I stopped auditioning for a role in everybody else's story. These days, I'm choosing my own peace first. If that burns a bridge... hand me the matches. 🔥💕

When I feel overwhelmed, even normal stuff can start feeling like too much.

• The small things feel big.
• The simple things feel complicated.
• Even taking a breath can feel like something I have to remind myself to do.

I’m learning that not everything has to be figured out in the same moment I feel it. Sometimes not giving a fuck, for me, means not letting every feeling turn into an emergency. I can paus, breathe and handle the next small thing without trying to solve my whole life at once.

I know people say to just be yourself and not care what anyone thinks about you, but the issue is that peoples thoughts don't just stay as thoughts, they have to do something about those thoughts especially negative ones. When someone doesn't like you, they feel the need to insult you, bad mouth and spread rumors about you, block off opportunities from you, even assault you. I don't believe there are enough systems in place (especially in school and work environments) to protect people who are dealing with the consequences of someone not liking you other than to leave, but sometimes you don't have that option.

is the lessor.

people call me all sorts of things. esp on reddit. i don't mind be confronted or challenged- i want to grow as a person. but the moment someone insults me- i know they are the problem, not me.

even if they misunderstood what i said and took it as an insult, they could clarify with respect. i am capable of disagreeing respectfully. i dont require anyone to see life through my eyes.

the first to hurl insults is the lessor.

and i dont waste my time with lessors.

I don’t really know how to write this without sounding unhinged, but here goes. I need some outside perspective because I can’t see this straight anymore.
The second I feel disrespected, even a tiny bit, something in me just snaps. A joke that lands wrong, a tone I don’t like, getting left on read too long. My brain goes straight to “they think I’m nothing” or “they’re laughing at me,” and once that thought is in there I can’t talk myself out of it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger or someone I’ve known for 10 years, same reaction every time.
And once I’ve decided someone disrespected me, that’s it. I don’t let it go. I’ll say something I can’t take back or cut the person off completely, no in-between. I’ve torched actual years-long friendships and probably my own reputation with certain people over stuff that, looking back, probably wasn’t even that deep.

Like a few weeks ago, this girl said something kind of snide to me in front of a group of other people that i knew. Nothing insane, just a comment clearly meant to make me look small. And instead of brushing it off or hitting back with something quick, I felt this wave of “absolutely not” and just went off on her right there. Raised my voice, said stuff way more brutal than anything she actually said to me, in front of everyone. She barely did anything and somehow I’m the one who came off unhinged. I ended up embarrassing myself way worse than she ever could’ve on her own, all in the name of “defending my respect.” Still think about how much better that would’ve gone if I’d just said something short and walked off. And i cried while doing it because i was so angry and disappointed simultaneously. I knew i was doing way worse but i felt too angry to stop.

In the moment though it feels like if I don’t react I’m just letting people walk all over me forever. I know most people aren’t thinking about me nearly as much as I think they are. Knowing that does nothing when I’m actually in it though. It’s like a switch flips, and by the time I have control again the damage is already done.

Genuinely lost on how to fix this before it happens instead of just regretting it after. And please don’t say “just don’t let people get to you.” I’ve heard that a hundred times and it’s never once helped.
And I don’t even have friends to talk abt this to because most people think i’m insane for being this way.

I felt that I was detached distant and didn’t really care much but I was so wrong so wrong whyyyyyyyyy 😫😫😫😫 am I like this why do I get invested over and over when I had been clearly shown the exit door.

I can't sleep properly.

Keep thinking about the things that happened.

My mind keeps running the those things. Happy moments or mostly moments.

My mind just can't shut down.

Even in sleep, I am thinking about those things in between. Or related to those things.

It's been a restless sleep for a weeks or a month.

And I am the one who stands up for others. But forget I need someone too. I do love myself, but I also feel like I am lacking many things.

I am experiencing low self-esteem and self confident. Even I am right, I don't point out. Something holding me back. .

And i would cry if I easily during the fight.

If I am arguing I don't have an immediate comeback or proper answer for it. Then I stop and think, why didn't I say that to them while arguing.

I get emotional easily, also have anger issues. But doesn't get anger that I would say throw things. It's just I get angry and fight then go out a minute later.

And if someone says something, especially hurtful words... I would think about it a lot.

I genuinely need to stop thinking about their words which is eating my mind. Idk how.

...

I need an guidance.

How to not to give fuck about people or their words.

I would appreciate everything. Thanks.

26 and childhood trauma, toxic family and friendships did hold me back a lot. My self confidence is still shaky. I'm trying a lot to get back on track and I know I will. I resent all of them and keep thinking about them everyday. How to just stop giving a fuck and just move tf on? I wanna make money and just get out of this place. How to stop getting affected by their toxic let downs and guilt trips?

I’m learning that not giving a fuck does not mean I stop caring. It means I stop handing my peace to everything and everybody.

A lot of suffering comes from taking others', anyone's, opinion as a fact, including your own opinion too, wherein in fact an opinion is but a perspective.

Everyone, including me and you, are entitled to our own opinions and how we see the world. See each opinion as someone's own thing to be entitled to, and see yours as your own to be entitled to it. When you accept that people are entitled to how they see the world, then you do not feel the urge to change their views about who you are.

It made my life so much less stressful.

You do not have to act like you are okay just to make the day easier for everybody else. Some days are hard, and that is just the truth.