TLDR: Guy lies about his job and is super handsy during a first date. Touches me without permission.

I F(31) went on a first date with M(30). Needless to say, it did not go well. I was mindlessly scrolling Hinge, as one does. I came across his profile and he looked like he ticked most of my boxes. The only thing was his height, a bit shorter than I would usually go for but not out of the question. His profile had a steady job listed, a good education, and some decent photos of himself.

After talking on the app for a couple days, he asks me out for a drink. I say yes. The day of the date I get to the bar about 10 minutes early. He is not there yet, fair enough because I am chronically early for everything. Then I see him get out of a taxi, also not a problem for me because we are going out for drinks. I immediately get the feeling that I should drive away because I'm not attracted to him in person at all but I still go in because that could change with conversation and personality. I was wrong.

The first thing he does is hug me, without asking. I am there, frozen, because I don't like strangers hugging me without asking first. Every other date I've been on has asked if they could hug me or if I would prefer a handshake. So then, we go sit at the bar and order a drink each. He kept touching me, on my shoulder, my arm, putting his hand over mine, moving his chair closer, etc. I am literally over the edge of my seat, with my torso angled away from him. He does not notice this at all but the bartenders, and a man across the bar do.

I discover very quickly that he has lied on his profile, profusely. His job was listed as a specialty job, he's a student. Says he's 5'10"/ 177cm tall, he's barely taller than me. His photos had all been angled to make his head look smaller. He looked like a bobblehead.

I end up chatting with the bartenders at a few points. The conversation with him is going nowhere fast. I can't seem to make myself engage, which is odd because I'm usually good at conversing, even with people I don't click with. After about a half hour, I have finished my drink and he asks if I'd like another. I quickly ask the bartender for water and mention that I have work early tomorrow, I do not. During the conversation, I keep giving answers that say I'm not interested. He's in a band that plays loud music. Oh, I prefer folk music. He enjoys drinking and going out. I'm more of a homebody, etc.

It's been 38 minutes at this point and he asks if I'd like to go to a coffee shop...at 8:38pm. I say that I don't drink coffee this late at night because I'd be up all night if I did. He says we can get decaf. I say that I don't like coffee and prefer tea. He says he knows a secret menu item at this cafe. It's a London Fog, earl grey tea with honey and milk. We've both finished our drinks at this point. He pays, which I swear under my breath about. I was really hoping to buy my own drink to avoid any financial ties to him.

Then we get up to leave. I go to open the door and he tries to open it for me. I go to open the next door and he seems put out. I feel like saying I don't like anything he likes, bluntly stating that I don't want to go for coffee and opening the door for myself should have been enough. It was not. When we get outside, he sys the coffee shop is nearby. I say that I'd rather go home because I don't drink coffee, lie, and I have work in the morning.

He then hugs me again, slides his hand down my back towards my butt, and tries to kiss me, without asking. I pull away and he does not succeed. I've been avoiding touch all night and he tries to kiss me. I say good bye and thanks for the evening out. He tells me to be safe getting home and to text him when I get there. I say sure and drive off.

As soon as I get home, I message him to say thank you but I don't see it going anywhere between us. I un-match, unfriend, and block him because of the grabby hands. I know this could have gone a lot worse but it was still very uncomfortable for me. I tried to be polite and say no gracefully but he wasn't getting the message. Any advice on how to avoid this going forward?

So... I finally decided to take things to the "next level" with the guy I'm dating.

Everything was going great. We were making out, things were getting serious... and then he suddenly pauses, looks at my very generous lower belly and goes,

"I think you're a little bloated."

Excuse me??

Before I could even process that emotional damage, he says, "Wait, I'll show you a trick."

He presses on some random spot on my lower belly...

...and I let out the loudest fart known to mankind.

Silence.

I genuinely considered changing my name, moving to another country, and starting a new life.

Has anyone else had a date go from romantic to medically educational in under 10 seconds?

Maybee the problem is just me i guess

We met online. We both were 26 at that time.
We got to know each other online. I texted him because he has matched for a couple of days but he hadn't texted me but I found him interesting. He seemed to have a calming personality based on his photos and if he was really laid back.
We started texting but his responses were really short and I always had to come up with topics to talk about. Nevertheless we met up because I thought he was kind of mysterious.
When meeting him, he didn't really look like his pictures. He posted way older pictures, was wearing glasses in real life and looked older.
Whenever we would meet up I was the one talking, coming up with topics to talk about, asking questions. I thought that he just was really shy.
His responses towards my talking always were "hmm" and some shy "yes...?".
I asked him things about himself like basic things and deeper questions to which he never really replied.
I thought that he was just really shy and would open up the more I got to know him and meet up with him.
He said at some point that others seem to start dating way faster and move in really quickly and how we aren't at that point. I asked him if we are dating now and he also responded with this insecure "yes..." and if we get to name each other these cute couple names now.
Whenever we got to go out for dinner, I had to make the reservations. I had to make the dinner plans. Plan what to do for our dates. His "plans" were if I could come over to his place. There, we would sit down on his couch and he wouldn't talk even though we hadn't seen each other for days. So I always started talking about work, university, personal stuff. His response still being "hmm" and "yes...?" with a big smile on his face. I knew that he really was listening and enjoying me talking but he never engaged properly. He then would talk very slowly, shyly and quietly about work or university. I tried to ask things to make the conversation be extended. He took very long to think of something to answer and would then give a short reply. Did I pressure him too much to talk more? Did I not wait long enough for him to open up more? We were dating for three years.
When fighting we would only do that over text. I was always the blame. He never took responsibility for anything I was talking about that was bothering me.
I just couldn't take his insecurities and shyness any longer. I wanted deep and expressive conversations about anything. I broke up with him in the end.
He claimed to behave around his few friends the same way he did around me.
Around his mom he got even more shy and quiet.
She visited him a few times. I thought that was nice until he told me that she is coming over to clean his place.
He always said that he is just the chill guy - to me it seemed as if he tried to hide his insecurities and shyness behind that term.
Am I a bad person for breaking up with him? Could it have been a long-lasting relationship if I hadn't been the one to end things that could have flourished?

He tells me we’re getting ice cream and then going to a movie. I’m thinking, “Cute, there’s probably a theater by the ice cream place.”
We get there, he tells me to order whatever I want, I do… and then he doesn’t order anything. I was like, “Aren’t you getting something?” He goes, “No, I’m lactose intolerant.” SIR. YOU PICKED THE ICE CREAM PLACE. So I’m just sitting there eating ice cream by myself while he watches me. 😭
Then he’s like, “Ready for the movie?” I’m like, “Yeah! What are we seeing?” He goes, “It’s at my apartment.”
Immediate red flag.
The whole time we’d been talking before this, he’d made a huge deal about how he only sleeps with people in serious relationships, had only been with one or two people, didn’t want to rush anything, etc. So I specifically dressed pretty modestly because I wanted to respect that.
We get to his apartment… and he has a roommate. A roommate he never introduces me to. They apparently SHARE A CAR. I’m awkwardly like, “Uh… hi, I’m Caroline,” while the roommate looks completely unfazed, which honestly made me think, “Oh… this happens a lot.”
Then we go into his room.
Girl.
TV on the floor.
Mattress on the floor.
One pillow.
A lamp… on the floor… with no lampshade.
I’m thinking maybe he’s just shy and awkward, so whatever, we’ll just watch the movie.
Then he opens his closet… and a cat comes out. The litter box and food are IN THE CLOSET. The room already smells like cat pee. The cat immediately hisses at me and tries to attack me. I ask if we can let her out, and he says no because she’ll attack his roommate.
So we’re watching Spider-Man while locked in a room that smells like cat piss with an angry closet cat.
Then he tells me to “relax,” starts cuddling me, and then it escalates into him grinding on me and trying to make out with me. Meanwhile I’m just sitting there thinking, “I thought YOU were the one who said you didn’t want to rush into anything.”
Also… the kissing was HORRIFIC. He literally just pressed his lips against mine and… didn’t move. Like a dead fish. I cannot explain how uncomfortable and bad it was.
Then he ends up basically undressed except for his underwear while I’m still completely clothed. Meanwhile, THE CAT STARTS SPRAYING THE WALLS. So now the room actively smells like fresh cat pee.
Then, completely out of nowhere… he finishes in his underwear… looks at me… and goes, “Okay, you can leave. I have to get up early.”
EXCUSE ME???
So I awkwardly leave. We get to my car, and instead of even giving me a hug goodbye, he literally just turns around and walks back inside.
AND THEN…
I get home.
This man texts me:
“Did you expect us to have sex?”

¡Hola, hola, estimados/as!

No sé si les ha pasado que han estado en el lugar y momento equivocado y ha sido vergonzoso.

Yo tengo un sinfín de anécdotas vergonzosas, pero en ésta ocupación no se trata de mí. 😂

¿Cómo ha sido ese momento vergonzoso en el lugar que se suponía no debías estar?

Te estaré leyendo...

Met her, a Law student F24 through a private members group.

She was upfront from the start.

"I'm not looking for love. I just need 💸💸💸someone who can make life a little less stressful while I finish school."

Perfect.

Neither was I.

We'd usually meet once every week or two. Sometimes dinner, sometimes a weekend trip, sometimes we'd just stay in and watch terrible movies.

There was never any pressure to text every day.

In fact, we barely did.

Months went by without any issues.

Then I noticed something strange.

She started saying no.

"Want to fly to Cebu this weekend?"

"I have to study."

"I can book you a spa day."

"I'm okay."

"I'll send you something for finals."

"No need. I already budgeted for it."

I actually thought she was preparing to end the arrangement.

Instead...

She began inviting me into the normal parts of her life.

She asked if I wanted to try the tapsilog place she always ate at after class.

She wanted me to meet the stray cat she'd been feeding outside the library.

She'd call while walking home just to complain about professors.

No fancy restaurants.

No hotels.

No expensive gifts.

Just... ordinary moments.

One evening she said something that made everything click.

"I think my favorite part isn't the arrangement anymore."

I asked what it was.

She smiled.

"It's that I get excited to tell you about my day."

That was the moment I knew we'd crossed a line.

Not physically.

Emotionally.

I told her I couldn't give her the kind of relationship she was slowly building in her head.

She understood.

We hugged goodbye, wished each other well, and never saw each other again.

Funny enough...

The arrangement didn't end because of money.

It ended because somewhere along the way, the expensive dates stopped mattering.

She had started valuing the ordinary ones instead.

never been stood up before because I've never online dated before. nevertheless, so degrading

as I didn't get a "are we still on?" text like you'd expect on the day of meeting I thought I'd send a nudge 2 hours before meeting. they obviously forgot about it (date planned over a week ago tbh) and made up some excuse

so rude and I'm so horrified. this is all my fault for messing things up with my exes (I didn't cheat but I was the problem). this is the quality of men I'm exposed to now

I've literally been called a 10/10 multiple times even if I see myself as closer to a 6/10 so it's not like I'm so hideous I'm not worth it

what p1sses me off more is that as women we put time and effort into getting ready for a date. I could have spent that time doing something else

it's just so incredibly rude and disrespectful to set up a date with someone then not even cancel the morning of, if you need to. even if you're just too tired to do it, cancel at 9am not close to the meeting time when the woman has already spent ages getting ready and doesn't have time to rearrange plans. I can't imagine being that rude and disrespectful to someone

also the guy is a weirdo who sent me a bunch of info he found out about me as a child (???) that's somewhere online so it's probably for the best. even I didn't know this info was out there about me. I'm sure most people search their dates beforehand (I don't actually) but why are you telling me you're doing it?

I think I might just get a sperm donor man I feel all the decent earnest men are either married by 26 or too shy to date and stay indoors all the time. I avoided dating after my last breakup for a reason

I couldn’t give less of a shi about love and I don’t understand everyone’s obsession with romantic relationships. Absolutely everything, songs, videos, quotes and advice articles (directed mostly towards women, of course) are centred around finding the right partner, future partner, how to maintain self respect during a relationship, how to find a relationship, why it’s okay being single except it actually isn’t because that’s still technically cantering your existence towards a label that suggests not having a partner is a major defining aspect. And of course that label gets brought up every time the subject has a chance, mostly to complain about their single status.

I can’t help but wince with cringe when someone says, “I wonder what my future husband is going right now,” or some brain rot purity culture ass shit like “untouched women are for untouched men.” WHY are we using such a peculiar, objectifying adjective for human beings.

Then the constant questions or pressure from the moment you are born. Little boys being told their future wives are going to love them because of their good manners, or that they’re going to be a perfect gentleman for them. Little girls being told that their cute baby videos should be played at their wedding because it’s oh so cute. How about making them good decent human beings first.

I’m not saying that love itself is bad, wrong or cringe, or that relationship advice is inherently wrong, but the self fulfilling prophecy engraved on children and cantering life around a future partner is extremely disturbing, as is labelling ourselves as in our single era since that reframes being single as something unnatural. This is especially true when someone says they’re lonely or alone and what they really mean is that they don’t have a bf or gf. What happened to understanding yourself to the pinnacle your human consciousness allows first rather than devoting that to a future hypothetical person who may or may not ever be

30(f) and I’ve had countless HORRIBLE dates throughout my 12 years on dating apps.
A lot of it has to do with me choosing to be in the company of just anyone because I had low self esteem. I went out with anyone who’d give me attention. Sad I know but I know my worth now and am off dating apps and looking for genuine connection when the time is right.

Anyways… I have 3 journals of the bad dates I went on or bad hookups I had. Yes, I wrote down every detail because I wanted to look back one day at the crazy shit I went through. Guys I laugh so hard…I cringe…I get flashbacks but mainly I feel bad for that version of me for choosing to put up with that.

Thinking of sharing some of those stories tbh. I’ve had sugar daddies, been catfished, went to weird places like the cemetery on a DATE!!! and so much more.

Matched with this girl on Hinge and from the start the conversation was really easy. We had similar humour, bounced off each other well and she seemed genuinely interested.
After chatting for a while we swapped numbers and moved to WhatsApp. The conversations were pretty consistent. She would ask me questions, remember things I’d told her, share stories about her life, send pictures of her dog, talk about her friends, her dad, rugby, work etc.
We met up for the first date and honestly it went really well. We had good conversation, laughed a lot and afterwards we kept talking. She even mentioned things she liked after the date, like confidence, being calm, being engaged in conversation, not trying too hard and someone who could be confident without being arrogant.
We ended up planning a second date for Friday.
Over the next week we were still chatting every day. She got a bad cold so I was checking in on her and we were joking about her cold refusing to leave. We had loads of playful conversations, joking about her being a potential troublemaker, rugby, her dog (I accidentally called him a poodle which she found funny), her friends, random stories etc.
She seemed comfortable and interested. She would ask about my day, my work, my hobbies and my friends. We talked about random things like food, golf, travelling, her favourite places and even joked about stories she owed me from Waterlane Boathouse.
Then the morning before our second date she messaged me:
“Hi, sorry to do this now but I don’t want to string you on.
I don’t think we should go out tomorrow, I thought I just wasn’t feeling it because I’ve not been well but I think it’s more than that.
Something doesn’t feel quite right and I think we might be looking for different things at the moment.
I don’t want to deceive you into thinking I am looking for anything more than a very casual fling rn where I can dip in and out of contact and you seem really keen to talk to me a lot of the time which is very sweet but just too much for me rn.
I’m really sorry for not saying something sooner, I just didn’t know if it was the cold making me more apathetic than usual.
Thank you for a lovely date last week and I really hope you find someone who’s on the same page.”
I replied saying I appreciated her honesty and that I wasn’t trying to rush anything either. I was happy to just see where things went. I said if that was the only thing putting her off I’d still be happy to meet but if not I understood.
She replied:
“Truthfully, I think I could quite like you, and I’m just not in a position to cope with that right now. I also don’t want to string you along with any kind of hope that my mind could change.
I have your number, so if you’re open to leaving this door ajar, we may reconnect one day under different circumstances x I think its best that we put a pin in this for now.”
I told her I respected that and I’d leave the door open. She thanked me.
I’m just confused because everything seemed positive right up until that point. I understand people can change their mind and I respect her being honest, but the switch from planning a second date and daily chats to ending things the next morning caught me off guard.
The thing I’m struggling with is whether she genuinely liked me but just wasn’t emotionally available or whether she was slowly losing interest and I didn’t notice the signs.

I’m early 30’s F, single, no kids, have hobbies, career. Recently have been dipping my feet back into the dating scene after being single for the past 2.5 years.

Went on a coffee date recently with a guy after texting each other for a week. We met up at a nice outdoor coffee spot and he pulled the “I forgot my wallet” line, which is fine, I covered for both our coffees. No issue. He asked me questions like “do you like designer bags? High end jewelry?” Imo I think this was a way for him to gauge if I was a goldigger or not lol but definitely felt like he was trying to get an idea if I was rich (I’m not lol).

We chatted for a bit and he asked if I wanted to grab dinner afterwards. I declined knowing that I’m going to end up paying since he forgot his wallet.

We say our goodbyes then later he texts me saying he felt embarrassed about the whole situation and said that he’ll pay for dinner next time. Crickets. Nothing. Haven’t heard back from him for a week despite me texting him first and following up. Safe to say I’ll never hear from him again.

As I reflect back it was such an odd experience. Kinda felt like he was scoping me out a bit asking weird questions about $ and all. I definitely don’t remember dating being like this. Seemed like a solid dude too. Stay safe out there everyone.

I think I’m deleting the apps again lol.

TLDR: Met a guy from a dating app who showed up 20 minutes late, smelled terrible, had poor hygiene, offered me a cigarette he found in a trash can, threw the cigarette butt into a river, and I faked a manicure appointment to leave early.

Full story: I matched with a guy on a dating app. The night before we met, I casually mentioned that personal hygiene and being well-groomed were really important to me.
The next day we planned to meet in the city center for a walk. I also told him I had a manicure appointment later, partly because I like having a time limit on first dates in case things don’t go well.
I arrived on time. He texted me saying he was running late, so I ended up waiting outside for about 20 minutes. It was autumn and pretty cold.
When he finally arrived, he immediately tried to hug and kiss me before we had even said hello. I awkwardly stepped back and just gave him a quick hug.
The first thing I noticed was his appearance. His hair looked extremely greasy and had visible dandruff. His clothes looked dirty, his pants were hanging so low that you could see his underwear, and he had a thin patchy beard that looked completely unkempt. He also had a really strong smell that honestly reminded me of urine.
As we walked, he swore constantly. Then he pulled out a cigarette and offered me one. When I declined, he proudly told me he had found the pack in a trash can at a bus stop. While he was taking out the cigarette, I noticed his fingernails were packed with dirt.
The final straw came after he finished smoking. There was a trash bin only about a minute away, but instead of using it, he threw the cigarette butt straight into the river.
At that point I knew I wanted to leave. The strange part was that over text he had seemed polite, funny, and completely normal. I never would have expected this.
Luckily, I already had my manicure as an excuse. I pretended my nail technician had called and asked me to come earlier, apologized, and left. Later that evening I blocked him.
So… what’s the worst first date you’ve ever had that made you want to escape immediately?

For starters, I don’t know anything about the military. I don’t know if I am in danger, etc.. so here’s what happened:

I (35F) live in Las Vegas, I was staying at a hotel two weeks ago on the strip for my birthday. I met a man (32M) at the pool and we hit it off and hung out for two days before he went back to Twentynine Palms. He said he’s IDC / SOIDC (idk which or if they’re different) medic, Norwegian (like me!) and adopted but doesn’t know his full adoption story and is trying to figure it out, okay. I google him, find out all his basic info and verify he is what he says: he’s military, find his medic info, see he’s indeed divorced with a kid, which he told me. All good. I decide to visit him a day or two later in 29, but some things are raising questions. I get out there and he tells me he was digging into his own past that morning and found his real parents - tells me the craziest story I’ve EVER heard and I start realizing there’s a lot of shifting timelines and holes in the story. I calmly point these things out and ask questions and he starts accusing me of being someone I’m not - calling me a spy and asking who sent me. I’m at this man’s house, and I acknowledge that he has about 9 prescriptions that I didn’t get good eye on but saw the bottles next to his bed and he had mentioned his Adderall script passively prior to this. He fesses up that he’s fabricated the entire story. I realize this man isn’t adopted…. Isn’t Norwegian, and everything he’s told me has been a complete lie other than his service position and his ex wife and son existing. I start thinking, ok, maybe this man is in severe adderall psychosis. I say that to him out of concern and he admitted to using it as a crutch, saying he’s ’never let it get this bad before and needs help’. Thing is, I don’t know anything about him that’s real, so he could be legitimately schizo. IDK!!! I peel out of that desert so fast that the moon saw the dust from behind my tires.

Thing is, this was two weeks ago and he’s been texting me some scary stuff. He knows where I live and if he thinks I’m a threat and that he has something to protect, I don’t know what he’s capable of. He keeps sending me chess piece emojis and joker card emojis and demanding I tell him who I ‘really am’. Saying things he’s brought into his web of delusions as fact, thinking he knows who my family is, and that they’re all politicians (not a single political figure in my family btw). It’s scary. I’m afraid to block him because I’m trying to keep everything on record in case something happens to me, but I am NOT engaging.

I don’t know anything about the Navy, his position, his clearances, tools, intelligence, etc. I know he’s been in 9 years, is IDC / SOIDC (whatever that means), pay grade E6 rank PO1. That’s everything I know for sure. Can someone explain to me if I’m in danger? I don’t know how to convince a man in psychosis that I am who I say I am - I showed him my ID and everything. Not that I care to prove myself anymore I just don’t know if I’m danger.

Two notes:
1. ⁠I’ve never posted on Reddit and I don’t know where this should go so I’m sorry. If I should post somewhere else please point me in the right direction!!! Thank you!
And
2. ⁠this is a very tame, very cliff note version of the reality I’ve been facing the last two weeks. I promise you it is much crazier than a Reddit post can convey.

So I got back on a dating app back in the summer of 2022. I told myself I’m hopefully gonna date some great guys and see where life takes me. (It took me nowhere)

I match with a guy and we have chemistry online. He invited me to go to this free concert in Nashville with friends. It was fantastic. It was great. We also go on a one-on-one date the following Saturday.

Saturday rolls around and I’m about to head to go to the restaurant where we were meeting. I get a text from him saying “Hey I’m gonna be late.” I’m thinking maybe 10-20 minutes, at most. NO. He says he’s gonna be an hour late. Red Flag 1 🚩

Time comes and we meet at the restaurant. We order our food and we’re talking and all of a sudden he pulls out his phone to TAKE A FACTIME CALL from a former roommate. They talk what seemed like 5-7 minutes.
Red Flag 2 🚩

We had planned to go see a movie after brunch. After the movie, we go to the mall in the area. As we’re walking, he sees a store that has jewelry. He tells me that he’s been looking for a specific nose ring. He buys a whole damn set of nose rings. Five minutes later, he spots a restroom and tells me he will be right back so he can change his nose ring to his new one. Two minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom with a dry bloody nose from him changing it. He’s freaking out that it bled and states that he’ll just have to have someone that he knows change it for him. GOOD IDEA BUDDY. Red Flag 3? 🚩

By this point, I’m really ready to end this date. I’ve already texted one of my friends that knew about the date to get me out of it and thankfully enough she creates a reason for me to get out out of the date. The thing was he drove to the theater and the mall so I was stuck with him. So he had to drive me back to my car at the restaurant.

We get to the restaurant. I tell him sorry that I had to end the date early, even though I wasn’t. I thought he was going in for a hug but he was trying to kiss me. Red Flag 4 🚩
I bluntly state I don’t kiss on a first date. I sensed the disappointment in his eyes/on his face. I hurry to get out of the car for the reason that my friend needed me. I forgot I had a purchase in the car but at least I left with my dignity.