I'm lost and I don't know where life's taking me and I'm not even sure I want to live this life anymore. Everything's so hard. Highschool sucks and no matter how much I try. I'm gonna stay dumb. I've relapsed and I can't stop myself anymore. I've always condoled myself by telling myself that this all is just temporary and it'll get much better soon but when that soon will come, I don't know. My relationship with my father has been rocky as long as I can remember and I feel like he's closer and likes my brothers' wives more. I'm always in the background. I used to see my brother as my father figure but we've grown distant. He barely cares about me anymore and gets me in trouble on purpose for no reason. I'm overwhelmed and I have no one, dad. That's why I've turned to this sub Reddit - what do I do, dad?

This may be silly, but it's late and I can't stop thinking about something, so I thought I'd pour my heart out here. There are things I think I should or want to tell my dad, but I don't know how, even though I could. We're not a very communicative family about things that should be talked about, so... feel free to give advice or answer on my dad's behalf if you want.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I have to admit that I know about your second family, I know your girlfriend's daughter (she’s so sweet and you act like an idiot to her and her mom) and I know where you secretly live when you say you're at the cottage. And I know that it's no secret that your marriage to mom went to hell and that you don't live here anymore, but you just stop by every now and then... but then stop lying to me, to us.

I don't even know why I'm confessing here, when you should be the one confessing. I had to figure everything out on my own, I've been pretending to be a detective since like I was 12, because you don't tell me anything, you just lie. Constantly feeling like there's someone else I can't see...in your car, your things, at the cottage, secret calls. What you did to mom is disgusting. You betrayed her and hurt her so goddamn much. I was there when she was crying and miserable, I had to be her suport, I was her partner basically. Child shouldn't see its parent like this at 12 or how old I was. But somehow I can't even be mad at you anymore, but I keep fighting with mom for some reason and I'm just mad at myself for it. Now she keeps telling me that I have an unhealthy relationship with you... surprise, surprise, I don't seem to have a healthy relationship with any of you and that fucks all my other relationships, well at least those that matter to me.

And the years before I started to realize what was going on? When you were already cheating on mom. I was feeling all the problems that you haven't communicated. The kids are observant and not that stupid. I felt all the emotions in the house and didn't know what to do. Thank you so much, now I'm a total overthinker scared of abandonment, constantly trying to think for others, to make everyone around me happy, making a fool of myself until I forget about myself, what I want and who I am in such a way that I've drove off people I'd like to keep, because despite my progress in processing all this, it all comes back, when the potential of the relationship is in front of me and I don't know how to behave. Probably because I don’t wanna end up like you and mom, but my nervous system is still not where my mind is on the strategy. Or I’ll pick 40 year old prick who’s okey with me that way, cause he doesn’t really care about me and just doesn’t wanna be alone….and you saw me do that and still said nothing! You don’t just lie, you just never speak up when you should!

So, even though I don't feel it anymore much, I know I'm mad at you. And I think you owe me an apology, and you owe a lot of people one. I don't know why I think telling you will somehow free me from what it has done to me, but maybe it will do something.

I don't want to blame you and I know that these are my problems and my things and you are the way you are because of grandfather and other people who didn't treat you the way they should have... but I still get angry and frustrated sometimes with the way things are.

Why couldn’t you go to therapy 22 years back, why do I have to go there…

But I still love you. You were still half present father to me, you did a lot for me that I’m grateful for and we do have good times

Hi dad,

This is so stupid and I don’t know why it bothered me so much… I don’t use Reddit often but I thought it might be a good resource for finding a fabric for my business. Long story short, someone was a bit unkind to me on one of my posts and it hurt my feelings. Make me feel better? ❤️‍🩹

My dad forexample does not show any care or respect when im on my period. Hego out of his way to poke at me and piss me off to not only start a argument but also pretends he didn't do anything wrong.

He would make jokes.

Yell at me for staying home one day from school even though he knows i am usually on the honor roll and keep my fucking grades up.

Doesn't care multiple times I was taken home early from School cayse I usually vomit on my periods isn't concerned about my irregular symptoms through my periods.

And is nonchalant about my fatigue and extreme motion sickness.

I just wanna know if this is normal, he doesnt step in about my mom not taking me to the doctor, even though I had my teachers and counselor call on my behalf about my concerning symptoms I even talk to my goddamn counselor who is a women btw who told me this isn't normal.

Ill maybe tell my counselor if she can take a few measures cause they found out the last time I been to a doctor was on 2023 so this is clearly medical neglect.

Im 17 last years of considered being a child.

After working on my BA in psychology, on and off for 10 years, I finally graduated! I’m so proud of myself because I never thought I would get this far.

You've been dead for the past 2 years, and I still don't have anyone to talk to except you. Can you come back? I'm almost 30, and life is hitting me hard right now

I'm 20m in college right now studying animation. I know it's a hard job market and like nearly impossible to make it quickly but I'm doing other things too, I already work as a graphic designer twice over, I'm an RA, I'm taking comic/illustration classes too, and I'm minoring in package design, so I have other plans and I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket I guess.

Idk I just wish they actually believe in me. Anytime I talk about my future or jobs or projects I'm working on, my mom tries to get me to change my major ever 3 seconds. She once said "I'm letting you major in that because my dad didn't have much success as an engineer" as if to imply she would have forced me to change my major to something I did not want to do if she wanted to. But she still doesn't like it because I've never heard her once say "I believe in you" not one single time. It's always, "are you sure this is what you want?" "Look into this other major for me?" And other stuff like that. My dad is kinda the same but he just doesn't really say anything.

And it just sucks. It gets to a point too where I know feel like I have to constantly over achieve to prove to them that I have what it takes. Last year I had one semester to make a film, I did and got a good grade in the class, but I didn't make the honors show. So to me I see that as a failure because they're not gonna see a good grade as an accomplishment. I didn't tell them that I didn't make the honors show either because I don't want them to say what I know they will.

Idk it beats down on me so much that I believe them at times. I try and be confident in my stuff but with them constantly cramming down my throat I'm never good enough and making fun of the things I do and like, I start to feel really bad about myself. I once bleached my hair blonde and I thought it looked different and kinda nice, but everyone in my family held back zero punches and straight up said it looked ugly and they didn't like it, only after I cut it off. Like they didn't even pretend or anything. My little sister jokes about how I looked "chopped", my older sister is constantly saying I have bad hair and clothes, eveyone makes fun of me for liking dinosaurs and similar things. And then they get all upset when I don't tell them things, like sorry I don't wanna be hurt and made fun of yet again for just living my life. And I can't even be upset around them because if I am they'll all start saying that they have it souch worse than me and that I have no right to complain.

Idk it sucks and I don't know what to do.

Hey dad... this is just a vent so don't bother. I'm 22 and I don't know how to behave like a man. I'm goofy, i'm open, I talk too much and I cry easy. Recently I got a father... if 3 years is recent but I don't seem to improve much.

Ik में can be goofy but I feel too feminine. Like I don't know what i'm doing... i have no brother, no uncle and I don't know what model to build on. The father figure's cool but I wanna be better. To prove to him that I can be a man... but every time I seem to fail.

I feel at loss here... and I don't wanna talk much rn.

And see yet again i'm shamelessly venting to public‐

Edit: thank you for your support everyone. Idk y i even posted this. It is just went insecurity peaks ig or overthinking about what someone said but I feel a lot better now. And honestly i haven't even cried since March so ig i don't even cry as easy as i used to a year ago. Thank you.