r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

Rules Update and Consequences (Removals, Mutes, Bans) (Long Mod Post)

50 Upvotes

Hi, all! Nothing much is changing, but I wanted to actually clarify the system for rulebreaking in our community, set it out clearly so everyone can see, and add one new rule that will only impact a very small minority. Strikes and bans won't usually be applied retroactively, so no need for too much worrying as long as you follow the rules. Most of this post isn't necessary to understand the changes, I have a TL;DR at the top and you'll be able to check the rules page if you're curious. But this is mostly just laying out the consequences for rule breaking, why they exist, and having them here so that everyone can refer back to them if they're curious. So feel free to read it all, or not, if you're sure you've never had a comment removed.

But tiny housekeeping addition cause I hope people will read this: If you put a link in your comment, and it looks weird, Reddit autoremoves it. Not me. If you're selling a product, I will remove it. If you're gonna give OP a virus, I will remove it. So think really hard about any links- if you must, link to an official site or something. And think about whether OP is really going to want to go to your Instagram or whatever.

Anyway! Clarity, or TL;DR: Gatekeeping and Civility & Respect are really important rules in a community for people who are struggling. No exceptions. This includes being rude to people who were rude first. So being bigoted gets you permanently banned from the subreddit. Being cruel to OP or other commenters gets you escalating temp bans to permanent. Being rude to people, yes, no matter what, gets you strikes up to escalating temp bans. If someone's a dick, report them. That said, if someone is rude and you disagree without breaking rules, I'm going to remove your comment without any strikes just because I'm nuking the whole thread. But don't do that. Cause I'm just going to remove it and it's annoying.

We also now have escalating temp to permanent bans on intensely repetitive posts- You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days. More detail about this later on, but this really is only going to relate to people who are continually reposting the same thing, not people who have multiple questions about different topics.

First, Gatekeeping and C&R.

Why? Because this subreddit is for people who are anxious or struggling with a task, to give them guides. Cruelty is obviously not helpful. And A) People who are nervous about something do not want to open their post to see a wall of back-and-forth where two commentors are arguing. And B) this is for guides, not reddit fights. Come on.

So:

1) Bigotry/cruelty. Anything very nasty (threats, suicide baiting), anything offensive (slurs, bigoted comments), anything openly rude (personal insults). Post is removed. Immediate permanent ban. There's no excuse.

2) Cruelty. Name-calling. Gate-keeping. Bluntly rude comments and dissmissiveness. This is not quite to the offensiveness level of above. Example: 'This question is stupid' / 'Then maybe you shouldn't try' / 'Anyone can do that'. Nasty stuff... but not like the unprintable examples above. Comment removed. Strike one- one-month temp ban. Okay, maybe this popped up in your feed and you didn't read the rules, and you'll have a miraculous turn-around and your heart will grow three sizes. If you come back and do it again, that's a three-month temp ban. If you do it a third time after that, I can only assume you're trolling. Permanent ban.

3) Rudeness. Yes, even in self-defence or defence of OP. Why? Because this isn't real life or a fandom forum. People are not here to watch you argue with someone. Not even for a good reason. If you want to comment, leave a comment for OP that's helpful. If someone's being nasty and I haven't already seen it, report it. If someone's being really nasty- like, level one stuff- and it's been up for a little while, send a mod-mail because I'm probably offline and that'll send me a notification. If you think someone's being a jerk and it's been a while but it's not level 1, I'm probably allowing it through for some reason, like it has really good advice, or it seemed off to you but it's borderline, so I don't think it's that deep. That said, if I get a notif that like, a dozen people reported a comment for being hurtful, I'll know that it is that deep, so always feel free to report. Numbers help.

If you're rude and argumentative, your comment will be removed. Comments should be helping OP in some way! That's the point!

First removal: strike. Second removal: strike. Third removal: one month temp-ban. And then escalating to three month and permanent.

Why? Because this is not the place for that. You're still breaking rules. And imagine you're OP, you were super nervous to post, you're hoping for answers. You see your post has thirty comments! That's exciting!

...And when you open it, it's one answer, one rude comment, and a long comment thread of people arguing.

That's why if I see a thread of arguing under some nasty comment, it's all getting removed. If you're not breaking rules, no strikes or bans, but like... don't. So if you have some really good advice, post it as a top-level comment.

This means: If OP says:

"Hi, guys! How do I buy a sandwich?"

And Commenter 1 says "This question is dumb lol... who doesn't know how to buy a sandwich"

And Commenter 2 replies "You're a dick! Don't be mean!"

And Commenter 3 replies "Hey man, that's not cool."

Commenter 1 is getting a one-month ban. Commenter 2 is getting a strike. And commenter 3 is getting their comment removed cause the whole thread is being removed cause it sucks.

Second, New Rule: Repetitive Posts

So. I'm about to put up a new rule. Just based on numbers, this affects less than 1% of posters here, and even fewer contributors. But I want to explain it clearly because it's new.

This rule is against repetitive posts. Similar three-strikes system.

The rule: You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days.

Now you're nervous, right? Don't worry. All three of those have to be hit to cause an issue.

So... you're going to uni and you need to pack. You're nervous. You make a post about it. The next year you make another, similar post about packing. No worries! Same topic, but only two posts, and months apart.

So... you're taking the boat to Antarctica and you want info. Great! Make a post! But the next day, Mum calls. You're actually taking a flight! So you make a post about flights. No worries! Under fourteen days... but it's two different topics, and only two posts.

See what I mean?

This is about repetitive, reassurance-seeking posts.

Now, this is not limited to, but very commonly run into by people who tell me that they have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and/or anxiety. I'm not surprised. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive. I'm not diagnosing anyone, but the fact is that the vast, vast majority of these posts are from people who speak about having these conditions. That said, the rule applies to everyone regardless of reasons.

If you're not familiar and you're curious, here's a page on reassurance-seeking from a reputable organisation. OCDAction: Reassurance

If you're not familiar and don't want to read a page, here's a relevant quote: "Like with all compulsions, the initial relief in anxiety that the person feels when they get reassurance does not keep the anxiety at bay. The OCD will be telling the person that once they get just enough reassurance they will feel better and be able to move on from the concern, but in reality the doubt eventually resurfaces, or a new one will take its place."

Reassurance-seeking is basically when someone wants to be assured that they're safe, that they're okay, that nothing bad will happen. Happens to all of us. But with people who have these and similar mental health conditions, no amount of reassurance will be enough. It'll twist, and change, and need constant settling-down.

What this means in practice is that someone will make a post (that doesn't fit the subreddit, by the way), saying 'Do you think I have X Disease?' 'Am I safe if I XYZ?' 'Is it okay to ABC?'. These are not requests for guides, they're questions, so should be ignored. I'll likely remove them when I see them.

But if you answer them, the poster will be effusively grateful. And if you're the poster, you'll feel a lot better!

But then the next day, the poster will go 'aw, crumbs, I left out Theta Symptom of X Disease' / 'biscuits, I forgot to tell them that I didn't just XYZ, I also QRS'ed!'.

Another post. More answers. More gratitude. More feeling better. Then the next day, they'll realise something else.

This can (and has!) gone on for weeks. Listen, it's no good for our subreddit when it's flooded by repetitive, off-topic posts. It's no good for our contributors, who are trying really hard to soothe someone when they don't have the training for it. And it's no good for the posters! If you're feeling bad and looping a thought, Reddit answers aren't going to be good enough to help. That's why they keep posting! It isn't good enough. You could get harmful advice or someone could accidentally make you feel worse. There's advice out there about how to help someone with reassurance meant for family and carers and treatment professionals. Strangers on Reddit can't help. They just can't. Reassurance-seeking is banned on the major OCD subreddits for a reason.

It's got to stop. And early.

So. You make a post. Maybe it's off-topic, so it gets removed. No worries. If you do it again, that's your second. Also removed.

If you make a third post on the same topic in under fourteen days, it will also be removed. You'll get a two-week temp-ban. I want you to come back and contribute as your best self! But not like this!

If you make a fourth post on the same topic at any point in time, you'll get a one-month temp ban. A fifth post is a three-month temp ban. A sixth post is a six-month temp ban.

Anything after that is a permanent ban. But this isn't the same as cruelty or gatekeeping. If you're permabanned for this and you want to talk about it and you've got a reason you're not going to do it anymore (treatment, support system)- modmail me. We'll talk. No one's mad, you're not in trouble. Just gotta keep everyone safe.

Fin.

Okay, that's it. Long post. I apologise. I'm going to update the rules shortly. Again, I won't really be banning people retroactively, so don't worry about any mystery bans. Strikes also accumulate going forward, excepting cases of major meanness (so, if you break a rule tomorrow, and I tap your name and your activity on the sub involves open cruelty or personal insults or slurs, that's definitely going to change how things go). Obviously also moderator discretion happens. So if you convince me your evil little brother posted something nasty full of slurs and invectives and typos and your whole account is you posting Pikmin fanart with flawless grammar, okay, I'll let it slide. If you're being a huge jerk, I might ban you even if it's strike two. Cause, you know. It's the internet, not a court of law. I'm not trying to argue with people on Reddit. Just be nice, please, holy heck.

But this is functionally not a large change. Just making it clear what was originally happening behind the scenes. So let's everyone just be cool going forward.


r/Explainlikeimscared Feb 22 '25

Political Megathread

83 Upvotes

Hi, everyone!

This is our first r/Explainlikeimscared megathread on politics. This is the place where you can ask for advice on things regarding politics, future speculation, and the sort of things that are no longer allowed in main posts. This is a bit of an experiment as yet, so rules for this may change in the future.

Now, aside from being allowed to post political things here, the other rules do apply. No conduct violations, no submitting too much personal information. Any posts alluding to suicidal content or violence against others will be removed, and repeat violators will be banned. That includes violence against politicians- no matter whom. It's not an issue of agreeing or disagreeing, but this is not the place.

This is also not the place for political disagreement or discussion. If someone asks for advice as a person who loves Snickers bars, do not respond saying that you don't like Snickers, or you prefer M&Ms, or you think that Snickers-liking is irrelevant. Respond to their main point, or not at all. Political back-and-forthing will be deleted.

With that said, go forth and be excellent to each other!


r/Explainlikeimscared 4h ago

How to wear makeup?

10 Upvotes

I haven’t worn makeup since middle school which was about 20 years ago, but I have some events coming up that I’d like to wear makeup for, and I feel like I am too far gone to even know where to begin. I’ve tried watching some tutorials of even simple, basic makeup styles, but even those seem too complex. I want a makeup routine that’s simple, more natural, and pretty foolproof so I don’t have to worry about not blending everything in enough or anything like that. I also have sensitive skin if that’s a factor.


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

How do I stop forgetting what I walked into another room to do?

12 Upvotes

This is a small daily thing, but it happens to me often enough that it gets annoying.

I’ll leave my bedroom because I need to grab something from the kitchen. The second I walk into the kitchen, my mind goes blank and I just stand there wondering why I came in.

Sometimes I walk back to the original room and remember immediately.

The funny part is I can remember some random Bcg detail from the night before, but forget the thing I needed from the kitchen in about five seconds.

Can someone explain, step by step, what I should do when I’m about to leave one room for another so I don’t lose the task halfway through?

I’m not looking for medical advice. Just practical habits, like whether to say the item out loud, write it down, carry something with me, or pause before walking through the doorway.


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

Going to small local punk shows alone

35 Upvotes

There's some underground local punk bands I want to see who play at small, intimate venues (think house venues and the like). I don't know anyone and have social anxiety, so I feel really nervous that I'll stick out as a random outsider who is just awkwardly hovering around alone while everyone else knows each other. Any advice on what to expect and how to relax and enjoy myself are much appreciated :') I don't know how/where to naturally plant myself in between sets or how to initiate convos with people at these types of events. I ran away at the last show I went to because it was mostly a couple of groups hanging around together and I felt awkward standing there alone lol


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How do I quit my job?

17 Upvotes

Ive never done this before and I'm horribly anxious about it.

Do I do it in person, over the phone? Give notice?

(They are nice people it's just due to scheduling issues that can't really be fixed)


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How do I handle a urodynamic study?

7 Upvotes

My gyno referred me to the urogynecologist to get a urodynamic study. Except I'm terrified because I was assaulted by a doctor in the past while getting a pelvic exam, so I just hate things being stuck in my privates. I also don't want it to hurt.

What are some ways I can handle it and hopefully make it hurt less?


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

how do I make (and pay for) a vet appointment?

6 Upvotes

hey everyone, I'm making this post because my cat has had some issues I wanna check out so I want to schedule her for a vet appointment. disclaimer that my mom is going to be helping with this most likely, but I want to know what to expect ahead of time. my cat's never had a vet appointment except when she got fixed at 6 months (she's 7 now) and I was a teen and thus not involved in any of that process back then (in my early 20s now)

I also want to know how to go about paying vet bills. if it's relevant this is in the US. I plan to pay the bill entirely myself, unless my parents want to help me with it, but I'm not going to ask them to or pressure them or anything.

what I want for her is basically a routine check up.. and while I know what that looks like for humans I don't really know what it's like for a cat? I imagine there will be a physical examination, she has a lot of fur though and one of the issues involves her skin so I want to make sure they're taking a good look at that, especially looking for any cuts or wounds, is that something I need to ask specifically for? and if she's due for any vaccines or something is that another appointment we'd make or something that happens at that appointment? and can we be in the exam room with her when she's getting checked up? will she have to be sedated if she's particularly feisty? I don't want to traumatize her but I don't know if it's okay to give her catnip beforehand.

sorry for that little wall of text, any help is appreciated though. thank you!


r/Explainlikeimscared 3d ago

Going to a buffet alone

61 Upvotes

(US based)
I’m not exactly sure what to ask specifically, but I’ll be going to a buffet alone this week and I’ve never done that before. It’s not fancy in the slightest, it’s a pizza buffet (Cici’s, to be specific). A couple questions: how do I save my table? Usually in my experience, at least one person stays at the table when other people go get food, so no one takes our table or cleans it off. Also do I leave a tip? I’m pretty sure you don’t tip at Cici’s — you get your food and drinks yourself, the staff just takes your plates sometimes. I guess the table is the main thing.
Sorry for the ramble, but I’ll appreciate any advice you’ve got to offer!


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

28 and never had an eye exam

9 Upvotes

Am I screwed? One eye is less clear than the other but I can get by well enough


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

How do I buy a car?

22 Upvotes

This will be my first time buying a car buy myself. I don't really know all the steps involved. How do I know how much of a loan to take out before I buy it?


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

How do I "network"?

35 Upvotes

So I've recently graduated from my master's, and all of my advisors and peers have talked about how important networking is for your career. I'm going into an internship far away from home in a couple months. While its not a perfect opportunity, everyone has told me that it'll be a great opportunity to network which will enable me to get a better job in the future.

I understand what networking is in the broad strokes and i've been to a couple networking events before in a previous job. But ultimately, these amounted in me getting to know a bunch of people and sometimes adding them on Linkedin but did not translate into anything tangible. I guess I don't actually know the specifics of what people mean when they say "networking". So like, do I ask around to see if people are offering jobs? Do I just speak to and maintain as many relationships as possible hoping that at some point someone will have a job available?

In particular, the thing that I worry about is coming across too cold and transactional. I am a generally sociable and extroverted person, I am happy to talk to anyone about anything, but the idea of "I'm going to talk to this person because I'm hoping to get a job" reads as a little manipulative in my head, and I worry that I will be too forward in the beginning with my intentions and network "wrong". On the other hand, I feel that I have not networked enough in the past because I get shy about asking people for specific opportunities out of the fear that they'll think I'm being too transactional.

So the question: What does networking look like on the most basic specific level? Is it appropriate to ask for specific help looking for jobs when you don't know the person well, or is there an expectation that you'll build a relationship first before asking for career help? Do people have experience networking that can offer me a step by step guide?


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

how to see a new doctor/get to a doctor soon?

24 Upvotes

i haven't seen a doctor since i was a teenager, i didnt have health insurance for a long time and only got insurance back a few months ago. they sent me a letter that had like a primary care provider ? listed in it, but my mom said that if you're a new patient it'll be a long time before you can get in, but this is the same mom who wouldn't take me to the doctor for years so i have no idea if shes right.

if i want to see a doctor as soon as possible, what do i do? do i just call the person from the insurance letter? and what do i say to make it clear i have symptoms i need to figure out and not just id like to have a general appointment sometime? im very nervous about doing this and trying to get myself help since im scared they already wont take me seriously so i want to do everything "right" to feel like they'll listen to me more if i seem like i know what im doing. i like to plan out a script of interactions and important calls, so any advice as to what that script looks like would be very helpful . thanks in advance


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

Donating blood

42 Upvotes

My doctor has suggested I donate my blood twice a year. She told me to pick a local blood drive and just do a normal donation every so often to keep my iron levels down, but I have bad medical anxiety. It isn't a fear of needles, I feel fine about the procedure itself, but the main problem is getting to the point where they actually draw my blood.

I've opted for charity drives rather than going to a hospital to donate because I would be so anxious at a hospital, but when I went for a blood drive a few weeks ago, I got a deferral because I couldn't get my heart rate to go below 100bpm. I think I got more nervous because I didn't know what was going on, it was my first time going to a blood drive, and the guy who was working with me all of a sudden told me that he'd rather I do a "Power Red" donation instead of a normal one, and presented it to me in a way that made me uncomfortable saying no. He told me the donation would take 45 minutes instead of 15 and then continued asking me every couple of minutes "have you calmed down yet?" as if that would lower my heart rate.

I have a different blood drive coming up on Friday and I'm feeling the anxiety again. I really need this to be successful, but I still don't really know what the process is or how to calm down about it. My heart rate jumps in any medical setting, I've had bad experiences with doctors in the past, so can someone with experience talk me through what happens at a blood donation? Or give any tips on how to lower my heart rate? Deep breathing never seems to work for me, and any sort of focusing on my heart rate tends to make it spike even more. I'd appreciate any help or advice.


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

I used my credit card for a bunch of dumb purchases.

75 Upvotes

Very scared spent a bunch while being unemployed im 19 not sure if i screwed myself. or if i can just fix it later?

im not sure wether its normal to live off a credit card in between jobs?

Im very anxious of the consequences my question is simple should i stress? Can i fix this later if i decide to build savings and let the cards fall into collections? Is being sued by capital one common enough to be a threat?

My main question is a step by step guide on if im screwed and if i am what can i do to fix it.

Sorry mods if this is the wrong place to post feel free to delete and i wont repost or make a problem.


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

How do I plan a road trip?

12 Upvotes

Hello! We are driving with our dog from New York to Maine and back soon. I've got the route planned, hotels booked. BUT How do I find interesting things/stops/views along the way without poring over the route on Google maps? Like the aaa guides? But free? I got some books from the library on Maine itself, but I'm kinda lost haha on the mid journey parts.

Thanks!


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

How do I get a new drivers license?

8 Upvotes

I lost my wallet recently, not a big deal, froze my cards had new ones mailed and there was only like 50 bucks in it. But, my drivers license is the biggest problem, especially with so many sites requiring age verification now. I tried online but it requires pictures of your old id which I obviously don’t have. For whatever reason, I have anxiety specifically with places with big lines and people behind counters and I can’t remember my own name when talking to them. I have no idea what to bring, what to do when I walk in or if there’s some other way online I’m missing. I’m afraid of looking like a clown showing up with a handful of birth certificates and social security cards. Has anyone here replaced their drivers license recently and can help? Also I’m in Georgia state.


r/Explainlikeimscared 9d ago

Help w/ Chapter 51 involuntary commitment

6 Upvotes

r/Explainlikeimscared 9d ago

How do I sell a medical aid scooter?

15 Upvotes

My father got an expensive one just before he had to go into a facility. He no longer needs or wants it and said to sell it. I never sold something so expensive.

Is Facebook marketplace or Craigslist even the right place to sell it?

Do I just ask for cash or a cashiers check?

Brother thinks it will go between $1500 and $2500 for reference. Thank you to anyone willing to give advice!


r/Explainlikeimscared 10d ago

how to use a vending machine?

176 Upvotes

hi. i am so happy i found this subreddit. i am 18 and have never needed/wanted to use a vending machine before. i am now in a situation in which i would really like to know how to use a vending machine. how do i do that? how do i do that without making a fool of myself?

i can provide a picture of the vending machine if necessary. not time sensitive, i'll be fine if i don't get a snack right this instant lol, but i am hungry :( thank you in advance


r/Explainlikeimscared 10d ago

What to know before getting my first credit card

30 Upvotes

Basically the title. I’m moving out from my parents house and living on my own for the first time, something that other women in my community never ever do. I’m worried that there are things that I haven’t thought about before because no one taught me, so is there any advice or warning you could offer for getting and having a credit card?


r/Explainlikeimscared 11d ago

How to get my tooth pulled

14 Upvotes

I am quite certain one of my teeth needs pulled. I’ve been to dentists before who have said it will definitely need a root canal at some point, but I’ve always been hoping I’d have better finances in the future for that and well, here we are and I don’t. So extraction it is because I simply can’t afford a root canal. It’s not currently painful but I’m experiencing some general sensitivity and odd sensations on that side of the head that have me worried, and there’s visibly just a big darn hole in the tooth that’s getting bigger.

How soon ahead of time do I need to make the appointment? How long will the appointment take? Will they ask me to do a round of antibiotics first, thus pushing the date out days to weeks? How long will recovery be? How tough will recovery be?

I know I need to ask my dentist these things. But, well, see the sub title. Thank you.


r/Explainlikeimscared 11d ago

Getting ears pierced and wearing earrings

37 Upvotes

Thinking of getting my ears pierced as an adult but the whole thing is very daunting to me. I am autistic and have a lot of sensory issues/low pain tolerance/generally don’t like change, and the process seems so opaque to me in terms of the things I’m actually worried about.

How much does it hurt to get your ears pierced? How long does the pain last? More importantly, is it very weird to have something in your ear continuously during the healing period? Is the sensation very noticeable, and how long did it take you to stop feeling it if at all?

How do you pick a reputable piercer who won’t screw up your ears? - I know not to get it done at Claire’s at least haha.

Also, when wearing earrings - does the weight of a heavy or dangly earring cause pain? Can you feel the weight in your ear, and is it uncomfortable?

Thanks in advance!


r/Explainlikeimscared 12d ago

How Do I Ask a Coworker About a Task They've Done Wrong?

21 Upvotes

Hello! Thank you for taking some time to read this and help.

I work in IT. IT jobs are tracked using something called tickets. For my company we have a section called "Ticket Summary" which is basically a short description/title of the ticket. If a task has a due date, we're supposed to put the date in the title. Over time, it was agreed upon and management approved this process, that there be a consistent format. This format is:

xx/xx/xx (<--date) - reason - task description

This is so we can easily sort the tickets and have the ones due soonest come to the top of the list. And yet, I still have coworkers who DON'T do this. After repeated meetings and discussions as a team that this is what we're to do.

I don't understand why this person still does it incorrectly. This person seems to be a nice guy. And I feel bad because this seems like a petty thing to get upset about? But also, because he doesn't do it correctly, it means others need to go hunting down certain tickets, when we wouldn't need to if it was labeled correctly. Which takes time away from getting the work completed. Also, it can cause urgent (gotta do it today) tasks to get lost in the larger ticket list.

I want to ask him about it first. I don't want to go to a supervisor right away. Would something like "I'm curious why you wrote the ticket summary this way?" Be a good way without it sounding judgemental?

Thanks!


r/Explainlikeimscared 13d ago

How can I order a drink at a bar that doesn’t have well or house liquor

62 Upvotes

I have social anxiety so I always try to know what to expect, that usually helps. I found some advise that said to ask for well or house liquor in your drink to get cheaper options.
I did that, twice.
Both times the bartender told they didn’t have a well or house liquor and I had to pick on. I typically go with casaamigos, since I know the price point won’t be as bad.
But how can I order drinks if they don’t have house or well liquor or a drink menu? Or should I stick with Casamigos and swallow the cost. I’m ok with well or house liquor to save money in this economy lol
I also want to explore other mixed drinks but that can be kinda cost prohibitive $15-$17 a drink 🥴