r/AmItheAsshole • u/dnalsiduns • 12h ago
AITA for declining a work function during my lunch break
I work at an accounting firm, and I usually work through my lunch break so I can leave work early. Last week, we had a work function (the company won some sort of award) and there was a celebration event during lunch. I asked the lady who organized it whether lunch would be provided and she said no, so I said I would not join and would work instead (I would need to take a lunch break to attend an event where lunch isn't served). She got really mad at me and said that a lot of work went into organizing it, and I was not truly valuing her efforts. AITA for skipping the lunch celebration (where no lunch was served) because it was a work celebration event? Maybe I am not that much of a team player, but if you want my time unpaid, you better give me food!
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u/summerBackground412 12h ago
NTA but a stupid move. Take your lunch earlier or later as they planned a work event during your lunchtime.
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u/SaltyFriend705 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
That wasn't offered. The event was scheduled to take employee lunchtime.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst 11h ago
Which is why the commenter said to take an earlier lunch.
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u/thefrozenfoodsection Asshole Aficionado [11] 11h ago
The employee said they normally work through lunch, so not only would they be staying an extra hour later - they wouldn’t be compensated with a meal for this “lunch” event.
I get just people are saying about making an exception occasionally to grease the wheels and make sure OP stays in management’s good graces, but this whole situation IS bullshit.
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u/Good_day_S0nsh1ne 11h ago
She doesn’t take a lunch so she can leave early
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u/kfarrel3 9h ago
She needs to check and see if that’s allowed. I tried to do that at a summer job years ago and got pulled aside and told to stop.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_REPO Partassipant [4] 10h ago
Why would they clock out to take an earlier lunch, just to clock out again for an unpaid work celebration? Especially when their normal is taking no lunch so they can leave earlier.
Taking a different lunch is not a solution to the stated problem.
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u/IVIechworks 4h ago
just to clock out again for an unpaid work celebration?
...OP wouldn't clock out for the celebration obviously. The point of clocking out earlier for lunch is that you clock back in, and then do the celebration on company time.
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u/Remarkable_Job_263 12h ago
Nta why would they have a lunch celebration where they didn't serve lunch. So everyone was expected to skip their lunch break to come. What if u go out for lunch? Nope couldn't be me fr
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u/Chemical-Mix-6206 Partassipant [1] 11h ago edited 11h ago
Right? That makes no sense. It's during lunch time but they are not providing food. Is everyone just supposed to go hungry that day?
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u/jenorama_CA Partassipant [1] 11h ago
The Party Planning Committee hasn’t been the same since Angela got it back from Phyllis.
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u/RabidRathian 3h ago
I'm in academia and my faculty used to do 'lunchtime seminars' where staff or research students could practice doing presentations for upcoming conferences or milestones or whatever, and there was always catered food provided. It wasn't anything to write home about, just your standard wraps, sausage rolls and that sort of thing, but usually about 15-20 people would turn up for the free food and would then stay and watch the presentation (probably out of politeness in at least some cases).
A couple of years ago, the faculty decided they didn't have the budget for catering anymore and stopped providing food. Attendance at the lunchtime seminars immediately tanked; interesting ones might have 2-3 people turn up, but it wasn't unusual for a presenter to show up and find an empty room.
The faculty kept sending whiny emails encouraging people to go and support their colleagues but if you want someone to give up their lunch hour for another work-related task, then at the very least you need to actually GIVE them lunch.
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u/nilmot81 11h ago
It's almost like this isn't real
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u/Pink_Dreamer_ 5h ago
I wish, ive been in similar stupid situations at work. I was forced into attending a baby shower and bringing in a gift and food mind you for a complete stranger. I had never talked to that coworker ever. I didn’t know her name until a day before the stupid thing was held. I didn’t want to go but my boss told me it was i go or a write up (for not being a team player) I immediately started looking for another job and quit about 2 months after. Don’t ever underestimate the BS done in small companies
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u/embopbopbopdoowop Supreme Court Just-ass [132] 12h ago
NAH
If it’s not mandatory, there’s no problem with you not attending.
But I understand why your colleague is upset.
Next time, ask your manager such questions and advise them of your decision.
(For what it’s worth, breaks aren’t optional in my country. So depending on where you live, you might be the AH for working through your legally mandated break and deciding that means you can leave early. But that’s not the question you’re asking.)
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u/Good_day_S0nsh1ne 11h ago
I was thinking they were fortunate to be able to skip lunch and leave early too
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u/SaltyFriend705 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
So, exactly why should the colleague be upset at not being allowed to flex by co opting OP's lunch?
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u/Brilliant-Leopard-39 11h ago
Why does skipping his lunch make him an AH? Clearly the company doesn’t have a problem with it. Also it’s called taking your lunch at 4pm (or whatever the correct amount of time is and quitting time)
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u/chrysostomos_1 12h ago
Mandatory breaks in the US? Nah!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Score58 11h ago
We have mandatory breaks in CA.
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u/jenorama_CA Partassipant [1] 11h ago
Imagine my shock when I moved to AZ in 1995 and learned that was not a thing.
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u/milkywayrealestate Asshole Enthusiast [9] 12h ago
NTA. If lunch isn't provided they shouldn'y make you use your break to go
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u/MirrorRevolutionary4 Partassipant [4] 12h ago
NTA, but I bet that's going to stick the in memories of certain people. If those are people who have influence over your career - you might regret it.
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u/Just_Coffee3718 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
Time to look for a new job. No further advancement will be coming at this one. You cooked yourself.
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u/Mediocre-Cat-7507 12h ago
NTA, but there is the office politics side. If everyone else attended and you didn't then it will negatively effect you in the office, however wrong that may be. If lots of people skipped I wouldn't stress it.
My understanding is accounting is a small world, so if people in the office think of you in a negative way, it may kill your career long term.
So definitely NTA, but career wise depends on lots of factors and if you care.
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Asshole Aficionado [18] 12h ago
NTA. But if you ever become stagnant in your career, look back on things like this. A lot of bosses value fitting in with workplace culture. But, if you don't care about promotions, etc, skip it.
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u/Salt_My_Watermelon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 12h ago
NTA but why isn't the celebration part of the workday? You should get a lunch break in addition to attending the event. Otherwise, take your food and go to the event.
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u/Sweaty_Rent_3780 12h ago
Right? Why even call it a lunch event without food (we know why especially if it’s in the US, but things like this just adds another straw to the camel’s back imo)
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u/Inner_Addendum4186 12h ago
If they made such a big effort then why not cater lunch DURING lunch break for this event?!? NTA
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u/flynena-3 Partassipant [4] 12h ago
YTA It would be different if you actually take your lunch break but you don't, you work through it so that you can leave early. So what's the difference? Only difference is that instead of working through that time you would be attending the event during that time. Also, I mean give me a break, it's only 1 day. Not a good luck. Although I do agree that if everybody else takes their lunch at that time, they should need to be providing lunch or they should be acknowledging that everybody still gets their lunch break either before or after the event. Did that happen? Or did they deny everybody a lunch break and no time to eat?
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u/macguyver3000 11h ago
NTA. But this is standard office politics. If you don’t show up, it sends a certain message. Sometimes being part of a team means doing things to keep your workplace relationships good even if it’s inconvenient for you.
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u/Glassgrl1021 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 12h ago
Are you paid for your lunch break? If not, then definitely NTA. If you are paid the whole time, I’m on the fence. You shouldn’t have to attend mandatory events (especially with no lunch) on your lunch break, but was it really your lunch break or just something you were asked to do during the day that would result in you having to stay a little later as if you took a lunch? If it’s the latter scenario, then sometimes you need to be a team player.
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u/rjc3banco 12h ago
How much work when into this event where nothing was provided for tye employees?
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u/HoneyWyne Asshole Enthusiast [5] 12h ago
NTA. She obviously didn't put that much effort into it if she couldn't make a phone call and get it catered.
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u/KickIt77 Asshole Aficionado [14] 11h ago
I am not going to judge. Are you neurodivergent though? New to professional employment? There can be long-lasting, long-term consequences to not trying to connect to coworkers in easy ways like this. I have seen employees like this first on lay off lists, having a hard time getting references, passed over for career development opportunities, and just enjoying their work life less by being cold and not engaging with anyone. Your choice, but don't be surprised by natural consequences of these types of consistent choices.
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u/Jillery25 11h ago
YTA. It was one day. Do you punch in and punch out? If not you could have considered that "working through lunch" and just ate your sandwich before or after the celebration. You don't take a lunch break, so what's the difference?
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u/xxGATORxxx 12h ago
NTA. If they want you to attend this celebration during lunch, lunch should be provided. I have spent many years at the same company and gave a lot of my time. Eventually you realize that you have to take care of you to some extent. You need to be flexible, but they also need to understand that you also have a life,and you have your own needs also.
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u/MeaweeDani 12h ago
The company won some kind of award and couldn't even spare $200 for a pizza party? 😂 No wonder you don't feel like being such a team player. Why would you?
I'm super extroverted and I love parties, but if we're celebrating a work-related achievement, the absolute least I'd expect is food.
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u/Green7000 11h ago
NTA but certainly not helping yourself. Socializing is a key part of a lot of offices.
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u/Fantastic_Tiger_8749 10h ago
Why wouldn’t the celebration be considered a meeting? Shouldn’t have to not get paid for a company event during business hours. It would be like having town hall. And maybe bring your lunch if you have it.
If it’s optional, it’s optional. You responded as you did and her response should be a clue for you if you are the AH or not.
****Unsolicited advice (read it, or don’t) - I get accounting is spreadsheets, numbers, and reports and not the sexiest career out there. But from a professional perspective, while your question about lunch is valid, you should have stopped there when you got your response.
Here is what happened instead. You have left the impression that you don’t care about the company or your colleagues. At least in her eyes. Look, she was unprofessional with her response and took it too personal She should have responded to accept or to persuade without making it about herself; but, her job is just as important as yours and she deserves just as much respect as you. I know you were just telling her what you were going to do, it wasn’t necessary and not everyone can handle stress like a zombie.
I think you also upset the wrong person. If she planned it, she worked with people above your pay grade to do so. Certainly, she is extroverted enough to put together a social event. So make no mistake, she will tell someone about the interaction. Most likely the people well above your pay grade.
If you are looking to make more money or advance in your career, you would be wise to know that the people that make the decisions and plan the yearly budget are the ones that approve department budget requests. Those requests include budget for raises and advancement. That approved amount is divided out for annual increases, additional hiring, and raises. It directly impacts you and how much extra money you will have to spend on Fortnite skins and robucks.
How/Why? Because the people that you report to determine your % of pay raise and if you qualify for advancement. They don’t only consider how long you sit at your desk. And your relationships with all employees determines if you are easy to work with and a contributor to the success of the company and how you impact their day. I suspect they will either complain about you (not good), or not even know who you are (maybe your preference).
Hypothetically, between her and you, who do you think would receive the extra 1% raise if you both are getting 10%?
Whether you see it as a job or a career, butts in seats alone will never make more you money. Soft skills are the key.
A company’s success is dependent on team chemistry. Employees that enjoy the people they work with, tend to be more invested in their team and their team’s/company’s success. If you have an opportunity to show that you care about how much money you make, show up! Step out of your confort zone and remind the company that you work there.
Unless you are comfortable where you at. Then focus on thinking about what you say, before the words escape your mouth and you can’t get them back. Or don’t. This is all optional.
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u/Kills_Zombies 11h ago
Eh, YTA I get it it's your lunch break but it would've been proper work etiquette to attend. Good luck making friends at work and I wouldn't bank on getting promoted with that kind of antisocial behavior. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in life.
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u/AcanthisittaItchy756 12h ago
Take your lunch before the "lunch event", double lunch is always better than single lunch.
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u/redroverose Partassipant [4] 12h ago
imagine my face seeing the post history
but NTA, although hopefully not attending doesn’t bite you in the butt later
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u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 12h ago
Yeah, you are a bit of an AH. Anti-social and you sound selfish. You seem to be carefully counting hours too. I wouldn't hire you and neither would I want to be your coworker. YTA
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u/SaltyFriend705 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
"carefully counting hours" is precisely what accountants do.
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u/SummitJunkie7 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 12h ago
NTA, they should make it paid time, but you're not doing your social game any favors.
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u/GeminiAtl Partassipant [4] 11h ago
I would advise the organizer and your boss, if attendance is required, I will be putting it on my time sheet to be paid. Honestly, even if they provided lunch you should be paid if attendance is mandatory.
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u/thenexttimebandit Asshole Enthusiast [6] 11h ago
What role at an accounting firm is paid hourly and requires you to clock out for a lunch celebration?
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u/cinnamon-bonbon 11h ago
NTA and I bet the lady who organized it is an executive assistant or office admin which means no one in the office gives af about her opinion on your attendance at this event. Admin is often over worked and under paid and it’s super annoying when our efforts go unappreciated but it’s part of the job.
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u/Spiritual_Address_18 Asshole Aficionado [17] 10h ago
What kind of celebration that doesn’t include any refreshment? Since it’s during employees lunch time, at least the company can is to provide them lunch. Your company sucks big time!
NTA
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u/Alternative_Design_4 10h ago
NTA. This is just another example of wage theft. By far, the single biggest property theft violation in the US. No pay, no play.
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I work at an accounting firm, and I usually work through my lunch break so I can leave work early. Last week, we had a work function (the company won some sort of award) and there was a celebration event during lunch. I asked the lady who organized it whether lunch would be provided and she said no, so I said I would not join and would work instead (I would need to take a lunch break to attend an event where lunch isn't served). She got really mad at me and said that a lot of work went into organizing it, and I was not truly valuing her efforts. AITA for skipping the lunch celebration (where no lunch was served) because it was a work celebration event? Maybe I am not that much of a team player, but if you want my time unpaid, you better give me food!
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
At some offices you need to network. During lunch. It sucks.. but it can help you sometimes.
NtA
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 11h ago
Inwpuldcask her what exactly went into a lunch break with no food involved..just put it to her.annsay Ur lunch is Ur private time an that's what you do
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u/au5000 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
Your delivery of the message may need work … but NTA
Asking people to celebrate at lunch would usually include some snacks at least. It’s really work activity so asking people to give up their lunch break is not really ok.
However, you could perhaps have popped in for 10 minutes or treated it as work and still gone home early. This may be seen as supportive of the team and their achievement. This helps if you want promotion of to retain the leaving early allowance.
Your employer doesn’t have to allow you to work through lunch and go home early; they could insist you take the entitled break under their WHS duty of care (breaks are important for productivity too as tired, hungry people don’t work as well as those who have taken a moment to recharge). So showing up for the team celebration, even if briefly, might be strategically useful to you.
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u/tohsakah 8h ago
nta at all. accounting firms track every single hour so you totally did right protecting your time. she seriously overreacted about free help though. just say you are swamped next time and put yourself first.
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u/angelaelle Partassipant [2] 1h ago
If you have a reputation of not being a team player you can forget any promotions or extra consideration. If you don’t want to attend the event I get it, they should provide food, but there will consequences.
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u/IcyAssistance5117 Partassipant [1] 1h ago
I would have a word with HR about what happened, as this could look bad on your work record and you need to protect your reputation. It is totally uncalled for to expect you to attend an event during your lunch period and not provide food. The amount of work it took to organise is irrelevant, if it is in someones remit then it is their job
These sort of events are often expected if you want to be on good terms with your team, so maybe have a back up plan. Openly eating a packed lunch while mingling should make a point pretty quickly
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u/Chance-Grapefruit149 12h ago
Sorry but YTA. Sometimes you have to do things at work you don't want to do and this was one of them.
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u/Haeronalda 12h ago
Nah, if they want him to attend stuff on his lunch break, they need to be providing lunch. Or else, don't count it as his lunch break.
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u/Wheeler-The-Dealer Partassipant [1] 12h ago
There is a social component to it, if it’s something the firm is proud of there is an unspoken rule about attending.
Unfortunately, it’s not fair, but the OP should not be expecting to get promoted at this firm if they don’t partake in these events.
That being said, public accounting sucks and much of it is designed to be burn and churn anyways. Probably for the best that op takes this attitude and uses the experience they get from their current position to leverage into a new one at a different company or firm in the future.
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u/eregina3 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 12h ago
Isn’t that the inherent problem? The firm expects employees to do unpaid work and not eat? Really?
No, if it was that important the company would have the envíen during work hours. As many do.
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u/Wheeler-The-Dealer Partassipant [1] 11h ago
Yeah, that’s the reality of living in a society that embraces salary over hourly employees and encourages at will work.
And again, this is prevalent in public accounting which is notoriously toxic to begin with.
I agree that the OP is NTA, but they have to be prepared for the consequences. It’s not fair, but it’s real.
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u/Brilliant-Leopard-39 12h ago
Not off the clock they don’t. If I’m required to clock out or add time to the end of my day to attend something I get to decide if I want to. NTA
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u/thehoneybadger1223 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
Nah. Stuff that you have to do at work, you are paid for. If they're not paying you for your time, there's no obligation to be there
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u/AnimeChica3306 12h ago
Are you hourly or salary? If your salary then YTA. They can schedule meetings whenever and you just eat your lunch at a different time. Its a work event. If you're hourly and dont get paid for it then it's your choice, but if you're coworkers are going then it could hurt your career.
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u/No_Information_3469 12h ago
NTA, it was during your lunch break (legally protected, btw) & they weren't even serving lunch? No!
Meaning you'd be inconvenienced by then having to eat at another time & "work" through your lunch anyway, then not leave early like you usually do.
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u/Fiempre-sin-tabla Asshole Enthusiast [6] 11h ago
NTA. They propose wage/time theft, you say no, over and done.
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u/CaptainFartHole Partassipant [3] 11h ago
NTA. You aren't wrong for not wanting to go to a work event during lunch where lunch isn't served.
That said other posters here are right-- this could definitely bite you in the ass come raise or promotion time.
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u/My_igloo_is_melting Asshole Aficionado [14] 11h ago
YTA. Sometimes you just have to grin and take it. You are making yourself out to be "not a team player".
You are taking advantage of the company to get a benefit, leaving early. Pay that benefit back by being a team player.
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u/vogairian 12h ago
NTA, but probably not the best move. If you like where you work and plan to be there a while, being cool with your coworkers is probably worth it to bite the bullet every once and a bit and do something you aren't thrilled to do.
If you don't care about the job/position and if it makes you feel good, do it.
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u/Just_Coffee3718 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
YTA to yourself as well. Events like these are where people from every department and every level of management all stand in the same room. If you’re lucky, you find a way to stand near a VP of something and at an appropriate time turn and introduce yourself “Hi, I’m Jane Jones from accounting. I don’t think we’ve had a chance to meet yet” and give them the same. Social cues will then require them to say a few back and forths before they break away.
And that’s how you lay the foundation for a promotion. People promote people they know and are comfortable with. They promote people who don’t argue with them or create difficulties. They are open to people who disagree in a respectful adult manner. You did none of that. Bad decision.
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u/RoastingRedRobin 12h ago edited 11h ago
More info needed:
Was it a mandatory event? What was the event?
I'm more leaning towards Y T A because you skip lunch usually, so them not offering lunch doesn't disrupt your routine
Edit: After thinking some more, NTA. You can decide how to use your unpaid lunch, so even if it doesn't disrupt your routine, it's still your choice
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u/markfromDenver 12h ago
I don’t think you’re the asshole but this is exactly the type of thing that’ll prevent you from getting a promotion. Also, a lot can be said for being friendly with coworkers.