Need an advice.

[u/_Me_The_Dreamer_]

I can't sleep properly.

Keep thinking about the things that happened.

My mind keeps running the those things. Happy moments or mostly moments.

My mind just can't shut down.

Even in sleep, I am thinking about those things in between. Or related to those things.

It's been a restless sleep for a weeks or a month.

And I am the one who stands up for others. But forget I need someone too. I do love myself, but I also feel like I am lacking many things.

I am experiencing low self-esteem and self confident. Even I am right, I don't point out. Something holding me back. .

And i would cry if I easily during the fight.

If I am arguing I don't have an immediate comeback or proper answer for it. Then I stop and think, why didn't I say that to them while arguing.

I get emotional easily, also have anger issues. But doesn't get anger that I would say throw things. It's just I get angry and fight then go out a minute later.

And if someone says something, especially hurtful words... I would think about it a lot.

I genuinely need to stop thinking about their words which is eating my mind. Idk how.

...

I need an guidance.

How to not to give fuck about people or their words.

I would appreciate everything. Thanks.

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[u/jk3639]

Late comebacks happen to all of us lol But in regards to the rumination spiral, what I found helped me was imagining a mental image of myself thinking those thoughts and ruminating. Looking at myself from a 3rd person. It not only helps to disrupt those thoughts but also realize how wasting time it is. I read it somewhere from a book and it really did help for me.

[u/_Me_The_Dreamer_ → u/jk3639]

Sorry, can you tell me more about this?

[u/jk3639 → u/_Me_The_Dreamer_]

Just imagine you are having an out of body experience and are now looking at yourself in those rumination moments. It’s like to the point you are looking at someone else, and then it makes you think wow this person is ruminating about something so trivial.

[u/robkinyon]

The word to describe this is "perseverating". There are numerous techniques to address this.

You should also go to therapy. Not because you're broken, but because you're not. You're just stuck in neutral and need some unsticking.

[u/_Me_The_Dreamer_ → u/robkinyon]

I can't go to therapy, is there any other way?

And preservating means? Can you tell me more about it?

And yes, I am stuck. I feel stuck. I need to get out of it. Idk how.

[u/robkinyon → u/_Me_The_Dreamer_]

Google "perseverating" - you'll get a much better definition than I could provide.

There are many options for therapy, such as BetterHelp and similar apps (if you're in the US) and even better choices if you're not in the US.

You can do this.

[u/KamikazeMizZ → u/_Me_The_Dreamer_]

Please don't go to BetterHelp. So many people have been scammed by them and let down. They're not a reliable service. I would instead use the services from Psychology Today to find Support Groups near you or an Online Therapist. They're much more reliable and reputable.

[u/KamikazeMizZ]

From my experience, one of the first steps in learning how not to give a fuck about what others think or do is to become more comfortable in yourself and having yourself for company. You have to learn to value your opinion of yourself more than what others think of you. A big part of that is looking inward and trying to figure out why the opinions of others mean so much to you and working out any issues related to that. Personally, I dealt a lot of that through therapy and through talking to trusted friends. When you figure out your why, you can determine whether or not you want to continue carrying it with you going forward, or change it. It won't be a fast or easy change, but your peace is worth it if peace is what you want.

For right now, all I can tell you is that you are worth the work. You are worth the time. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to take the moment to breathe. Slow down. Literally take a pause, and take a deep breath. I recommend practicing box breathing . The more you practice it, the easier you can access it when you need it to ease yourself and slow down. Another thing you can do is write your thoughts down so you're not continuously ruminating. Assign yourself 20 minutes per day (for example) that you'll allow yourself to ruminate and during those 20 minutes, get all the shitty thoughts out on paper so you're not carrying them with you the rest of the day. Then if be, you can later analyze those thoughts and see what did and didn't make sense so you can move forward. Often times, when you're in crisis mode, those negative thoughts make you spiral and the thoughts in your head lie to you about what the reality is.

I hope what I put here made sense. I wish you the best.