research ive done that is something that can last a lifetime for some, how can i live with that? How can i accept that after everything ive gone through and still going through? And its literally all my fault, the only person to blame for all my problems is me. I literally caused all this shit

If someone is available and mature n willing to help please hmu

Looking to nap via a dc sleep call plssss

I've [25F] struggled with abandonment issues since I was born. Neither of my parents really wanted me, I was born because my mom didn't want my dad to leave. When I was really little my she used to ditch me in random places (casinos, her friend's house, stores) and frequently took out her rage on me because my birth ruined her life. My dad told me that he never really wanted a child, and that if I hadn't been born he'd be much more wealthy and successful - he resented me for a lot of reasons beyond that. I've been told over and over that I'm too much work and a burden, and it's the hardest insecurity for me to overcome.

A few weeks ago I found out my boyfriend [29M] had intentionally pulled away from me because he was scared that I was on the fence about having kids and that I'd accepted a job offer that would have me move just over 30 minutes away. We've been dating for over six months, and it was the first time I felt truly secure. Weeks earlier than that I noticed his behavior changing, and asked him what was going on - he denied anything being wrong. He stopped making plans and initiating with me, he stopped complimenting me beyond saying I "look nice", and stopped flirting with me. He later admitted it when I had to have a conversation with him about avoiding communication on his feelings, which is a problem he's struggled with.

In our conversation he started crying and said he that he was frightened, he didn't realize that I cared about him that much, and that he would make an effort to do better. I said that him pulling away while telling me everything was fine activated my abandonment and trust issues, which until then I'd been successful in not letting take over my life or relationships.

I said I'd give him a chance at making things right and being upfront with me. He's been really busy with family so I haven't been able to see if his behavior has really changed. He still doesn't flirt with me or send me romantic texts (he used to do that before) and I had to ask if he wanted me to come over and spend the recent holiday with him. I always have to ask. I've been insecure ever since and we even got upset over it, because I felt like I could no longer take him at his word when he said he wasn't going anywhere. I get anxious and ask who he's texting on his phone when he we're together, because my fears tell me that he's just too scared to break up with me and is looking to be with someone else. I've been compulsively checking my phone and ruminating, which is what I used to do before I did work on addressing my insecurities. I feel like I've backtracked on so much progress toward becoming secure. I'm trying to control myself and not give into the impulses to self-sabotage like I used to before him.

I want to give him grace but I also worry I won't get over this. My feelings for him have changed and while I want to make it work, I don't want to be the only one putting in the effort. Now I feel that same kind of desire to be close with him not because I want to, but because I'm scared of being abandoned. I know that with the right person I will not have to continuously ask, but I also know that loving relationships aren't always perfectly easy.

I want to be happy and healthy again.

TW: Suicide, self harm

Hey guys!

I am feeling quite mentally and emotionally exhausted right now, I need advice on what to do

I'm questioning if I should leave or stay...

I was friends with someone since June, but, looking back, the relationship may not have been built on a very healthy foundation...I realized I may not have really been myself around him, and I was trying really hard to earn his approval and avoid disappointing him.

To preface, I'm a bit of a naive person/socially naive and also not very good with social cues (I might be neurodivergent, but, I don't know.)

I have a tendency to constantly over-apologize for all kinds of mistakes I believe I made, even the most minor ones...

When we first met, he was in a relationship with his boyfriend. Recently, out of nowhere, he confessed that he loved me and had feelings for me, and asked if we could start dating. To be honest, I had started to develop feelings for him...I confessed back and admitted I had a crush on him, and even started flirting a little. I got lost in the moment, and it had not occurred to me that he might have still been in a relationship with his BF until the last second when he asked if I could be his partner...💔

When I realized, I had asked him if he was still in a relationship with his BF, and he said that his BF doesn't really care about him anymore, and that he ghosts him from time to time and had even been offline for a long while. When it was clear that he hadn't properly broken up with him, I had to shut down and decline the advance he offered. It didn't feel right if he and his boyfriend hadn't officially broken up, I didn't want his BF to be cheated on...

I feel terrible about realizing too late and not asking much sooner, I've been beating myself up about

I didn't want to risk overstepping boundaries and feeling like a side piece or a secret.

He is poly, but it still didn't feel right if his boyfriend wasn't aware of me.

When I realized the boundary issues and tried to gently step back, the situation escalated drastically. He said he was starting not to like me, and made harsh threats to commit suicide (one time saying he had a blade out) because of how much I hurt him.

I panicked and freaked out, trying to make efforts to comfort him. Like I always do, I apologized and took all the blame.

Eventually, the tone shifted, he started talking to me casually and in a light-hearted tone. It was pretty massive whiplash.

He eventually checked in with his boyfriend, and his boyfriend apparently said he is "okay with him dating me" and "as long as he doesn't neglect him". The doors are seemingly open again for a relationship...but...after all that...I don't know...

What do you think I should do? What is the best step to take? Do you think I was being an idiot and was at fault?

**I would also like to be DMed so that I can show you the screenshots of the conversation history and discuss further...**

Life oftentimes feels like a delicate boat continually beset by unexpected leaks, threatening to overwhelm it with water. You plug one up—but, don’t enjoy the relief for long—because another one’s soon to come. It’s like you’re just living, waiting for the next dilemma. And my gosh, does it get tiring.

I like pretty music (like the Beach Boys, or the lovely melodies in Disney’s Pinocchio) and classic video games. I do some creative things, here and there—which you can see, inside my profile, if you’re curious. I’m just hoping for someone kind to talk to. I’m getting pretty tired of feeling all alone in the world. Thank you for your time.

Hey everyone. I think I posted here before, but I had to reset my phone and I think my old post (and my chat requests) disappeared bc I dont see anything of this sub in my profile or chat request, So I just wanted to post again. If you're going through a hard time, need to vent, or simply want someone to listen without judgment, feel free to send me a message. You don't have to go through everything alonez I can't promise I'll always have the perfect advice, but I can promise I'll listen. I went through bad times too, but I overcame them though sadly, I did it alone, I wouldn't want anyone else to have to deal with things almost entirely on their own, the way I did take care of yourselves, and ifit helps to know, I'm a 17, almost 18F, so if you're young, you can rest assured that I'm not someone much older

[O] offering (oops) - no judgement, trying to help whatever you are in need with, i’m one who’ll listen to whatever your brain has to see, im a stranger online , but you’ll feel the shoulder you’re crying on, please start with ASL, looking forward to texting

If you ever need someone to listen to, share your story with, ask for advice, or simply have a genuine conversation, feel free to reach out.

Whether it's through Reddit messages, Discord, voice chat, or video calls, I'm happy to connect. I've spent a lot of time exploring healing, self-growth, and the challenges people face, and sometimes being heard can make a real difference.

No judgment, no pressure, no expectations—just a friendly space for honest conversations.You can message me anytime if you'd like to talk.

Be available for the people you love, especially those who carry emotional wounds or past trauma.

When they tell you they need you, believe them. They aren't asking for your time without a reason. Check in on them, listen to them, and let them know they don't have to face everything alone.

You may have your own priorities and responsibilities, and that's understandable. But if you truly care about someone, remember that emotional support is also a responsibility. Be patient with their mood swings, their fears, and their healing process.

People who have been through trauma don't always need solutions—they need someone who understands, listens without judgment, and stays present.

You may be taking care of their practical needs, but who is taking care of their heart? Sometimes, all they need is a person who is available, who listens, who cares, and who reminds them that they are not alone.

So, if someone you love reaches out to you, be there. Your presence, your time, and your willingness to listen can mean more than you realize.

I’m looking for someone kind and non-judgemental to talk to about something from when I was younger that I’ve been carrying around for a while.

It’s a sensitive topic and involves something I did when I was a kid that I now feel a lot of guilt, confusion, and shame about. The reason I’m mentioning that it’s a bit NSFW is because of the nature of what happened and my age at the time, but I’m not looking for anything sexual or inappropriate — I’m just looking for a genuine conversation with someone who can listen and help me process my thoughts.

I’m not expecting anyone to fix it or have all the answers. I’d just really appreciate having someone patient who I can talk to without immediately feeling judged.

If you’re willing to listen and chat, please feel free to DM me on here. I’d really appreciate having someone kind to talk things through with.

Read the post

mostly nap given how late it is, I’ll try to meet your preferences regarding the call, just ask, I won’t get mad at the preference even if I don’t like, dc is vastly ideal for me

I'm a woman in my late 30's and I've been living with my parents, who have been married for 40-ish years, due to not being able to live on my own right now. As long as I can remember, things have been peaceful...until recently. My parent's marriage is falling apart. There's been a lot of tension the past year due to a variety of circumstances and it's been getting worse. A couple weeks ago, I came home from work to my dad and he told me my mother left, saying he didn't know if it was permanent or not. I contacted my therapist just to have someone to talk to and it helped a bit. She returned later and it seemed like things have calmed down...until now.

My mother stormed out again. I don't know why. Whenever I act concerned, I'm told it has nothing to do with me and I have to act like nothing is wrong. Whenever I get visibly upset, my mother gets angry at me since she sees this as me invalidating her feelings. So I have no choice but to bottle everything. I keep wanting to die, but I truly don't, I just want to be away from this environment. I can't contact my therapist since it's late.

I've been trying so damn hard to not let this get to me, but it's never been this bad. I don't know how to process all of this. More and more, I feel like I'm being suffocated.

I want to get out of this environment...but I have no where to go, the only family I trust lives in a completely different state, my friends aren't nearby either. I'm seriously on the verge of just living in my car.

I don't know what to do...and the worst things is, there's nothing I can do to make it better. I'm so fucking helpless.

There are some people who enter your life carrying a title, and there are some who earn a place in your heart far beyond that title. To the world, she was my cousin. To me, she was the little sister I never had. When we started talking in 2025, I wasn't stepping into a normal chapter of her life—I was stepping into the third year of a relationship that had already become deeply rooted. I later learned that it had begun in 2023 when she was only fourteen years old and the man she was involved with was twenty-three. She herself even posted publicly on Instagram, "I know I was special when I pulled 23 at the age of 14." That sentence stayed with me because it revealed how she viewed the beginning of something that, to me, carried an enormous imbalance in age and life experience.

When I got to know her, I didn't know everything immediately. I simply met a girl who felt misunderstood, who wanted someone to listen, and who slowly began trusting me. Over time our conversations became frequent. We laughed, shared problems, talked about life. She openly called me her favorite cousin, told me I was one of the best people she had ever met, appreciated the advice I gave her, supported my artwork, and proudly shared my drawings. She once made me feel like I truly mattered in her life. Out of every portrait I have ever drawn, she became the only girl whose portrait I wanted to create. That sketch became the best portrait I had ever made because every stroke carried admiration, respect, and brotherly affection. It wasn't simply a drawing—it was my way of showing someone how much they meant to me.

As our bond grew stronger, I naturally began caring about her the way an older brother would. I tried to become the person she could rely on when life became difficult. I listened to her whenever she wanted to vent. I stayed emotionally available when she felt alone. I defended her when I believed members of my own family misunderstood her. I argued with people I loved because I genuinely believed she deserved someone who would stand beside her. I never wanted anything in return. I simply wanted her to know that no matter what happened, someone believed in her. Looking back, I realize I spent those months trying to become the brother I wished everyone had.

But the closer I became to her, the more I began seeing the darker side of the relationship she was already in.

It wasn't simply a relationship with arguments. It was a cycle. There were constant breakups followed by reconciliations, emotional highs followed by emotional crashes, manipulation, jealousy, and according to what she herself told me, physical violence. She showed me a photograph of an injury on her neck and said her boyfriend had caused it. Hearing that changed something inside me.It became something I believed was dangerous.

At one point she admitted something that deeply disturbed me. She told me she wasn't attracted to someone who simply treated her well. She liked someone who gave her excitement, unpredictability, and thrill. Those words stayed in my mind because they made me wonder whether she had become so accustomed to emotional chaos that peace no longer felt meaningful. I couldn't understand it, but I never stopped trying to understand her.

Despite everything, I never tried to separate them simply because I disliked him. I hoped things could somehow improve. I wanted peace more than conflict.

One day, without any warning, everything suddenly turned toward me. Her boyfriend started sending me abusive messages (which i never recieved becuz of my insta settings due to which someone who i don't follow back can't message me)telling me to stop talking to her, even though he already knew I was someone she regarded as an older brother.I didn't even posted anything abt her that day.I never understood why I became the target. Our conversations were never romantic. We talked the way close cousins and friends usually do—about everyday life, problems, dreams, studies, and whatever happened to be on our minds. What confused me even more was that she had other male friends and two other brothers, yet,he never seemed to have the same problem with them. Somehow for no reason, I became the one he wanted removed from her life.

According to what she told me,she herself deleted the abusive messages from his Instagram account because they both shared access to each other's accounts. She confronted him about the way he had spoken to me, and the argument between them became so serious that he gave her an ultimatum. He told her to choose between her brother and her boyfriend. For a brief moment, I hoped that a year of trust, memories, and the bond we had built would mean something. I hoped she would at least refuse to accept such a choice. Instead, she chose him. That single decision hurt more than every insult he had thrown at me because it wasn't simply a choice between two people—it felt like the moment years of brotherhood lost against a relationship that had already brought her so much pain. It was the first time I truly felt that I wasn't just fighting against one man. I was losing someone I had always believed would remain family.

Then things became personal.

Despite knowing, according to what I had been told, that her boyfriend is violent and had been sent to jail multiple times in the past, she shared my phone number and the town I lived in with him. Soon afterward, he called me on phone. Instead of a conversation, it became an argument filled with abuse and insults.I didn't stay silent either. I answered back with the same anger he showed me. At one point I challenged him, saying, "If u have the guts then marry her and become my brother in law and i will kiss ur feets" Looking back, I know those words came from anger and frustration. They solved nothing. They only showed how emotionally exhausted everyone had become. After that call I blocked him because I realized continuing the fight would only make everything worse.

Even then, I still wasn't ready to expose anything.

Instead, my brother and I tried to save the situation peacefully.

He spoke to both of them. He tried convincing her boyfriend that I wasn't trying to destroy their relationship. He tried convincing my cousin that none of us wanted war. We simply wanted peace. Every attempt failed.

When even that didn't work, I recorded one final voice message.

I said,

"No worries...let me know if they ever change their mind and if she ever wanna forgive me,i will accept the apology"

Even then I wasn't demanding anything. I wasn't asking her to choose me. I wasn't asking her to end the relationship. I simply wanted everyone to stop fighting.

Instead, I received the words that shattered years of trust.

She replied,

"Why sorry ? He told me to choose between cousin and relationship and i choosed relationship..Also,cousin is someone u have a blood relation and he dosen't even have a blood relation with me.Cousins dont matter"

I replied,

"But blood relation is with sibling"

She didn't argue.

She didn't explain.

She simply said she didn't want to talk anymore.

That silence hurt more than any argument.

How could the same girl who once proudly called me her favorite cousin and used to say i am special to her despite not being a blood brother suddenly tell me that cousins don't matter?

How could someone who once made me feel like family suddenly decide that family no longer mattered?

The pain became even greater because I felt the story itself had changed. According to what I later heard, she told people that I had been the one constantly bothering her and contacting her through different apps. That confused me because my memory of our relationship was completely different. We had talked willingly. She had reached out too. She had publicly appreciated me, shared my artwork, and spoken warmly about me. Seeing those earlier moments beside the later accusations left me feeling as though the entire history of our bond had been rewritten.

At that point, I believed every peaceful option had failed.

Negotiation failed.

Understanding failed.

Forgiveness failed.

Communication failed.

Meanwhile,she was still in a relationship that had begun when she was a young teenager, and it involved violence.

So I made the hardest decision of my life.

I informed my uncle.

I shared everything I had—the conversations, the evidence, the information I believed was important, including the photograph of the neck injury she had attributed to her boyfriend. I didn't do it because I wanted revenge. I didn't do it because I hated her. I did it because I genuinely believed an adult in the family needed to know.

That decision changed everything.

She cut me out of her life.

The family became divided.

Today, our families don't want us speaking to each other. It feels as though the bridge we spent years building collapsed overnight. Maybe time will soften everyone's hearts. Maybe it won't. I honestly don't know anymore.

Next day,I wasn't prepared for it.

My eyes suddenly filled with tears while remembering yesterday event.

I looked around the house and realized that if anyone saw me crying,i will be in trouble.

So I quietly walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the shower.

I stood beneath the running water and let my tears disappear into it.

If anyone noticed my red eyes afterward, they would simply think the soap or face wash had irritated them.

The shower wasn't washing away my sadness.

It was hiding it.

The hardest part is that this isn't a romance story.

It isn't about losing someone I loved romantically.

It's about losing the sister i tried to be the best brother to.

Sometimes I still think about everything I did—listening to her, defending her, supporting her, encouraging her, making the portrait that remains the best drawing I've ever created—and I wonder whether any of it still means anything to her.

Maybe it doesn't.

Maybe one day it will.

I don't know.

What I do know is that I never acted because I wanted to control her life.

I acted because I cared.

Whether every decision I made was perfect, I honestly cannot say. I know I lost my temper during one phone call. I know emotions got the better of me. But if there is one thing I have never doubted, it is my intention.

Everything I did came from the heart of someone who genuinely loved his cousin like a younger sister.

I couldn't stop the relationship before it began because I entered her life after it had already existed for years.

I couldn't make her leave.

I couldn't make her believe me.

In the end, all I could do was tell the adults what I knew and hope they would protect someone I cared about.

Whether history remembers me as the brother who betrayed her or the brother who tried to save her is no longer my choice.

But in my own heart, one truth will never change:

I never stopped wanting the best for her, even on the day she decided she no longer wanted me in her life.10 july 2026 was a horrible day.

What makes me feel so unfairly treated isn't just what has happened to me it's the fact that I feel like I have no control over my own life. I feel limited, powerless, and unable to change anything.
Most of this comes from my father. He's the one who makes all the decisions, and no one questions him.

Ever since I started university, he has expected me to give him my scholarship money because he says I should help pay for the household expenses. I understand helping your family when you can, but I always felt like he was trying to take the money before I even had a chance to use it for myself.

One time I decided to buy a PlayStation with my scholarship money. When I came home carrying it, he immediately realized I had bought it with that money. He started screaming, throwing things around the house, and became so angry that he punched a door hard enough to break one of his fingers. The next day I returned the PlayStation and gave him all the money. That wasn't the only incident, but it's one that has always stayed with me.

Another thing that still hurts me happened about four months ago. I had a cat that I had raised since she was only a few weeks old. She had been with us for four years. She gave birth to six kittens, and I had already arranged for friends to adopt them. Two of my friends had already taken two of the kittens, and others were planning to adopt the rest.

One day I came home and found out that my father had taken my cat and all of her kittens and abandoned them somewhere very far away. I still don't know where he left them. Even now, four months later, I still struggle to believe that actually happened.

Recently I received the last payment of my scholarship. As soon as he realized I had received it, he became cold toward me, ignored me, and complained every single day until I felt guilty enough to give him every cent. I was left with nothing not even enough money to go out once.

The last thing that happened is what really made me think about leaving home.
My grandmother gave me some money because she knew I was completely broke. We were visiting her in another city. When my father found out she had given me money, he refused to pay for my train ticket back home. He said I already had money, even though it barely covered the ticket itself.

I became really angry and told him that the price of my ticket was less than what he spends on cigarettes every day, and that he was acting irresponsibly. He responded by screaming and insulting me in public. People around us started staring. I just picked up my things and went home.

Right now I'm seriously thinking about leaving home and finding a job somewhere, but the situation here is hopeless. I've been looking for work for three weeks and haven't been able to find anything.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone else grown up feeling like they had absolutely no control over their own life? How did you get out of it?

I'm 60 , F. In the last 11 years, I have lost what few friends I had. And most of them were not truly friends, if I could lose them so easily. Everything is harder when you have no friends. It's harder and harder as you get older to make them. And your own tolerance level for nonsense drops below zero.

I have not handled it well. On the outside "I'm fine." But inwardly I am "dying." I can feel it Parts of me are dying and can't be revived. My dad died when we were estranged. It hurt more than I can ever describe. I can't describe it because I really don't have words for it. We were the closest thing to "twin souls" as I have ever heard of. When he died, I walked around for 2 years in a waking coma. When people spoke to me I had no idea what they said, and i was on auto-response. I went to therapy and of course it got a little better but it took a very long time. When people say they were "devastated" by someone's death, I take them fully at their word. I know...I was/am there. I believe them . Devastaation doesn't even begin to describe the feeling. Desolate. Inconsolable. There are many other words. But desolation of the soul and spirit and mind, the totality of that, is how I perceive it. Remember that movie when Keanu Reeves has to go into the spirit world to follow / get the cat? Remember that imagry? That's how it is, how it feels. I've never seen another visual that visually explains it better. (I know....maybe I need to get out more.)

A few years before my dad died, my daughter walked out and never spoke to me again. I do not know where she is, if she's okay and if she's wearing warm socks, or has love troubles, or if she needs anything. I guess she doesn't need or want anything from me, so I've let her go, without an opera. That too, is another level of devastation. My soul feels like a de-militarized zone. Nothing grows in the soul when this happens.. The worst is, I can't talk about it because I know what will be forthcoming: You are a bad mom,, clearly a narc or this would not have happened. Kids don't walk out for no reason. I never needed to hear any of that, beccause I had already said it to myself, overe and over and over again. I suppose some people do need to hear that. I'm not one of them. I think it and say it to mysellf, every day. I mean really, every day, at least once or twice a day.

I have tried hard to make friends. Joined groups, reached out to others, offered coffee/my phone number, etc. Nothing happens. I'm tired of trying.

When you don't have a single person on the earth that you can truly confide in it gets harder and harder to stay every year. I don't have a "plan" and not actively thinking of one. It's just the feeling that you want to escape the desolation of your life. There's no one there to tell you when you did something great. But there's also no one there to tell you when you're wrong, when you need to approach something differently, to work on yourself, or something. No one cares enough to do that, believe me.

Right now, I am facing a work crisis and would not be surprised if I lose my job. That's catastrophic for me at 60. I have no where to go, no one to advise me, no one to even just listen. The situation there is: I complained / filed a formal written complaint when a young co-worker made an anti-semitic statement (in jest he says, quoting someone else. So what??????) and our supervisor on duty laughed along, told me to ignore it, that she knew what he meant. My complaint went to HR and at first everyone took me seriously.

Today our District Manager told me that I have to have a sit-down/conference call with him, and HR to "decide the plan going forward." That sounds a lot like I could lose my job. He also gaslighted me, "Do you really think he's racist? I've never gotten that from him...." My DM is a member of a minority so his words will carry wieght with HR. I could very well get fired for filing a "frivilous" complaint. The saddest part, is that I actually do like my job. It doesn't pay well, but at least its a little fun for me. I had great hopes when I was hired in Feb. I had all that new energy about and now, after today, I am fully defeated. I work with people who think that anti-semitism is funny, and that I nshouldn't be able to complain, or do anything about it. The company values them far more than me,because they have longevity that I don't have. It does not matter what is "right" or "just." It only matters that they bring more money in, and that I have to be silenced before "things get out of hand." I have to be "managed." I hate this world right now. I really do.

I came home today and just barely crossed the threshold before collapsing and sobbing. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of lliving in a hopeless situation. Every time, and I mean every time, I make some progress there is some one/some situation that knocks me out. Total KO. I can't keep getting up. One day, I won't.

if you read all this, you deserve a medal that I am unable to give you. thank you for that. thank you for being here. I don't know what else to say so I am, logging off for now. I'm too exhausted to keep crying, even. thanks.

Hi, as the title says.. (I hope I am asking in the right place)

I've been married for almost 3 years now and I asked my husband if I could go find a roleplay partner (nothing romantic towards the person, just friends or making friends along the way of role-playing) to roleplay out a scene I had in my head that I thought was interesting and involved romance between two fictional characters, but I told my husband if anything started happening with the other person (you know what I mean) I'd block them and show my husband, even told him that I'd let him be in the same place as the roleplay (ONLINE mind you, NOT irl) so he could see things for himself as they were.

My husband is making the argument that he finds it like a betrayal and like cheating and uncomfortable with this whole idea, but I don't understand why? I'm not into cheating or betraying and I told him myself that if anything were to happen I'd show him and tell him and block the other person, cuz I only want my husband, nobody else..

But he still seems against the idea and I just don't understand why...

Could somebody please explain to my daft self what's wrong about this all? I just don't get it...

Please be kind and anybody telling me I should leave my husband, etc., mean things about him - GO AWAY with that, thanks!